I'm going to try and re-create The Graham Norton Show as best I can here, it always makes me laugh but I don't have a funny bone in my body so I hope that this does the show some justice and you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it. I recommend if you don't know the show check it out on youtube so you have Graham Norton's voice in your head as you read the ending!
Friday 19th April 2013
I sit in the library catching up on some emails trying to keep my anxiety filled mind on something other than tonight's first British TV appearance singing. It's terrifying to be in this position, it's worse than my first ever TV appearance in New York and even worse than Oprah!
This is still my favourite room in the house. The old white beams and gold furniture are just perfect giving the house an old fashioned but nouveau riche feel too. India's happily sitting playing with some toys and I get to try and relax. This morning Hannah, Luke, Lola and I ran the marathon length once more, the last time before Sunday, tomorrow will be dedicated to breathing techniques with some very expensive piece of equipment that Lola has hired to basically recreate the London air while we run on a treadmill which Christian went and bought as this house doesn't have a gym.
After a quick lunch and a glass of milk, for some strange reason my stomach is still protesting tea which has never happened before, it's off to the studio for a rehearsal with Hannah and Lola by my side. Lola happens to be a trained dancer and being comfortable in her own skin she's more than happy to 'be me' showing me things I could do or could consider doing during my act though I'm more worried about my voice not working.
"Oh my God! Ana you'll never guess who you're guest starring with on this tonight!" Hannah squeals rushing from the backstage area, her headset is knocked awkwardly to one side where she's been in touch with someone directing the music as we don't have the band for the rehearsal.
"Who?"
"Daniel Radcliffe!"
"No way!" I get all excited, I am a big Harry Potter fans and I read the British version of the novels as well as the American versions preferring words like jumper instead of sweater and philosopher's stone not sorcerer's stone.
I get a brief glance at Graham Norton, he kindly flashes me a smile and a wave as I'm stood at the glitzed up microphone rehearsing the song again, it makes me feel so shy and I hear my voice quietening.
"Ana!" Lola yells, I love her she really doesn't care about snapping at me when necessary. "Focus, you're going to rock tonight but only if you focus!"
"Ok!" I reply before Hannah gets them to loop the music again.
We run the song a few more times before calling it quits realising there isn't much more that we can do. Lola has given me some directions and with the producers blessing we find out I don't have to stay confined to the stage.
A seat is reserved for Christian but he is the only person coming with me tonight as I would be too nervous to perform in front of the whole gang though I know they're all coming to the Britain's Got Talent gig which is quite scary seeing as they've contacted me about the "production" of the song, apparently that involves dancers, or more importantly some male dancers and pyrotechnics. That rehersal is going to be all day because of getting the camera angle and Lola who has been studying the show intently since I mentioned it has got quite the plan… I'm scared of her when she gets plans!
After a quick dinner Christian and I leave with Taylor to the show. He keeps a hold of my hand the entire ride over and keeps whispering reassurances to me which is sweet though the nearer to the studio we get the more terrified I become.
Hannah of course had my outfit transported there first thing so as soon as I arrive I'm whisked off to get my hair and makeup done the way Hannah specified which is apparently a centre parting with my bangs straight and loose waves all down then in front of my shoulders.
My outfit for this evening is a short shorts jump suit in black with a very low v-neck and a thick pink belt around the middle replacing the original black belt that was there when I bought the item. Christian eyes the outfit with doubt but I know he won't say anything, I just dare him too. My shoes are hot pink wedges and show off my beautifully pedicured toes to the nation… it's sad what some of us think about in some moments.
Once I'm ready Christian is asked to take his seat as the show is about to begin. I kiss him and he wishes me luck before making his way to his seat front row in the audience leaving me to be led to the two men who I'll be appearing beside tonight. I don't get the chance to really say hello as Graham Norton's voice comes on.
Producers rush over and make sure the three of us are mic'ed up before letting us know that we have around three minutes before we go on, that takes my breath away, I'm so nervous!
"This week we're celebrating all things Marathon so I'm going to pretending that I'm fit enough to run it in under four hours…. Maybe not but I do have three stars with me tonight who are running Sunday and are going to raise a lot of money in the process while making themselves even more famous… LET'S START THE SHOW."
Somehow I manage to hide my surprise at the fact that the two men either side of me are running tomorrow too. I had no idea, I didn't ask them and they didn't ask me. I'm still struggling not to Fan girl over Dan Radcliffe in all honesty. The opening credits have finished and Graham Norton is stood where he will be greeting us ready to make his audience laugh.
