Good news! I found a way to update my stories anyway! :D So you can just ignore my AN (I deleted it already so.) Thank you for your patience anyway. I know I haven't updated in almost two months, and I apologize for it. A lot has been going on!
And just real quick, meeting Eric Dane was awesome and unexptected! He is extremely nice and sweet. And he also recognized me! How insane is that? He was in Stockholm to promote season 3 of The Last Ship. If you want more details, feel free to send me a message! :DNow, this story. I have so many plans you can't even imagine! We are far away from done. A lot is gonna happen before we reach the end. I hope you enjoy this chapter as much as I do. I really love to write these scene in which there is just Lexie and Mark. I love to get inside their heads and write about what they're thinking and their feelings. Hope I give them justice.
Don't forget to leave a review. You know they make my days!
Lexie laid comfortably in Mark's arms as they laid in bed and watched the movie that was on one of the movie channels. You've got mail was a movie Lexie hadn't seen before, but Mark had assured her that it was well worth seeing, so who was she to question him?
And the movie had been really good. Well written, good actors, a nice plot. Everything you would want in a movie. It reminded her that love could appear out of nowhere in any way possible. Kind of like her and Mark's love.
They had been silent all the way back from Derek and Meredith's. One of the reasons Lexie had offered to drive was to focus on the driving, and thus avoid the uncomfortable conversation she sensed that Mark was gonna start. She knew Mark wanted to talk, and she knew that she would have to, but a part of her wasn't ready yet. And that made her try to analyze the reason. The conclusion she made was that she didn't want to bother Mark with any more of her problems. He had enough to deal with already, aside from his own problems from Africa. Which, she'd reminded herself, she knew almost nothing about. He was just as silent as she was.
Once they got back home, Lexie had made popcorn, and Mark had turned the TV on to find a good movie they could watch. The agreement had been to eat popcorn and watch a movie, then they would talk.
And now, here they were. Laying comfortably in bed together, eating popcorn and watching the end credits.
"I don't want this movie to end," Lexie mumbled softly and snuggled up closer to Mark, sighing heavily as she swallowed.
"That good of a movie, huh?" Mark asked with a smirk and gently nudged his girlfriend with his elbow.
"Well, yeah…" Lexie began and closed her eyes as she sighed again. "But also because I know that once the movie is officially over, you're gonna want to talk."
Her words made Mark sigh. Yes, he wanted to talk. He wanted them to talk. He wanted Lexie to open up more to him and tell him about what exactly happened that night with Wilson. All so he could help her the right way. Because right now, he felt useless. He felt like all he did was screw things up and make things worse for her. And he couldn't help her if he didn't know how to do it. "What's so bad about talking?"
"I just don't undersand why you want details," Lexie mumbled and prayed that she could get Mark to change his mind.
"And I don't understand why you won't give me details," Mark stated, fighting to not let the anger show itself.
"Because you- you don't need them!" You don't need to know how disgusting I am for actually letting someone else have sex with me. "I told you what happened, you don't need the details to understand what happened. You know it already." The annoyance was raising inside of her, she knew it shouldn't, but it did.
"Do I, though?" Mark asked harshly. He couldn't help it any longer. This was clearly turning into a fight, and they both would have to accept it. "Do I know what happened?" With a frustrated sigh, he gently moved Lexie away from him so he could get out of the bed. Once he was on his feet, he started pacing, forcing himself to calm down before he exploded. He didn't need Lexie to feel worse tonight.
"Yes, you do." Lexie stated and sat up in bed, watching him pace in front of her and trying to convince herself that this would turn out okay. "I told you what happened that night. You don't need details."
"Yes, I do!" Mark couldn't help it when he raised his voice and the words came out as an outburst. Stopping the pacing, he sighed and ran a hand over his face. "I do need details, Lex. Because I can't help you otherwise." Mark would be lying to himself if he said that this didn't trigger his memories of the attack. Dr. Kimberly Williams trusted him, she felt safe in his presence. And then she died. Basically on his watch. And he was sick of not being able to help. To not being there when someone needed him. With a heavy sigh, he decided to just let everything out. "I met a woman in Africa."
Lexie was taken aback by his sudden change of topic. And the statement made her frown. "You met a woman?" She questioned and couldn't help the jealousy.
"Yeah." Mark confirmed and nodded before looking over at his girlfriend on the bed as he leaned against the closet. "Kimberly. A cardio surgeon from Liverpool. Quick-thinking, smart, good with patients, extraordinary surgeon-"
"Are you gonna tell me how you slept with this woman?" Lexie asked and couldn't help but sound harsh.
