Untold Truths

by Doodle19

Emily has been keeping a secret, several actually. And they're all starting to come out. Wall by wall, the protective shield Emily created for herself comes crumbling down. Secrets have a way of affecting everyone, and this one was no different.

21. New York, New York

Chapter 21: New York, New York

It was the day after Sean's visit, during the start of Charlie's vacation, that Hotch made his first attempt at talking to Emily. It wasn't much of an attempt. He called, but not to talk about their daughter or anything personal. No, he called about work. Emily and Charlie were in the middle of talking about leap year when he called.

"Why is it called leap year?"

"Because the extra day makes the other days jump or leap." That was a good way to explain it to a child, wasn't it?

"Why is it this year?"

"It just happens every four years."

"Why does it happen?" Where was Reid's brain when she needed it?

"Well there's a…" The ringing saved her from answering.

"Phone! Can I answer it?" Emily didn't usually let her, but she was in a good mood.

"You can. Do you know what to say?"

"I remember." Charlie said and ran to the phone. "Prentiss, Charlie speaking." Emily watched her smile. "Hi!" She said enthusiastically. "Uh huh… Yeah… How come you never came?" Who was she talking to and what was she talking about? Emily wanted to know.

"Charlie, who's on the phone?" Her daughter just waved her off.

"Oh, but will I see you soon and Jack too?" At least Emily's question was answered. She just didn't know how she felt about the answer she got. "Ok… Yeah, mommy's right here." Charlie walked over to her mother and held out the phone. "Here mommy. It's for you."

"Thank you Charlie." Lifting the phone to her ear she said, "Hotch."

"Emily."

"You called?" She was being a little hostile. She had the right. It was the first time they were talking and Emily still carried some of that anger. Masking it completely wasn't working.

"Yes."

"Was there a reason?"

"How is your recovery coming along?" That wasn't the question he wanted to ask, but that was what came out.

"I'm doing well thank you."

"Good, good…" She could hear his deep inhale. "Strauss and I attended your disciplinary hearing."

"And I wasn't there because?" She didn't even know about it. Could they do that?

"It was best you weren't." …especially with Strauss trying to get her permanently suspended from the team. And, while it probably would've worked in his favor and slowly started to get him back in her good graces, he didn't want her to know that he championed for her. He fought for her to keep her spot in the team. After talking to each and every member he realized, even after all the bad, they couldn't function without her. Together, they were whole; a profiling machine. Missing a piece, they just weren't the complete package. Each person played a role and Emily's was important. The trust was still there. He wasn't feeling it, but that was more her lack of trust toward him than his toward her at that point. Their lives were messy. "We just went over everything. Did our best to clear you of any misconduct."

"And?"

"You still have a job."

"What's the catch?" There was something in his voice that told her there was more.

"Mandatory counseling."

"I figured."

"I took the liberty of setting up your first appointment."

"When?"

"Wednesday morning, at 10 o'clock. Fifth floor. Dr. Lozano."

"I can swing that."

"Good."

"Yeah." Awkward wasn't the right word to describe the conversation. They were both just trying so hard to make it normal that it was false and tense.

"Once your doctors clear you for active duty, you have to complete recertification exercises. Gun range, tactical assault, all of it, but you can do that once you're at work."

She sighed. "I guess that's fair. It's a pain, but fair." He said nothing. "What else Hotch?"

He didn't have anything else to tell her; nothing work related. "I…" What did he want to say, he was sorry? He wanted to, yes. He wanted to say many things, but nothing would come out. Even if it did, was over the phone the right way to say them? "I hope you get back to work soon. The team misses you."

"And you?" She wanted to ask. "Do you miss me?" But she couldn't do it. She knew it would come out hostilely and he was still her boss. She needed to behave. Maybe he didn't call for the reasons she was hoping, but that didn't mean she needed to be a bitch. Maybe it was the door opening. He gave Charlie that book. She was sure of it. She was also pretty sure that was his car out there, though she hadn't seen it since. So a part of him wanted to be there. Getting there, though, was solely up to him. The proverbial ball was in his court. "I miss them too. I will be at the appointment."

"Good. Take care of yourself Emily." Twice he called her Emily, not once reverting back to Prentiss.

"I will. Bye Hotch."

"Bye." Both had so much they wanted to say; so much they needed to say, but neither said it. It would happen…

"Mommy, did you talk to Aaron?" Charlie asked as Emily returned the phone to its cradle.

"I did, you saw me on the phone with him."

"I know. What did he say?"

"He was talking to me about work stuff. Hey," Emily got a sly smile on her face, "do you still want to see where mommy works?"

Nodding vigorously, Charlie answered, "Yes!"

"Maybe we can arrange something then."

"Please!"

"I'll work on it."

Work on it she did. Wednesday morning, she called JJ early in the day to find out if they had a case. "No, no case today." JJ informed her.

"Good, do you want to do lunch today?"

"Are you coming in?"

"I have an appointment."

"Oh, a mandatory kind if appointment?"

"Yea, it's mandatory."

"Fun. What about Charlie? Are you going to bring her with you?" JJ asked.

