Dear readers,
Whether you're religious or not Happy Easter to everyone! Thanks once more for all the support and the positive feedback; it means a lot to me. Okay, just to give you all a heads up, but, because of my upcoming exams, I'm going to put the story on hiatus after chapter 26, which is a way off, because, if I update every weekend, that takes me up to the weekend before my GCSEs start (well, excepting my German oral exam, but I'm really trying not to think about how soon that is!), and, well, as I'm sure you all understand, I want my full focus to be on those. With any luck, I should be able to update again sometime mid-June when they're all over.
Also, due to some technical difficulties I've had, I haven't got round to finishing the one-shot, but it should be up sometime soon...hopefully.
To Chrisch; basically, GCSEs are the first set of public exams that you take and you do them at the end of year 11 (so when you're about 15-16), and, essentially, you take them in all your subjects; you basically have to take the core subjects (english, maths and science), but the rest are your choice to a certain degree. The number you take varies, so I do ten subjects and I'll come out with eleven grades (english counts for two), but most people in my school will have nine to ten GCSEs.
Anyway, long aside about exams over, enjoy the chapter!
Sopphires.
"The truth is rarely pure and never simple." ― Oscar Wilde, The Importance of Being Earnest
Kurt looked up from the screen of his phone as Rachel bounced into the house, leaving a wet trail of snow and slush that Kurt would undoubtedly have to clean up, and let out an excited squeal. Kurt, setting down the phone and arching his eyebrows, silently demanded to know what had gotten her into such a good mood.
"It's the Christmas holidays!" she exclaimed, and Kurt rolled his eyes, realising that NYADA must have broken up for the holidays, and returned to his conversation with Finn about what to buy Carole. Kurt winced at the image of the item of clothing that Finn had picked out and sent him back the word "no" in block capitals, followed by several exclamation marks to press the point home.
"Yeah," he agreed, eventually, and smiled when he realised that several other members of the New Directions were texting him for gift help. Rachel flopped down by his side, frowning heavily at his lack of festive cheer, and peered over at the screen of his phone.
"Are you really going to spend the run up to Christmas telling other people what to buy for others as gifts?" Kurt shrugged because he didn't really have anything better to do with his time. After all, he had been ultra-organised, as per usual, and done all of his shopping already.
"I don't see why not," he said, having a look at Mike's text and noting that he needed some cheap gifts for a couple of girl friends that were just friends that were girls that he had made. He got the distinct impression that Rachel was shooting him a disapproving look, but ignored it because he had the feeling that Blaine was going to be dragged into this in a couple of seconds.
"Kurt, is this about Blaine?" Kurt rolled his eyes, noting that she was being far less subtle than normal, and put the phone down, turning to her with an over exaggerated sigh because he had had this conversation way too many times for him to be interested in it.
"No, why would it be about Blaine?" he got a disbelieving look from Rachel, that silently demanded to know whether he thought that he could fool her. Well, he liked a challenge now and again.
"You've lost all your cheer since Karofsky came. I thought that it would make you happier, but now I'm thinking that maybe, because he reminds you so much of what you and Blaine had, it's upsetting you again." Kurt heaved a long sigh, looking away because he could not argue with her on that because it had most certainly been on his mind, but he also was not about to admit that because that meant he'd have to talk about Blaine and how he felt about the situation, and Kurt couldn't be bothered to do that.
"Maybe it has been on my mind, but it's nothing. I enjoyed seeing Dave, but I don't exactly have anything else to look forward to. I mean," he turned his gaze onto Rachel. "I'm going to be celebrating Christmas on my own. I'm not leaving New York, and nothing you can say will convince me to." Rachel let out a sigh of her own and studied his resolute face.
"Alright, I won't pick that fight again." Kurt nodded once to himself in victory, and then got to his feet. Rachel looked at him in surprise.
