Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
Web of Lies.
Harry walked slowly through the halls of Dumbledore's manor. Twinkle had come to tell him that his grandfather wanted to see him in his office, and he wasn't looking forward to it. It had been a few days since the attack, and Dumbledore had forced him to stay in bed until he was sure he was strong enough. But now it was time they talked about what had happened, and he wasn't looking forward to it. Sighing, he stopped in front of Dumbledore's office and knocked softly.
"Come in."
Taking a deep breath, Harry opened the door and walked in. After silently closing the door, he walked until he was in front of the large table. The old headmaster was writing something on a thick parchment and continued, ignoring Harry. Finally, he signed the piece of paper and rolled it up, giving it to a tawny owl that had been waiting by his side. Once the owl ha left the office, Dumbledore finally looked up at him. Harry glanced at him for a moment, noticing that his usually twinkling blue eyes were stern and were looking at him seriously.
The boy was starting to wonder if he should say anything when the headmaster broke the silence. "Sit down, Alexander."
Harry winced at his full name, he was in so much trouble... Sighing, he sat down as the old man had said, grateful that he didn't have to keep standing on his slightly shaking legs. While he had mostly recovered, he still got tired easily and he somehow knew that this discussion would be draining. Dumbledore looked at him for another long moment until he sat back into his chair and began to speak. "First things first, I understand why you shouted to Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape, and they both agree with me that we should let it go, but understand that I won't allow you to speak to them that way ever again. No matter what situation we find ourselves in, they are still your teachers and therefore they deserve proper respect, understood?"
Harry nodded, somewhat relieved he wasn't going to get in trouble for that. "Yes, sir."
Dumbledore nodded and smiled slightly at him. "Very well. I've talked to Twinkle about what happened the day we were attacked. She has told me what happened so there's no need to explain, except for the wards, but we'll get back at that later. As for now, I would like to know why you chose to do some of the most draining magic by yourself, putting not only your life at risk but also mine and Twinkle. You could have woken me up instead of doing such foolish thing." Harry winced a little at the harsh voice, but the headmaster was not finished. "And not only that, but what would have happened if you had failed. You gave Twinkle orders to bring me to safety, but what about you, Alec? What would have happened to you if the Death Eaters had managed to get through?" Once he had got that out of him, Dumbledore looked intently at the bowed head of his student. When no answer came forward, he spoke again. "Why didn't you call me?"
Finally, the boy spoke, his childish voice soft and uncertain. "You were so tired, I was afraid you wouldn't be to fight against all those Death Eaters and would get hurt."
Dumbledore frowned. "I know that, Alec. Didn't it occur to you that I could have called for help? It would have only taken a few minutes to get the house full of Aurors."
Harry turned his head away, and Dumbledore knew that he had known that. Then why hadn't he wanted him to warn them? Getting impatient, Dumbledore shifted in his seat. "Alec, I'm trying to understand you. Why didn't you want me to call the Aurors?"
The boy stayed silent for a long time, thinking about it. Finally, when Dumbledore was about to speak again, Harry looked up and answered. "They might have been hurt."
Dumbledore could do nothing but gape at the boy for a moment. "Alec! It's their job to keep people from being hurt; they have been trained to do it. It's certainly not your job to keep them from being hurt." For an instant, Harry's expression showed bitter amusement, although it was instantly replaced by acceptance. Dumbledore didn't miss it, and he suddenly understood. "You don't trust us."
Harry looked up sharply, startled at the sudden turn in the conversation. "Of course I trust you!"
Dumbledore was shaking his head. "You don't trust us to keep you safe."
Harry stayed still for a few moments, pondering his headmaster's words. He had never admitted it to himself but a small part of him knew that Dumbledore was right. Suddenly, he was forced to confront it, confront the knowledge that he had never trusted anyone completely. Not even Ron and Hermione. Sure he trusted them to a certain extent, but not about his safety nor with his thoughts. All the trust that he might have harboured in his teachers was erased every summer by returning to the Dursleys. They served as a constant reminder that no matter what happened, he was alone, and he would always be alone; he had no one to depend on so he had to depend on himself and no one else. He had grown so used to having no one, that the fact that some Aurors might be there to protect had never crossed his mind. He was the protector; he was the one who fought. The notion that someone would wish to protect him had never crossed his mind.
After finally confronting these thoughts, Harry felt very alone. Who would ever want to be with someone who could not completely trust them?
Trembling slightly, Harry curled up in his chair, wrapping his arms around his knees. He didn't even notice the worried headmaster moving to kneel in front of him.
