prompt: "I don't know what love is."

are you at peace with every turn (do you feel home)

"So, when are you coming home?"

Bonnie rolled her eyes. It seemed like every time she talked to Caroline, she was asked the same question. Sighing, she tucked her phone between her shoulder and her ear while she dug through her purse for her keycard. She'd arrived in Verona two days ago and would be catching a flight elsewhere in only two more. She liked to keep moving, keep touring. Adventure wasn't the same now as it used to be. Life as a tourist felt tetherless, letting her go where she pleased, unrestrained. She had nothing but a full bank account and an endless list of places she wanted to see. Back home, she'd been chained to the roots of a town awash in bloodshed and lacking in kindness or appreciation. Here, she was free.

There were downsides, of course. She was traveling alone, even if she'd met more than a few interesting characters along the way. Men and women that were eager to share her time or her bed or to follow her in whatever direction she went in next. But none were who she wanted them to be. And, if she were honest, the 'who' in question was not who she'd expected. After six months, Enzo's presence started to fade, and as much as it hurt to know that she was letting him go, it was also healing. She'd loved him, but there were moments now, away from it all, that clarity crept in. He was a good man and he'd been there when she needed someone the most. That was part of the problem. She'd been so hurt, so lonely, and so angry over someone else, that everything with Enzo had come at a time when she was at her weakest. It didn't make him any less important to her. It just meant that all those feelings of before were becoming all too clear in the aftermath.

"Care, I told you last week that I didn't know. I haven't changed my mind. I still have more I want to do and see."

Caroline sighed, long and loud. "But it's been a year…"

"And you're kind of, sort of immortal, so I doubt that makes much of a dent in things." She finally found the key and pulled it out from under the collection of souvenirs she'd picked up that day. "Have you heard from Elena? I keep calling but she hasn't answered. I'm starting to get a little worried."

There was a pause on the other end of the line before, "Um, yeah, she finally picked up… She's settled down at Johns Hopkins and she is not a big fan of her dorm roommate. But, she's convinced that it's supposed to be a part of the experience, so she refuses to compel herself a room of her own."

"Wait, dorm room…?" Bonnie pushed inside her hotel room and closed the door with her foot. She kicked her shoes off and dropped a few shopping bags on the floor before shrugging her jacket off and hanging it in the closet. "Why is she in a dorm?"

"Well…" Caroline took a deep breath. "Long story short, she and Damon broke up."

Bonnie paused. "What?"

"Yeah, I guess things just weren't the same after she woke up. She said they really tried to make it work, but they just weren't the same people anymore. I don't even know what that means. But I guess they broke up a few months ago. She seems really happy though, you know? I mean, sucky roommate aside, she really sounds grounded and ready to take on med school."

Bonnie leaned against the wall behind her and kicked a leg out, resting her heel on the carpeted floor and wiggling her toes, staring distantly at the purple polish on her nails. "And Damon?"

"Elena said he was okay with things when it ended. That they were on good terms and he seemed ready to figure out what he really wanted." She made a dismissive noise. "Whatever that means."

Brow furrowed, Bonnie shook her head. "I didn't know they were having issues…"

"Me either. Then again, they were hardly talking to us. I mean, I know we're all busy and spread out now, but…" Her voice tightened, strained with emotion, "I thought, after everything that happened, we'd try to stay in touch, you know?"

Bonnie smiled faintly. "I might be on the other side of the world, but I'm always here for you, Caroline."

"I know… I just wish you weren't so far away. I miss you. Like, a ton. And the girls miss you, too."

Pushing off the wall, Bonnie nodded. "Maybe I could visit." Before Caroline could get too excited, she said, "I'm not coming back permanently, I'm not done yet."

"Not done what?" Caroline let out a protesting groan. "What are you looking for out there?"

Biting her lip, Bonnie walked down the hallway. Truth be told, she'd been looking for herself. For whoever she was meant to be, since her growth had been stunted over the years, sacrificed for the 'greater good.' After a year of searching, she thought she knew who she was. A strong willed young woman that wanted more than she'd ever been given. A good friend that needed to be clearer about her boundaries. A smart, kind person that gave too much and took too little. But with all her revelations of self, she recognized a gaping hole she was unsure how to fill.