"Where are you going?" Kurt frowned to himself, not entirely sure what he was doing either, but he wanted to leave. He didn't want to stay in a room where Rachel was going to stare at him in a frankly creepy manner and silently say that he should go back to Lima and see his family. It made him feel claustrophobic and like he was being suffocated by the memory of Blaine and all the happiness that he had lost out and how much he hated – loved – that stupid – wonderful – son-of-a-bitch – caring – hobbit – munchkin – that masqueraded as – was – Blaine. He couldn't handle that. He needed to be outside among people that didn't stare and allow his thoughts to wonder off to the greener pastures of NYADA and Vogue and his open future.
"Just for a walk," he said, eventually, as he made his way over to pick up his coat and scarf. Rachel opened her mouth to protest, but Kurt darted from the apartment before she could. He shrugged on the coat, doing it up, and wrapped his scarf around his neck as he stepped out into the cold.
He walked without purpose, feeling the bitterness of the wind and the cool trickle of drizzle running down the back of his neck. He pulled a face, wishing that he'd checked to see whether or not it was raining before he'd left, and turned up the lapels of his coat and inched the scarf up to cover his chin. He knew that he was shivering quite excessively and quickly realised that storming off – sort of – was not the wisest choice he'd made, and he'd made some really stupid decisions of late…Blaine, Blaine, Blaine…and he wrinkled his brow, pursing his lips, and scowled into the material of the scarf.
He vaguely wondered whether there was any point in fighting the fact that Blaine came and went in his thoughts of his own accord. Maybe if he got used to him floating around in his consciousness, than he might be better able to let go of him and move on and become indifferent to him. That sounded like a vaguely good plan, and Kurt would take it if thinking of Blaine wasn't accompanied by a stab of pain somewhere in the region of the heart and a flash of what he thought Blaine might be doing as his imagination went on a flight of fancy. Said flight of fancy tended to bring him back an image of Sebastian, which made him kick the pavement as he scowled even more because he wanted to forget about Sebastian even more than Blaine…God, why did he have to go after Kurt's boyfriend? Why not anybody else?
He raked a hand through his damp hair and picked up the pace of his walking, looking for somewhere that he could stop in to warm himself up. He saw nowhere that particularly appealed to him and considered whether he ought to be less picky about where he stopped in at, but…no, someone in the world ought to have standards, and, yes, he was fully aware about how pretentious that thought sounded. Someone sue him for thinking that he had good choice and taste in things.
He raked a hand through his hair once more, pulling a face, because now he was talking to himself. Was that talking to himself? He wasn't actually sure, but he was certainly analysing his thoughts on a level that was frankly strange and that he almost certainly wouldn't do if he wasn't desperately trying to keep his thoughts off so many other things. He wanted to block out Blaine, and Sebastian, and…actually, no, the list ended there, but Blaine had occupied such a large part of his mind previously that Kurt counted him as a numerous things depending on the context of what he was thinking about Blaine in.
"Kurt?" Kurt jumped slightly, glancing around as the sound of a familiar voice cut through his pedantic thoughts about traffic that he'd been entertaining himself with for the past half hour in which he'd been walking. He frowned around at the other pedestrians until he caught sight of Wes, who was walking out of the entrance to a bookshop, and clearly making his way over to Kurt, with a grin on his face that was completely misplaced given the fact that Kurt deeply resented the ex-Warbler for his arrival seemingly ages ago at his home in New York and for bringing all of this; his uncertainties, imaginings and doubts, down upon him as a result. Though, naturally, Wes didn't know that, but Kurt knew that Wes was smart enough to know that Kurt was in no way happy about the part he'd played in the further destruction of his and Blaine's relationship.
"Wes, nice to see you," he said, pulling out a tight, fake smile that he allowed fall away the moment Wes grabbed him into a hug because it was going to take a lot of effort to maintain that grin.
