Catnip Banana - I'm not sure exactly how far through the book we are (I know it takes for goddamn ever to get to the part where Bella actually starts dating Edward) but I'd estimate about three quarters. We're almost done, really.

Amarth Obstreperous - I also like stories that update regularly. Thanks for sticking around. : )

lil artist - That's murphy's law, right there. I'm glad you have time to check in and catch up, at least. You've been reading this for ages, which is awesome. I hope you find the following stories entertaining too.

Absent Or Skipping

Maureen was discharged from the hospital Sunday afternoon. It was a little earlier than planned, But Maureen's assigned physician had actually come down with the flu. So they'd called Carlisle to cover his shift. That helped things move along quicker.

"It pays to have connections." Maureen muttered, as Carlisle checked her eyes for the last time. Even if the connection thinks your survival is an affront to the rules.

She had to agree with Carlisle. The whole healing-scarf thing was pretty ludicrous. But Maureen refused to think her powers were too stupidly special when they'd saved her life. It wasn't the sort of thing she'd do every day. But knowing she could help herself, if she needed to...that was comforting. Besides, Forks had telepaths and precognitives who drank blood and sparkled in the sunlight. Knitting a venom-purging scarf was minor in comparison.

"No lingering effects from the concussion, and she's unlikely to experience such an extreme bout of nausea again." Carlisle explained to her Aunt and Uncle. "Keep her on a liquid/semi-soft diet for a few days, just in case. The allergy tests came up negative, so whatever she ate was probably something that got mixed into your normal food. It's good no one else got sick, but clean out your fridge and cupboards just to be safe."

Carlisle neglected to mention the blue bruises all along Maureen's side—he'd fudged them off her medical chart, since there was no good explanation for them. He'd also faked the allergy tests, which Maureen appreciated—being pricked by two dozen needles would not have improved her day.

Jessica was waiting in the lobby when they came down, Aunt Joan and Uncle Thomas waking with Maureen between them.

"Are you going to hurl on me?" Jessica asked. But her arms were already open.

"Only if you deserve it." Maureen hugged Jessica, but not very hard. Her cousin got the message, and kept her embrace light as well.

"I can't believe you got sick like that." Jessica said. "I didn't know the human body could hold that much puke! Don't worry, nobody knows yet. When people asked where you were, I told them you'd decided to stay home. I figured you'd prefer to be on your feet and back at school before everybody found out about the Food Poisoning From Hell."

"You kept your mouth shut at the dance?" Maureen was astonished.

"Well, yeah." Jessica shrugged. "Dr. Cullen told me to put it out of my mind. And I was worried about you. Guess it sort of scared me sober."

"Jessie, you are the fucking bomb." Maureen said. "Even when you get on my nerves."

"And you drive me nuts with your stupid shenanigans." Jessica said. "But it was awful, yesterday. I didn't know if you were going to be okay. Hospital stuff is serious. Like when you had leprosy, right?"

"Huh?" The two girls stopped on the curb, while Uncle Thomas jogged over to the parking lot to drive the car to the door. Aunt Joan kept her hand on Maureen's shoulder.

"When did I have leprosy?"

"Didn't you catch it in third grade, or something?" Jessica made a face. "I remember because I looked it up at the library. Seriously, that disease is gross. Not funny at all."

"Jess, that was minor necrosis from a spider bite. I didn't have—oh, nevermind."

Uncle Thomas pulled up in his car, and Aunt Joan helped Maureen into the backseat, putting a hand on Maureen's head to make sure she didn't bump it.

"I'm fine, Aunt Joan. I'm not a cripple." Maureen said, as her Aunt got into the car.

Uncle Thomas slowly drove out of the hospital lot. "Indulge us, Maureen. Yesterday was pretty rough."

"Did you call Cathy and my Dad?" Maureen asked.

Uncle Thomas nodded, then frowned.

"They said they'd call back, but they haven't yet." He said. "I'll just give them a ring when we get home, tell them you were discharged."

