Desire's Darkness

Chapter 20 – Left Behind

"Are you sure you're ok?" Sai asked me for the millionth time that afternoon.

I sighed, again, and slumped my shoulders. I knew he was asking because he was my friend and he was concerned, and it was sweet considering I hadn't really been myself since the incident and that was a month and a half ago. I had my good days still but the bad days have been coming more often, despite my best efforts.

"Yeah, I'm ok. Just a lot on my mind, you know?"

Sai finished counting the till for the evening and looked at me over folded hands, black eyes staring. "Since Valentine's Day, you've been pretty distant, Naruto. I mean, you're still here, you still talk and see your friends, but there always seems to be a wall there. You haven't spoken of Itachi nor Sasuke. Something happened and I just can't figure out what it was. I won't pry, Naruto, but I want you to know that you can talk with me if you need to."

He was right. I haven't been all there since. My friends at school had picked up on it too. They had asked at first but once they realized I wasn't going to talk about it, they let it go. But I did want to talk about it. I just…didn't know how to, I guess.

With a grunt, I pulled off my work apron and crossed my arms, leaning against his desk. "I don't even know what to say about it, Sai."

"Start at the beginning. What happened when you got there from school?"

So I started at the beginning. I retold the story from the nice dinner, the conversation, the reality that I couldn't trust Itachi, to Sasuke barging in, freaking out, saying the deal was off, to me storming up to the room and locking myself away. Since then, I'd been avoiding Itachi like the plague. Leaving stupid early, coming back stupid late. Sasuke hasn't been seen since that night. And the truly frustrating thing was I still fucking cared. Was Sasuke ok? Was he still high? Hospitalized? Dead? Itachi was a wreck; locked in his office all hours of the day and not bothering me at all. Who knows what the hell was going on with him?

Yet I was still a welcome guest in his home and I felt even guiltier, then I felt angry about feeling guilty and I was just going nowhere fast.

After my long winded rant, Sai just gave me one of his tiny smiles. "So you haven't fucked him yet, is what you're saying."

My cheeks burned. "What the fuck? No! Of course I haven't! What kinda guy do you think I am?" I huffed and looked away. "Besides, that's all you got out of this entire conversation? Seriously? What am I even talking to you for?"

"Naruto…"

"What?!"

He hesitated for a moment before his tiny smile widened and his look turned wicked. "You're frustrated. I can understand. I could help you with that."

"Fucking pervert!" I stormed out of his office, though not without a smile on my face. Despite him not offering any advice, he was a great listener and always knew how to push my buttons. I felt better. I'd never tell him that though.

Man, I was gonna miss him.

…

"I can't believe we're so close to graduating high school," Kiba reflected as he stared up at the partly cloudy sky.

It was the start of exam week so we all had one or two exams a day, the rest of the day was free. That day we all decided to chill in the park after our Math exam and kill some time. Shikamaru was snoring softly beside Kiba. Gaara was sitting cross legged near their heads, pulling at grass and putting the strands on Shikamaru's face. Lee was sitting up on a tree branch nearby. I was lying back by Gaara.

"Well, we are close to graduating high school. I don't know about you, Kiba," Gaara muttered. The rest of us chuckled when Kiba sat up immediately and punched Gaara in the shoulder playfully.

"Fucking dick! I'm graduating! Shut up!"

"What are you guys doing after?" Lee asked from his tree perch.

Kiba fell back onto his back and thought for a moment. "I think I'm gonna start taking over the family business. I mean, I spend all my time there anyways. Mom's pretty excited to have me there full time to help with the dogs so…" he shrugged. "There isn't really anything else I wanna do."

"I'm going to college," Gaara answered quietly.

"For what?"

"I want to be a mortician."

There is a pause while we all think over what he said. Kiba pipes up again.

"Why?"

Gaara shrugged. "I'm interested in it. Why not?"

That was an acceptable answer so we let it go. Though, it wasn't a big surprise to us. We'd known Gaara for quite some time and it actually kinda made sense. The kid was just weird like that.

"What about you, Lee?"

"I'm taking a year off to go hiking in the mountains. Maybe start my own dojo! I just have to find the right Master to help me get it started. Who knows!"

We all chuckled at his answer; we all saw it coming. He's been into martial arts for years. He's easily mastered a few of the competitions and has made a bit of a name for himself.

Gaara poked Shikamaru on the forehead, "What about you, Nara? What do you want to be when you grow up?"

The lazy teen grunted, "Taking the summer off."

"And then?"

He sighed, like talked was the hardest thing for him to do right then, "Job lined up. Maybe paralegal. Maybe coffee shop. Haven't decided."

I had to laugh at him. The jerk was a lazy genius. He could sleep through every class, not open a single book, and still get straight A's and graduate with honours. Yet this kid had no ambitions. No goals or dreams. He was completely content with just flying under the radar. Everything else was far too troublesome for him.

"What about you, Naruto? What's planned for you after high school?" Kiba asked. I tilted my head back to look and saw everyone's eyes on me. I looked away.

"Nothing right now. Gonna take some time I guess. Been looking at some schools but I haven't figured it out yet. But nothing's concrete. I'll figure it out as I go."

I lied. I didn't have the heart to tell them. They had no idea that I already had a one way bus ticket purchased, a dorm room waiting and an acceptance letter from the local college, and a job all lined up and all I had to do was leave.