Rather than say that, she asked instead, "Who says I'm looking for something?"

"I'm not going to knock a vacation. If anyone deserves one, it's you. But there's a difference between a few weeks on a sandy beach and a whole year jumping from place to place. I mean… if I didn't know better, I'd think you were running."

Bonnie hugged an arm around herself. "From what?"

"You tell me."

She opened her mouth to argue. To say she wasn't running at all. That there was nothing to run from. But just as she did, she stopped. The doors to her balcony were open, gauzy white curtains dancing on a warm breeze. And leaning against the door jamb, his arms crossed, was a familiar figure, even if he was turned away from her, facing the view outside. Her heart stuttered in her chest.

"Bonnie?" Caroline called.

"I… have to go. I'll call you back." Not bothering to wait for a response, Bonnie hung up and then tossed her phone to the end of her bed. "You know, breaking and entering is a crime."

He turned slowly, mouth curled at one corner. "The concierge gave me my own key."

Her eyes narrowed. "You compelled her."

With a shrug, he stared at her, unrepentant. "I like the element of surprise."

She rolled her eyes. "Because you're dramatic."

His grin widened.

Glancing away from him, she lifted her chin and wondered, "What're you doing here?"

"I missed you."

Her shoulders hiked. "Could've called or written or… answered any of my calls. I left you a dozen messages."

"Thirteen." His lips pursed. "I listened to all of them."

"Then you know how pissed I was that you were ignoring me."

He dipped his chin. "I do."

She glared at him. "And?"

"And… I suck. We both know this. I'm an idiot and I have a habit of making sure you'll always remember that."

Bonnie scoffed. "That's no excuse."

"You're right. It isn't." He licked his lips. "You want the truth…? I was scared."

"Of what? Of me?" She shook her head. "That makes no sense!"

"Yeah, well, we already established the fact that I'm an idiot." He pushed off the door and took a step toward her. "After everything happened. After Stefan… And with Elena… I was lost. I— I wanted to be happy. I wanted to think that it was worth it somehow. That if Stefan had to die, it should at least be for a good reason. But I was wrong. Because there was no reason. He shouldn't have died, Bonnie. Least of all for me."

Bonnie shifted her feet. She wanted to reach for him, to soothe him, but if she did, she wasn't sure any of this would get resolved. Not the way it should. "You're right. He didn't deserve that. But that doesn't mean you don't deserve happiness, too."

He stared at her. "I figured that out, eventually."

She frowned. "What happened with you and Elena? You finally had her back. You got what you wanted. So, why are you here?"

His expression softened, hard edges smoothing out. "I used to think that Katherine was what really screwed me up. That if she'd never come along and twisted me up, I would've been some better, nicer version of whatever I turned into. But Katherine was just one link in the chain… If you wanna go back to the very beginning, you'll find a whole baggage cart of daddy issues, then mommy issues. Not the best basis for figuring out any future romantic entanglements…"

Bonnie pursed her lips. "I have my own issues, so I get it. Kind of."

"Look, Bonnie… When we first met, I was a homicidal asshole. Over the years, I curbed some of that. Enough that you don't always want to fry my brain, at least. When we wound up in that prison world, I'd even call us frenemies. Leaning more toward friends on good days." He shrugged. "And by the time we got out, you'd already kicked Ric out of his best friend spot by a mile."

Her mouth twitched.

"The thing is… When I'm with you, I try more. I expect more of myself. And when you're not there, I don't always recognize who I am or who I'm becoming and… I hate it." He took another step forward. "I hated hurting you when I went into that coffin, but I was scared then too. That I'd screw up and disappoint you somehow. Because somewhere along the line, you became the most important person in my life and I couldn't stand the idea that one day you'd realize what kind of an idiot you were stuck with."

Bonnie shook her head, her arms uncrossing. "Damon…"

"So, I did a stupid thing and I ran. I dessicated and I hid and I told myself it was for the better, but I was wrong. And when I got out, it was too late. Everything got screwed up and you were with Enzo and Stefan was on the run and… It was just proof that I never make the right choice. Ever. But I wanted to. I really did. So even if I didn't think Enzo was worth the gum on your shoe, I tried to accept it. If he made you happy, then that was all that mattered. And then everything with Sybil and Cade happened and it all got twisted up even more. So, when it ended, when Enzo was dead and Stefan was gone and Elena was there, it felt like… like this was the consequence to everything I'd done. It didn't matter how hard I tried or what I did, it was never going to be good enough."