"Alec." Harry started and looked up slightly, seeing Dumbledore so close was unnerving. "Are you alright, Alec? What's bothering you?"
"I can't."
Dumbledore frowned worriedly. "You can't what?"
"Trust." Harry paused for a moment before continuing. "I can't trust people with my safety; no one has ever cared about my safety. But it's not only about that; I can't trust them with my feelings and my thoughts either, I don't know how, no one has ever taught me how." He let out a short, bitter laugh. "I guess I'm a loner, and that I'll always be a loner. Even at Hogwarts I'm alone, unable to trust anyone completely, not even Ron and Hermione; what will happen when they notice? Will they stop talking to me?"
Not waiting for an answer, he buried his head in his knees and proceeded to ignore Dumbledore's attempts to get his attention. Then suddenly, there were warm, gentle arms around him, trying to move him into a more comfortable position, but Harry didn't give in, he wasn't in the mood. The chair under him sifted, and after touching it with one of his hands, he realized Dumbledore had transfigured it into a couch. The old man was now sitting next to him, still holding him tightly and rubbing his back with soothing hands.
"Child, listen to me."
Harry shook his head slightly, he didn't want to listen. Dumbledore ignored him and continued speaking.
"I can not say that I understand how you're feeling, so I'll spare you the hypocrisy. But I know you can learn to trust people again if you want to. Just take it one at the time, start with small things; it doesn't need to come all at once, just grow up to it. I'm sure that just as you've learned how to mistrust them, you can learn to trust them again." The old headmaster paused for a moment; the only indication that Harry had been listening to him was the way he had slightly relaxed against him. "I also want you to know that I'll be here for you, and I'll try to help you with everything I can, whether you choose to trust me or not."
Harry's muffled voice rang through the room. "You weren't there for the last few weeks." His voice was soft but slightly accusing, and Dumbledore's hand froze on the youth's back. The boy was right, how could he be telling him that he would be there when he got so wrapped up in his work that he barely spent any time with him? How could he expect the boy to believe in him after he had been ignored for weeks? The feel of guilt came back full force, but Harry quickly spoke before he could answer. "Sorry, that was mean."
Dumbledore shook his head, but since Harry was still hiding his head in his arms, he didn't see it. "No, it wasn't, you were merely stating a fact. I'm very sorry I left you here alone for so long."
Harry shrugged slightly. "It's ok, I understand."
The old headmaster frowned. "I know you do, but that doesn't mean you weren't hurt. Neglect always hurts, and I'm sorry I didn't see it before."
Harry stayed silent for a moment and then nodded slowly. "Yes, I was hurt." The boy looked up abruptly; he seemed to be angry at something, but Dumbledore couldn't guess at what. "I was hurt, and I don't understand why! I shouldn't feel this way. You're my headmaster, you've already done more than was asked from you when you took me in, and here I am asking for even more." Wrapping his arms tighter around his small frame, Harry looked up at him. "It seems I'm no better than those vultures at the ministry, always asking for more. I'm sorry, Headmaster, it won't happen again."
At the end, the boy was trembling and he buried his head in his arms again. Dumbledore's frown deepened; he wrapped his arms around the boy tighter, pressing him against his chest, and he began to talk softly into his ear. "Harry, please, Harry, calm down. It's not your fault that you're feeling this way. It's normal for you to want attention after the childhood you've had."
Harry shrugged angrily. "But it's wrong to demand it from you when you have no obligation towards me but teach me."
Dumbledore shook his head slightly. "Harry... Alec, when we started, I offered you a thing I know you've wanted for years, a family. No matter who I am, at the moment, I am your grandfather in everything but blood, and as such, you're in my care. I'm not only here to protect you, my child, I'm here to take care of you, to love you, to teach you, as any grandfather would do to his grandson." Caressing the boy's head, Dumbledore's voice became even gentler. "I'm very sorry I neglected you; I'm going to figure something out so it doesn't happen again."
Harry looked up slightly, a frown on his face. "But..."
Dumbledore shook his head and brought a finger to his lips. "Alec, please, no buts. Let's just try to work this out, ok?"
Harry looked at him for a long moment and then nodded his head, finally allowing himself to relax in Dumbledore's arms. "Ok, Granddad."
The old headmaster smiled and pulled him into a tight, comforting hug, that made some of the loneliness disappear.
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for all reviews, and thanks to my beta reader, Vinnie.
Web of Lies.
