"Turns out the Council wasn't as gung-ho as we thought," he said, leaning on the table once more. "The fleet they had formed was meant to protect the Citadel, not go searching for Saren. And thanks to Liara, we'd just learned that the Conduit, whatever it was, was on Ilos, beyond the old Mu relay. Shepard demanded that she take her ship and it's fancy new stealth drive and go there herself, but Udina was playing politics." Garrus frowned heavily, voice rumbling deep ins his chest. "He wanted to make nice, so he grounded the ship."

There was something like a dual-toned growl that came out of his throat, and I saw his mandibles flutter. "After all we'd been through, all we'd accomplished, we were shut down. It tore us up. All of us, but Shepard in particular. And that would have been that - Saren would have won, if it weren't for Anderson."

I nodded solemnly, saying nothing. Everyone knew Captain David Anderson, almost as much as they knew Commander Shepard. Any human over thirty would tell you he was the unsung hero of the Reaper War, kept the people together, strong and united, even in face of a devastating invasion. He wasn't looked upon with the reverence most other races reserved for her, but in the pantheon of humanity's heroes, he stood second only to Shepard herself.

Garrus' expression turned - he looked wistfully off into the middle distance, nodding to himself. "Anderson wasn't a good man - he was a great one. He was like a father to Shepard, took her under his wing when she made N7. He had an easy smile, and he was too damn honest for his own good; never had the skill at putting on a mask for his crew." He smiled, but it seemed like a sad sort of smile. "Even when he tried to hide it, he wore his heart on his sleeve, plain as his rank. Always had a kind word, or a firm hand on a shoulder. He put his trust in her so completely, and she always tried to be worthy of it." He looked down at his hands and flexed them gently. "I think she valued his respect more than anyone else's."

There was a moment of silence. Then he grinned at me. "So when he burst into Udina's office, socked him in the jaw, and unlocked the Normandy's systems, Shepard did exactly what he wanted her to - we made for the Mu relay like a bat out of hell."

"No one objected?" I asked, already knowing the answer.

He shook his head. "Shepard's ship. Shepard's crew. Shepard's people."

I nodded, and I realized I was smiling. I'd heard stories about Shepard's crew before, but the loyalty they had for her still plucked at the old heart strings. Same for any other sentient in the galaxy, I guessed. Except maybe the geth, or maybe that was just me being specist.

"It was a little over a day before we'd hit the relay. The crew did what they could to make sure they were ready, keep their spirits up and... ease tension." Garrus' jaw flexed, mandibles briefly flicking outward. If I didn't know any better, I'd say he looked upset, but it was gone before I could dwell on it. He relaxed and turned to me. "I did see Shepard, once. Briefly, a few hours after we undocked."

Garrus was a bundle of awful, awful nerves. This was it - the endgame. It was all up to them now. He knew they could do it, he had as much faith in this crew's abilities as any he'd ever served with. But even so, his stomach was a knot. On a turian ship, he would have had options to take his mind off things, but on the Normandy? No such luck.

He just hoped Shepard wouldn't mind him tinkering with the damn Mako again.

As the doors opened, Garrus saw her, over by the lockers. She was leaning against one, staring it like she was trying to bore a hole through it. She looked thoroughly preoccupied.

He shouldn't interrupt. He should leave her to her thoughts. He should just go over to the Mako and start reinforcing the armor plating like he'd been talking about. If she wanted to talk, she'd initiate the conversation. That was how it always was.

"Shepard," Garrus said, ignoring every sensible thought and striding up to his own locker. "You okay?"

Shepard didn't turn to him, only acknowledged his presence through her voice and a slight quirk in her lip. "Garrus," she greeted. "I'm alright."

It was only then that Garrus noticed Shepard wasn't standing in front of her own locker.

"Sorry," he said quickly. "I didn't realize-"

"I'm not cleaning it out," she cut in, still staring at it. "Not until this is over. Not like it'll matter unless we succeed, anyway."

Garrus had to ask. "So... what are you doing?"

Shepard took a deep breath, then turned to face him, one hand still on the wall of lockers. "She left a message. Before Virmire. Most of it was for her family, her sisters, but." She swallowed. "Some of it was for the crew."

He nodded slowly and realized he was fidgeting, so he clasped his hands behind his back and went straight to parade rest. "I see."

"She had some personal items she wanted passed out." Shepard turned back to the locker. "Just taking a moment to get it together before I hand them out."

