Series: Snapshots of the Past
Story: The Candidate's Daughter
Chapter 21
Disclaimer: See Chapter 1
Previously: On primary election day, Jed looked forward to watching Liz cast her first ballot; Liz told Doug she thought she was pregnant, then missed Jed's victory party for fear her family and the press would know that something was wrong; Abbey worked things out with Alex Foster, the doctor who had a crush on her before learning she was married
Summary: Liz has a difficult choice to make and the fact that she's getting off to a rough start in college makes things even harder on her; Ellie has trouble fitting in in junior high; Jed is excited about a family getaway, until Liz cancels; Abbey realizes Jed isn't comfortable with her friendship with Alex
It was just before dawn at Wellesley College. Most of the girls at Severance Hall, the dormitory on the west side of campus, were still wrapped up in their blankets, enjoying the last few minutes of slumber before alarm clocks rang throughout building, signaling the start of another Friday morning. In room 322, though, Elizabeth was wide awake. It had been a sleepless week for her and Thursday night was the worst. She had spent four hours on the phone with Doug, discussing their options now that they had confirmed that she was pregnant. He voted for an abortion and had just about convinced her by the time they hung up. Liz tossed and turned all night, her mind in overdrive trying to come to terms with the next step in what she considered an epic nightmare.
It was a futile effort. Part of her wanted to do what Doug suggested, but the other part couldn't imagine the emotional pain and paralyzing guilt that would come from aborting a child. She grew up in a pro-choice family; she was raised to believe that the law shouldn't interfere with a woman's right to end her pregnancy. But that pro-choice family was also a Catholic family. Outside of politics, she was raised to know that from a religious standpoint, abortion was wrong. How many times had her father shared stories of the eight months he spent traveling the country speaking to young women about this very issue? He discouraged them. He became a spiritual leader among his peers and counseled troubled teenagers who felt abortion was their only answer.
That was at Notre Dame, before he'd met Abbey. Before he'd changed his major. Before he'd abandoned his plans of joining the priesthood. Liz felt a tremble at the memory of those stories. Her father was a devout Catholic, on the verge of dedicating his entire life to serving God, and although he chose love instead, he never turned away from the Church. It was at the core of who he was, a light that guided him in his life, as a husband, a father, and even a congressman. He was a traditional man with traditional values. What would he say if he found out his eldest daughter, the apple of his eye, was an unwed, pregnant teenager and that she, like all the ones he'd counseled, was considering aborting her unborn child?
A strike of anxiety sliced that thought right out of her mind.
Several calming breaths later, she threw her legs over her bed and rose from her tangled sheets. Quietly, she tiptoed around Cassie's bed to pull a pair of jeans from her dresser and a long-sleeved pink and white sweatshirt. She left the room, her sock-clad feet slipping and sliding on the hardwood floor in the hall until she reached the elevator and stuffed herself into her sneakers.
The Houghton Memorial Chapel was on the other side of campus and that's where Liz was headed. Her long strides evolved into a sprint across the quad and toward the glass-stained building that housed both religious ceremonies and campus events, like Flower Sunday, the traditional Wellesley celebration and welcome held every September for incoming freshmen. She hadn't been to the chapel since then. It was less than a month ago and yet, it felt like an eternity. Her whole life had changed since that Sunday afternoon. She needed guidance and reassurance now. That's what led her to the only place that she knew she could bare her soul and make peace with the road ahead.
She opened the door and walked the aisle toward the front pew, where she sat down and began to pray. Her prayers were jumbled, a combination of emotions that spilled from deep inside her heart, from sorrow and remorse to tearful pleas for help. She fell to her knees and begged for some sign, some divine inspiration as to what she was supposed to do. She was in over her head and she was terrified of what came next.
The academic year was only three weeks old and already, the students at East Manchester Junior High had taken notice of Ellie Bartlet. She was the shy blond in the seventh grade, the one who tried so hard to blend in that she stood out in another way. Ellie never raised her hand in class, but when she was called on, she always had the answers. Her notebooks and binders were filled with not only homework, but class notes that she'd scribble during lecture. She was smart, prepared, and on top of her game.
But Ellie was also lonely. Most of her elementary school friends had been assigned to another school and the ones who came to EMJHS had a different class schedule. She navigated the halls alone between classes, except for the occasional run-in with her best friend, Wendy. They'd meet up at their lockers, exchange notes, and go their separate ways. And lunch was even worse. None of her old friends shared her lunch period, so she sat by herself most days and studied over her meal.