"I can't bring her in there with me, but she has been asking to see where mommy works, so I was hoping to get Garcia to watch her in the lair while I talk things out with the appointed shrink. Do you know if she's busy? I was going to give her a call after we got off the phone."

"Actually, she was just talking about going to see you guys, and, there's no case, so she shouldn't be too busy."

"Ok, good. So we'll do lunch and see if Garcia wants to join?"

"Yeah. " She agreed and they said goodbye. Emily then shot Garcia a text asking about later and dressed in something therapist appropriate; something that didn't scream, "Basket case here! In need of institutionalizing!" Ready to go, breakfast made and eaten, teeth brushed and shoes on, Emily called for Charlie. "Come on Charlie, we've got to go."

Bouncing down the stairs she asked, "Where are we going?"

"Remember I told you I'd take you to see mommy's work?"

"We're going now?" She asked excitedly. Emily nodded. "Why are you being so slow?" The tables were turned. "Let's go, let's go, let's go!"

"Alright, we're going." Emily laughingly said.

Charlie was anxious and eager the whole car ride. She didn't know what to expect or where exactly it was they were going. She equated her mother to a superhero. Where did superheroes go? She didn't know, so she just looked around, watching the scenery pass, and waiting to get to wherever they were going. "Are we there yet?"

"Charlie, it has only been five minutes. We'll be there soon. I promise."

"Ugh." She huffed. "Ok, but don't be afraid to go fast."

"Relax Charlie; it's just a big building."

"But you work there and my friends will be there."

"And you will get to see it all. Just calm down ok." Charlie quickly reverted to her well behaved self as they made their way to FBI headquarters. The girl practically flew from her seat when Emily told her they were there.

"It's huge mommy!" She stared at the building in wonderment.

"It is pretty big. Come on, let's go inside." Emily held out her hand which Charlie greedily took. They went through the security and up the elevator, the ding signaled their final destination. "Ready?" Emily asked as the door slowly opened.

"Ready." Charlie nodded.

Since they had a little time to kill before Emily had to go for her appointment, Emily showed Charlie around. Everyone was there already, so the tour was extra special. Charlie loved it. She loved getting to see where they worked and a little of what they did; although, she still thought of them as superheroes. "And this is my desk."

"Cool!" Charlie said as she hopped onto the chair and looked around. Emily leaned down and whispered in her ear. "There are pictures and drawings in the bottom drawer. Why don't you decorate my desk until Penelope comes and gets you?"

"I can do that?" Even though Emily just told her she could, she asked for permission.

"I want you to do that. Make it pretty."

Emily reminded Charlie to behave and asked Spencer to just keep an eye on her until Garcia came into the bullpen to get her. Reid reluctantly agreed. He didn't not like kids; he just didn't know how to deal with them sometimes. Victims were different. There were rules for dealing with them, guidelines to follow. Charlie and Henry and Jack didn't come with a How To guide he could read over. But he dealt with her before. As far as kids went, she was pretty knowledgeable, and, unlike his coworkers most of the time, she let him finish his facts seeming genuinely interested; even if she probably didn't know what he was talking about. And, when in doubt, there was always physics magic.

Emily headed to the fifth floor knowing her daughter was well taken care of and in for a good time. And, to top it off, she hadn't run into Hotch at that point and she was happy about that. It was turning out to be a good day. All she had to do was make it through the appointment without any emotional wreckage being exploited or any wrong things being said; then the day would've been considered a win.

Walking out of the stairwell and down the corridor, Emily saw something she wasn't expecting, or, rather, someone. Quietly approaching, looking around her surroundings to make sure she was at the right place, Emily was nervous. It was a make or break type thing. She needed a clear head and him being there wasn't helping. She needed the doctor's nod of approval, and while she was sure it would take a few visits to make that happen, she didn't want to ruin her chances on the first day. Standing just a few feet away in the, otherwise, empty hall, Emily cleared her throat.

Nearly jumping at the sound, Hotch turned to look at her. He was lost in thought and didn't hear her coming, but once he saw her, he quickly stood and after a few moments of awkward silence said, "I just wanted to make sure you showed up."

"Well here I am." She responded slightly mockingly.

"Here you are."

"Is that all?"

"Really talk to her Emily." He said seriously. "That's important if you want to come back."

"I know." She looked away from him.

"You do want to come back, don't you?" Was there hope in his voice? She was sure he wanted nothing to do with her and Charlie and everything, but everything he had done as of late pointed to the contrary. Why was he so frustratingly confusing?

"Yes Hotch. Of course I want to come back. The team is my family. This is my job. It's where I need to be."

"Good, I'm glad." Emily just nodded. "I have to get back, make sure the children didn't light the bullpen on fire."

"Right, bye." It was neither the time nor place to get into the conversation they both seemed willing to have. They were in a weird place. It was so uncertain and uncharted. Neither knew what would come of it, but if he wanted it, she'd hear him out. She just needed it to be later; not then or there.

"Bye." He stated, sensing the hasty dismissal. He'd get a chance to say what he wanted to say, he just needed to be sure of what he wanted to say. He couldn't understand why, but a part of him sensed she was willing to hear him out. Not wanting to chance the whatever he felt was going on between them, he left without another word even though he wanted to say something; anything.