"It's great to see you too, Kurt!" exclaimed Wes, and Kurt felt something strange twist inside of him because Wes genuinely sounded like he was pleased to see Kurt, which was a bit weird. Kurt shuffled his feet, looking at Wes and noting that he was smiling widely, and took a couple of steps back.
"So, um," he bit down on the inside of his lip, not sure what to say. "what are you doing?" Wes blinked and then jumped.
"Oh God, the books!" he exclaimed, eyes flying wide in realisation, and he grabbed onto Kurt's wrist and dragged him back into the bookshop. Kurt let out a mild sigh as he stepped into the warmth of the building, Wes letting go of him, and was allowed to inhale the strangely wonderful scent that was many books piled together onto shelves. He looked around, feeling that he couldn't begrudge Wes for taking him in here because it was so warm, and saw Wes picking up a stack of books that he'd dropped onto the floor.
"Christmas shopping?" he asked, walking over to Wes' side. Wes jolted, looking up with a strangely startled expression on his face given that he'd dragged Kurt into the shop, and then gave him a self-deprecating smile.
"Sort of," he said, straightening up and frowning as he attempted to hold onto all the books at once. "some of these are for my studies, though." Kurt peered at the spines of the books and saw a couple of them were to do with biotechnology, genetics and drugs…he supposed that was pharmaceutical drugs. He frowned, trying to see if he could remember what Wes was studying.
"You're taking biological sciences, right?" he asked, looking up at Wes with eyes that were narrowed in thought. Wes gave him a smile and nodded. "At Columbia?"
"Indeed, would you mind holding these?" Kurt obligingly took hold of two hardback books: Ulysses and I, Claudius. "They're for Thad," said Wes, catching sight of Kurt's frown. Kurt nodded at that because he knew Thad just well enough to know that he was more than happy to have his nose stuck in a book. "for Christmas."
"How is he?" asked Kurt, feeling himself relax despite being in Wes' presence because Wes could project such a casual, friendly aura onto people that it made it difficult to be uncomfortable or annoyed with him. Wes let out a long sigh, putting back a book with a frown on his face.
"Healing," he said, finally. "I speak to him most days, and he's coping really well, actually. He got upset over Hunter, but that's all been smoothed over, not that you would know-"
"I do know," said Kurt, cutting across Wes and making him start in surprise. "Finn was there, and he told me once when we were talking." Wes blinked and then nodded rapidly, like he had suddenly remembered that Finn had been there when Hunter had attacked Thad. "How did things get "smoothed over" between them?" Wes sighed, ruffling up his hair after shuffling books into the crook of his arm.
"Well, I think it was the incident with Wade…Unique. I think Hunter got a different perspective on the Warblers, and he sort of saw that he didn't really have a job at Dalton anymore. He saw that they didn't have to be at logger heads with each other, and he never meant to hurt Thad." Kurt frowned, confused by that because what other reason would he have for saying it? Wes sighed in an exasperated manner that Kurt was guessed was more directed at Hunter than him. "Hunter only did it to piss of Sebastian, and to some extent David, and he genuinely thought that Thad would see that and not make anything of it." Kurt rolled his eyes, shaking his head because he doubted that anyone would hear an insult like that and think it was not genuine, especially given what kind of mental state Thad was in. "We were lucky that Thad didn't take it badly."
"Yeah…" said Kurt, clenching his jaw because it angered him that Hunter would throw something so serious around like it was nothing just in an attempt to get to someone else. "so they're friends now?" Wes blinked and then burst out laughing, shaking his head.
"Oh no! God no! No, Hunter left Dalton and went back to his old school. They're on amicable terms, though, and I think they have a certain respect for each other. I think, though, the others will always be wary of him because he's completely fine with making sacrifices and taking risks…still, he's not a bad person." Wes made a vague motion with his head and shrugged. Kurt got the distinct impression that Wes either did not fully know or understand what the situation between the boys was, and Kurt couldn't say he was overly interested.
