Look at me! I'm updating! Hooray!

So…it seems that I have not completely avoided the pairing wars…even though I did Ichihime and Ichiruki, I forgot Rukiren (or Renruki or whatever…I'm not a shipper (of any pairing) so I don't care). Needless to say, if you like a pairing so much you have to fight over it, you have no life. Turn off the computer, the gaming system, the TV and go out to the mall or something. Honestly, sometimes I just don't understand you people. It's not even real. I'm done insulting you now. If you feel you must flame me because I'm an insensitive bitch, go ahead. I've heard it all before.

Moving right along…I have compiled this list for you for why I haven't updated! Aren't I special!

So let's begin:

Lack of inspiration

Not working at the right job.

And when I do, I come home exhausted

School

Manser and Reebs

Shade and Crazystreak (some more of my original crack)

Naruto (I am up-to-date now!)

Angsting at how stupid Bleach is getting while reading the latest chapters.

Ouran High School Host Club (I think it's hilarious)

Neon Genesis Evangelion

Smut!

I had to shave my legs (hadn't done that since…July!)

Other reasons explained below:

For some odd reason, I found myself wondering what characters I would get along with in the mangas I'm reading. I came to the conclusion that A) Soi Fon would most likely hate me (and probably kill me); B) I would be great friends with Yoruichi until she tried to get into my pants; and C) everyone would keep me away from Kuukaku at all costs. Yes, I would probably get along better with Yoruichi than Soi Fon (though I would spend a good amount of my time insulting Omaeda, and probably Kisuke, too). I decided that I would also make great friends with Naruto and Lee as well…mainly I'd make friends with all of the people causing trouble. Either that or I'd hide in a corner until someone came and made friends with me (which is

the more plausible situation. I hate both mingling and large crowds of people)

But by then I was already thinking about Naruto and my thoughts turned to the first chapter and how the hell did Soi Fon get Yoruichi pregnant. I then came up with two theories A) Soi Fon somehow managed to get Naruto to teach her the Sexy no Jutsu, used it on Yoruichi (and thereby got her pregnant) and then forgot it for like four hundred years before she re-found Naruto and learned it again or B) She used Ran (another one of my original cracks from Super High, she can bend reality – she writes something down and it happens). Or some other really random reason I haven't thought about yet.

But then, I was thinking of two women having children together I got off onto a tangent of Manser and Soi Fon having a child together and how completely screwed up it would be. First, her (two women can't have a boy, people) parents would be Soi Fon and Manser, and then Yoruichi would probably hang around a lot because of how cute she was plus all of Manser's nutcase friends and there would be no way that kid would have a half-way normal childhood (but at least she would have one) and somewhere through this entire thing I started wondering what Manser and Yoruichi's kid would be like and as soon as I had that thought I knew I needed to move onto something else.

So then I moved onto the fact that if all the people going back and forth between the Soul Society and the Living World, how do we know what would pass between them? And then I started thinking about what it would be like if Unohana-taichou was smoking crack one the job…

And then I decided that I should work on the next chapter…which is Renji and Rukia (damn pairing wars…pouts).

Wow. Longest frikkin' author notes ever. Points to whoever read all the way through that. Now you have an inkling to what goes on in my head. I hope you're all still completely sane (God knows I'm not).

1. For the first couple of months, Rukia and Renji were not seen in public together. They were not dating. They were not in love. They were especially not sleeping together.

2. They, of course, forgot about a phenomenon called Yachiru.

3. Which then led to a phenomenon called Kuchiki Byakuya defending his sister's honor.

4. Which included the phenomenon called Kuchiki Byakuya's foul mouth.

5. Byakuya treed Renji and shouted obscenities at him for the better part of two days.

6. Then Soi Fon wandered over and asked what the hell was he doing shouting at his vice-captain in her division, couldn't he damn well do that in his own division!?

7. During the time that the two captains were arguing, Renji managed to get down from the tree and escape to Rukia.

8. And then ask her the question he'd been meaning to ask her two days ago before he got treed by her psychotic brother (who was still dealing with Soi Fon).

9. So when Byakuya finally managed to disentangle himself from Soi Fon, he came back to find his sister engaged…to the guy he was trying to kill.

10. But now he couldn't kill Renji because if he did, Rukia would cry.

11. And she had that cute little puppy-dog face on with the wiggly-wobbly pout that he couldn't resist at all.

12. She was definitely much better at it than Hisana ever was.

13. Though Soi Fon was much, much better (which was scary).

14. So Renji and Rukia got married.

15. They very wisely invited Soi Fon to the marriage, and she kept Byakuya in line.

16. And gave him tissues, because he cried for like the entire ceremony.

17. She had to take away his scarf because he was about to blow his nose on it.

18. Otherwise, everything went off without a hitch (or Ichigo and Kenpachi killing each other).

19. And then they had a honeymoon baby!

20. Renji was treed for the better part of three days, trying to convince Byakuya that he hadn't gotten Rukia pregnant before the marriage.

21. They named their son Hisoka.

22. Which is not a rather good name for him. He's a little wild child.

23. And he likes playing in mud, and then going and hugging his Uncle Byakuya, who doesn't seem to mind.

24. He's a very hyper child. He's been known to run around in circles screaming for the better part of a day.

25. Rukia and Renji watch their son's sugar intake very carefully.

26. Otherwise, he'll be faster than Yoruichi using shunpo while he's just running around.

27. They also had to deal with an infant Miyuki, as well.

28. So they weren't getting much sleep.

29. Which resulted in Renji often falling asleep at work and drooling all over the paperwork.

30. This resulted in Byakuya watching over his nephew (and occasionally his niece).

31. Byakuya has figured out how to get Hisoka to sit still for an extended period of time.

32. He's like the only person who can do that.

33. Miyuki can sit still for hours. And hours.

34. And then someone will come by and she'll suddenly move and scare the shit out of them.

35. She will then spend the next couple of minutes laughing, and then go back to her frozen position.

36. "That is so totally not healthy," Ichigo comments.

"You think I don't know these things!?" Renji shot back, completely frazzled (have you met his two kids?)

"Yeah…but she's been sitting there like that for at least two hours! And she hasn't blinked!" Ichigo said, pointing wildly at the little girl.

37. Right about then, a frazzled-looking Rukia walked up and said, "Renji, it's your turn to catch Hisoka."

Ichigo just sort of looked between them. "My kids just make craters," he said.

"And befriend that freakin' midget who's captain of the Second Division," Renji muttered.

Miyuki chose that moment to get up and scamper away.

38. Mainly because there was a very pissed-off Second Division taichou behind them (Atsuko was also there, reading a magazine and trying to decide if laughing would ruin the mood or deepen it).

39. Instead, she found herself sticking her leg out to trip Hisoka.

40. That ruined the mood. Especially when Miyuki came back and sat on him and blankly stared at everyone while Hisoka shouted and complained and struggled beneath her.

41. Watching the two struggle, Soi Fon realized why she was even there in the first place and wandered off to find her own children.

42. Atsuko stayed and watched for a couple of seconds before commenting, "You know, it would be easier if you just knocked him out."

43. So Miyuki smacked her brother's head on the floor. And she did it so fast that nobody saw her.

44. Renji and Rukia then decided that they needed to carefully watch Miyuki's sugar intake as well.

45. But by then it was too late. She'd already been subjected to the influence of Atsuko (and by association, that meant that she was subjected to the influence of Soi Fon).