Harry walked slowly through the halls of Dumbledore's manor. Twinkle had come to tell him that his grandfather wanted to see him in his office, and he wasn't looking forward to it. It had been a few days since the attack, and Dumbledore had forced him to stay in bed until he was sure he was strong enough. But now it was time they talked about what had happened, and he wasn't looking forward to it. Sighing, he stopped in front of Dumbledore's office and knocked softly.
"Come in."
Taking a deep breath, Harry opened the door and walked in. After silently closing the door, he walked until he was in front of the large table. The old headmaster was writing something on a thick parchment and continued, ignoring Harry. Finally, he signed the piece of paper and rolled it up, giving it to a tawny owl that had been waiting by his side. Once the owl ha left the office, Dumbledore finally looked up at him. Harry glanced at him for a moment, noticing that his usually twinkling blue eyes were stern and were looking at him seriously.
The boy was starting to wonder if he should say anything when the headmaster broke the silence. "Sit down, Alexander."
Harry winced at his full name, he was in so much trouble... Sighing, he sat down as the old man had said, grateful that he didn't have to keep standing on his slightly shaking legs. While he had mostly recovered, he still got tired easily and he somehow knew that this discussion would be draining. Dumbledore looked at him for another long moment until he sat back into his chair and began to speak. "First things first, I understand why you shouted to Professor McGonagall and Professor Snape, and they both agree with me that we should let it go, but understand that I won't allow you to speak to them that way ever again. No matter what situation we find ourselves in, they are still your teachers and therefore they deserve proper respect, understood?"
Harry nodded, somewhat relieved he wasn't going to get in trouble for that. "Yes, sir."
Dumbledore nodded and smiled slightly at him. "Very well. I've talked to Twinkle about what happened the day we were attacked. She has told me what happened so there's no need to explain, except for the wards, but we'll get back at that later. As for now, I would like to know why you chose to do some of the most draining magic by yourself, putting not only your life at risk but also mine and Twinkle. You could have woken me up instead of doing such foolish thing." Harry winced a little at the harsh voice, but the headmaster was not finished. "And not only that, but what would have happened if you had failed. You gave Twinkle orders to bring me to safety, but what about you, Alec? What would have happened to you if the Death Eaters had managed to get through?" Once he had got that out of him, Dumbledore looked intently at the bowed head of his student. When no answer came forward, he spoke again. "Why didn't you call me?"
Finally, the boy spoke, his childish voice soft and uncertain. "You were so tired, I was afraid you wouldn't be to fight against all those Death Eaters and would get hurt."
Dumbledore frowned. "I know that, Alec. Didn't it occur to you that I could have called for help? It would have only taken a few minutes to get the house full of Aurors."
Harry turned his head away, and Dumbledore knew that he had known that. Then why hadn't he wanted him to warn them? Getting impatient, Dumbledore shifted in his seat. "Alec, I'm trying to understand you. Why didn't you want me to call the Aurors?"
The boy stayed silent for a long time, thinking about it. Finally, when Dumbledore was about to speak again, Harry looked up and answered. "They might have been hurt."
Dumbledore could do nothing but gape at the boy for a moment. "Alec! It's their job to keep people from being hurt; they have been trained to do it. It's certainly not your job to keep them from being hurt." For an instant, Harry's expression showed bitter amusement, although it was instantly replaced by acceptance. Dumbledore didn't miss it, and he suddenly understood. "You don't trust us."
Harry looked up sharply, startled at the sudden turn in the conversation. "Of course I trust you!"
Dumbledore was shaking his head. "You don't trust us to keep you safe."
Harry stayed still for a few moments, pondering his headmaster's words. He had never admitted it to himself but a small part of him knew that Dumbledore was right. Suddenly, he was forced to confront it, confront the knowledge that he had never trusted anyone completely. Not even Ron and Hermione. Sure he trusted them to a certain extent, but not about his safety nor with his thoughts. All the trust that he might have harboured in his teachers was erased every summer by returning to the Dursleys. They served as a constant reminder that no matter what happened, he was alone, and he would always be alone; he had no one to depend on so he had to depend on himself and no one else. He had grown so used to having no one, that the fact that some Aurors might be there to protect had never crossed his mind. He was the protector; he was the one who fought. The notion that someone would wish to protect him had never crossed his mind.
After finally confronting these thoughts, Harry felt very alone. Who would ever want to be with someone who could not completely trust them?
Trembling slightly, Harry curled up in his chair, wrapping his arms around his knees. He didn't even notice the worried headmaster moving to kneel in front of him.