"Oh…I see…" Wes looked at him and rolled his eyes.
"You don't have to feign an interest, Kurt," said Wes in his kindly tone of voice. Kurt found himself smiling at that for no real reason. "So…what are your Christmas plans?" Kurt swallowed slightly, wondering why he kept thinking of Blaine whenever he thought of Christmas. He shook his head, taking a deep breath because how many Christmases had he had before Blaine?
"Nothing much…just staying home on my own…" he let out a small sigh and then shook his head because he was not pitying himself. "What about you?" Wes, who had been frowning at what Kurt had said, broke out into a smile.
"Oh, well, I'm going down to David's for the dinner…you know?" He asked it a little hesitantly, knowing that he was mentioning something that would remind Kurt of Blaine if he knew what Wes was talking about. Kurt rolled his eyes and nodded.
"Yeah, I know about David's Christmas dinners…Blaine goes to them every year, I know." Wes frowned at him for half a second before smiling again. Kurt knew that he was analysing his tone of voice, but Kurt couldn't help himself. He knew that Blaine loved the time he spent with David's family and his Dalton friends – Kurt had heard all about it twice – and he got the distinct impression that Sebastian would be there, and given that he had heard all about how Nick and Jeff had cozied themselves under the mistletoe for most of the time, he was forced to imagine that Blaine and Sebastian would do that too. There was more painful stabbing, and he wanted to swear angrily at the preppy, smarmy, arrogant Warbler that had somehow managed get Blaine, who admittedly didn't have a very reliable taste in guys (Kurt was the only decent person he'd liked because, Sebastian, and Jeremiah's hair had been atrocious), to fall in love with him and make him give himself completely to him. Then again, Sebastian was nice now…though that thought did just make Kurt hate Sebastian even more.
"…and then I'm spending Christmas with David's family." Kurt tuned back in just in time to hear the rest of Wes' Christmas plans. He frowned at that because he knew that Wes was close to his family. Wes caught the look on his face and sighed. "We rowed," he explained, softly.
"What about?" he asked, and Wes let out another sigh, indicating that he wanted the two novels back from Kurt. Kurt handed them over with a kind smile.
"They didn't want me to go down to Westerville…I mean, they were okay with me just staying for the weekend, but when I said I'd be there for an indefinite period of time then they kind of flipped out about my education…" he sighed one more time. "Eventually, they told me to pick between what they wanted and what I wanted…I picked my friends," he shrugged in a fake casual way. "and we haven't been in touch since."
"Seriously?" demanded Kurt because he could not quite believe that Wes' parents would really stop talking to him over something like that. Wes nodded, rolling his eyes.
"Yes, and they're not rolling over and letting it go until I apologise and say that I was wrong, which I won't do because I wasn't wrong, so we're not really going to be resolving our differences anytime soon." He sighed and shook his head. "It seems to be an unfortunate theme developing for us." Kurt quirked his eyebrows and tilted his head to the side in a questioning manner. Wes rolled his eyes, smiling at him in a fond manner. "I'd forgotten that you loved to gossip," he said in a tone of voice that made it seem like a perfectly natural thing. "Well, Evie broke up with David because they'd barely spent any time together in…ages…" Kurt stared at him for a moment, wondering why he'd trailed off and looked around in a nervous manner before realising that he meant David and Evie had barely seen each other since Kurt and Blaine broke up.
"I see," he said, curtly, pursing his lips slightly. Wes let out a mild sigh, shooting him an apologetic look.
"Yes, well, she said that if he didn't start spending more time with her then they had to break up. She didn't get down on Thad, but it had been going on for a long time before that, and she was sick of it…" Wes shrugged, pulling a face. "Either way, David picked his friends, and I know he doesn't regret it." Kurt nodded.
"I take it Thad doesn't know about that…?" he asked, hesitantly, because that sounded like something that would inspire a lot of guilt in him, which would be dangerous and probably hamper his recovery. Wes shook his head.