Out of sight, out of mind. Maureen thought.

"How was the Spring Dance?" Maureen asked Jessica. "Tell me everything."

That unleashed the floodgates. Jessica spent the rest of the drive describing the dance in minute detail—although she tactfully chose not to mention the part where Mike kissed her until Maureen was tucked into bed, and her Aunt and Uncle were downstairs.

"It was fantastic." Jess sighed. "Mike's amazing."

She patted Maureen's knee, which was just a bump under the covers. "I'm gonna go help Mom throw out every speck of food in the house. Dad says he's going to pick up some Chinese for dinner. You rest, okay?"

"Will do."

Maureen slept the rest of the day, only sitting up long enough to have a bowl of miso soup. She also woke up in the middle of the night, to the sounds of a storm outside. The thunder rumbled loudly, and the wind whistled along her window. Forks was clicking in her head, chattering intelligibly. Something important was going on.

"Shut up. I'm recovering." Maureen groaned, pulling the blankets over her head.

She stayed home from school the next day, sleeping and eating non-solid foods. When Jessica got home, she confessed that she'd let news of Maureen's food poisoning slip out. Maureen shrugged.

"Not a biggie." She said. "I'll be back in school tomorrow anyway. Lauren can make fun of me all she likes, then."

"You weren't the only one who was gone." Jessica said. "Bella Swan wasn't in school either."

That got Maureen's attention. "Uh?"

"The Cullens and the Hales were out, too." Jessica added. "The weather wasn't too great, but maybe they thought it would be sunny or something."

I smell something fishy in fucking Forks. Maureen thought.

Tuesday confirmed it. Maureen went to school a little shaky on he feet, with chicken noodle soup packed in a lunch bag. But she was the only absentee to return. Bella was still gone, and so were the Cullens.

"I hope she's okay." Angela said worriedly. Maureen sipped her lunch, and tried very hard not to care.

I'd feel better if I knew where they were. Maureen finally admitted to herself. I hate being in the dark.

But nobody knew what was going on for sure. There was a general assumption that the Cullens might have taken Bella camping. But that was too simple an answer. Then Rob Sawyer said his dad had talked to Chief Swan, and apparently Bella was back in Phoenix, but there was some kind of family drama going on. No one knew where the Cullens were.

"Maybe they moved away." Mike said.

The sky was overcast, but it was the warmest day yet, so everyone had gone outside at lunch. Most of their group was sitting at a nearby picnic table, but Mike had chosen to lean back against a hillock. Maureen had done the same, except her posture was less relaxed. She was giving the cowl pattern another go, with green yarn this time. The blue she'd put away, in a safe place. Given what the knitted portion had done, the remainder should to be saved for something special.

"No." Maureen said. "Mrs. Cullen's been around town. And as far as I know, Dr. Cullen hasn't quit his job."

"I heard he's home sick." Eric Yorkie called from the table. "A bunch of doctors and nurses at the hospital came down with the flu, or something."

Carlisle's not sick. Maureen thought. Though he might be using that as an excuse for his absence. Wherever the hell he is.

"I wouldn't mind it if they moved." Mike said stubbornly. "Then I wouldn't have to see Edward Cullen again, or any of his weird fake-siblings. It'd be an improvement if they were gone."

"Yeah. Who cares how many sick people Dr. Cullen has healed in this region?" Maureen said. "What really matters is that his adopted children are freaky."

"You know what I mean." Mike turned on his side, propping his head up on his arm. "They don't play sports, or contribute anything. But everyone fawns over them anyway."

"Girls fawn over them, you mean." Maureen corrected, eyes on her knitting.

"Guys too!" Mike protested. "You should've seen when the blonde brought her convertible to school. There were half a dozen guys drooling all over it."

"The Cullens do own expensive cars." Maureen agreed. "But in the end, they're just a bunch of awkward people who don't know how to socialize properly. Unless they suddenly decide to knock you down and take your lunch money, you should just ignore them."

