Author's Note: Sorry for the lack of updates. I've been going through crazy family problems, start of the semester crap, and pretty much stress everywhere hitting me at once.
Chapter Twenty One- Flip of a Coin
Unable to shift into anything else, she settled for clinging to him and kissing his face again, stroking his hair, and nuzzling his chest. Despair and depression trickled into their weak telepathic bond and it unnerved her; she hugged him tighter.
"How long can you stay?" he whispered.
"I don't want to drain you completely," she said. She raised herself and kissed him on the cheek. "You need some energy to fight."
Timmy laughed hollowly. "What's the point? He likes it when I fight. He loves catching me and pinning me down. I told you I'm useless."
"No," she said. "You're wrong. Sweetie, you have to hang on. Cosmo and I are going to do everything in our power to save you. But you can't give up. We love you. Never forget that."
She stroked the scars on his wrists and he jerked back.
"Don't...don't touch there..." he whispered. "Lorenzo..." His throat constricted and she whimpered in sympathy, cupping his cheek and thumbing it.
"I wish you could stay," he said.
"That's not the way the spell works," she said. "The longer I'm here, the weaker you're getting."
"I don't care!" he burst out. "I don't care what happens...I just want you."
Wanda's throat swelled and tears burned the corners of her eyes. She shuddered and guilt overwhelmed her. This situation had been blown out of proportion anyway, and she knew Timmy would never blame them for this. Nonetheless, she couldn't help the remorse shaking her, especially when he tilted her head up and she saw the desperation there.
"Please, Wanda. I don't care what happens to me..."
"Yes, you do," she remarked softly. "If you didn't, you wouldn't want me here."
Tears soaked her bun and he rocked her back and forth. She laid her cheek alongside his and wished she had more to offer him. For a moment, she let him cradle her and hoped wordless comfort would help. It seemed to mollify him to be near her again, since she and Cosmo had avoided him in the last couple months.
The balance of power had shifted and she could sense him growing weaker than her. And yet...she couldn't bring herself to leave, knowing she was adversely affecting him. Timmy needed her, in a way he'd never before. He could have probably used Cosmo too, but she was all he had now.
She pecked him on the lips and then on the forehead. Timmy wrapped his arms around her and rested his hands on her back, beneath her wings.
"I love you," he whispered. "I wish you'd stay."
"I wish I could, sweetie," she said.
"If you won't stay," he said and swallowed hard, tears leaving lines along his cheeks, "can you at least tell me when you're going?"
"Can do, sport," she said. They rested for a while and he rolled over to stare at her.
"I didn't mean..." he swallowed again, "I didn't mean to scare you and Cosmo. I'd never want to hurt you again, not after..."
"I know," she murmured. "But, we love you. And anything you do that hurts you, hurts us too."
Another silence followed and he fidgeted. "I've been thinking..."
"Yes?" she prompted.
"Wouldn't it be easier if..." he looked away and she sensed a disconnect there she didn't like. Agony throbbed beneath the surface, but it was worse than that. She rested her hand on the back of his head and waited.
"If what, hun?"
"if I were dead."
"What?" she yelped. "What would ever make you think that?"
"If I were dead, you and Cosmo wouldn't have to worry about me killing you," he said quietly. "Lorenzo wouldn't exist anymore. And I could stop hurting you guys."
"No!" she said fiercely. "I don't want you to ever think that again! Promise me. Now."
"Why?" he said and turned to look at her again. His eyes were bleak and she swallowed shakily. "What difference does it make? All I'm good for is-"
"No, you're not!" she said. "If you killed yourself, it'd make things worse, not better. Didn't it occur to you if cutting bothered us so much, losing you is worse? We love you. Killing yourself would destroy us."
"I don't know..." he whimpered. "I don't know what I'm supposed to do."
"Hang on," she said. "That's all we ask. Hang on and wait for us. Promise me, if you won't stop hurting yourself, to at least stop thinking suicide is the answer."
"I can't..." he said.
The burning tears trickled down her cheeks and she glared at him. "Don't say that. You can."
"I can't."
"Yes. You. Can," she said. "I'll work on another scrying charm, so you can call us through the mirror to talk. Don't do anything-" her throat constricted and she couldn't speak for a moment. "Don't do anything...don't do anything Cosmo stupid."
Timmy laughed shakily and her lips twitched.
"We love you. I'll be back as soon as possible, somehow. And if I find you at the brink of death, Timmy, I'm bringing you back and electrocuting you."