"No, we've kept him and Blaine in the dark about both those things…" Kurt swallowed, a little annoyed that Blaine had been brought back up, but pushed it away because there was nothing he could do about it. Wes had at least tried to steer clear of any mentions of Blaine and his break up. Then, out of nowhere, something struck him. He couldn't quite believe that he hadn't seen it before, but it made a hell of a lot of sense;
…"I really need to know because I'm concerned – not just for Blaine, but also someone else in the Warblers…"
"…you're not the only one."
"He- it happened to someone else too…Only the three of us know about this…"
"It's Thad…He told his parents everything!"
"Ev- what do you mean everything?"
"I mean, he came out and then some!"…
"Thad's the other one!" he exclaimed, staring at Wes with sharp eyes because that made so much sense. The reason Wes had been so worried the first time, why Sebastian – of all people – knew about it, what the "then some" that had scared Sebastian and Blaine so much had been, and, maybe, it went some way so to explaining why Blaine was so reluctant to tell him everything – it wasn't just his problem, it was Thad's too.
"Kurt," said Wes in a serious tone of voice, eyes that had flown wide with shock narrowing slightly as his face became grave. Kurt swallowed at the sudden change of demeanour because Wes was no longer friendly and approachable, but a steely, cold guardian. "I will answer that, but under one condition." Kurt took a deep breath, having a feeling that he knew what Wes was going to say despite already formulating his questions for Thad in his head. "That you do not raise this with him." Kurt swallowed and pursed his lips.
"Alright," he said, and Wes glared at him even harder than that. Kurt felt his heart pounding even a little bit more at that because Wes was so – goddamn – terrifying when he wanted to be.
"I am serious," said Wes, daring him to go against him, and Kurt could see the danger that Wes was communicating to him silently; Thad was unstable and not over whatever had happened, Kurt questioning him could severely damage his mental state...could push him over the edge again. Kurt nodded, closing his eyes in resignation because he wanted answers, but he couldn't risk that. "Thank you," said Wes, breaking out into a smile that didn't quite touch his eyes. "and, yes, as you've already guessed, Thad was the other one…I really need to go."
Kurt watched Wes hurry over to the queue at the tills, but didn't pursue him. He could tell that he had put Wes on edge and rattled him, but, inside, Kurt reckoned that he was more shaken than him. Kurt had known that whatever it was had been bad – Blaine breaking down more than once over it had proven that – but it had been one of the factors that had pushed Thad over the edge and made him kill himself…
Suddenly, panic was beginning to make his chest tight. He could barely breathe because what if Blaine was that badly affected? What if Blaine was teetering on the edge? What if Kurt's anger at him had made him feel in any way worse? What if Blaine had – god forbid – tried? But, no, someone would have told him…right?
"Wes!" he exclaimed, completely seized by panic. The stressed looking college student turned to him with a tense expression. "Wes!" he jogged over to his side as Wes put down his books on the counter. "Wes, Blaine is he- is- is he- was he-"
"He's safe," said Wes, kindly smile reappearing on his face and a fondness appearing in his eyes. "Sebastian and David made sure of that; he didn't self-harm, and he didn't consider committing suicide for one reason; you." Kurt blinked in shock, completely taken about by that. Wes sighed. "He knew that you would blame yourself and tear yourself to pieces over it; he could never do that to you…I know that it may not seem like it, but he is, genuinely, doing what he thinks is best."
Wes turned away after that, attention being called to the girl at the till, and Kurt knew that he would get no more out of Wes. Wes was a wonderfully loyal friend, who cared immensely about those he considered his responsibility, and he wouldn't betray them. He ran a hand through his head, taking several steps back, and tried to get himself to calm down because Blaine was safe. He left the shop, head spinning because what did that all mean?
