Clarobell: Thank you so much for all the reviews guys, its really helping me out. It seems you all missed DD when we didn't update for a while and a few new readers have com to join us now. I hope both old and new enjoy the REAL start of the angst. Mwaha!

Plushie: Thanks.

Luffy: You're welcome!

Clarobell: Not you!

Zoro: ... me?

Plushie: Go back to sleep, Zoro.

Zoro: meh. -does so-

--DramaticDifferences--

--Written by Plushie and Clarobell--

Chapter 21: A downhill slide

After returning from the hospital, Nami had come home to find Sanji still curled up by the wall of Zoro's room in the same position she'd left him in that morning. She could understand the guilt, sadness he was feeling... after all, as much as the cook sometimes got angry with Zoro... they were friends. Good friends. Same as her and Zoro were...

Sighing heavily, she moved back out of the room, decided to wait and see if he sorted himself out on his own. Moving into the lounge, she sat down and turned on the TV, flicking to a movie channel. Halfway through the film, there had still been no movement upstairs and the red head decided enough was enough. She had let him sit there for another hour or so and her worry was niggling away at her mind. Switching off the TV, she walked back up the stairs and sighed softly as she poked her head around the bedroom door, finding Sanji in that same curled up position. He wasn't asleep, his eyes were open and staring dazedly ahead at the wall on the opposite side of the room... but they were glazed and almost like doll's eyes. Dead and lifeless... It unnerved her a little. Crouching beside her boyfriend, she peered at him in concern.

"Sanji?" she called softly, reaching out a hand and laying it on his shoulder. The blonde teen inclined his head slightly at the touch, turning it ever so slightly away from Nami, but otherwise made no move. "Sanji, please... This isn't going to do you any good. Sitting here like this... Come on, up you get." And she hooked her hands under his arms and attempted to pull him to his feet. Sanji sighed after a second or two and got up himself, lazily dusting off his creased suit before sticking his hands in his pockets.

"M'okay Nami-san..." he finally replied quietly, and Nami sighed in relief, but the worry was still evident in her watchful eyes. She'd never seen Sanji look so... out of it before.

"Why don't you go have a shower or something, and then get some sleep eh?" she suggested, taking his hand and giving it a soft squeeze. It hurt a little when he didn't squeeze back.

"Ok Nami-san..." he replied, and moved from the room, heading for the shower.

Nami sighed and ran a hand through her hair. She'd underestimated how much losing Zoro and Luffy was going to affect him. She hadn't thought anything of it, he'd always been strong, always been able to simply say 'It'll be fine, Nami-san. Don't worry.' but not this time... this time he was slipping away from her. It was so unlike him, so out of character. He seemed to be recoiling into his own little world, starting to hide from the harsh reality they'd been dealt over the past days.

She didn't like it one bit... but there was nothing she could do besides try and figure out a way of getting their two family members back to them again as soon as possible. Her lips pursed as she remembered Zoro's harsh words to Sanji before he'd left. She could see the pain and the hurt buried in his blue eyes. She'd seen the same pain in her own when her baby had died inside of her. Her child had been taken from her, and now Zoro. Even though she felt a twinge of anger at the green haired teen for starting Sanji on this path, God... she wished she had him here to talk to right now. Though she knew he still didn't understand a lot of things, he wasn't a bad guy to simply to talk things through with. He did his best to listen, try to understand and help, even though he could only do little things, like help with chores and simply be there in case they needed him for something, as rare as that may be, but the point was that he tried. He wasn't here now though…

Then there was Luffy...

She wanted to see him grin at her, bounce around and brighten up the house again. It had become too silent and moody for her liking. A hug from that kid'd be nice right about now too. She'd become used to his random affection. Hugs in the hallway and cuddles on the sofa. It was so good to feel so loved and needed by somebody. Not that she hadn't felt that before but Luffy was so willing to give affection away, even though he'd never really been shown it before. Nami's eyes watered slightly as she remembered both her boys and sitting down on Zoro's bed, she leaned forward and put her head in her hands. She wanted-no... needed them back. ...Right now.

