Thank you for your continuing support! Hope you enjoy this new chapter ?

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1 Month Later

Kathryn sat down on the rock beside her, holding her container, wiping sweat from her brown and casting a glance around, taking in her surroundings. The main colour reminded her of rust brown, it was dusty and rocky, with a handful of green thrown in. The sun was shining bright, that she'd undone her jacket to try and cool off, but to no avail. When they had arrived at the planet, a few hours ago, scans had shown vegetation, so she put together groups and beamed down to find out if they could gather anything useful. Her team consisted of lower ranking members of the crew, but after the last few weeks they had, thinking they'd found a way home that turned out to be a trip, she'd granted shore leave to everyone. So most people took up the offer, and used their time to look for supplies as well. She dropped her container of green berries into a little crate that sit on the floor by her feet, looking around again; four members of her group were just behind her, engaging in what looked like a humorous conversation, in front of her, a young ensign was walking toward her, holding a large round... Fruit, she guessed. Ensign Matthew Jones, one of Tuvoks security members, was originally from Australia; he reminded her a little of Harry Kim, so eager to please. His normally wide smile had grown when she put him on her team, after Tuvoks insistence that she should take a security member with her, it was also contagious; Kathryn found herself smiling even now.

"Captain, I found a load of these, few meters that way." His thick Australian accent hadn't weakened even four years in the Delta Quadrant. He pointed over to some shrubby, where she could see the large yellow fruits growing. "I was wondering if you wouldn't made giving me a hand picking some, please?"

"Of course." She stood, picking up a crate as she did, and fell instep beside him as the headed toward the shrub. "Have you received a letter from your family?" She asked, referring to his wife and 3 children, back home in New York. Though she couldn't recall their names, Kathryn knew they were all girls.

"Yeah, Milly, my eldest has been accepted into -" His sentence was cut off by a rumbling in the ground, everything around them shook.

Kathryn's heart pounded in her ears. She opened her mouth to warn him, to beg him to return to the safety of the group. Before even a syllable could escape her lips, the dry, rocky ground, roared beneath her. She stumbled backward and watched in horror as Matthew tumbled into the black abyss. She threw herself forward, managing to grab his left wrist tightly, before he was lost to her, hoping that his weight wouldn't drag her over the newly made cliff edge. She strained to keep her grasp on him as looked over her shoulder, but she no longer could see the rest of the group. She was about to shout, scream, anything to get some help, when his voice caught her attention.

"Captain." His voice was raspy, she could see he was trying to find something to dig his feet into, or to rest them on, all he was achieving was making it difficult for her to keep hold of him. "Tell my family I love them."

"No, no, no." She found herself repeating, shaking her head at him, there was no way she would let him died, not while she had hold of him. "You can tell them in your next letter. Try not to move so much!" She watched as he stared down at the blackness beneath them, then back up at her. She wanted to inch herself forward, maybe she could get hold of him with her other hand, then pull him up.

"Captain, the ground is too unstable! We'll both die!" Though he shouted at her, his tone wasn't angry, it was more pleading. He knew, as did she deep down, that the ground could give way, that they could both fall to their deaths.

No, that wasn't an option. "Help!" She shouted as best as she could over her shoulder. "Help!"

Then the ground shook again, the earth beneath her shoulder gave way, rocks crumbling below. The weight in her arm was now lighter, she heard a scream - whose scream she wasn't sure. She looked down she watched in horror, even in slow motion, as Matthew fell into the pitch black; her arm still stretched out, as though in a futile attempt to save him. His expression had been one matching hers - eyes and mouth wide open in terror.