That was the plan for that Friday afternoon. Ellie clutched her brown-bagged lunch and the Pre-Algebra book she'd taken out of her backpack as she walked into the cafeteria. She looked for an empty table, but on her way toward one, she heard her name called.
"Ellie!"
She turned to find three girls signaling for her to join them.
"Hi," she said as if talking to total strangers.
One of the girls gestured to the chair beside her. "Have a seat."
"Thanks."
"You don't know us, do you?" another girl asked. Embarrassed, Ellie gave a weak nod, trying to pretend she did. "It's okay. We're in your Pre-Algebra class. I'm Lacy. That's Nicole and Celia."
Ellie smiled at the trio. "Nice to meet you."
"We see you're holding your math book," Nicole replied. "Were you planning to study?"
"I just wanted to go over what we did today," Ellie told her, hoping not to sound like the ultimate nerd.
"Mind if we go over it together?"
"No, not at all."
Ellie propped her book on the table and opened it to Chapter 3. She then pulled out her notes and passed them around. The study session turned into a tutoring session at that point, with Ellie teaching the three girls what they'd covered so far. But she didn't mind. She'd inherited her father's talent for teaching and if it won over these girls and gave her some friends, she was happy to do it.
The bell rang before they got through all the material.
Lacy was the first one up. She gathered her books and asked, "So, what are you doing this weekend? Wanna get together and go over the rest before the test next week?"
"I can't," Ellie said regretfully. "I'm going away with my parents."
"Bummer."
"Lacy really needs to pass this time or her parents are going to send her away to boarding school," Nicole volunteered.
"Shut up, Nic!"
"This time?" Ellie questioned.
"It's my second time through." Lacy was reluctant to admit that. "I had some trouble last year."
"Aren't you in my grade?"
"No, we're eight graders...well, except for math. Celia and Nicole were in general math last year, but I tested into Pre-Algebra and then ended up failing it. If I don't pass this time, I'll have to repeat all of eight grade."
"Oh."
"Can you help me?"
Ellie felt a twinge of suspicion that she was being used, but she felt bad for the girl. She barely even knew her, but she liked her. "Yeah, we can study together next week."
"That would be great! You're a life-saver!" Lacy led the way out of the cafeteria and toward the double doors that faced the courtyard.
Ellie stopped when Celia shoved the doors open. "Where are you going?"
"We're ditching History, duh. There's a convenience store down the road. We need snacks. Come with."
"I..." Ellie hesitated. "I have English now."
"So skip," Celia told her, like it was no big deal. "We'll be back in plenty of time for sixth period."
"I can't skip."
"Of course you can," Lacy countered.
"My parents will kill me!"
"That's only if they find out. No one will know. Come on, I'll buy you a pack of gum. It's the least I can do for the genius who's going to help me pass math!"
Ellie weighed her options, but she just couldn't do it. Skipping class wasn't in her nature. "I don't think so. I really need to get to English."
"Okay then. Suit yourself."
The three girls linked arms and went on their way, laughing and cracking jokes while Ellie watched the door close behind them, then walked off to class, alone once again.
Elizabeth's day went from bad to worse. Lost in thought, she bowed her head and shuffled her feet toward her one o'clock lecture - American Politics. It was an introductory course that bridged analysis of the U.S. Constitution, law, history, interest groups, the media, and other elements of the United States political system. 'An easy A' was how Jed referred to it when Liz registered for the class. With her first-hand knowledge of the political process, the course would be a breeze, he thought.
Liz agreed with him. It should have been an easy A for her, and it would have been, had she not been tangled up in her own drama. She hadn't studied much for her first exam. She went into it nearly blind, thinking that because it was an essay exam, she could draw on her experiences on her father's campaign and string some words together to get credit.
She was wrong.
The scores had been posted on the wall outside the classroom that day. Liz scanned the list in search of her student number and when she found it, she followed the line over to the grade to see something she never expected. To her horror, she had earned an F.
An F?
Liz didn't earn F's. She was used to making A's in high school. Sometimes, she made B's on quizzes. And occasionally, if she was ill-prepared, she might have gotten a C on a worksheet or an assignment. But an F? On an exam? And it wasn't even her first F in college. She'd found out two days earlier that she'd failed her psychology exam as well. Her economics exam was scheduled for Monday, but considering she hadn't put in any study time, she felt confident that she would fail that too.
How could she be getting F's, she asked herself angrily. She looked at the other grades posted in the hall - A's and B's mainly. There was no denying it, the students at Wellesley were smart and here she was, used to being the smartest girl in her class, earning the lowest grades in college.