---

The next day Nami had at least been hoping that Sanji might have at least gotten over the initial shock and general trauma from the events of the day before... but luck didn't appear to be on her side. If anything, the cook was worse. He still got up in the morning, but watching him move, the red head couldn't help but think that this wasn't her Sanji. He hadn't bothered to brush his hair, or his teeth for that matter. Nami had to make him go back up and do both of those things. She also noticed his walk... the way it no longer held any jauntiness or bounce to it like it had used to... his eyes were still glassy and he often gazed at nothing, seemingly lost in his own thoughs, more than likely blaming himself for everything as she'd heard him mumbling before. He was tired and dull, and wouldn't speak unless spoken to either, and even that was a big effort for him. Suddenly she found herself missing all of those little compliments, the silly little twirl in his step whenever he brought her a snack, and damn it! It had only been one day! How were they going to live like this? Sanji didn't really seem to care. Lost in his guilt and rapidly growing depression, he simply watched as time slipped by. His stance was slumped, and didn't show that confident, almost cocky attitude of his that was always so apparent. He simply sat there on the sofa, reclining against the cushions and staring at nothing in particular.

It was breakfast time, and though Nami had offered to cook something, seeing as Sanji obviously wasn't feeling too good right now, the blonde would have none of it. Sanji still had that damnable stubbornness towards cooking. For that she was thankful... at least for now. He had removed his jacket and rolled up his sleeves as he always did, moving quickly, but notably lacking that usual grace she'd come to love. His movements almost seemed jerky, as if he wanted to get the job over and done with rather than enjoy it as any chef should. She hadn't stayed to watch, finding it too painful, however stupid that may sound, but she didn't like to see the man she loved acting so… different. It was just too upsetting.

"Here, Nami-san." a soft voice said, and she looked up from the newspaper to see Sanji laying a plate on the table in front of her. She smiled at him, but his lips barely lifted in response as he turned away and began cleaning up the slight mess from the cooking. Blinking, the red head watched him for a second before realising that there was only one plate.

"Sanji? Where's your breakfast?" she asked, looking around slightly before narrowing her eyes in suspicion. The blonde shook his head slightly.

"I'm not hungry... thank you, Nami-san. Just tired." He replied softly before turning on the dishwasher as he finished stacking the plates and left the room, headed into the lounge room. Nami waited to hear the TV come on, but there was no sound at all. Worried, she stood up and walked the short distance to the lounge before peeking inside to see Sanji lying on the couch. From the looks of it he was asleep, knees drawn up and his hands caught between them. Sighing a little, Nami knew this was going to continue... and get worse. How much worse, she didn't know... but she hoped it wasn't going to be much. They already had so much to deal with.

Once again, she felt that sadness for the loss of Zoro and Luffy and turning away, she went to eat her breakfast alone. If Sanji did get worse with this depression and have a minor breakdown like she had after she'd miscarried, she wouldn't mind looking after him. He had done so for her. She didn't think she would ever forget that feeling back then. She'd slipped so far, that everything had seemed so unreal. The world around her had been a dream. She could hardly remember most of it as she'd spent the best part of two months curled up in bed.

Sani had catered to her every whim back then. It was as if she was the baby. He'd had to bring her food and sometimes even feed her, help wash her and change her clothes. She'd felt so lonely and lost, even though he was there, and he would often talk to her, sometimes for hours until he was called away by Zoro, or the obligation to cook or clean. She could clearly remember the tears. Never in her wildest dream did she think she'd ever be capable of crying so much. She would often cry for no reason, and even after the depression had faded, she still found herself crying sometimes, and then as if by magic, Sanji would walk in the room to check on her, almost as if he could feel her pain, and he'd hold her close and kiss away the tears, promising it would all fade soon.

And it had.

One day, she had been wandering through the house, heading for the shower, when she'd wandered past Zoro's room. Sanji and Zoro were seated on the bed, side by side with a toddler's book in the cook's hands. They were slowly reciting the alphabet together, with more than a few errors on Zoro's part, but to see them like that, suddenly she felt like she could live again. It had been the strangest feeling, like a weight had been lifted from her heart and suddenly the negative emotions didn't seem so powerful anymore. The two hadn't seemed to notice her, and continued with their study, but when they had and Sanji had given her one of his dazzling smiles, for the first time in what seemed like forever, she managed to smile back.