By Christmas Eve, Kurt's head had slowly got a lot worse since meeting Wes. He wanted desperately to call Blaine and talk to him, but he knew heshouldn't so he hadn't. He'd come close to doing it today, but he was at David's today, and, more importantly, he also knew that Blaine would say nothing to him that he hadn't already said. He knew that he would only get another rejection and a "I'm doing this for you", but it was also so much harder to hate Blaine after Wes had said that Kurt had been the thing that had stopped him from tipping over the edge – it was clear that Wes wasn't playing with him because no one joked about that kind of thing, that was just sick, so Kurt just got a faceful of the painful truth that Blaine, on some level, really cared about him. That didn't make him feel better, though, because Blaine could be with him, but he didn't want to be.
The worse thing about straying down that train of thought was undoubtedly the fact that it made him think of Sebastian. Sebastian who somehow knew everything despite being an insensitive, self-absorbed prick that knew nothing of sympathy, caring or understanding – or hadn't at any rate. It also hurt to think about how Sebastian had found out because, thinking about it, he had realised that it didn't make sense that he knew. Wes had most certainly been there when the event had happened to Thad, but Sebastian and Wes hadn't been at Dalton together, so how, and why, did he know? What on earth would make someone – it almost certainly had to be Thad – tell him whatever this secret was?
He viciously closed down his Facebook page as burning hot jealousy burst inside of him. He hated feeling jealous of sleazy Sebastian, but he definitely did. He opened up Youtube, trying to think of something that he could search for that would take his mind of Sebastian and Blaine and Thad…
Out of the corner of his eye, as he scrolled down the homepage that had suggested videos on it, he caught sight of a video from what had to be David's channel. It had been posted a couple of days ago, and, looking closely at the image, he clearly saw Blaine's smile as well as a background that was filled with people. He guessed that this was from David's dinner and looked at the part of the title that he could see; The Twelve Days of Christmas, and then it was cut off. He let out a long sigh, not even attempting to fight the fact that his curiosity had been piqued, and clicked on it.
The moment he got the page of the actual video he knew that this was a very bad idea. He knew that he really, before the video had loaded enough for it to start playing, ought to click back…but he couldn't. He couldn't because he was furiously intrigued by the title; The Twelve Days of Christmas…Blaine and Sebastian Style!, and he desperately wanted to know what it was. He wanted to look at that video and see them flirt and be allowed to get back into his old mind set of hating Blaine.
Watching it did exactly what he wanted – he got his ability to scowl at the thought of Blaine – but he also wanted brain bleach even more. Blaine and Sebastian had dueted for over four minutes, but it was in a highly bizarre, but definitely flirty, manner. They just didn't stop...looking at each other, and the actions they did for each lyric had gotten progressively weirder throughout the song.
They started with a partridge in a pear tree; that was David's littlest sister, who Sebastian had picked up with a grin, and that had been vaguely normal. The two turtle doves had been Nick and Jeff, and Kurt could see where they were coming from. The three French hens were David's three other younger siblings, and the four calling birds were David, Wes, Thad and Trent…All of which had been kind of understandable, and it had even been normal, if you cut out the part where Sebastian and Blaine smirked at each other across the room.
At five gold rings, though, things had gotten strange when Sebastian pulled five dollar coins out of thin air, one each from behind the ear of the Thompson children. Kurt had barely had time to comprehend that Sebastian could do magic tricks when Blaine was strutting around room imitating a chicken – or a goose, he supposed. Then Sebastian had mimed swimming, Blaine had pretended to milk using the pigtails of David's younger sister – not the one that was a baby, but the other one…Kurt couldn't remember any of their names – but then, after they'd gone all the way down to one, Sebastian did some weird dancing that caused him to choke in an attempt to stop his laughter. In the end, it died in a natural manner because Blaine had shot him a very fondly-exasperated look that made him want to be sick. Again, Kurt had wanted to burst out laughing at Blaine's leaping, but Sebastian had sent Blaine the same look back so he couldn't. Sebastian had attempted to whistle and sing at the same time, which caused Kurt to stare at him in a disdainful manner, and then Blaine had drummed onto everyone's head. Then Kurt had only had to see them run through all the other verses once more before he could close it down.