Panic rose from her stomach and she stepped back, then ducked out of the building and ran to her dorm.
The day began at Bartlet for Congress headquarters with a round of press calls and the phones had never stopped ringing. Jed's approval rating among New Hampshire voters skyrocketed when he won the Democratic primary, and his poll numbers for the general election hit an all-time high. The staff rode his wave of popularity, working overtime to maintain the momentum with a slew of appearances and fundraisers that barely gave their candidate time to breathe.
But this weekend would afford Jed a break. The annual Bartlet family summer vacation to the national parks had to be postponed this year thanks to the primary election, so Jed and Abbey planned for a short September getaway instead and, with the girls' input, charted an itinerary that would take them to White Mountains National Forest. They would leave tonight and return on Sunday, packing as much fun as they possibly could into the abbreviated trip. Jed was looking so forward to it that he'd strutted the office all day, humming Cole Porter's 'It's De-Lovely,' a clear indication to everyone around that he was in a good mood.
"The night is young," he sang at his desk that afternoon. "...the skies are clear, and if you want to go walkin', dear, it's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely."
With his door propped open, Mrs. Landingham overheard and contributed the next line in her own singing voice as she wandered in, "I understand the reason why you're sentimental 'cause so am I."
"It's delightful, it's delicious, it's de-lovely," they sang in unison.
"That was great!" Jed beamed. "We should sing a tune everyday!"
"We can do that, but in the meantime, Elizabeth's on the phone," Mrs. Landingham informed him.
Jed grabbed the receiver. "Lizzie! How are you, sweetheart?"
Just hearing his voice eased some of Liz's panic. "Hi, Dad. I'm okay."
"How's college life? Are you kicking ass and taking names?"
Hardly, she thought to herself. "I have some bad news."
"What is it?"
"I can't make it home this weekend. I can't go with you guys to the White Mountains."
"Oh Lizzie, come on." Jed was visibly disappointed.
"I'm sorry."
"You missed my victory party last week because you were sick, you didn't come home last weekend because of that paper you had to write, and now you're bailing on the trip?"
"I have an exam in Economics on Monday. I have to study."
"Well why didn't you just say so? Bring your book along and I'll help you! I promise you'll ace that exam!"
"Dad, I really want to do it on my own. I can't go, I'm sorry."
"We've had this planned for..." He cut himself off. He had to respect her for wanting to study. "Yeah, okay."
"Don't be mad."
"I'm not mad, sweetheart. I'll never be mad at you for wanting to excel at school."
Liz cringed at that. If he only knew. "Tell Mom for me?"
Jed detected something that wasn't quite right in her tone. "Lizzie, what's wrong?"
"Nothing."
"You sound upset." It occurred to him then. "Didn't you have two exams this week? How'd you do on those?"
Moment of truth. Liz's eyes welled with tears. She couldn't tell him. It was too hard to admit to being a failure. She swallowed past the lump in her throat and said, "I aced them."
"That's my girl!" Jed lowered the receiver when Mrs. Landingham walked back in. "Liz is acing her classes."
"We knew she would!" Mrs. Landingham replied loud enough for Liz to hear. "Congratulations, Lizzie!"
"Thanks."
Liz rubbed her forehead so hard, it turned red. She was mad at herself for lying. If only she could tell him. It would take two seconds to blurt it out - 'I failed, Dad. I can't study, I can't concentrate, I can't think about anything because I'm pregnant.' Maybe he'd understand. Maybe he'd help her. Maybe he'd comfort her and assure her that everything would be okay. She thought about taking the chance, but then she remembered how badly he reacted when she came home tipsy on graduation night. She remembered how he blew up at her when he thought she was smoking. She remembered how he blamed Doug for leading her down a path she never would have gone down on her own. She remembered all that and suddenly, she was terrified of telling her father. This would be bigger than drinking or smoking. He'd be disappointed in her for giving into hormones, angry with her for getting pregnant. He'd lose all respect for her and he'd never look at her the same way again. She couldn't tell him. He could never know.
Back at the office, Mrs. Landingham addressed Jed. "Lee Spencer is on line two. It's about the endorsement."
"That was fast." Jed spoke into the phone, "All right, angel face, I'm going to let you go. Mom will want to talk to you before we leave tonight, so we'll call you later."
"Okay." One last second for Liz to blurt out the truth. She didn't do it.
"Love you."
"I love you too. Bye."
As she hung up the phone, she turned to face her roommate, Cassie.