"No! I'm gonna tell you how she died!" Mark said, raising his voice again. For Lexie to think that he would have been cheating on her with Kim actually angered him. Clearly, they were having communication problems at the moment.
Mark's outburst made Lexie almost flinch. She had pushed a button, she realized. Clearly he had some triggers too. She slightly nodded, silently telling him to go on.
Mark watched Lexie for a moment before he took a breath and prepared to tell her more about his horrible incident. "The morning of the attack, Kim and I were outside on a break. We'd had a lot of traumas coming in and we finally got a few minutes to just breathe. We just stood there, enjoying the silence, and then she told me how safe she felt in my presence. That when me and Derek arrived, she felt like everything would be okay. She was so sure that if something happened, I would be there to protect her." He got silent for a moment as he shifted his gaze from Lexie to the wall on the other side of the room. The memories washed over him like a wave and he needed a break before he continued. "Not long after that, another round of traumas arrived. And the next time I saw her… She was lying on the ground. Dead."
Lexie watched her boyfriend carefully as he told her everything. And for the first time she saw the real vulnerability in Mark's eyes. The way his devastation showed for not being able to help his friend when she needed him the most. And the guilt he must be feeling. It gave Lexie a more clear picture. And now she realized why he was so obsessed with helping her. "There wasn't anything you could have done, Mark." Her words were barely audible, but she knew he heard.
"I could have kept a better eye on her." Mark muttered, counting in his mind how many different ways he could have saved her. If he was stubborn enough, there were now 10 different ways.
"You had patients." Lexie argued, knowing deep down that this was useless, he would never accept that it wasn't his fault. But she had to try.
"Doesn't matter."
"We can't save them all, Mark. You know that." Lexie's voice was soft as she tried to convince him.
"But I should have been able to save her!" Mark cried out. The guilt was eating him from the inside. And the guilt towards Lexie wasn't helping. "She trusted me! She counted on me! She expected me to be there to help her! Do you have any idea how that makes me feel that I wasn't able to help her!? Or you for that matter!"
Lexie wasn't prepared for the topic to change that fast, again. What happened to her clearly triggered his memories about Kim. Despite his outburst, Lexie remained calm. "You weren't even here, Mark." Slowly, she moved the blanket from her legs and moved to sit on the edge of the bed, getting closer to Mark. "There was nothing you could have done."
"You didn't even trust me enough to tell me!" Mark raised his voice even more, unable to hold himself back. "You didn't think I would believe you! And I have no idea what I did to deserve that, but it makes me feel like shit that my own girlfriend doesn't trust me enough to tell me when something's wrong!"
Lexie was surprised that she remained calm, despite Mark's outburst. He had kept things inside for a long time, and it was time to get them out. She made a mental note to bring Mark to an appointment sooner than she'd first decided.
She stayed silent and just let Mark calm down and breathe. There was no need for another screaming fight, they could solve this like adults. And frankly, it wasn't even a fight. It was just two people telling stories.
Mark closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair as he forced himself to calm down. Lexie didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve to get yelled at. But Mark was far from perfect, and he was only human. There was only so much a person could handle. After taking a few deep breaths and silently counting to 10, he opened his eyes and looked at Lexie with a calmer look on his face. "Do you understand now, Lexie?" He asked softly. "Do you understand why I need you to give me details? Because I wasn't here. I wasn't here to help you when you needed me the most. And if I knew more about what happened, it would be easier for me to help you now."
Lexie looked down at her lap as Mark spoke. Yes, she knew now exactly why he was so desperate to know details. And she did understand. But that didn't make it easier for her to just tell him.
"Lexie…" Mark whispered softly and slowly walked over to the bed and crouched down in front of her, gently placing his hands on her knees. "Lexie, please… Talk to me."
"Do you know how scared I've been since that night?" Lexie whispered, refusing to lift her gaze and meet his eyes.
"No…" That was the point, he knew nothing.
"He threatened me, Mark. He… He said that if I told anyone, you would pay for the consequences."
"He wouldn't dare touch me." Mark said, a confident tone in his voice.
"But still." Lexie finally lifted her eyes to meet his, a desperate look in her eyes. "I couldn't take the risk. I won't ever let you get hurt because of me. Threat or not."
"It's okay now. You did tell me, and he knows that I know. And he still hasn't done anything to me." Mark slowly rubbed her knees in a soothing manor as he spoke. "Tell me."