And Emily was happy he didn't. About five minutes later, her name was being called and she was being greeted by Dr. Lozano. She seemed nice, but however nice, Emily didn't like being there. Talking to her wasn't Emily's idea of a good time. "Today's an easy day." The doctor started after the pleasantries portion of the day was out of the way. The tension in Emily's body was still evident. She was never good at the whole talking thing, not with people outside the family; really it had only ever been friends since her parents would never talk about feelings. She was taught to stifle her feelings and only show emotions in private, and then only if necessary. "All we're going to do is get to know each other a little bit. So, why don't you start? Tell me a little bit about yourself and why you're here."

Emily kept her smartass sarcastic comments to herself and played along. She answered all questions as honestly as possible, skewing whatever needed to be skewed to make her life look in order. Determined to get out of there and earn her spot back as quickly as possible, Emily did what she had to. That meant actively participating. Which she did…She opened up a little, not enough to get anywhere, but enough to show that she was willing. Lozano looked pleased. They were off to a good start.

"Our time's up for today Emily, but you did very well. I look forward to our future sessions and getting to know you a little better."

"Me too Dr. Lozano." Right… Emily stood from her seat only to be stopped by the doctor.

"Today went well Emily, but it's only the beginning. We haven't even skimmed the surface of the issues at hand. There are some things we need to work through and discuss before you're ready to return to active duty. So remember to set up a weekly visit on your way out and I'll see you next time." Emily just plastered a faint, but seemingly genuine, smile on her face and nodded her understanding before shaking the other woman's hand and leaving. It felt a lot longer than an hour, and she was relieved to get out of there. If she was feeling like that on the first day and they had yet to discuss anything of matter, she couldn't imagine what she'd have to sift through to get reinstated on the team. But that was a problem for a different day.

She walked up to the BAU floor and headed to JJ first. She found the blonde head deep and lost in a sea of paper work. Emily figured she'd be a welcomed distraction. "Ready for some lunch?"

"Oh thank god, a person!"

"Is that a yes?"

"Yes. If I had to read one more file I was going to gauge my eyes out. Let's get them and go." She said, grabbed Emily's hand, and dragged her toward the tech room. When they approached, they saw Garcia and Charlie huddled up looking through a book or something.

Clearing her throat Emily asked, "What are you two up to?" Instead of answering, Garcia quickly shut whatever it was they were looking at and pushed it under other things as Charlie ran to her mother.

"Mommy, you're back!"

"I'm back."

"Hi JJ."

"Hi Charlie. You guys ready for a girl's lunch?"

"I get to come too?" Charlie asked.

"Of course, we're all going. Are you ready Garcia?"

"Let me grab my purse." Together the four of them made their way to a nice little restaurant not too far from the office. They ordered their food, talked a little, and did what people did when out for lunch. Right before the food was delivered, Charlie informed everyone that she needed to use the bathroom and, when Emily stood to take her, Garcia quickly offered to do the job leaving JJ and Emily alone at the table.

The topic of Will had come up fairly often. It was more talk about men and significant others in general that came up. That was what girls did. They talked and gossiped and sucked out all the intimate details. But Emily knew that marriage was something that JJ and Will talked about, but not something she wanted. It was, however, an easy target; easy to tease JJ with and play with her a little.

With a smirk Emily asked, "When are you and Will getting married?"

"When are you going to date?"

"Not fair." Emily playfully huffed. The roles reversed. They all knew her dates were few and far between and rarely long lasting relationships. It wasn't that she wasn't desirable; she was just a little bit of a nerd with a demanding career and a child to care for.

"But who said we were playing fair?"

"I've come to a realization." Emily turned slightly serious. Joking aside, she meant what she was going to say.

"Yeah? What's that?"

"People like me don't get their fairytale endings."

"People like you? What do you mean 'people like you'?"

"People like me… Women like me… We're better off alone. And that's ok. I've accepted it."

"You've accepted it? How can you accept something like that?"

"I have everything I could want. My daughter is all I need. And I have you guys and the rest of the BAU family." But did she really have them all? Hotch was still a tossup. "What more do I need? What more could I ask for?"

"You need to open yourself up. You need to accept that people could love you and be there for you. You can have that fairytale ending."

"You could too if you actually accept the proposal when given." Emily joked, but it was also true.

"And if I don't want to?"

"Then don't. You have to be sure it's something you want."

"Ok, so enough about that. What about you? No dating… What are you going to spend your days alone with a thousand cats, wasting away alone in your big house?"

"I'll have Charlie."

"She'll be old and grown."

"Just the thought of that scares me more than the thousand cats."

"I know. I don't want to picture Henry all grown and out of the house. It's a crazy thought."

Lifting up her glass of water in a toast like manner she said, "Here's to not thinking about it."

"To not thinking about it." JJ mimicked Emily's actions. Shortly after, she looked to Emily and spoke. "But seriously, don't you want to get out there and date a little?"

"No." She lied. A part of her did want that. Another part didn't.