"I don't get it. Why won't you let him help you study for your test?" Cassie knew Liz was struggling with Economics.
"I can't study for the test this weekend."
"But that's why you canceled on them, isn't it?"
Liz looked at her. In the short time they'd been roommates, they'd also become friends and what she needed now, more than anything, was a friend. "It's not the real reason."
"What is the real reason?" Cassie crossed the room to sit beside her on her bed. "Liz, I know something's going on. You've been so depressed. You've been crying a lot and you never want to do anything. You're barely attending your classes, I never see you study. I thought you were homesick, but now that you're canceling on your family, I can't figure it out."
"Don't judge me, okay?"
"I won't."
Liz took a deep breath and as tears trailed down her cheeks, she admitted, "I'm pregnant, Cass."
"Oh my God."
"Doug wants me to have an abortion this weekend."
"And you're going to?"
"I don't know. I haven't been able think about anything else since I found out. I can't focus, I can't get it out of my mind." She said sadly, "I'm failing my classes and I don't know how to get back on-track. I'm afraid of failing out."
Her tears gave way to a sob. Cassie wrapped her arms around her and let her cry it out. She didn't have any words of wisdom to share, but she did what came naturally. She cared about Liz. There was no way she could leave her alone or not reach out to comfort her when she was in such obvious emotional turmoil.
"It won't be the same without Lizzie!" Zoey complained to her father later that evening as they loaded up the car.
"I know it won't, but we're gonna have fun anyway."
"I won't have any fun!"
"Bet you will," Jed challenged.
"Will not!" She folded her arms in front of her chest stubbornly refusing to give in.
"Will too."
"Will not! Will not! Will not!"
"Oh yeah?" Jed slammed the car door, grabbed his youngest daughter by the waist, threw her over his shoulder, and started spinning around the yard until Zoey laughed so hard she started to cough. He slowed down while she caught her breath. "Having fun yet?"
"NO!" Zoey answered, giggling.
She got just what she wanted with that refusal - another round of spins.
"Yes, you are!"
"No I'm not!"
"I'm going to keep doing this 'til you admit you're having fun!"
"I'm not having fun!"
Jed stayed true to his word. Or tried to anyway. He spun for another few minutes and managed to spin himself into a tunnel of dizziness. He lost his balance, falling to the ground onto a bed of raked leaves with Zoey on top of him, giggling even harder.
"Look what you did," he accused her, his breath ragged.
"YOU did it!"
"I didn't do a thing."
"DDDAAAADDD!" Ellie came bursting out the front door with a duffel bag over her shoulder. "Are we going or not? Mom isn't even here yet!"
"Yes, we're going. Your mom will be here soon, relax."
Proving Jed right, it was then that Abbey's car honked up the drive.
"Are you guys all ready to go?" she asked as she approached them after she parked.
"Hi Mommy!" Zoey ran into her arms.
"You're late," Ellie reminded her.
"It couldn't be helped. Besides, Lizzie's not here yet."
"She's not coming," Jed replied, still sitting in the hill of leaves.
"What?" Abbey extended a hand to help him up.
"She has an Economics exam on Monday. She said she had to study."
"She can study on the trip."
"She didn't want to."
"The four of us have never gone away without her before."
"I know."
"Did you adequately harass her about it?"
"I told her you would do that when you got home." Jed smiled.
"Whoever's gonna do it, could you hurry up so we can go! I hate sleeping in the car!"
Abbey turned her stare to her middle daughter. "You love sleeping in the car."
"That was when I was a kid. I'm not a kid anymore. And anyway, I'm bringing my telescope. I wanna get there in time to do some stargazing before bed."
"Okay, we'll leave just as soon as you get your coat."
"I don't need a coat."
"It's freezing in the mountains. You need a coat and so does Zoey. Go up and get one, both of you." When they left, Abbey turned her attention to Jed. "Do I want to know why you were sitting in a pile of leaves?"
"Zoey and I were horsing around." Jed dusted himself off. "I thought we had a deal. You're supposed to call when you're going to be late getting home from the hospital."
"I didn't expect to be late. Last-minute code."
"Your patient?"
"Yeah."
"And?"
"He's alive...for now. I'll have to check in with the hospital first thing in the morning."
"Don't tell me you're thinking of cutting the weekend short and coming back here."
"I'm just going to check in, okay? Alex said he'd cover for me."
"You two back on good terms?"
"Yeah. We're still working on the AMA resolution."
"Since when?"
"Since always."
"I thought after what happened..."
"We're adults, Jed." She started up the porch steps and into the house.