"Tonight we have Olympic medallist and Splash mentor Tom Daily, Seattle's Sweetheart Ana Grey and stage and screen actor Daniel Radcliffe!" There are whoops, hollers and cheers to each of our names which makes me relax a little, I mean I was expecting boos or deathly silence, I don't know which would have been worse!
"Ok guys be ready in two." One of the producers says making me adjust my microphone, it's tucked neatly into the pocket of my jump suit and hooked onto the V neck of the collar.
"Our stars connection tonight is they're all running in the Marathon on Sunday to raise money for their respective charities but there's a little more than just the Marathon connecting Daniel and Ana, with the rumours still floating around about whether or not there will be a movie made of her International Award winning series Fifty Shades it's also believed that Daniel Radcliffe is first in line to play the Dominant Richard, I mean we all know he spends more time these days out of his clothes than in them." I stifle a giggle while the boys full on laugh at the picture of Daniel on screen where his modesty is hidden by nothing more than a pink star. "I wasn't sure if Ana Grey was going to be able to make it to the show tonight either, being Seattle's Sweetheart she has a lot of reasons to be Sleepless in Seattle, mainly with her hunk of a husband and these fine tools." A picture of a flogger and handcuffs appear on the screen and I giggle again, I like this show already, Graham Norton is funny. "Of course Tom Daily is a mentor on the Hit TV show Splash, something tells me it's not splash but float on his mind here." There's a picture of the young athlete next to an older looking woman in a bikini, his mouth is open, clearly talking but his hand looks like it's on her large breast and he blushes scarlet beside me while Daniel and I laugh. "Ok so let's get this show on the road!"
The three of us are quickly moved to the entrance to the set and I exhale nervously. Tom who is stood behind me gives my arm a rub and when I look at him he gives me a smile, he looks so relaxed and I'm terrified and I know he's sensed that, something tells me though it's more to do with the fact that I'm singing live tonight and not the fact that I'm on the show as a guest.
"We have our grown up favourite wizard with a very magic wand Daniel Radcliffe!" The studio goes wild as Daniel walks up the four steps onto the set. Graham sounds like an excited child as he greets him, and I know from YouTube that this isn't Daniel's first time on the show.
"Erotic fiction writer who had hot kinky sex to become one of the world's most beautiful Mother's Ana Grey!" I walk up the steps to a lot of cheers, I spot Christian in the audience and give him a wide smile before walking over to Graham to receive a hug and air kisses and a "wow hello gorgeous" before sliding onto the large C shaped red couch beside Daniel Radcliffe who is sipping at a glass of water, in front of me a large glass of white wine which I am thankful for, I need the kick from the alcohol!
"And Olympic Superstar turned TV Star Tom Daily!" Tom comes on and greets Graham before he slides onto the couch beside me to a drink I guess is coke.
"Wow! Now this is a sexy looking couch!" Graham says before sinking into his own seat as the audience cheers. "I love how you've all gone straight for your drinks, most of the time Celebs don't even touch them."
"Now come on we need something to cool off have you seen this beauty the two of us have been stuck in the back with?" Daniel says signalling to me, that's my cue to blush while they audience laughs.
"Well of course she's gorgeous but she's the one who has drank the most."
"I need something to help me relax right now!" I reply dramatically making everyone laugh, I've relaxed so quickly, taken on a persona almost of Ana Grey the celebrity who is expected to be comfortable in these positions.
"I didn't ever think I'd have a couch like this, you're all near each other's age, I feel old with you all, you're like young enough to by kids!" More laughter from the audience and awkwardness from all of us, it's amusing to be in this position. "So thank you all for coming on tonight, I know you're all taking a break from your Marathon training to be here." It causes a snort from me which has me blushing. "No training Ana? Going to walk it?"
"Uh… not as much training as I'd like." I say embarrassed.
"Of course!" It's like it's just hit him in the face. "You had surgery didn't you, just like three weeks ago?"
"Yeah I had my appendix out which put a halt on training for a few days." I say to an aww from the guys on the couch, Graham and the audience making me tilt my head and smile shyly.
"What about you two, have you done much training?"
"I've just kept up with my diving training really." Tom says with a shrug, he's so cute, I want to take him home and tuck him into bed and read him a story! He has a real boyish charm about him that's just adorable.
"Dan?"
"I've been training for it for a few weeks but the new TV show cut that back a bit so I'm in a place where I don't know if I'll be able to finish it."