"Come on, you do. Garcia was all over me to convince you to say yes before… everything happened, and now that you're finally getting better, I think you should do it."

"Do what?"

"She wants us to set you up."

"No." Her answer was firm. Blind dates and set ups rarely, if ever, worked out.

"No?"

"Absolutely not."

"Why not? I'll vet whoever she chooses and you know we'll do a thorough background check even if they are friends." JJ was doing her best to be convincing.

"I don't want to. I'm capable of meeting people on my own. If I wasn't, Charlie wouldn't be here."

"Is that the problem?" Emily gave her a questioning look. "Is it because of Charlie that you're not dating or because of her father?" Not a question she was expecting…

"What? What does it have to do with him?" She sounded defensive.

"Well, you said things didn't go well and we never really got to talk about it. Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Here Jayje? Really? No, I think I'd rather not."

"I'm just saying… Maybe you don't want a relationship because he hurt you and, should it happen again, you want someone you can rely on."

"It's not happening again."

"Of course not, you're not sleeping with anyone."

"JayJay…" She drew out the name. "Let's not talking about who I'm sleeping with."

"Or not sleeping with… Seriously though…" She didn't get to finish the thought as the others returned to the table.

"Who's sleeping with who?" Garcia asked in a hush, hush tone as they took their seats.

"No one."

"Mommy is Derek sleeping in your bed again?" Emily literally choked on her food. Her daughter may have meant it innocently, and the adults knew that, but it was still unexpected.

"Emily Prentiss you dog you." Garcia said in a chipper voice as JJ just stared with an amused face. "Have you been bedding my chocolate god?"

"Have you been bedding the chocolate god mommy? That's not fair. I want some." The entire table laughed. Emily just looked a little mystified like she couldn't understand what was happening. Garcia summed it up pretty well though.

"She may not know what she's saying, but she definitely inherited your sense of humor."

"What did I say?"

"Nothing sweetie." Emily quickly tried to refocus the attention as Charlie went back to her drawing mat. "Ok JJ, please be my only friend here and change the subject before I have a coronary."

"Sure. Have you gotten Sean's invitation?"

"Oh!" Garcia interrupted. "Have you ever met Handsome Hotchner Junior? He is a vision."

Before Emily could respond with a simple yes, JJ threw in her own two cents. "Maybe you should date him. He's our age. He's obviously doing well for himself. And he's good looking. You could do worse." She could do worse. But just the thought was an odd one. He was Charlie's uncle and Hotch's brother. Even if she wanted it, it was just too convoluted. "You'd be good together."

"I don't think so; long distance and boss's brother. And Garcia, we need to have a little chat about giving my information out to just anybody. No matching of the hearts ok?" By that point, as Garcia was trying to explain her actions away, Charlie was totally engrossed in her food and coloring. She was separate from the conversation. JJ and Penelope shared a few "we'll try again soon" looks before Emily tried to reel the conversation back in. "Back to the opening. Are you going?"

"I want to go. Will and I were thinking of flying out Saturday morning, checking into a hotel, spending the day with Henry, going to the opening and making a weekend of it. We could explore a little more that Sunday before catching an afternoon flight home." She looked around the table. "What about you girls?"

"Kevin and I are really excited. Although if I wasn't already with my nerdy hunk, I think I'd go just to stare at Sean all night. But I digress, we're RSVPing and making it a romantic rendezvous. Em, you and mini E going?"

"I wanted to see what everyone else was doing before I finalized plans." She didn't want to be the only one to show up other than Hotch who she was sure was going to be there. "But we're going. Charlie too. Sean specifically told me our children were welcomed." She knew she misspoke. It was a small tidbit she hadn't meant to give away.

"Wait, you talked to him? Did he call you?" Garcia dragged out the last question like when a child asked "do you like, like him?" emphasis on the first like.

"Yeah, we talked." Talked they did; simple and true.

"Mommy?" Charlie tugged at Emily's sleeve choosing that moment to insert herself into the conversations she was only slightly listening to. "Why are you talking about Sean?"

JJ and Garcia seemed a little surprised that the girl knew of the man. "She knows him too?"

Charlie answered before Emily could. "He gave me very good chocolate on Valentine's Day that he made all by himself." She spoke excitedly. "He was very nice and read with me." All Emily could think was, "Leave it to Charlie to tell them everything she wasn't planning on telling." Oh well…

"He came over?" Garcia looked scandalized, more scandalized that she didn't know than the fact that she could only imagine the reasons; reasons she'd like to believe were meant for a naughty girl. But she saw it as a matchmaking plan where Emily saw it as moving toward territory she wasn't ready or able to explain.

Seeing Charlie was about to answer and not wanting anything else incriminating to be said, Emily quickly cut her off. "Yes, he came over. He was visiting Hotch and stopped by to give me the invite because mine wasn't mailed with the rest since he didn't get my address on time and he wanted to make sure I got it. And since we're on the subject Garcia, we need to discuss your willingness to give out my personal information." The blonde looked guilty but knew Emily only brought it up again to change the subject.

"So, do you think Hotch would let us take the jet?" Garcia tried to break the weird atmosphere.