Was that a terrible thing to do? Hiding the truth from my friends seemed like an awful thing to do but at the same time I knew I was leaving ton and never coming back so there was no guarantee I was ever coming back. No guarantee I'd ever see them again. Not that they would want to; I hadn't been the greatest friend throughout all of high school until the last few months. They wouldn't miss me and I wanted to have a clean break. Nothing tying me to my old life. And no way of any one being able to track me down. If no one knew, no one could follow. It was the best decision, despite the doubt that fucked with my heart strings.

All I have to do is hold out until I leave. Then I'm home free.

After the final exam for us seniors, it was time to celebrate. The entire school was planning this great big party to celebrate, aside from the schools own grad ceremony. Kiba was talking about it animatedly as he drove me back to the Uchiha place late that night, and I smiled and indulged him.

Kiba, probably my closest friend. The guy who stuck by me, stood with me, defended me, and I was about to abandon him with no notice whatsoever. He stopped in front of the house and I glanced up and the towering home. In the dark, it looked like something out of a horror movie. Which is kind of what's been during my stay there. I'll be glad to be rid of it.

"Man, you getting out? I have a curfew for my sisters' car. I gotta get back."

"Yeah. Right. Uhm," I turned to him. He fully expected to be seeing me later. Fully expected this to be a normal night until the next day and the party and possibly hanging out this summer and I just couldn't leave him thinking that way. I couldn't. "I was accepted to a college, Kiba. I have a bus ticket and I leave tonight so uhm… Maybe I'll call when I get a phone and get settled, ok? I'm gonna miss you, man. Good luck."

I didn't look back after I got out of the car and trudged up the walkway to the Uchiha house. Thinking about it now, that was probably a dumb thing to do. Kiba would have questions. He would tell the guys and the guys would talk and others might find out but… I couldn't take it back now. I could hear a frustrated shout but I didn't stop. The car raced away, he had a curfew to meet and his sister was not one to piss off, but this discussion wasn't over. Not if I knew Kiba even a little.

…

Stuffing the last few shirts I owned into my duffel bag, I stopped and looked around the now empty room. It was cleaned. The bed was made. There was hardly a trace of me left in that room aside from my old cell phone that I had factory reset and I felt sick to my stomach. Was I ready for this? Yes. No? Maybe. Kinda. But I couldn't turn back now. I'd made so many plans and too much progress to even doubt my decisions. Though doing one last check of the room, I found nothing and yet couldn't help the inescapable feeling that I was forgetting something behind. I was positive I packed everything but…

Maybe it was just nerves.

Shrugging it off, I left my…the room silently. It was late. Itachi was in his office typing away on his computer as was usual lately. I hesitated at the front door. Should I leave a note? Should I say good bye?

Flashbacks of those days, so long ago now, of him molesting me, teasing me, owning me, trying to seduce me, hardened my resolve. No. No good byes, no notes. I'm doing this for me.

Was I sure I wasn't forgetting something? Something tugged at my gut. I had a hard time telling if it was guilt or if I had actually forgotten something. I closed the door behind me as soundlessly as I could and walked a few blocks before I hailed a taxi and headed for the bus station.

Did I check under the bed? Yeah, I was pretty sure I had… right? Yes. I'm… yeah I'm pretty sure I did. Whatever. Even if I did leave something, it's not important enough for me to go back. I watched the street lights swish by as I started my journey. My new beginning. My freedom. This was it. What I had planned for all along and I was finally here.

And I felt like shit.

…

"Sai! Hey man, you busy?"

Sai wiped his hands on his work apron and stepped to the side to speak with Naruto's friend Kiba. He tilted his head. "It's a slow day. What is it you need, Kiba?"

The brown haired boy looked stressed. His hair was dishevelled and his clothes looked like he had slept in them. "Has Naruto shown up for work today?"

The manager frowned, concern and worry really starting to rise in him. He had tried calling when Naruto was late to start that morning and no one answered. What was wrong? Had something happened? "No. Have you heard from him? I tried called him earlier but the line wouldn't go through."

Kiba's distress only worsened. "Shit. Shit. Fuck." He tugged his jacket balefully. "Son of a bitch was actually serious…"

…

It was odd for Naruto to sleep in so late. Itachi was pretty sure Naruto should have been up by now. He had mentioned he was going to full time hours now that he was finished with school. The Uchiha had gotten up early to make them both breakfast in hopes he could catch the boy before he left for work. He had some things he wanted to talk to him about. To clear the table, so to speak.

He plated the food and set it out before calling up to Naruto. "Naruto, I made breakfast!"

Nothing. Maybe the boy was still upset. Itachi certainly didn't blame him but he really did want to attempt to work this out. Hopefully he could make Naruto understand but first the boy had to be willing to speak with him.

"Naruto?" The man climbed the stairs to Naruto's room and knocked gently. "Please, I wish to speak with you."

Nothing. A trace of suspicion and doubt pinched his heart. The silence felt too… empty. "Naruto?"

Nothing. Too much nothing. He opened the door cautiously.

Nothing.

…

Alrighty, guys. This story took far too long to come to the end and here we are! There is one more chapter after this and it's done! I apologize for the terrible delay in finishing what should have been a short story. I hope you enjoyed it!

All my love,

GMF