Lexie lost herself in his ocean blue eyes for a moment. The eyes she was so in love with, the eyes that could make her legs give out and butterflies release in her stomach in an instant. Maybe telling him what he wanted to know would make them both feel better, even though she would have to force herself.
"We were drinking scotch." Lexie began and once again lowered her gaze to her hands. She could feel Mark's eyes steady on her. "I'm not really sure why I ordered it in the first place, I've tasted it before and hated it. But I was so worried about you so… I guess the scotch would make me feel closer to you somehow." She swallowed the forming lump in her throat before she took a breath. "He made me feel a little better and, for a moment, actually forgetting why I was drinking in the first place. We talked and had a nice time."
Hearing the real beginning of this horrible story made Mark more understanding about everything. But still. Drinking with a woman was one thing, raping her was completely different.
"He… He followed me home and came with me upstairs. And, as you know, he… He kissed me, and I was stupid enough to kiss him back. I tried to tell him no, but he kept going anyway. And eventually he…" Lexie had to take a breath before she continued. "He moved his hands inside my shirt. His hands roamed everywhere, but he mainly focused on my…" Instead of using the word, she lifted her hand up, indicating to her breasts. Still without looking at him, she ran a hand over her face and sighed. "He also said that he understood what you like about me."
It was first now Mark remembered why he deep down didn't want to know any of this. Anger. Hearing how this man had treated Lexie made him wanna scream and kill someone.
"Then he… He started to undress me. Or at least what he managed to undress. And I… I tried so hard to push him away, to fight his grip, to just get away. But I couldn't. He was too strong. After a moment, he started dragging me to the bedroom. I never understood why he wanted to do it in a bed." A frown covered Lexie's face as she thought about it. There were a lot of questions she had about this, a lot she didn't understand. "As I said before, he didn't punch me or anything. But he grabbed my wrists really hard, and then got a grip on my sides and pushed me down on the bed. He had me pinned down with one hand as he removed the rest of my clothes." Lexie hadn't noticed before, but now she realized that tears were streaming down her cheeks. When she felt Mark's thumb on her cheek, wiping a tear away, she slowly looked up to meet his eyes. "I tried so hard…" She whispered.
"I know, Lex." Mark whispered as he kept caressing her cheek with his thumb. "I believe you."
"I couldn't look at him. I couldn't watch it happen, so I closed my eyes and prayed for him to quicken his motions so he would leave me alone." She swallowed hard and held Mark's gaze for a moment before she looked down again. "Afterwards, he got dressed, threatened me to hurt you if I told anyone, and then he left."
Mark stayed silent as he watched her closely. A part of him was thankful that she finally opened up to him and told him details, as where another part of him wanted to bang his head in the wall and hope for a memory loss. "Okay, so I know the scotch triggered you. But have I recently touched you in ways that reminded you of him?" He couldn't remember touching her boobs since he got back, but there were a million different ways to touch a woman sensually.
Mark's question made her look up at him again. The problem wasn't how Mark had touched her, it was the fact that he did touch her. Both Mark and Wilson had touched her in similar ways as her first boyfriend in high school, so that was something she would have to learn to live with. "No… Not particularly."
"Okay," Mark said softly and nodded. "No scotch and no touching your boobs, then. I can live with that." He found himself smirking, despite himself.
"What? No!" Lexie frowned. "You- that's not… That drink is connected to you. And Derek. You shouldn't have to give up your favorite alcoholic beverage just because I have a bad memory of it! It's one bad memory against hundreds of amazing memories, I won't let that one bad memory win." Lexie didn't realize how desperate she sounded, but she just didn't want Mark to give that up because of her. And as far as the boob touching goes, she wouldn't give that up for the world.
"Lexie, relax," Mark said softly and allowed his hand to cup her cheek entirely. "One step at a time, then."
"One step at a time." Lexie nodded. That sounded like a plan she could work by. Mark's hand on her cheek made her relax and she found herself closing her eyes, taking a deep breath. "I miss your touch." She whispered softly, savoring the feeling of his hand on her skin.
"I'm touching you right now," Mark said and chuckled.
"No, I mean your touch," she whispered, keeping her eyes closed. "Your touch," she added, allowing herself to briefly remember all the good memories she had of him touching her in ways only Mark could master. Touches she now found unimaginable, but were slowly starting to miss. Taking a deep breath, she slowly opened her eyes, immediately finding his ocean blue ones.
Mark didn't know whether to be sad or happy about what she just told him. Either way, he offered her a small smile before speaking. "Well, like I said; one step at a time."