"Kurt," said Rachel in a curious voice, before he could brood over it too much. "what was that? That sounded like Blaine and-"
"It was," he said, spinning around to look at her. Rachel studied his facial expression carefully, and Kurt held his breath, hoping that she would not enquire into why he had done it because Kurt would genuinely lose his cool if he had to explain himself because he had no reasons. He had been stupid, and now he was angry with Blaine and Sebastian for making that stupid video, David's mum for filming it, David for being their friend, and he hated every person in that video because that meant that he didn't have to think about how it had all been his fault. He didn't want that conversation.
"Come on," said Rachel, reaching forward to pull Kurt from his chair. "even if you don't seem to want enjoy Christmas I'm not going to have my Christmas ruined by wondering whether you've stopped moping around. So, even if you want to make yourself miserable, we're going to decorate this place before I leave." Kurt sighed in relief at her tactful decision to not question him and obligingly got out of his chair because if decorating the apartment meant not talking about the video then he was more than happy to do that.
Kurt managed to find himself mildly distracted as they decorated their pitifully small tree. Rachel had stopped hovering over his shoulder to make sure that he was doing it after a little while and resumed her packing, wittering excitedly about the cruise that she was going on with her dads. Kurt liked it because the low level background noise stopped The Twelve Days of Christmas…Blaine and Sebastian Style! from going round and round his head in a thoroughly irritating manner.
Still, he couldn't help but think about the happy smile that had been plastered on Blaine's face throughout the entire time. He couldn't help but think about Baby It's Cold Outside because Blaine had looked remarkably similar; that same mix of boyish innocence, effortless grace and ease, and flirting. He hated it, even though that had been exactly what he had been looking for, because he had half wanted to see that Blaine was still incomplete without him. Wes' words had given him the hope that Blaine still cared about him, but seeing him like that just destroyed all that hope. Looking at the video had shown him a little family; Blaine just needed the other Dalton boys to be happy and whole…Kurt didn't come into that equation.
He hated the bitterness that was welling up inside him, but how was he meant to stop it? How could he stop feeling so consumed with anger and hate when it all stemmed from the fact that he loved Blaine and couldn't stop? And how was he meant to balance all of that against the fact that something truly terrible had happened to the person that he loved, but that same person did not want to tell him or let him help in anyway because they thought that was what was best – not for them – but him?
What on earth was anyone meant to do in his situation?
The knock at the door was a welcome distraction, and he wondered who it could be visiting them on Christmas Eve. He half wished that it would be Blaine, somehow transported from Lima to New York in such a short space of time and ready to tell him everything so that they could make up. He knew that it couldn't be, but he desperately wished that it was... Why was he trying to convince everyone that he was over Blaine? It was so obvious that he wasn't.
He slid open the door, quashing any expectations that were building up inside him because it was probably just going to be some crappy carollers that were here to give him pointless renditions of carols that were hailing the birth of some guy that hadn't done anything and had most certainly not been the son of God. That thought made him feel a little bit better because he could probably vent quite a lot of his frustrations and pent up anger at them for being annoying and idiots and bad singers and disturbing the peace of his house even though he desperately needed it to be disturbed.
What was actually at the door took him completely by surprise. It wasn't carollers. It wasn't Blaine. It wasn't people asking him to give to charity without singing. It wasn't random people that decided to wish other random people good will in the spirit of Christmas. No, it was a Christmas tree. There was an actual, honest-to-the-God-that-didn't-exist Christmas tree standing in front of him Before he could comprehend it, though, it had moved to the side. He got one second to comprehend the next sight before he felt happiness balloon up inside him, and he exclaimed, for the first time feeling joyous about the season;
"Dad!"