It had been a long time since then, and Nami couldn't help but wonder... how had he looked after her when she'd been so depressed and looked after Zoro at the same time? After all, the green haired teen had been a fair handful back then. He was always trying to sneak away and hide somewhere so he wouldn't have to eat, or see them. And then he'd have his moments where he'd just want to stick to someone like glue. Then there'd been his nightmares. Now they had been an adventure all of their own. Once, Sanji had even counted that Zoro had woken about twenty times in one night. which Nami hadn't even thought was humanly possible. But then, Zoro had slept a lot back then too.

After finding out that he wasn't expected to do any tasks or carry out chores, he seemed to want to sleep all day. At first there had been no nightmares and he could literally sleep from one day to the next, usually only waking when woken up or to go to the bathroom. Slowly over several weeks he'd sorted out his sleeping pattern a little better, though tended to fall asleep usually around five or sometimes even four in the afternoon, he'd fall asleep quite suddenly and then if he slept at least most of the night without waking up (the nightmares having started to make their appearance by then), he would most likely sleep through until about seven or eight in the morning.

Zoro didn't speak unless he was spoken to, didn't eat unless he was ordered to, though when he was given permission to have hot showers, he took to that like a duck to water, and much the same as Luffy had tended to stay in there for hours on end. He had panicked with the weirdest, and smallest things... but big things didn't seem to worry him as much. Sometimes he would get scared and he'd end up in the corner of the lounge room that had kind of become his hidey hole. If he was frightened, or thought he'd done something wrong, he'd go there and stay there until someone got him out again.

Wow... Nami hadn't realised just how well Sanji had really handled all that back then... without the chance to mourn and grieve like she had. So this... must have been what that was. He was finally mourning over that... and it was because his backup had been taken away. Because Zoro had been taken away. Now she understood it! That's how he had done it. By focusing his mind totally and solely on looking after Zoro. Zoro had become a substitute for the child he'd lost and had almost become Sanji's son in the cook's mind. Sanji had ignored his loss and instead decided that Zoro would be a replacement and so had focused all of his energy on controlling his temper and building up his patience to earn the green haired teen's trust. Now Zoro was gone though, all the hurt had come rushing back. At first it had just been the guilt over being such an idiot and causing all of this, but then he had to deal with the fact that Zoro, his Zoro, his son, was being taken away, and then when his mind had been left to wander, no longer busy with caring for anybody, the reality had hit home about Nami's miscarriage. He had lost a son and he had hurt. He's had to bury it deep inside of him though because other people had needed him then.

Nobody needed him now though...

Nami could just imagine Sanji to think that way and really, it made so much more sense now. When she'd come out of that depression again, she'd found it very strange that Sanji was being so nice, patient and understanding towards Zoro, and how the green haired teen was slowly warming up to Sanji and starting to listen to him a bit more. Not that she hadn't been happy about that, but it had just been weird. But at least she now understood why Sanji was acting this way.

She would still be worried as hell, and still want him to be better, but... he'd looked after her all those months back. It had been two months in after they had found Zoro, and unlike now when he was usually placid and quiet and only violent when he panicked... he'd been rather inclined to hit anything that came within a one meter radius of him. He had only eaten once a day, sometimes twice, but if he did eat twice the chances were he would just throw it back up again, his stomach not accustomed to taking in any more than one meal a day. She'd been so damn worried about him, because he just looked so weak and fragile.

They hadn't taken him to the police, the hospital, or anywhere like that for fear that he would be taken away. Sanji had actually been all for that, not too keen on 'keeping' a stranger with them, especially with Nami's pregnancy but Nami had straight out refused it. Just as she had refused Sanji the chance to get rid of Luffy. She believed she could truly help both of them... Nami wasn't usually the type of girl to give things away so easily, let alone her way of life, time and social life, but from the moment she'd seen Zoro wandering down that street looking so lost and so hurt, she knew she couldn't just turn her back on him. At first it was only meant to be temporary, but when they'd found out he had no place to go and nobody to stay with, she knew she couldn't just send him away to die on the streets. She had known once Sanji got over his initial snobby nature that was a part of his general character, he would have enjoyed the opportunity to have friends like that. Not only friends, but... family.