"Yeah," Lexie replied in a whisper and nodded slightly. Dr. Jones had basically assured her that she would one day feel comfortable enough to be intimate with Mark again, and she started hoping that it would happen soon. Because despite her insecurities and trust issues, she missed him. But she had promised herself not to rush it, for both her and Mark's sake. "Do you feel better now?" She finally asked.
"A bit, yeah." Mark confessed and slowly removed his hand from her cheek, placing it back on her knee. "Although I'm now more angry than ever at Wilson and the situation, it feels like I have a more clear image of the events. And I now know that I should be more cautious about my actions before acting." He paused for a moment. "What about you?"
Lexie had to admit, opening up more to him actually made her feel a little better. And now she also knew more about Mark's issues from Africa. "Yeah, I do," she said and nodded.
"Good." His hand was now back on her cheek, gently rubbing her soft skin with his thumb. "I'm sorry I yelled at you earlier."
"It's okay, I understand," Lexie replied in a soft tone. She would always forgive him for those things. He had taken a lot of crap from her on multiple occasions already. "Where do we go from here?" Lexie asked softly as she stared into his eyes and leaned into his touch.
Mark had to think about that one for a moment. Where would they go from here? He had finally gotten her to open up more, and he didn't want to screw that up. Because he believed that Lexie would feel better if she talked about what happened, no matter how painful it might be. And same goes for him. A sigh left him as he reached his conclusion. "I guess we'll start talking more. Make sure we really communicate. No secrets, no expecting the other to read minds or anything."
"Communicate," Lexie repeated and nodded. She could do that. Open up to him was easier than she thought.
They went silent for a moment as they held each others' gaze, feeling relieved that they had been talking more about their issues. Mark figured he'd finally found a way to help Lexie; think before acting. But mostly; communicate. He would have to remind her that he still loved her and that he still believed her every word about what happened. And in return, he would have to open up about Africa. Because forcing her to talk and not talking himself wasn't fair.
"So this Kimberly doctor," Lexie began, breaking the silence and offering Mark a small smile. "You think I would have gotten along with her?"
"Oh, yeah," Mark agreed with a smile as he finally got up from his crouched position and moved to sit beside Lexie on the bed, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. "She had a bit of a crush on me, but I'm sure you would've been great friends."
"Was she hot?" Lexie asked in a curious tone and glanced up at Mark. She wasn't jealous, just sincerely curious to whom this woman was.
Mark chuckled nervously and awkwardly tugged his earlobe as he searched for the best answer. "Ehm… If I put it this way; If I didn't have you waiting for me back home, I would have made a move on her." It was a sincere answer, but the smirk was planted on his face nevertheless.
Lexie didn't give a verbal response. She just simply sighed in pleasure and rested her head on his shoulder. She felt a rush of relief at his words. Ever since that night with Wilson, she feared that Mark wouldn't look at her the same way again. That he would simply leave her. But he loved her. Mark actually had the chance to cheat on her, and she had given him a chance, but he didn't take it.
And that thought brought a smile to her face.
"What do you say," Mark began softly, gently taking her small hand in his larger one. "Shall we call it a day and get some sleep?" He felt much better now when both of them had opened up more. The mission for tonight was officially completed.
"Yeah, I'd like that." Lexie replied and found herself closing her eyes already.
Mark chuckled softly when he noticed her closed eye lids while looking at their reflection in the mirror in front of them. "I meant get some proper sleep, laying down in the bed. Not sleeping on me." His words contained a joking tone, but he was serious nonetheless.
"Hmm, I know." Lexie replied, her eyes still closed and not intention to move.
"Come on." Mark said softly and gently wrapped his arms around Lexie, successfully moving her away from him and laying her down on the bed. He felt his heart clench in a good way when he saw the smile on her face. He knew she was already drifting off to sleep, but she was consious enough to know what was happening.
He watched Lexie get more comfortable on her side as he pulled the covers over her small frame. With a small smile on his face, he gently leaned down and placed a soft kiss on her cheek. "I love you," he whispered against her ear.
"Love you too..." Lexie mumbled, half asleep, half awake.
Mark gently moved so he was laying down on his side of the bed. Once he was comfortable, he rolled over so he was facing her back. With a small sigh, he scooted closer and placed his arm over her waist. He allowed himself to snuggle up close to her and inhale her wonderful scent. The scent he just couldn't get enough of.
A few minutes later, even Mark Sloan let himself drift off to the wonderful lull of sleep.
Today had been hard, but now he was more confident that they would be okay.
One step at a time.