"You couldn't just wave your magic wand and be able to do it?" This earns more laughs, I feel sorry for him in a way, I bet he never gets away from the Harry Potter jokes!
"Oh if only it was possible." Dan says while chuckling, I can see he's used to it all by now, that's a good thing.
"So Ana."
"So Graham." I reply copying his posture earning more laughs.
"You… you're a Mom…"
"Yes."
"And we have a picture of you and your little girl here India?"
"Yeah India." A picture comes on screen of me with India on my hip, she's wearing a pink dress and white tights with her white little ribbon shoes and a little headband whereas I look stressed, sunglasses on my eyes my hair scruffed up and I know that this is me meeting her in town after running the twenty six miles for the first time. I'm wearing just a sports bra and a pair of black tiny hot pants."
"She's just gorgeous."
"Thank you."
"So that's India Annalise Grey, one of the richest children under one in the world right?"
"I have no idea." I chuckle, India has a trust fund but it's not that big really, not for what Christian and I make.
"Ok so she's not wearing a baby Dior dress from Neiman Marcus that cost one thousand and two hundred dollars."
I know she is because I bought this dress, I thought it was cute and didn't see the price till I got home. I was disgusted with myself for spending so much but I didn't have the heart to take it back.
"One thousand two hundred dollars for a dress that's what eight hundred British pounds?" Dan says as I look embarrassed.
"It's a pretty dress." I try and argue making everyone laugh. "I bought India that dress and I've learned not to look at price tags because if I did I'd never buy anything."
"But you are a multi-millionaire." Graham says making everyone laugh.
"Yeah but over one thousand dollars for a dress it is ridiculous." I say and everyone agrees with me.
"What's the most you've ever spend on your own clothes?"
"Ah…" I don't want to say I'm embarrassed again but then a picture of me in the gold Oscar De La Renta gown comes up on the small computer monitor behind Graham.
"This?"
"Yes." I nod and then hide behind my hands.
"Eleven thousand dollars." Gasps ripple around the room and I groan.
"It's a pretty dress!" I say again. "And it was for a charity fundraiser in Seattle that I was holding for Carla's cancer trust and I needed to look my best but in all honesty I really didn't look at the price tag I just chose the dress."
"What about you boys, what's the most you've spent on clothing?" Thankfully for the moment the spotlight is off me.
"I had an issue once. I was in New York in Bergdorf Goodman and my card bounced…" Dan looks so embarrassed.
"It bounced? What had you been spending on?" Graham asks in a funny manner making everyone laugh.
"No I couldn't remember the pin number! It was so embarrassing! I had about five thousand dollars' worth of shopping because it was close to Christmas and I put in my pin and it rejected it. It ended up with my agent who was with me putting it all on her card till I could contact the bank and have the money transferred back to her account and find out what my pin was. I was humiliated."
I think that's brilliant, poor Dan!
"What about you Tom?"
"I like buying clothes but they're all around the same price, I wish I could just spend eleven thousand dollars on a dress…"
"On a dress?" Graham asks in a high pitch squeal making everyone laugh.
"No not a dress but on one piece of clothing, I don't think I'd look like that in a dress." He says pointing to the picture of me still on screen.
"Oh ok then." Graham says making it out like he doesn't believe him.
"So what about fashion blunders, I bet you've all had them in the press…" I bite my lip as one comes to mind of course it's picked up on. "Oh Ana's thought of one." He says in a playful accusing manner.
"Well it's not really a blunder…" I say embarrassed once more. "It was at the IBA's…"
"The international book awards where Ana walked away with three out of the nominated eight!" Graham says quickly earning a whoo from the audience and a blush from me.
"Yeah the International Book Awards, I was wearing a gorgeous black and white flowery dress by Jovani…"
"This one?" A picture of me on the red carpet comes up on the screen and I smile and nod, it's a nice picture so I'm glad about that.
"Yeah that one and to keep in theme if you will my second dress for the award I was presenting was also a Jovani number and the press went wild over it being 'too old' for me." I make inverted commas with my fingers.
"This one?" A picture of me on stage with Christian comes up on the screen and I nod. "I don't think it's too old for you, I like it."
"I don't know, I could see it suiting my mother in law or my friend and housekeeper so I guess maybe that's what they mean?"
"You do look more mature in that dress." Daniel says cocking his head to one side as if he's really studying the photograph.
"Yeah I'm twenty three I could pass for forty in that dress which isn't a good thing." I say sipping at my wine.