Sighing heavily as she finished her breakfast, the red head put the plate in the sink and then decided she was going to have to... What? Most of her time had been devoted to doing something with Luffy or Zoro. And if not with them, then spending time with Sanji... but the blonde was asleep. She didn't even want to wake him, for fear that he would need the sleep in coming weeks. She couldn't work either…

Twiddling her fingers together, Nami chewed on her lip a little before deciding that she could... do the washing. That hadn't been done yet. Heading into the lounge, she sent a quick glance Sanji's way before moving through into the laundry room. Nope... no washing to do here. Luffy must have done it all before he had gotten sick and he and Zoro had run away. They'd hardly been home since then and couldn't have changed their clothes more than twice. Well... she could sweep out the kitchen then.

Heading back through, she paused when she saw Sanji twitch slightly on the couch, and she watched him for a second. It had been the kind of twitch of someone who was having a bad dream. She knew it well from watching Zoro countless times. When nothing else happened, Nami moved into the kitchen and took hold of the broom. Starting to sweep, she saw it was pointless. Either Luffy or Zoro had done this before they had left and it wasn't dirty again yet. Throwing the broom down, she wiped a hand over her face to get rid of the tears that were starting to appear again.

Luffy did the general chores, and Zoro helped him out a lot too sometimes. Nami and Sanji hadn't had to do it. Those two really had done a lot for them, hadn't they? Whether it was because of the abuse or because they were trying to help out... she didn't know, but the fact was, that they had still done it. Still tried to help. Taking a deep breath, she forced herself to calm. They would be allowed to see Zoro soon... She would go back and visit Luffy again as well.

But it just wasn't the same.

---

Nami had been rather unnerved to see that Sanji had slept all day and had eaten nothing. He hadn't moved from the lounge room, and was still as miserable as ever when he finally did wake up again. In an attempt to cheer him up, she had gone in and snuggled with him. Something she didn't usually do unless she was tired, or wanted something. He hadn't even responded. No goofy smile wriggled across his face, no love heart eyes.

Nothing.

Sighing heavily, she had tried telling him that if he wasn't careful, he was going to end up really making himself sick. Still the blonde didn't respond, though she thought maybe at one point he had glared at her a little. Almost like he was telling her to just leave him alone and let him drown in his own self pity. If that was the case, then she was sure he would be sorely disappointed. She would do everything possible to make him get up and around again... But suddenly that vow didn't seem like very much at all.

"Are you going to do some cooking, Sanji?" she asked quietly from where she was seated on the sofa beside him, one hand rubbing absently at the back of his head, manicured nails trailing across his scalp soothingly. Sanji was slouched beside her, hands resting palms upward in his lap while his head was tilted back so he could stare at the ceiling through half lidded, dull eyes.

"Maybe..." he replied groggily and Nami sighed.

"Do you want to do some cooking? It might cheer you up." she gently prodded, but Sanji just heaved a loud sigh.

"No... Thank you, Nami-san." he replied softly, still looking up at the ceiling. Nami sighed slightly again before taking one of his hands and holding it between her own.

"Please, Sanji? For me?" she asked, "You can have something to eat, and then a nice long hot bath." And she watched his face for any sign of a reaction.

"M'not hungry Nami-san... I had a shower today..." he replied simply, shrugging a little before he pulled his hand away from hers and laid it back in his lap again. Nami was hurt by that, but she sighed heavily and let it go.

It was obvious Sanji didn't want her affection, and if he was feeling anything like she had back then, she could guess that he more than likely thought he didn't deserve it. Those months ago, no matter how many times she was told it wasn't her fault, she still couldn't help but think it was. Her baby had died because her body couldn't handle it. That was the way she saw things. Knowing Sanji, he was more than likely going along the same self-hate path.

Deciding to give him some space to think things through, she stood up from the sofa and lightly smoothed down the wrinkles in her skirt before turning to face her boyfriend.

"If you change your mind, I'll be upstairs... ok?" and she watched him again, but he just heaved another sigh.