Mike grumbled something under his breath. Maureen caught the end of it, and scowled.

"Bella Swan is not your lunch money." She said.

"Cullen snatched her up." Mike argued. "First month she was here, he gave her the cold shoulder like he does everyone else. Then he crooks his finger, she sits at his table, and two days later they're an item! He's a pretty-boy punk, and he thinks he can have whatever he wants."

"He can have whatever he can take." Maureen said. "It's the same with every asshole."

She reached up to touch the scar on her neck—a rough patch of tissue was all that remained of the chunk James had taken out of her.

"You have to put up a fight, whether it's active or passive." Maureen murmured. "You have to say no, or they'll take everything."

"He took Bella." Mike said.

"And she didn't say no." Maureen pointed out.

"I talked to her about him the other day." Mike flopped onto his back again. "And I tried to get him to buzz off, when she was sick from the blood typing."

"Not your fight." Maureen said. "It was her choice to make. And she decided to date him. Some girls just go all gooey for the pale, waiflike Adonis look."

"Is that your type, then?" Mike asked.

Maureen laughed. "Fuck no. When I was younger and stupider, maybe. But not anymore. I suppose if I've got any soft spots now, it's for the black-haired blue-eyed type."

"With pale skin." Mike groused.

"There's pale skin, and there's skin the color of dairy products." Maureen said. "I have no desire to get intimate with a piece of feta cheese."

"You're the only one." Mike said. "Every other girl wants Cullen. He's like chick catnip. They can't resist him."

"I think Bella's attraction to Edward also involves some mental deficiency on her part." Maureen said. "Not just his consumption-like pallor and smoldering eyeballs."

"Bella's not mentally deficient." Mike snapped. "She's pretty, and smart, and nice."

With all the depth of a baking tin. Maureen thought.

"Whatever."

Mike turned back on his side, facing Maureen. "Hey…do me a favor, and don't tell Jessica we had this talk. She might take it the wrong way, and get upset."

"I have no doubt she would." Maureen said dryly. "Sure, I can keep it a secret. But I'll tell you this, Mike Newton. You break up with my cousin, it had better be because things aren't working out. Not because Bella Swan magically became available, and crooked her finger in your direction. If that happens and you hurt my cousin, so help me I will shove this knitting needle up your ass."

"It's kind of thin." Mike observed.

"Sideways."

"Ah." Mike made a stricken face. "Don't worry. Jessie's really cool; I like her a lot. I won't dump her for somebody else."

I believe that about as much as I believe Jess wouldn't drop you in a second for Edward Cullen. Maureen thought sadly. But thanks for the reassurance.

"Bottom line, things are what they are." Maureen said. "I'm pretty damn sure Bella will still be dating Edward Cullen when they come back."

"If the Cullens come back." Mike muttered.

"If Bella comes back." Was Maureen's response.

"I hope she comes back." Mike said wistfully. "Wherever she is."

"Phoenix." Maureen said.

Or a shallow grave. But that's doubtful, given Forks' adoration for her. Unless it wanted her frozen like Snow White, perfect and protected forever. I could see her in a glass cage, buried forty fathoms beneath the earth. It's a likely as anything else, given I have no fucking clue what's going on right now.

Maureen was annoyed at the lack of cohesive information. Forks itself was no help. No matter how many times she asked where Bella and the Cullens were, it just kept throwing out incomprehensible images and words. All the while impressing that this was VERY VERY important.

It was irritating as all hell, so she let it drop. Maureen tried to focus on sleeping, and regaining her full health. Whatever was happening, eventually the truth would come out.

A/N: Ages back, when I was first building Maureen, I watched the scene in the New Moon film where Jessica is gabbing at Bella after a zombie movie—and mentions her cousin had leprosy. That gave me the idea to have Maureen be Jessica's cousin. I thought I'd throw in a nod towards the movie line.

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