=/\=

2 Weeks Later

"Computer, turn off alarm." Kathryn grumbled, as she laid in bed longer then what she usually did. The past two weeks were catching up with her, Matthew dying, for which she blamed herself, then the past week they'd been travelling through a part of space with no stars, planets, nothing. It made for a very bleak view out her windows. She felt anger surge through her as it had done since Matthews death, whilst she couldn't be absolutely sure if he'd let go of her, or if she'd lost her grasp on him, it didn't matter; either way it was her fault, she should have tried harder to save him. She threw back the covers, slowly making herself get out of bed, her body feeling weighed down by her mind. She thought about having a bath, but that would require to much energy, so she decided on a sonic shower instead. "Computer, active sonic shower." Her tone was dreary, as she stripped off her nightie and underclothes, and made her way to the bathroom. She didn't stay in there for long, and was thankful she didn't have to dry herself - and especially her hair. She picked out fresh uniform from her drawers, and slowly changed, it wouldn't matter if she was late, it wasn't as though they would be doing anything today; or for the foreseeable future. Having gotten dressed, Kathryn walked into the living area, the blackness welcoming her through the window. "Coffee, black." She almost laughed, one thing she did like black. Taking the cup from the replicator, she went to stand in front of the window, thoughts racing through her mind. Matthew... Thinking they'd found a home just for it to be a well laid trap... His final expression full of terror. She couldn't do, she didn't want to do it, not now, not anymore, she'd had enough and she needed a break. Putting her cup on the table she took of her jacket and tossed it on the sofa, along with her long sleeved top. Not today, probably not tomorrow. She couldn't be captain, captains looked out for their crew, not get them standard, not get them lost - not get them killed. She picked up her coffee and took it into the bedroom, placing it on the side cabinet, she didn't care if she went back to sleep, either way she'd still see that look, it was permanently burned into her mind. She laid on top of the covers, curling up into a ball, and spent the rest of the day there, like that, just staring at her wall.

=/\=

2 Months Later

Chakotay stood in her quarters, apart from being dimly lit, nothing else had changed since he'd last stepped foot in it several weeks ago. They'd spent the last two months journeying across The Void, and in that time Kathryn had become withdrawn, spending all her time here; she'd even stopped their weekly dinners after the first month. She had been standing by her window, her back to him, he badly wanted her to turn around, just so he could see her face; see if she was alright. And when she had faced him, he was surprised by her appearance, she was tired, the years looked like they were catching up with her and she'd lost weight; it may not have been apparent to everyone, but he could tell. He'd came down here to tell her about the radiation they'd found, trying to stir the captain inside her, when that didn't work he offered her a game of velocity, she'd turned him down. Then he was bluntly honest with her and told her she'd picked a bad time to isolate herself from the crew, her was response was she was catching up on some reading. But then she'd been honest with him, that she almost longed for the days they were under constant attack, everything for a little distraction so there wasn't time to stop and think - more specifically how they ended up stranded in the Delta Qudrant. Then she asked him, "how did we end up here, Chakotay?" He'd hesitated, not sure what she wanted to hear, not sure what she needed to hear, but he answered her, "We were faced with a difficult choice. We had the means to get home but using it would've put an innocent people at risk, so we decided to stay." But she had argued with him, putting the blame solely on herself, that she'd made the choice for everyone. He'd tried to reassure her, that they were alive, that their mission had been a success just by the amount of data they had gathered for Starfleet.

"The very same words I've been telling myself for the past four years. But then we hit this Void, and I started to realise how empty those words sound."

Then she snapped.

"I made an error in judgment, Chakotay. It was short-sighted and it was selfish, and now all of us are paying for my mistake." Her voice, though not shouting, was raised as she snapped at him. Chakotay didn't know what to say to her outburst, even if he did she didn't give him time as she went on. "People - good people - have died because of me. Cavit, Hogan, Kes... Jones. All good people who didn't deserve to die. And it's my fault that their dead. It's my fault families have been torn apart, my fault Chakotay, no one else's but mine." He could see they anger, the guilt flaring in her eyes, her teeth gritted she as spat her words at him. He wanted to hold her, reassure her, comfort her, convince her that everything was alright, that none of the crew blamed her. But he couldn't, he knew better then to try and approach her, it would be like approaching a untamed wild animal and excepting it not to bite you. Her voice soften a little. "So if you don't mind, Commander, I'll pass on that little game. And I'll leave shipboard morale in your capable hands. If the crew asks for me, tell them the Captain sends her regards."

He knew he wasn't going to win her over, she'd gone back to standing at the window, anything he said now would probably reignite the argument; so he nodded, feeling defeated, and left her quarters.