The laugh was more genuine now and she smiled, stroking his cheek.
"Hang on. That's all we ask."
The mall was packed and Cosmo, in human form, had problems pushing his way through the crowd. Tootie had thought, for this exercise, it might be best to grab Vicky, because no one cleared crowds faster than Vicky in a rage. Vicky wasn't keen on helping Timmy (or, by proxy, the faeries she loathed so much), but bribery worked wonders. Plus, as Tootie had reminded her, Lorenzo's powers had grown exponentially and he could snatch her out of the Turner house should he choose to. So Vicky came along, grumbling and using Cosmo as a battering ram.
Cosmo could locate Gary by his similarity to Timmy and his faint magical signature. They were hoping that was enough, because they didn't have Wanda to help pinpoint them, or Timmy to wish he were there. Tootie's stomach knotted. Wanda hadn't said anything about last night's visit, but she and Cosmo were agitated.
"Where the hell is the brat?" Vicky snarled, standing in front of the pet store where they'd bantered about naming a female dog Vicky.
"I don't know..." Cosmo said. "He should be around here somewhere, but there's stuff interfering."
Vicky scoffed. "Typical. The sanctimonious faerie is off 'making things better' for the twerp and I'm left with the idiot who couldn't float his way out of a paper bag."
"He'll find him," Tootie snapped, folding her arms across her chest. "Give him time."
A mob passed by them and pushed them against the window. Vicky growled, shoving them back and looking like she'd love a fight. Tootie yanked her back by the hand and Vicky hissed, eyes flashing.
Vicky flicked green dust off her shoulders and growled at Cosmo. "Your dust is fucking annoying."
Cosmo ignored her and looked at his wand. "Wanda's coming back soon."
"Oh good," Vicky growled. "I'll have the idiot and the condescending bitch. What a couple."
"Keep your opinions to yourself," Tootie retorted.
"You don't like Wanda?" Cosmo said and stuffed his wand back into his pocket. Another gaggle passed by them and suffocated them, practically forcing them into the window. Growling, Vicky used Cosmo as a battering ram and pushed their way through. She kicked him in the back when she was finished and he gasped, righting himself.
"I hate you and Wanda," she snapped. "But I hate Wanda more."
"Thanks," Wanda said icily, appearing in the mob and looking no worse for the wear. "I'm fond of you too."
"Wanda!" Cosmo cried joyfully and hugged her. "How's Timmy?"
Wanda eyed Vicky and glowered. "I'll tell you two later."
"Oh, don't hold back on my account," Vicky said and grinned viciously. "How is the little twerp? Is he screaming in terror? Getting payback for the hell he unleashed? I know he lets."
Cosmo and Wanda blanched and Wanda stiffened, balling her fists. Another crowd passed, pressing them closer together, and the pink haired faerie, currently in human form wearing a yellow sweater and black pants, hissed. Tootie growled and her stomach flip flipped. She wanted to know badly how her beloved was doing, but apparently, even telepathy was out at the moment. And she knew the more miserable Timmy was, the happier Vicky would be.
"So, what is it now?" Vicky said and her eyes gleamed. "What horrible thing does he absolutely need you for this time? What other shit storm of his are you cleaning up?"
"Why are you here?" Wanda retorted.
"My sister and the idiot thought- hah, there's a laugh, that either of them can think- The Other could break into the house again," Vicky said. "So they're using me to thin the crowds."
She grabbed Cosmo and shoved him through the mass to part the way. Wanda touched her wand at her hip and they parted automatically, rather than forcefully the way Vicky wanted. Up close, Tootie could see Timmy's faeries had spent a sleepless night, probably worrying about Timmy.
"I'm sending you home," Wanda retorted. "Your attitude is not helpful."
"Because I'm not fawning over Timmy?" Vicky sneered. "Should I be hanging on his every word like you three are? I'm glad he lets. I just hope the next time he hits a vein and really does some damage."
Cosmo and Wanda both started; it looked at first like it'd be a tie which faerie would get there first, but Wanda slapped her across the face so hard the crack was audible, even over the din. It left a red imprint on her now white face and Wanda growled, less like her normal self and sounding more like an angry dragon.
Cosmo's attack wasn't physical. He grabbed his wand and blasted her, and then she was gone. His eyes narrowed and his shoulders trembled. Wanda laid a hand on his neck and he wrapped his arms around her. They stood there for a moment, staring at where Vicky had been, and their telepathy rasped against Tootie's mind.
