To her credit, she really tried. She'd tried over the span of a couple of years ever since the incident. Gail didn't even realize she had a fear of getting into taxis until she actually got into one not long after being tied up by Perik.
She was drunk at the Penny one night after her shift and she hailed for a taxi on the street. She remembered the crippling fear that froze her spine, the goose bumps in her hair and the back of her neck. Once the door was closed, she couldn't breathe, like she was bound and gagged once again. Tears prickling in her eyes, she finally found the strength to move and immediately asked for the driver to stop and let her out. She remembered the taxi driver's confused and annoyed look before she slapped a couple of notes in his hand with a shaky pale hand of hers and got out. As Gail stood by the roadside, she felt like she had been trapped in the vehicle for several hours when the taxi only managed to drive about a block away from the Penny. She watched the taxi drive away from her, refusing to look away until it was finally out of sight before trying to calm her breathing and blink back those tears. She had to make sure he wasn't coming back to get her or follow her back to her apartment.
Gail felt ridiculous. She knew if she'd told her parents about this little incident, her mother would find a way to get her hands on a taxi and put her in the boot until this irrational fear of hers went away. She shuddered at the mental image of being back in the boot and started walking back towards the Penny and decided to call one of her roommates to come pick her up.
She didn't tell anyone about it. Not even when a moody and sleepy Dov appeared 15 minutes later outside the Penny to pick her up. She kept quiet as he grumbled and complained how Gail could've called for a cab.
Months later, Gail decided to try again. She didn't know where she'd go, her main concern was to get in the vehicle. Maybe drop by Steve's. Or go for a burger at the diner near 15. She stood on the sidewalk on a sunny Saturday afternoon for a few minutes with her hands tucked in her pockets trying to calm her nerves. She looked as one taxi after another drove away. She tried lifting her arm up to flag for a taxi. Her limbs felt heavy, her heart thundering in her chest. She just couldn't do it. She felt weak and ashamed of herself. The Peck family would not be proud.
After the 16th taxi drove past her, Gail decided enough was enough and went back to her apartment to drown her failure in copious amount of tequila.
Shortly after her feeble attempts at flagging a cab that day, 15 caught a homicide case. The victim, female, was found dead in the boot of a taxi and Gail and Chris were the first officers on scene. Gail felt her lunch rising up her throat, but managed to keep it down in front of her colleagues. She knew no one would blame her if she sat this one out, go back to the station to do some paperwork. But Gail couldn't let anyone see her be weak or vulnerable. The almighty Peck had a family name to uphold. Sure, she'd probably have nightmares later that night when she goes to bed, but that was when she'd be alone and in the privacy of her own room.
But Chris saw the way his partner's face went pale at the sight of the crime scene and knew this case hits close to home for Gail. He said nothing of it – because he knew Gail would kill him for calling her out – and volunteered to take the brunt of their shared work that day.
When she finally told someone about it, it was Holly. The brunette listened attentively and told Gail that it was totally understandable and not at all stupid or irrational. She had a legit reason to be afraid of getting into cabs and Holly convinced her it was completely okay.
And after her talk with Holly, Gail wanted to try again.
"Listen, we'll get into the taxi and we'll talk through the short journey to the restaurant. We can talk about work, or what we're gonna eat later, or we don't even have to talk at all." Holly adjusted the black beanie Gail was wearing, and looped a scarf around her girlfriend's pale neck. "And if it's too much, if you wanna get out, we'll get out of the car immediately. No judgement."
Holly rested her hands on Gail's shoulders trying to be reassuring. All Gail could do was nod and swallow painfully against the lump in her throat. Holly made her feel comfortable and safe. She could put down her walls like she did that night in Holly's bathroom and not feel embarrassed. When Holly's hands slowly travelled down her arms to capture her gloved hands, Gail felt a familiar warmth in her stomach and smiled softly. She could do it this time. She felt it. With Holly by her side smiling her trademark smile and holding her hands, she could accomplish anything.
And Gail was right. Holly held her hand the whole time, a lopsided smile plastered on her face as she spoke about work and her eyes never leaving Gail's. Gail simply listened, her girlfriend's voice and moving lips capturing her in a trancelike state. And by the time the car finally pulled up right in front of the restaurant, Gail hardly realized they had arrived, still staring into Holly's warm brown eyes, eyes that shone brighter than the streetlights outside.
When they were done with dinner, both women with a couple glasses of wine in their system - enough to take the edge off, not enough to be drunk and clumsy - they hailed for another cab but this time, the journey was filled with subtle feather light touches on Gail's left thigh and arm and fleeting kisses on her soft pink lips and words like I'm so proud of you, you're so strong and you're so beautiful whispered into her ear, not caring if their driver was sneaking a peek or feeling uncomfortable. They were too distracted to care.
In that moment Gail felt like she could conquer anything and the night was still young and filled with promises, silent promises to herself and to Holly that she'd fulfil later back at her girlfriend's apartment and her bed.