Thankfully the topic is changed and it's time to discuss the boys work which leaves me out of the spotlight for the moment. I join in the conversations and start feeling like I'm at a bar or club just hanging out with friends until it's back onto me again and the topic of why I'm really here comes up.
"So Ana you're singing for us live tonight…"
"Am I?" I ask nerves taking over.
"Your single Cinderella came out in the UK on Monday do you think you'll be number one?"
"I don't know." I shrug, truth is I don't know.
"Ana Grey's just gone all shy on us. Where's your husband? Oh he's there, Mr Grey come up here." Christian points at himself in shock, this wasn't scripted or planned and Graham Norton nods and encourages him to come up and he does quickly sliding into the seat beside me.
"Ok so I heard Ana briefly in rehearsals today, you are her biggest fan right?"
"That's right…" He's stopped by Graham.
"You're not wearing a mic hold on, share Ana's." He says as I push the part of my collar up to him earning a whoop from the audience as Christian lowers himself in line with my chest and I flash a tiny part of my bra to the camera. "Now we all know what's involved in their version of Sleepless in Seattle!" Graham hollers as a producer rushes over with a mic box for Christian, thankfully he's used them before and gets it clipped on quick.
"Is it on? Yeah it's on." Graham says letting Christian know it's safe for him to talk while I tidy my shirt up. "So it's you who pushed Ana into releasing this single right?"
"Yeah, she's a great singer and I'd just taken on my first record company I wanted my first successful artist to be someone I trusted and who better than my wife?" He says wrapping an arm around my shoulder.
"Oh look at you two love birds!" Graham says flapping his hand. "So your songs doing well in the States."
"Yeah it's what number eight on the top one hundred billboard, it went in at number eleven." I reply.
"Of course you're far more famous there than you are here."
"Yeah here I can go to the store without anyone recognising me. Can't do that in Seattle." I chuckle.
"So your song – Cinderella, tell us about it." Graham encourages.
"Well it's about being independent not wanting to be like a fairytale princess who has a knight in shining armour do everything for them and be their hero. It's about wanting to be equals in relationships."
"Now remember this is coming from the woman who wrote about a Dominant and submissive relationship…" He says making everyone including Christian and I laugh. "Rumour has it that this song is about telling everyone you're not a gold digger."
"Not at all, I didn't write the song a lovely lady called Lila Robinson did and she's an amazing song writer I'm working with her on the album and it's simply about being a strong independent female."
"Well it's song time Ana so go get yourself ready." That's my cue to head over to my pink bejewelled microphone with the band on the stage after a quick stolen kiss by Christian. "So Cinderella by Ana is available to buy or download now. Here she is ladies and gentlemen it's Ana!"
The audience goes wild which spurs me on as I finish tucking in my ear piece as the band starts up. As encouraged by Lola who spent all day here with me I begin clapping which spurs the audience in to doing the same. The final four beats into the lyrics hit and I grab the microphone on the stand, grasping it firmly with both hands hoping noise will actually come out of my mouth.
"When I was just a little girl my Mama used to tuck me into bed and she read me a story." I shake my hips up and down just as Lola instructed. "It always was about a princess in distress and how a guy would save her and end up with the glory." Another shake of the hips, I can do this, I know I can. "I'd lie in bed and think about the person that I wanted to be" push the mic away and pull it in. "Then one day I realised the fairytale life, wasn't for me." Remove mic from stand.
I step to the side and push the mic stand out with my right hand while grasping the mic tight in my left.
"I don't wanna be like Cinderella sitting in a dark old dusty cellar, waiting for somebody to come and set me free. I don't wanna be like snow white waiting for a handsome prince to come and save me on a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side, don't wanna depend on no one else I'd rather rescue myself."
I step off the stage and walk towards the steps with a smile, I can do this, I really can! I stand in front of the steps looking up them and around as the next verse kicks in.
"Someday I'm gonna find someone who wants my soul heart and mind who's not afraid to show that he loves me." I walk across to the left towards the main stage where the couch is. "Somebody who will understand I'm happy just the way I am don't need nobody taking care of me." With Christian no longer at his seat I plonk myself quickly on his lap on the couch which surprises everyone including Christian who probably thought I would have sat in his empty seat keeping to what Lola said but instinct has taken over now. "I will be there for him just as strong as he, will be there for me." I flick my finger on his nose before standing quickly. "When I give myself then it has got to be…" Look at him in the eyes. "An equal thing!" I hit the high note and hold it to cheers from the audience and a hand squeeze from Christian before I turn away and walk back to the stage.