"You sent her home, right?" Tootie said.
"Home, the moon, a major highway," Cosmo said, sounding disgusted.
"You didn't really send her to the highway, did you?" Wanda said. "Jorgen might start caring about us again if one of us accidentally kills Vicky."
"No, but I wanted to," Cosmo said. They huddled together for a moment longer and gazed deeply into each other's eyes.
"I hate to break up the moment," Tootie said. "But this isn't helping us find Gary, and what exactly happened with Timmy last night? And this morning?"
Wanda, with a grimace, broke off and they started down the hallway. Holding up her wand, she invoked a locator spell and it showed Gary briefly in the food court, though he probably wouldn't stay there. Tucking the wand back into her belt, she grabbed Cosmo's hand.
"Last night..." Wanda stopped and gulped. She and Cosmo exchanged another look.
"Yes?" Tootie said, the last encounter making her testier than usual. "What?"
"He wanted to see you," she said, injecting joviality into her words. Tootie glared.
"You're hiding something," she said. "Cosmo?"
"Timmy tried to kill himself in front of us," he said and Wanda demurred.
"Not kill- he slashed his arm open from the wrist to the elbow," she said. "But it was to cut, not to mortally wound. Though it did...have an unpleasant effect."
Stunned, Tootie stopped and they had to grab her to compel her to move again. Her mouth dropped open. "He...in front of you?"
"Yes," they answered. They wore the same troubled expression and Wanda squeezed Cosmo's hand.
"This morning," Wanda said and her fingers trembled in Cosmo's, "he told me he thought it'd be easier if he were dead."
"What?" Tootie shrieked and a few heads turned. Wanda shook her head at them and distantly sent, ((Quieter. Do you want the whole mall to hear you?))
Though it was a revelation she could receive any messages at all from them, since they were neither her godparents nor her telepathic receiver, it didn't do much to quell the nausea rising. Flabbergasted, she gawked at them and almost hoped they were joking. Yet Cosmo's face was uncharacteristically serious, and Wanda's was pinched with strain. They leaned on each other and Tootie let the impact sink in.
Between the cutting and the depression, it shouldn't have surprised her. It shouldn't have, and yet it injured her to the core. One, that Timmy hadn't told her, although he'd told his fairy godparents. She was supposed to be his true love and he was keeping that kind of secret from her. Two, that he was hurting so badly he felt suicide was the answer. And three, that he trusted Wanda enough to tell her when he knew the knowledge could be used against him.
"He really trusts you, huh?" she said, quieter.
"Yes," she answered. "We need to find Gary and rescue him. The stress is too much for him to bear. Lorenzo's gotten worse, not better."
"How badly has he..." she left the rest to hang in the air.
"At the Fairy Academy, we had to learn about what sexual abuse does to children, in case we ever encountered one as a godchild," Wanda said. Normally, they'd probably be whispering the conversation, but with the background noise overwhelming, they could hold an ordinary conversation and not be overheard. The food courts were in the back of the mall, which left the majority of this floor to cover, and then two floors up.
"Jorgen warned us by the time they got to Timmy's stage, we'd better start watching them like a hawk," she said and gulped. "We've been neglectful because of what Timmy almost did to us and he's suffered because of it."
"And what's Timmy's 'stage'?" Tootie asked. "Besides being suicidal and depressed."
"He doesn't value himself anymore," she said and anguish settled over her face. She gnawed her lip and looked askance. "He thinks his only worth is being Lorenzo's sex toy."
"But-" Tootie gnawed her lip too, because she felt like crying. Her Timmy, the boy she'd always admired for standing up to Vicky, for being brazen and confident and everything she couldn't be, who had been beaten down so low he considered himself no better than a prostitute. And even that might be too much.
"In the Fairy Academy, they taught us children tend to make body switching wishes after incidents like these," she said. "Because they can't stand their original bodies anymore. They hate themselves so much..."
An idea flitted through Tootie's mind. "Is that why he has the mood swings? And the random bursts of anger?"
"Yes and no," Wanda said and her lips compressed. "He is still a hormonal teenager, which accounts for some of it. The anger, however, is pent up rage and resentment from his past...which is unfortunately repeating. That's why it's crucial we locate Gary and compel him to help us."
"What if he doesn't?" Cosmo said, for the first time voicing the concern that had been plaguing Tootie this morning.
Wanda smiled grimly. "After seeing Timmy this morning, I'm ready to try Daddy's way."