"What does that mean?" Jed followed her upstairs toward the master bedroom.
"It means we got past it. We're going to forget it ever happened."
"No, really," he scoffed, skeptical.
"What's wrong with that?"
"You expect him to work with you now, feeling the way he does?"
"He's not a teenager with raging hormones. He's a grown man." She made a beeline toward the dresser, where she pulled out a pair of dark blue jeans and a white knit sweater.
"So?"
"So, he can put his feelings aside."
"Yeah, just like I did when I met you and continued on toward the priesthood anyway."
Abbey turned to face him. Sarcasm always meant something was bothering him on a personal level. "Are you jealous?"
Jed's gut reaction was to deny it. "It's not about jealousy. It's about what's appropriate."
"Oh?" She retrieved her brown suede ankle boots from her shoe rack in the closet. "Then tell me what's appropriate."
That was a trick question if he'd ever heard one. Jed was a master wordsmith, and no one had the power to mince his words the way Abbey did. Caught in a no-win standoff, he bit the bullet and went on, "You not collaborating with a man who has the hots for you, for one."
"Why?"
"Why?"
"Yeah, tell me why."
"Because." Wasn't it obvious?
"Because why? Let me guess, you trust me, but you don't trust him. I never understood that line of reasoning." She ripped off her top and changed into the sweater. "It takes two to tango, so if you trust me, then you'll have to trust that nothing would ever happen, unless he were to force himself on me or drug me and take advantage of me. I'm pretty sure that's not where you were going with your suspicions, so let me ask again - why do you think I shouldn't collaborate with a man who, in your words, 'has the hots for me'?"
She hit a homerun with that one and in the process, she managed to quell his jealousy just a tad. "That was good, the way you sliced and diced my argument before I made it."
"One of my hidden talents. I know what you're going to say even before you open your mouth." She pulled up her jeans, buttoned them, then walked over and closed the space between her and Jed, an adoring glint in her eye as she gazed at him. "I love you."
"I know." Even he realized he was being silly about this. Of course nothing would happen. He owed her the same trust that she had always given him.
"I put up with your groupies in Washington. You can put up with Alex Foster."
He furrowed his brows. "You have a distorted view of what goes on in Washington."
"So you've said."
"You should spend more time down there with me."
"I'd love to, babe, but that would interfere with the time I plan to spend daydreaming about Alex."
He deserved that, but still. "It doesn't matter how cute you think you are, you're still a pain in the ass, you know that?"
"It's why you love me," she chuckled. He was close enough that she stole a quick kiss.
"ARE WE GOING?" a grumpy Ellie called out from down the hall.
Abbey backed away from Jed and slipped into her shoes, then snatched her brown suede jacket off a hanger. "Why did we decide to have these kids so many years apart? We get one past the difficult teen years and another one starts."
"Good news - after this one, you only have one more to go with Zoey!" Jed grimaced as he reached down to grab the bag Abbey had packed.
"What's wrong?"
"I think I twisted my back when I was playing with Zoey earlier."
"Oh no." Without another word, Abbey disappeared into the bathroom.
"Abbey, don't!" Jed warned her. "Don't get my back pills."
"You'll wish I had them later."
"We're going away for the weekend. I'm not going to take my back pills."
"Yeah, we'll see."
She marched out of the room, leaving Jed to shake his head and sigh before following.
"The clinic wants me there an hour early. Can you pick me up at 6:30?" Liz's voice was dull and somber as she talked to Doug on the phone.
"Yeah," Doug promised. "I'll bring you back to my place after. You can stay here as long as you want to heal."
"Thanks."
"I love you, Liz. This is the right thing to do."
Liz nodded, but didn't say anything. She was worn out from crying. Drained. Her voice was weak and scratchy. She felt hallow. Defeated. As if she was trapped in an impossible situation and the only way to get herself out of it was to do something she didn't really want to do. What choice did she have? She knew nothing of being a mother and Doug knew even less about being a father. A baby would complicate their lives beyond recognition. It would force her out of school, derail her future, her dreams, her aspirations. And most likely, she thought, it would threaten her relationship with her parents. It would destroy her dad's campaign and change the family dynamics forever. She couldn't continue this pregnancy, she convinced herself. It just wasn't possible.
There was no other way around it. She had to do what Doug suggested and she had to do it this weekend. She hung up on Doug then, grabbed her jacket, and took off for the Houghton Memorial Chapel, just as she had that morning. But this time, she wasn't going to seek advice from God. This time, she wanted to ask His forgiveness for making the decision she had made.
TBC