"For some reason, I don't think Strauss would approve." The rest of their lunch was jovial and normal. They had a good time.

Fast forward a few weeks and it was almost time for the opening. In that time, Morgan surprised her with his hard work on the basement. She didn't expect what she got. She figured it would be painted and spruced up a bit; decorated, but she got a whole remodel. It was separated into two different rooms. One was for Charlie. According to Morgan it was, "a playroom for her to be messy in." What he failed to realize was that Charlie wasn't the average kid and messes, while they did happen, just weren't her thing. Either way, they room came out great. That was the one painted yellow, decorated to Charlie's liking with a chalk paint wall for her and her friends to draw on, an old table that was previously stored down there, and toys everywhere. He really went all out. That thought was only magnified when she saw the next room; a room for her. It was a gym filled with everything and anything she'd need to be back to her ass kicking self. It was set up a lot like the BAU gym, only condensed and house appropriate. A small sparing area, punching bag, all her equipment; it was perfect. And he made a promise to help her train whenever he could. He kept that promise coming over nearly every free day to train with her and spend time with Charlie. Things were good. The surprise surprisingly surpassed all expectations.

Therapy, on the other hand, was just that; therapy. She went, she participated, and she hated it. She knew she would. Every issue they discussed, reliving everything with Doyle more than in the dreams she didn't talk about… It was all too much. She didn't like being so vulnerable, especially in front of someone she barely knew. But she had to do it. She had to remind herself all the time that it was necessary. Sitting there, talking about issue after issue from her childhood to her nail biting was exhausting and not something she was used to. Luckily, Emily had yet to mention anything about Hotch and Charlie's relationship. That was not a topic she wanted to delve into yet; maybe never. Eventually, she'd slip up and say something, but until them, she was just getting by. She did what she needed, she talked, and, in all honesty, it did help. There was still trouble sleeping and there were still nightmares, but the doctor helped her realize something. The nightmares would always be right there, just below the surface, hidden under the scars; there just to remind her of both her failures and successes. Everybody had them, everybody dealt with them. It was the way of the world and she'd get through it.

And there they were, getting through it. It was the 11th, the Friday before the opening when they flew out to New York. Emily wanted to surprise Charlie so they flew out early. And when they got off the plane, there was someone waiting for them. "Car for Prentiss." He said in his English brogue. The girls smiled and as Emily went in for the hug, Charlie just ran and threw herself onto Clyde's legs.

"I missed you! Mommy didn't tell me you were coming."

"Hello Charlie. I missed you too. Why don't you let me greet your mother and we'll be on our way?" She nodded and Clyde went to hug Emily.

"It's good to see you again Clyde."

"You too. Let's go show the kid around." They looked like a family as they made their way around the city. Charlie particularly loved the visit to FAO Schwartz that they'd be repeating with Henry once they arrived. Emily planned so much for them to cram into their short vacation. It was a much needed break from life and, while travelling growing up really sucked, Emily wanted Charlie to have to good experiences and see the world. She'd just make sure Charlie as a little more tame in her endeavors.

The point was, they had a good time and Emily and Clyde enjoyed a little catching up; both avoiding the deep stuff for the first night. But in the morning, that changed. After ordering room service, the three took a walk through Central Park. Charlie went on the carousel a few times lucky it was even open since it was out of season and only open sporadically until April. Then they went to the children's petting zoo. And as Charlie played with the little animals, Clyde and Emily watched from a nearby bench.

"Have you talked to him?" They moved on from talks about his current assignments and things going on in his life to more pressing matters that he felt warranted addressing.

"No." She needed no clarification. Clyde knew all about her situation and, while she still didn't like to talk about it, she told him enough.

"But he knows and he's not here."

"Not with us, no, but he is here or coming."

"What does he want?" Emily explained her theory, her ideas about who had been behind the wheel of that car and why; she was still a little unclear on the why. That part was fuzzy. "So the plate you had me run?"

"I'm pretty sure it was his. And I've seen him a few times when I go into the office and every time I see him I swear he wants to say something to me."

"Maybe you should go to him."

"Maybe I should do nothing."

"Emily darling, listen to me. You've wanted him in her life from the beginning. Now he knows and, I'd love to beat his bloody skull for what he did when he found out, but if he wants to talk, you should indulge him."

"And why should I do that?"

"Because you want to. Don't tell me whatever rubbish you're about to. I know you do."

"Clyde, we talked about this. He needs to be a man and come to me. I will not let her get hurt. He can say whatever he wants to me and about me, but nothing when it comes to her." He just huffed and listened to her go on. No matter what he said, she was too stubborn to hear it, so it was better to just listen and convince her some other way. Usually she would be more level headed and at least hear the other side, but anything that involved Charlie was an exception. He'd force them to talk… somehow. "Sometimes I wish you were her father. You might as well be. You've been there for her."

"And I always will be, father or not." He stood and held out a hand. "Let's go."