"Of course." There was a long, awkward pause. Garrus hated awkward. "I'll leave you to it, commander."

"Hang on," she said, stopping him dead in his tracks. She took a breath, then keyed open Ash's locker. She looked it up and down, searchingly, and Garrus noticed she had her mask on again. He often wondered exactly how much strength it took to keep that up. Humans were so naturally and instinctively expressive, to bury it must have been a strain.

She found what she was looking for on the top shelf - a row of worn, dogeared tomes. She ran a finger along them until she found one in particular, then pulled it out and opened it. When she began to speak, Garrus just stood there, frozen.

"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,

And having perhaps the better claim,

Because it was grassy and wanted wear;

Though as for that the passing there

Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay

In leaves no step had trodden black.

Oh, I kept the first for another day!

Yet knowing how way leads on to way,

I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference."

Shepard closed the book. She closed her eyes, and the mask cracked. She smiled. "Could have given me Tennyson. Gave me Frost."

"Commander?"

She shook her head. "Nothing. She knew me better than I thought she did. That's all." She reached into the locker and pulled out another worn out collection of paper. "This one's for you."

She opened it same as the other one, and recited, briefly:

"'Forward, the Light Brigade!'

Was there a man dismay'd?

Not tho' the soldiers knew

Some one had blunder'd:

Theirs not to make reply,

Theirs not to reason why,

Theirs but to do and die:

Into the valley of Death

Rode the six hundred."

She closed it and held it out. Garrus took it from her hand and held it reverently. "How very turian," he said, and Shepard laughed softly.

"Military loves Tennyson," she said, reaching up and collecting a few more books. She pulled one out in particular and looked... Garrus wasn't sure how she looked, actually.

"I've got to go hand these out." Shepard nodded, tucked the stack of books under her arm. "Try not to take apart the entire Mako," she said, a ghost of her usual smirk passing across her face as she turned to leave. Garrus was left there, considering the book he held in his hands. When he looked up, he saw Shepard hand something to Wrex, and actually felt his stomach tighten.

Ash had left something for Wrex.

Wrex stared at the book offered to him, took it in two fingers, and regarded it strangely. He opened it gently and stared at the pages, even though he couldn't read them. He looked up and nodded to Shepard, who strode over to the elevator.

Garrus looked down at the book in his own hands. He couldn't read it. Ash had known that. But neither could Wrex, and she'd known that too.

He went over to his locker and placed it on the top shelf, underneath his helmet. He'd have to get a translation protocol installed on his visor when this was over.

"I trust I don't need to talk about Ilos much."

I blinked a bit (I had been staring at the physical books he had over on the shelf) then shook my head. Everyone knew about Ilos, and what Shepard found. The part about the grounding and the mutiny, though - that was new to me. I guessed the Council didn't like to publicize their own mistakes as much as Shepard's heroism, even thirty years later.

"Well, suffice to say, it was hell fighting through that damn bunker. Lots of geth. Very nasty. And the Mako didn't want to cooperate either."

"Who was on the ground team?" I asked. "That part was never clear."

Garrus' mandibles twitched back and forth. "There was some debate about that aboard the Normandy, as well."

"Garrus, Wrex, suit up."

Garrus looked up from where he was scraping some carbon scoring off one of his gauntlets. "Thought Joker couldn't drop the Mako yet."

"Can't wait, and he says he only needs twenty meters." Shepard headed straight to her locker and pulled it open, grabbing her armor.

"You believe him?" Garrus asked conversationally as he and Wrex made for their own lockers.

"Only when he's talking about his ability to fly," Shepard said, stepping into her boots and strapping them on.

"Hell," Wrex grumbled. "Not like it matters. We die on the drop or we sit on our hands. Same outcome."

"My thoughts exactly," Shepard replied.

The elevator doors opened and Kaidan, Liara and Tali headed straight for the locker bay. They didn't look happy.

Kaidan started first. "Commander-"

"The ship is yours, Kaidan." Shepard said firmly, still focused on her armor and not on anyone's face. "Keep her safe."

"Commander, with all due respect-"

"Remember what Ash used to say about that?"

That brought Kaidan up a bit short. While he struggled to find his words again, Tali took up the slack. "Shepard, I can fight-"

"I want you in engineering, Tali. This ship is going straight back to the Citadel."

"What?" Tali sputtered. "What are we going to do there?"