---

A week later saw Nami having her first visit with Zoro. Sanji had silently refused to come, and Nami didn't think he was in any condition to come. He'd eaten that morning, but had thrown it straight back up again, and that made her three times as worried. She knew he hadn't done it on purpose, as no matter how depressed he was, he would never, never, waste food. After making sure he was okay, she had left for the hospital and was now standing outside the door to a room that Doctor Leith had led her to. The week had gone all too painfully slow for her liking, and ow things seemed so tense. How would Zoro react? Was he still bitter? Would he hate her? Her hand was slightly stretched out for the handle… but she wasn't sure whether she wanted to go in and see Zoro. Leith had mentioned casually over the phone that Zoro had been a handful to begin with, but they'd managed to keep him calm with some techniques. She knew very well that the 'techniques' were sedation. It was horrible really.

Finally gathering her courage up, she placed her hand on the doorknob and opened it slightly, sidling in and then shutting it softly behind her. Well that was interesting. They'd put a seal on the door so it didn't slam. They must have found out about that then. She had given them her journal on Zoro, but, she doubted they believed the severity of some of Zoro's attacks, if they'd even bothered to read it that is. And then, she saw him.

Zoro was sitting on his bed, knees drawn up to his chest and eyes tired and droopy. He seemed to be in deep thought about something. It was only when she had sat down on a chair that had been provided for her comfort, that Zoro seemed to notice her presence and he blinked tiredly for a moment before his eyes widened and he smiled.

"Nami…" and then he laughed a little, "Nami!" and he jumped off the bed and hurried over to her, wringing his hands a little nervously. Nami smiled widely back at the unexpectedly affectionate greeting.

"Hiya Zoro, how you holding up?" she asked, her voice soft and her eyes beginning to water.

Zoro just seemed so happy to see her again. While being in here, he'd had nothing but a blank wall to stare at and nurses that came in all the time to put him through tests and things. Here was someone who wasn't going to touch him with a needle, hit him, yell at him, or treat him like a five year old. But still… she'd let him come here.

Zoro opened his mouth to reply, and then glanced at a wall nearby that he knew people watched him through. He wasn't stupid, he knew when he heard whispering voices, the creaks of chairs and the scrapes of things on tables. His hearing had always been quite exceptional, strained to the limits listening for any danger approaching in the orphanage and he could hear basically everything through the wall. Knowing that what he was about to say, was the wrong thing, he looked back to Nami.

"Fine. How's Luffy?" he asked instead. Nami nodded.

"Much better. He keeps asking about you. Next week the doctors say he'll be ready to leave the hospital." she said. Zoro's smile fell a little.

"Is… is he still going to that place?" and Nami's smile fell as well. She bowed her head and nodded slowly.

"Yeah…" she replied softly. Zoro shook his head and settled himself on the floor, crossing his legs and holding his ankles with his hands before looking up at her, his eyes scanning her face.

"Why?" he asked and Nami couldn't take it anymore.

"Oh, Zoro, the doctors… they think we can't take care of you and that you need taking care of… me and S-Sanji, we know better. We're gonna get you out of here, ok? However long it takes." she burst out, looking down at the teen as he blinked back at her with wide eyes. Zoro bowed his head and knew better than to let anything show anymore, so he put on a smile that was similar to Luffy's and looked back up at her.

"I know…" he replied, and just continued to smile. Nami's eyebrows knitted together, and she frowned. Zoro NEVER smiled like that.

"Zoro… why did you do that?" she asked slowly. The green haired teen merely blinked in fake confusion.

"Huh?" and he tilted his head. As long as he smiled, as long as he acted polite, he didn't have to be sedated. The doctors and nurses thought, that if he was smiling… then he must be happy, right? Morons. He was anything but happy. Actually, he was miserable. He'd never realised how good he had it at Nami and Sanji's. Sanji... Zoro felt guilt course through him every time he thought of the blonde now. He'd said such horrible things. He knew deep down it wasn't their fault. He didn't really understand how all this had happened or why they had let it happen, but he new they would have stopped it if they could have… but he'd been so cruel and said such nasty and spiteful things before he'd left… It was then he noticed Sanji wasn't here. Maybe he hated him now? He wouldn't be surprised...

"Don't hide from me Zoro. I know you better than that." and she reached down to run a hand through his hair, "Luffy… don't end up like him Zoro."