They managed the rest of the evening without talking about it again. They met up with the rest of the group, minus Hotch who Emily was told took Jack to visit with his mother and brother, JJ and Garcia weren't expecting Clyde to be there, Morgan even teased her a little about it, jokes with romantic undertones that Reid really didn't get. And Rossi kept a protective eye on her; very fatherly. For the first time, things felt truly normal. With the exception of Hotch and that whole situation, they were finally a family again; together and whole. They were going to enjoy it.

All decked out in formal attire, the group found their way to the restaurant. The kids wouldn't make it long, but they wanted to go. Charlie and Henry even looked like a mini couple; his tie matching her dress. It was adorable and completely unplanned. Clyde was essentially Emily's date, something Garcia liked to point out. If she couldn't get Emily with Sean, Clyde was a good choice too. They looked good together, knew each other, and were comfortable with each other. She wondered if they've ever slept together.

When they entered the rather crowded restaurant, a space Emily made note to tell Sean was beautifully done and just as he described, they were immediately waved over. "Hey everyone, I'm glad you could make it. Hi Charlie." She waved with a big smile on her face. "And you must be Henry. I haven't seen you since you were a baby."

"Say hi Henry." Will and JJ instructed

"Hi."

"Hey JJ, Will. Good to see you again Derek, Spencer, and Dave, it sure has been a while." As he said each of their names he shook their hand. "And Emily, I'm really happy you decided to come."

"Me too." She said and returned his hug. "Sean this is my friend Clyde. Clyde this is Sean."

Clyde shook the man's hand and leaned in to whisper in Emily's ear. "That's the uncle?" She just nodded.

"Well, it's a busy night for me so I'm going to be scattered, but Aaron's just over there at a table with Jack and my mom. Why don't you all join them?" He made it a point to give Emily a look as he said it, urging her to talk to him.

Clyde's arm draped around her waist and Charlie took her hand as they fell into step with the rest of the group and made their way to the table. Charlie and Henry immediately flocked toward Jack as the adults sat down and said their hellos to the boss and his mother. "It's nice to meet you Mrs. Hotchner."

"Helen please dear."

"Emily." She responded.

"It's nice to meet you." There was something on her face that Emily just couldn't understand. She was looking at Emily with a glint in her eyes that she just couldn't figure out.

Helen kindly excused herself from the table and allowed the team to talk amongst themselves. Hotch was pretty quiet, spending his time alternating from staring at the kids to looking over to Emily, only adding a few thoughts every now and then. Emily did the same while trying to keep some talk up with Clyde, who she wouldn't let leave her side, and just listened to JJ and Will's conversation with Rossi or Kevin getting a little upset with the dysfunctional flirtiness that was the Garcia Morgan relationship. It was entertaining.

But what really caught her attention was the kids table. She was in direct line of sight and could see everything. Jack and Henry were playing with some toy one of them brought leaving Charlie to fend for herself. But she wasn't alone. Helen was sitting with them. More specifically, Charlie was sitting with her. Charlie was sitting on Helen's lap and it looked like they were just talking, smiling, laughing, doing things a grandma would do with her grandchild; things she probably did do with Jack.

Emily found herself staring. She wanted them to have that whenever, but it was up to Hotch to allow his family into her life and accept her into his. And since she didn't know if that would ever happen, she was just enjoying the moment, listening to the music in the background as the scene played out like something from a heartwarming family movie.

Hotch caught her gaze and followed it, soon staring just like she was right at his mom and daughter, practically cuddled up at a nearby table. They looked like they were family. And they were; he had to remind himself. Not that he could ever forget, it was just something he tried and failed to not think about. And once he turned his eyes away, looking back at Emily, he realized he couldn't do it anymore. He couldn't sit back and do nothing. He wasn't just denying him the right to know her, but his son, his mother, and his brother too.

He hadn't been to her house. He returned the car realizing just how extreme he took it. The crazy he had become wasn't lost on him. He didn't like it. It wasn't him. He couldn't do it. He had been trying to find a way to her, an easy way that wouldn't lead to fighting, but everything he came up with didn't work. He was tired of it; of not being himself, of being something he never wanted to be of living a separate life from the one he wanted to be a part of. He needed to be her father. She needed it too. He needed to help her feel the love he had for her. Because he did love her. He did. He may have questioned it, doubted himself and his abilities, but things changed. He changed, and it was time to change the situation. There was no more living with things the way they were. It was just sad that it took his, formerly, immature brother becoming the voice of reason, the loss of his sanity, and seeing his mother and everybody else spending time with Charlie for him to finally make a move. But, whatever got him there, he was going to do it. Things were about to change again, and it was a change that would be dictated, or at least started, by his hand.

He was in the midst of a breakdown and he wouldn't let it go any further. There was enough spiraling. But there were too many people surrounding them, most of them his friends or family, to do anything there. He had to figure it out, and if he could, he wanted to do it before leaving New York. It was neutral territory, the perfect place to hash things out. And he'd work out the plan as he tried to enjoy the rest of the night.