"Sitting in a dark old dusty cellar waiting for somebody, who'll come and set me free. I don't wanna be like snow white waiting for a handsome prince to come and save me on a horse of white, unless we're riding side by side don't wanna depend on no one else, I'd rather rescue myself."
My mic slides into place on the stand perfectly, thankfully! There were a few issues with it in rehearsal where it slipped out or I couldn't get it in to the slot in time.
"I can slay my own dragon, I can dream my own dream, my knight in shining armour is me…" I can hit this, I can hit this, "So I'm gonna set me free!" I hold the note and do all the fancy trills that Kristin taught me, hitting everyone, she will be proud. "Waiting for somebody to come and set me free!" I hold it again, I'm lost in the music now, performing on instinct, rocking my hips and shoulders, moving my head and displaying all the emotions of the song in my face. "I don't wanna be like snow white waiting for a handsome prince to come and save me on a horse of white unless we're riding side by side don't wanna depend on no one else I'd rather rescue myself!" The song finishes and the whole audience is alive with cheers and applause.
I did it! My first ever live performance and I didn't freeze, I didn't panic, my voice actually worked and I didn't wet myself, a success in my books! I bow to the audience as they cheer and I look over to the couch where everyone is on their feet clapping and I smile brightly at Christian who gives me a large dazzling smile back.
I make my way back over to the couch and receive hugs off Tom and Daniel and then of course a kiss of Christian as Graham parks himself back on his seat after giving the information on how to download the single from iTunes and then he goes on to talk about stories and the chair which he evacuates if he doesn't like the story, he evacuates three people and none of the stories were that interesting or funny though I do love the way Graham makes us laugh on the chair by taking the piss out of the person in the chair. Then it's over and I'm flooded with relief as the director announces we're out.
Of course we were told how this bit would play out. The crew need pictures for the website and so on so we all take turns in posing on our own and together, sometimes with Graham, sometimes with Christian and of course we're told we'll be emailed the photos which is nice.
We then sign a few autographs for the audience members and even Christian poses for pictures with some ladies who obviously fancy him, it's hard not to roll my eyes when I seem him charming the panties off some of the British women in the audience but I'm glad to see him having fun, it's been a tough couple of weeks but now we're here and it's great and tomorrow Celebrity Juice!
It's good to get home but I'm barley through the door before I'm pounced on by Mia. She's so over the top but I can tell she's happy to be here and that's a good thing.
"Christian." She smiles before pouncing on him.
"Hello Mia." He says hugging her back. "Are you going to let us in now?"
"Oh of course." She snorts before heading towards the kitchen.
I giggle and follow her through and then am surprised when there's a series of small bangs and paper ribbons thrown at me. I laugh as Christian steps up behind me and cups my shoulders.
"Congratulations on a wonderful performance this evening." He whispers making me smile. "Your own little after party."
"Oh thank you!" I squeal excitedly as Mrs Farrah passes me a glass of champagne. "Oh this is nice."
"You were amazing Ana." Mia squeals right in my ear as I begin accepting congratulations from everyone except Hannah who's missing.
"Bed, she's exhausted." Luke says quietly and I nod, I understand the girl's working hard this week and she's three months pregnant, she needs a rest.
I groan in embarrassment when Taylor points to the TV which is back at the start of the interview, I don't think I want to watch it back but I apparently have no choice as Gail and Lola sit me front and centre before everyone gather's up. Lola puts it on and I sit back to watch with trepidation, just because it felt like it went good seeing it is going to make me look and sound different to what I felt on the stage.
The fast forward most of the interview that I wasn't involved in such as the boys work even though I made some comments and that cuts the girls made to the show cut it down to about twenty odd minutes.
When the music begins I laugh because there's no denying how obvious my nerves are, I look like a deer caught in headlights!
At the end I'm shocked. After the first verse it's like I settled down and I became a singer and a performer, yeah I'm no Beyoncé but damn I really know how to use my hips!
After a second glass of champagne thankfully everyone starts heading off to bed leaving me to go too. Christian near carries me up the stairs I'm just that exhausted!
"You did good baby." He says as soon as we're in our bedroom.
"Thank you. I couldn't have done that without you there." I tell him and he laughs and rubs his nose against my cheek.
"Of course you could have. Ana you're talented baby you need words with Sandra because she needs to drum it into you that you can do this."
"I don't think even Sandra is that good." I chuckle as I head to the wardrobe to change. Maybe I really should learn to have a little more faith in myself.