"Alec." Harry started and looked up slightly, seeing Dumbledore so close was unnerving. "Are you alright, Alec? What's bothering you?"
"I can't."
Dumbledore frowned worriedly. "You can't what?"
"Trust." Harry paused for a moment before continuing. "I can't trust people with my safety; no one has ever cared about my safety. But it's not only about that; I can't trust them with my feelings and my thoughts either, I don't know how, no one has ever taught me how." He let out a short, bitter laugh. "I guess I'm a loner, and that I'll always be a loner. Even at Hogwarts I'm alone, unable to trust anyone completely, not even Ron and Hermione; what will happen when they notice? Will they stop talking to me?"
Not waiting for an answer, he buried his head in his knees and proceeded to ignore Dumbledore's attempts to get his attention. Then suddenly, there were warm, gentle arms around him, trying to move him into a more comfortable position, but Harry didn't give in, he wasn't in the mood. The chair under him sifted, and after touching it with one of his hands, he realized Dumbledore had transfigured it into a couch. The old man was now sitting next to him, still holding him tightly and rubbing his back with soothing hands.
"Child, listen to me."
Harry shook his head slightly, he didn't want to listen. Dumbledore ignored him and continued speaking.
"I can not say that I understand how you're feeling, so I'll spare you the hypocrisy. But I know you can learn to trust people again if you want to. Just take it one at the time, start with small things; it doesn't need to come all at once, just grow up to it. I'm sure that just as you've learned how to mistrust them, you can learn to trust them again." The old headmaster paused for a moment; the only indication that Harry had been listening to him was the way he had slightly relaxed against him. "I also want you to know that I'll be here for you, and I'll try to help you with everything I can, whether you choose to trust me or not."
Harry's muffled voice rang through the room. "You weren't there for the last few weeks." His voice was soft but slightly accusing, and Dumbledore's hand froze on the youth's back. The boy was right, how could he be telling him that he would be there when he got so wrapped up in his work that he barely spent any time with him? How could he expect the boy to believe in him after he had been ignored for weeks? The feel of guilt came back full force, but Harry quickly spoke before he could answer. "Sorry, that was mean."
Dumbledore shook his head, but since Harry was still hiding his head in his arms, he didn't see it. "No, it wasn't, you were merely stating a fact. I'm very sorry I left you here alone for so long."
Harry shrugged slightly. "It's ok, I understand."
The old headmaster frowned. "I know you do, but that doesn't mean you weren't hurt. Neglect always hurts, and I'm sorry I didn't see it before."
Harry stayed silent for a moment and then nodded slowly. "Yes, I was hurt." The boy looked up abruptly; he seemed to be angry at something, but Dumbledore couldn't guess at what. "I was hurt, and I don't understand why! I shouldn't feel this way. You're my headmaster, you've already done more than was asked from you when you took me in, and here I am asking for even more." Wrapping his arms tighter around his small frame, Harry looked up at him. "It seems I'm no better than those vultures at the ministry, always asking for more. I'm sorry, Headmaster, it won't happen again."
At the end, the boy was trembling and he buried his head in his arms again. Dumbledore's frown deepened; he wrapped his arms around the boy tighter, pressing him against his chest, and he began to talk softly into his ear. "Harry, please, Harry, calm down. It's not your fault that you're feeling this way. It's normal for you to want attention after the childhood you've had."
Harry shrugged angrily. "But it's wrong to demand it from you when you have no obligation towards me but teach me."
Dumbledore shook his head slightly. "Harry... Alec, when we started, I offered you a thing I know you've wanted for years, a family. No matter who I am, at the moment, I am your grandfather in everything but blood, and as such, you're in my care. I'm not only here to protect you, my child, I'm here to take care of you, to love you, to teach you, as any grandfather would do to his grandson." Caressing the boy's head, Dumbledore's voice became even gentler. "I'm very sorry I neglected you; I'm going to figure something out so it doesn't happen again."
Harry looked up slightly, a frown on his face. "But..."
Dumbledore shook his head and brought a finger to his lips. "Alec, please, no buts. Let's just try to work this out, ok?"
Harry looked at him for a long moment and then nodded his head, finally allowing himself to relax in Dumbledore's arms. "Ok, Granddad."
The old headmaster smiled and pulled him into a tight, comforting hug, that made some of the loneliness disappear.
To be continued...
A/N: Thanks for all reviews, and thanks to my beta reader, Vinnie.