While he had his doubts about Sean and his life ambitions, the night seemed like a success. Even the kids, who really didn't know what the party was for or why they were there, were all having fun. But they were tired too. The night was growing later. Couples were dancing to the live quartet in an area that was cleared out just for the night. And others were imbibing just a little too much, the team included although not too overindulgent. The children were nearly asleep. His mother happened to be tending to them with Emily. All he did was watch. That was all he ever did. Wait and watch…

Emily went over to see Charlie as Clyde went to fetch them a drink. They weren't going to overdo it, but it was an open bar and they all decided to take advantage of that fact. Even so, she wanted to spend a little more time with her favorite girl before the night was up. As she walked over to the table, she could see JJ and Will dancing alongside Derek and Garcia. She wondered what Kevin had to say about that. She got her answer when the nerdy boy made his plea to cut in and Morgan found some nameless woman to dance with. He was good with the ladies. Even Reid and Rossi were doing ok. So with a smile, she sat next to Charlie. "Hey Charlie, getting tired?"

"No." She insisted. "I'm not tired." Emily highly doubted that statement, but she let it slide.

"Did you like your dessert?"

She vigorously nodded. "It was even better than the chocolates."

"That means it was very good."

"It was." Charlie looked over to where the boys were playing and turned to Emily. "Mama, can I go play?"

"For a little while."

"Ok." Charlie went to play with Jack and Henry as Emily took a seat across from Helen.

"How are you doing sweetie? Aaron told me about the unfortunate incident at work. I was glad he wanted to be there for you."

"Me too." For whatever time he was there… "And I'm doing well. If all goes well, I get back to work Thursday." A half week to readjust…

"That's wonderful." The two talked for a little while, learning about each other and the lives they led. It was nice for Emily to learn a little more about Charlie's extended family. She didn't have much of that, so it was actually a welcomed change to get to know her a little. At least if Charlie asked questions one day, she'd have some answers.

"It's nice to finally put a face to the woman my son seems so smitten with."

"What?" Emily thought she didn't understand or didn't hear her right. They went from small talk to her son's feelings toward her just like that.

"Oh yes, he talks about you all the time. You and your little girl." Aaron talked about her? Them? To his mother?

"Oh yeah?" She didn't know what to say. What exactly was she told?

"Yes, Sean told me he went to visit his brother and ran into you. He fell in love with your Charlie there. She's precious by the way." Emily just smile and nodded. Disappointedly she realized it was Sean, not Aaron talking about her. And if she learned anything about him at all, if her profiling skills were worth anything, him talking about them wasn't because he liked her, not romantically, but because he was giving his mother second hand information about the child's life she was missing out on being a part of. He may have been the family delinquent, but he had a good heart and a caring soul. He was doing what he could. "If he wasn't in a relationship I knew he was happy with, I'd be getting his brother to fix the two of you up."

"That's… that's very sweet. I think."

"You two would be good together. Visiting you made him like kids, so I should be thanking you. I might finally get that granddaughter I wanted. Or another grandson. I'd like that too." Guilt. She felt guilt. Not able to say anything, she put a ghost of a smile on her face and simply nodded. "Maybe you should give Aaron a try. He could use someone now that he's not with Haley anymore." The woman was trying to kill her. That was the only reasonable explanation for the turn of events. Why was everyone trying to pimp her out? Was she that pathetic?

"I think he's ok without me." As if God sent him back to her to save her from the conversation, Clyde returned.

"Your drink." He handed her a champagne flute.

"Thanks Clyde." He took the seat next to Emily and endured a few questions from Mrs. Hotchner before the children returned.

"Care to dance." Clyde asked. Emily was reluctant, looking to Charlie and Henry who she told JJ she'd look after as she danced with Will.

"It's ok dear, I'll watch them." They should've been asleep hours ago. They were only up because they were fighting it, trying to be a part of the celebration. She deduced that they wouldn't be any trouble. Helen was capable.

"Thank you."

She didn't know how long they were dancing as Clyde held her tight and made her feel safe, but it must've been a good amount of time. As he turned her she noticed that JJ and Will were picking up a sleeping Henry, Kevin and Garcia were already gone, Morgan, Rossi, and Reid seemed to be MIA as well, and Charlie and Jack were cuddled up on Helen's lap sleeping.

"I should get her back to the hotel."

Clyde, seeing a gentleman approaching said, "Let me. You stay."

"No Clyde, we can go together."

Leaning down just a little, he whispered, "Talk to him."

"What?" She asked as he pulled away. "Clyde?"

"Emily?" That wasn't Clyde. She turned to face him. "Dance with me?" Not knowing what else to say and not having the heart to say no, she simply nodded.

For a while, things were peaceful. He held her much like Clyde did, much like that night all those years ago, and being there in his arms made her temporarily forget their predicament. They were both lost in the moment, stuck in the past, and relishing the good things they were feeling. But the calm quickly dissipated and the feelings returned.

"I know it was you." She whispered quietly in his ear as she rested her head on his shoulder. It wasn't the right venue for the conversation. And she wouldn't make a scene, but it was definitely the right time.

"What?" He asked confused.

"Mystery friend Hotch. Really?"

"I don't know what you're talking about." He continued to sway her making it look like an innocent dance shared between coworkers rather than, essentially, the lover's spat it was becoming.