"Fight." Shepard pulled on her chest piece, sealing the sides. "Sovereign's not here. There's nothing but geth dropships. It's going for the Citadel, and no matter how many ships they've got, they're going to need more. And you're the best chance the Normandy's got at staying together long enough to put some holes in a Reaper."

Now Tali lost her voice, and it was Liara's turn. "Shepard, I-"

"I'm sorry, Liara." Shepard actually looked her in the eye as she rolled her shoulders, checking the joint. "This isn't where I need you."

Liara looked shocked, then saddened. She nodded slowly.

"Until this is over, I want you assisting Pressly as XO. Keep everyone's head on straight, and make sure everyone has everything they need. And if worse comes to worst..." Shepard started strapping on her gauntlets. "Throw up some barriers to seal any hull breaches and assist Chakwas with triage."

Liara nodded again, sternly. Kaidan stepped closer.

"Shepard."

She met his eyes and they shared a significant look, one even Garrus couldn't miss. He seemed to back down.

"I'll keep her flying."

"I know you will." Shepard flexed her arms across her chest, checked movement and seals, then pulled her rifle out of the locker. "Joker, time to drop."

"Five minutes, Commander," Joker's voice piped in through the ship's intercom.

"Alright." Shepard shouldered her rifle and gave each of them a look in turn. "You all know your duty. I know you'll make me proud." Her gaze lingered on Liara. "All of you."

Shepard turned and headed for the Mako, not sparing a glance to see if Garrus and Wrex were right behind her. "This thing better run, Garrus."

"Like a dream, Shepard," he replied.

"Like I said before," Wrex commented, "if we die in the drop, not like it matters."

"If I didn't know any better, I'd say you were worried, Wrex." Garrus slapped his shoulder with the back of his hand.

"You kidding?" Shepard levered herself into the driver's seat. "Wrex's sunny optimism is the only thing that's kept me going."

Wrex grumbled something about 'being realistic' as he climbed up into the gunner's seat.

"How did Saren die?"

Garrus looked up from his hands and I saw his brow plates twitch.

"I mean, I know the rest. Everyone knows." I twisted in my seat to face him better and I could feel myself getting excited. I never really thought I was that big into history, but talking to someone who was really there for something this big will bring out the fascination in anyone. "The Conduit, Vigil, the Citadel, all that. You have to have seen the vids, the battle on the outside of the station is always the highlight."

His mandibles twitched, amused. "It was less exciting and more terrifying when we were actually doing it."

"But no one really knows how Saren died." I gestured vaguely with my hands. "There's all kinds of rumors that he committed suicide, that Shepard killed him before he could say a word, that he transformed into some kind of organic-Reaper hybrid, that it was a knock-down, drag-out bare knuckle brawl-"

"Now that's just absurd."

"So what did happen?"

Garrus tilted his head. "A little of everything. Saren had implants, Reaper tech from Sovereign. The more Shepard tried to get him to see reason, the more pain they caused. Eventually, she gambled that there was enough of him left to fight it, and stepped right out from cover and practically dared him to shoot her."

"And did he?"

Garrus mimicked a gun with his fingers. He pointed it at me, then, slowly, at himself. I shivered.

"Wow."

"Yeah." He shrugged. "Of course, when we were looking down at his body, Shepard still told us to make sure he was dead. Wrex was the one who put the last few bullets in his skull. Thought about flipping a coin for it, but." He waved a hand dismissively. "Figured he had the greater right to it. There was some... unpleasantness with the corpse, but that doesn't matter. He was still dead."

"And meanwhile Sovereign gets pounded by the Council's fleet." I made a fist and punched it into my palm.

"Yep." He nodded.

"And they destroy it before it can call the rest of the Reapers!" I bounced a little in my seat.

"Yeah." Nodded again.

"And the Council was saved thanks to the sacrifice of the Alliance fleet!"

"Cairo, Cape Town, Emden, Hong Kong, Jakarta, Madrid, Perugia, Seoul, Shenyang, and Warsaw," he recited from memory.

"And-" I stopped myself short. The entirety of the Battle of the Citadel had been passed over in a matter of minutes. The Citadel was in ruins, the fleets were decimated, Sovereign was a smoking wreck, and Shepard had saved the galaxy for the first time. What did that leave?

I saw the look in his eyes, just before he turned them away from me. Icy and brittle.

Not much at all.