The smile stayed, but his eyes fell sad. He'd heard Leith saying many times through the thick glass window of his door that until he calmed down, he was to be sedated whenever he even began to show signs of panic. The nurses were scared of him. Zoro could tell. He didn't understand why. But the worst thing was... they didn't just sedate him when he actually had a panic attack... they sedated him when they came into the room to give him his food. They sedated him when they came in to do anything really. And while being in here, he'd begun to think some more. Luffy escaped things by smiling... and these people wanted him to smile... so if he used Luffy's smile as a cover and became good enough at it, then, they would leave him alone.

"It's better that way…" he muttered, glancing at the wall again. He imagined he could see people nodding and shaking hands with each other, and entertained thoughts of throwing the chair Nami was sitting on, straight at them, but then Nami herself began to sob.

"Please Zoro, don't make me worry about you too." she gasped, putting a hand over her face, "With Sanji how he is, and Luffy going to that damn orphanage! Please don't lock yourself away." and she gasped again, having had a stressful week, and much like Sanji, everything was crashing down on her head at once. Zoro looked up at her, the smile still on his face.

"You don't have to worry about me. I'm fine here." he said, the barest trace of sarcasm in his voice as he moved over to his bed and sat down on it, leaning his back against the wall and watching her. Nami sniffled and wiped her face, looking over at him as he turned his gaze to the ceiling, still smiling that creepy smile.

"Is Sanji okay?" he asked softly. Nami sighed and stood up as there was a knock at the door and turned to see Leith's face watching her through it. Visit time was over. She'd only been allowed a short visit since it was the first one. She was told they would get longer after a while, when Zoro was more... 'under control'. But for now, he was 'unpredictable' and they didn't want her to be placed in any danger. It seemed they'd conveniently forgotten the fact that he'd been living with her the past 8 months!

"We'll talk more next time Zoro…" she replied, almost glad she hadn't had the chance to answer that question. Zoro blinked at her slowly as he nodded and brought his knees up to his chest, hugging them tightly.

"Tell… tell Sanji I'm sorry." and he blinked at her as his eyes began to tear up a little, "Please?"

He hadn't meant to say what he had to Sanji. After the blonde had just told him he was sorry, but Zoro had still been feeling like Sanji didn't want him anymore, and the two really hadn't had the chance to get rid of the tense air between them. It made him mad then, because the feeling was intensified when Sanji had come up to pack his things so he could leave.

"I will Zoro… he just, he hasn't been listening to me much lately." she replied softly, thinking of the many times she had attempted to get Sanji to speak. Zoro nodded and then the creepy smile was back. Ignorance was bliss… for some. The way Zoro was using it, was in the context of faking ignorance so he didn't have to be sedated. Falling into that weird sleep wasn't pleasant in the slightest.

"Don't worry! Everything will work out!" he said brightly as he smiled and wriggled his toes. Nami sighed painfully and walked out. She knew very well he was acting… but she hoped to god that was all it was, and that he wasn't becoming Luffy. She also hoped that when Luffy went to this orphanage... he wouldn't become Zoro.

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Clarobell: Oh dear, things just keep getting worse, don't they?? I'll start work on review replies today, which will take quite a while considering we haven't replied since ch 15 I think. I'm not sure if Plushie will have the time to, so you may just get a reply from me, eh? As always, let us know what you think –hands tissues to all the people crying from the last chapter–

Plushie: -eats tissues- ... Oo what?

Luffy:…are they tasty, Plushie? Can… can I try? Ne?

Clarobell: eyebrow raise Go on Plushie, how are you gonna handle THAT one? I told you not to set a bad example…

Plushie: Don't even start with me, or I will eat you, and then I will tell Luffy that Zoro is a giant lollipop and he should go lick him. ... eh heh, that's slightly perverted when you think about it. -grin-

Clarobell: ………I'm so proud of my Plushie!

Luffy:…Zoro's a lolly?

Plushie: Indeed. -shifty eyes-

Zoro: ...? -blink- Shouldn't... you be telling the reviewers to review and then leaving it at that?

Plushie: ... this is true. Review! And we will give you... erm... something anyway. -shrug-

Clarobell: We'll give you a Zoro-lolly!

Luffy: O.O starts typing I… really liked….. this… chapter… and….

Clarobell, Plushie, Zoro: O.O