Keeping her voice calm she responded, "You gave her a book that meant something to you." She exhaled. "You practically stalked us." He knew he shouldn't have done that. He underestimated her. He thought it was a close call not a blown mission.

"Come with me."

"Where?"

"Back to my room."

"Why, and what about Jack?"

"We need to talk and Jack is with my mother. He'll be fine."

"I have Charlie."

"Charlie's with Clyde." He reminded her. "It's important." He pleaded. "Please." She hesitantly agreed. Grabbing her clutch, she allowed him to guide her out, his hand resting on her lower back as he led the way. Luckily, their hotel was just a block or two away; same hotel different floor.

Nothing was said the entire way. Even as he fumbled with the keys, they stayed silent. The first word uttered was, "Drink?"

"Why not? I could use it?" Hotch took a few bottles from the mini bar and handed her one. There was no sipping for them. They were both nervous and a shot of the hard stuff was sure to help. "Why?" Emily asked, tearing the silence that settled to shreds.

"Why what?" He stood across the room as Emily sat at the edge of the bed.

"Why? Why do it? Why watch our house? Why follow her? Why give her that book or take that picture?"

"I… I don't know."

"That's not a good enough answer!" She yelled. There was no more pussyfooting.

"Then what kind of answer do you want?"

"You're so frustrating."

"And you're not?"

"I shouldn't have to tell you how to answer. You should just know."

"Like I was supposed to just know that I had a daughter?"

"Damn it Hotch!" Her hands were digging into her legs, her fingernails nearly drawing blood. They were both being consumed by the anger they repressed. Emily never really dealt with Hotch's reaction. She was upset, but because of Charlie, she put up a front, compartmentalized, and only had the nightmares to remind her. But her tricks weren't working anymore. Not for her or him. Because he too wasn't dealing. He became a sociopath in training to deal with the way he acted and what he refused. They both needed to let it out, however they could. "You were supposed to know. I was supposed to tell you. We've had this conversation. Nothing I can say will be different. Nothing is changed."

"Everything is changed Emily. I have a daughter!"

"I know!" She was gripping a pillow now, staying seated so she didn't react in a way she'd regret later. "A daughter you refused to accept!" Her tactics weren't working. Somehow, by a force out of her control, she found her hand in the air and the pillow being whizzed in Hotch's direction.

At first he just stood there, stunned that a subordinate would do that; that Emily would do that. But he realized she was more than just a colleague and he needed to accept that. They both tried to believe they were nothing more than coworkers. That was what they tried to convince themselves for years, but they had a bond through their child and their past. They had a connection they ignored. They had a few perfect moments they subdued. They were stuck in an emotional tornado, spinning in the funnel cloud of emotion just trying to decipher one feeling from another.

After he regained function, he responded to her outburst by throwing the empty glass in his hand at the wall. They were behaving inappropriately, like children throwing a tantrum, but it just happened. She threw, he had to throw back. "A daughter you refused me!" He retorted.

They went back and forth in their tirade of snide comments and insults intermittently adding something that got them somewhere. It was a one step forward two steps back type situation. Occasionally they'd throw a thing or two. There was lots of yelling and foul language. But the conversation, as aggressive and necessary as it was, quickly went from the topic at hand to something else. It veered off topic to more direct personal insults. It wasn't about their actions with Charlie; it was about each other, their quirks and their faults.

"You do this stupid hair thing that drives me nuts." Hotch said. They were nitpicking at that point. All the major flaws were out in the open and they were working on those annoying habits that just got under their skin. And the reason it bothered them so much probably had more to do with how it made them feel than actually being a bother.

"What hair thing? I don't do a hair thing." She defended, not knowing what he was talking about or why they were talking about it.

"You do. Charlie too. It's annoying and perfect and very you. But you do it, especially when you're uncomfortable."

"No I don't." She insisted.

"Yes you do."

"Fine and you do this…" He cut her off, slamming his lips against hers. It was definitely the wrong move, but he went against every logical thought he had and just gave in. His emotions were overwhelming and his actions were out of his control. They just had to give in.

Paget Brewster's going to be on SVU. She'll be on the premiere episode that premieres the same time CM does September 26th. And I think the role is recurring or at least a multi episode arc.

Ok, so this chapter was supposed to be out on Thursday, but I didn't get to finish editing before I went out to celebrate my birthday. And I cut the final scene that I wrote specifically for me as an "I wish this would happen on the show" birthday present. Also, I'm a little evil for leaving things the way I did. I have the scene that follows the kiss already written for this chapter but decided to add it to the next. I also took out a lot of dialogue and team stuff to make room for a little Hotly. I don't know if I'm thoroughly happy with the way it turned out, but whatever.

Originally, I was going to make the man in the unmarked car a PI that Hotch hired, but people wanted him to be Hotch and it partly ties into something else, I think, we shall see. But I always wanted the book to be from him, it was like little breadcrumbs to a relationship with the Prentiss family.

Sorry for any grammatical or spelling errors.

Thank you everyone who has added this story to alerts or favorites and to those of you who have given feedback. Opinions are much appreciated; feedback, input, whatever. Constructive criticism also welcomed. I hope you enjoy. Until next time…