Bonnie stared up at him. "Not everything is your fault. Yes, you've made mistakes, but sometimes all you can do is apologize and try to do better."

"See, you say that, but that's because you want to see the best in people. Even me."

"No, I say that because I know you. No matter what you've done, I know that you would trade places with Stefan in a heartbeat if you thought it could bring him back. You love your brother, Damon, and he loved you. I don't think he deserved what happened to him, but I understand the choice he made." She searched his eyes. "He believed in you and he wanted you to have a chance at finding your peace."

He swallowed tightly. "I did."

Her brow furrowed. "Caroline said—"

"Elena and I broke up, I know. We did. A few months ago. It was a long time coming." He shook his head. "We were doomed from the start. There was too much baggage there, for both of us. And whatever we were to each other, it wasn't what it was supposed to be."

"What do you mean?"

"We didn't grow when we were together. We were just stuck. We forgave each other for things we shouldn't, made excuses for the rest, and stayed in our little rut. But she didn't deserve that… and neither did I."

"What do you deserve then?"

"I've spent a century and a half chasing after people that didn't want me, telling myself that we were meant to be together, only for it to blow up in my face every time. So, maybe I don't know what love is, or maybe I've just been doing it all wrong this whole time. All I really know is that when I'm with you, I grow. I'm a little less of a dick. And I'm happy. So, if you're up for it, I thought maybe we could hang out for, you know, ever."

Bonnie tipped her head. "That's your pitch?"

He blinked and then nodded slowly. "Hey, I spent a very long flight over here planning that whole thing out."

"And you came up with 'let's hang out'?"

"Yeah, but 'forever.'" He rolled his eyes. "I'm not suggesting Chuck E. Cheese here, Bon."

Her lips twitched. "You weren't exactly specific."

"You keep me on my toes, you know that?"

"Someone has to." She took a step forward just as he did, until they were toe to toe. "And you have thirteen unanswered calls to make up for. I'm not forgetting about that anytime soon."

"I like it when you hold me accountable for my terrible decisions." He reached for her hand, their fingers tangling. "I thought if I talked to you, I'd end up shirking all responsibility and hopping on a plane."

Humming, she reached up and played with a button on his shirt, tugging at it as she tipped her head up to meet his eyes. "Looks like it happened anyway."

"Yeah, but you'll be proud to know I did things right. Elena and I are squared away. No messy feelings to figure out."

"Yeah? So, what've you been doing for the last three months then?"

He tugged on her hand, drawing her in until their stomachs met. "Well, you'll be disappointed to know I found myself another witch. She's got a few years on you and she's not my biggest fan, but she's got a line on a way to bring Stefan back from whatever heaven or hell he's floating around in right now. It's not a guarantee, but it's a chance, and I seem to remember a judgy little witch trying to drill the importance of hope into me once or twice."

Bonnie smiled. "Good."

Hooking an arm around her waist, he bent his head and met her steady gaze. "We can take it slow. Coffee or lunch or dancing and dinner. I can serendipitously meet you in whatever place you're headed next. We can spend a few weeks or months or years mapping out the world, together. Whatever you want."

She pressed her hand flat against his chest, over an unbeating heart, and smiled. "Whatever we want. If we're going to do this, we figure it out together."

He nodded. "I like the sound of that."

Bonnie slid an arm around his neck in the same moment his mouth slanted over hers. A shiver started at the top of her head and fell in waves down her body, ending at the tips of her toes. A flood of awareness and anticipation warmed her from the inside out. And a little piece of her, that had tried so hard to stamp out any feelings she had for him, grew thankfully quiet. Because here, now, it felt right. It felt expected and wanted and was exactly what she'd been missing.

When they parted, she told him, "You make me happy, too."

He grinned goofily. "So, where to next?"

With a hum, she told him, "I rented this room for the next two days. So, dinner and dancing is a good start."

"And then?"

Content, she told him, "Home."

...

thank you so much for reading! please try to leave a review! they're a huge motivation!