Back again at the first Friday of the school year. Woosie. ^^

To My Reviewers:

Sockstar: Thanks for saying so. You may or you may not be right.

Star-gazing-in-LA: Thank you for your compliments. And don't worry, I love long reviews. ^^ Whenever I watch something, I always wonder "why did he say that?" or "why did she do that" I am able to get a clear understanding on the character. A story with nothing without well-rounded characters.

Discostick0shalah: Updated, as you wish. Yes, it is depressing, luckily there are some happy and funny moments.

Hello!!: There are ten chapters between each collections of diaries. Carly has deep issues like every human being and I want to show people that. Oh,, and yes, Melanie will be brought into the story.

Chapter Twenty-One: The Mocking Silence

My eyes flutter open and as soon as I registered that I was awake, I felt a sharp throbbing pain in my head. My stomach twists and turns and I felt like I was going to throw up all over myself. I groaned as I turned over to a more comfortable position. I lied on my stomach and buried my face into my pillow, hoping to go back asleep. It's dark, no light in sight. Then, I heard the door open and light filled in the room. I hissed in irritation as I looked to the door. Sam came into the room, "Come on, Freddie, and get out of bed." I glared at her, "Are you kidding me? It's practically dawn…" Sam went over to the window and pulled the blinds to bring in more light. "It's almost eleven thirty. Go shower and get dressed. Spencer's wedding, remember?" Sam spoke as she looked back to me. I put my hand to my head, "To hell with weddings…" I rolled out of my bed, completely forgetting about gravity. I fell to the floor. I cried out in pain as I tried to sit up. Sam walked over to me and helped me up. I noticed she was wearing a yellow dress that wrapped around her tightly, accenting her slim, but very curvy, figure. It looked like her hips were about to bust out of the dress, but it was truly sexy.

The last two weeks have been a trip back and forth between heaven and hell in a crazy roller coaster that would rival the best of the best. Sam didn't really comprehend the thought of anything going in between me and Carly, so I was off the hook for my comment, at least, for the time being. However, last week was a brutal nightmare. I still have scars on my wrists from it.

I will remember it to the day I die.

It was a Thursday. Sam had just came home from work. I could smell the gingerbread she had in her paper bag. She usually brought some home every other day, it depended on if she worked late or not. We shared the gingerbread men and snuggled up on the couch. I wanted to go to bed early. I had gotten up around four thirty in the morning to finish up a designing job. I also had a small headache from staring at the screen for many hours on end. I got off the couch, telling Sam that I was going to bed. I went into the bedroom and took off my shirt. I looked around for my pajama pants and slipped them on after I took my jeans off. I threw the clothes in the hamper before getting into the bed. Sam came into the bedroom a few minutes later.

I wasn't asleep yet, so I watched her. She took off her shirt and pants to reveal a black silk teddy on her body. She didn't say anything as she got on the bed and tried to take the covers off me. I knew what she wanted. I knew what every motion and gesture meant. I decided to indulge her by kissing her. I wrapped my arms around her small waist and kissed her. She smiled, thinking that she had won my approval. I decided to stop when she started to stick her tongue into my mouth. I pulled away from her, "Goodnight, Sam." Even if I wanted what she wanted, I couldn't do it. Call me a prude or whatever, but I wanted to wait. Sam pulled me back to her and tried to kiss me again. I gave her a look to tell her I wasn't playing anymore. She rolled her eyes and wrapped her arms around me, rubbing her body against mine in a suggestive way. I wanted to give in to my desires, but I stopped myself from responding. I got out of her grasp, "Stop it." Then she said something that set me off.

"Since when did you become such a fag?"

I didn't even know what happened next. All I know is that my hand was tingling. I heard her cry out. Her hand was on her cheek, it was turning red. I realized what I had done. I slapped her. I didn't even have time to apologize before she socked me right in my jaw. I cried out and my head knocked back against the headboard. I felt dizzy. The room was moving all around me. I don't know how much time had past before I came to. By the time I was able to analyze the situation, Sam was off the bed. I looked over to see what she was doing. She was looking through her gym bag. Sometimes she brought home equipment from her self-defense class if it was broken. She brought out two jump ropes. They each had broken handles. She took one jump rope and took my wrist. She pinned my hand to the bedpost and wrapped the rope around my wrist as tight as she could. She bound it around and tied it, tightly. It was then when I realized the gravity of the situation. I tried to pull my hand out, but it was too tight. I went to untie the rope, but she had already taken my other hand and pinned it against the other bedpost. I could barely speak. It felt like it wasn't real.

This isn't happening. This couldn't be happening. It's not possible. Girls can't do that to boys. Right?…Right?!

I tried to free my hands, but it was of little use. I then started to scream, hoping someone would hear and help me. However, that plan soon failed when she grabbed a sock from the hamper and stuck it in my mouth. I started choking. I couldn't breathe. I tried to calm myself so I wouldn't suffocate to death. I soon succeeded and was able to control my breathing. Sam got on the bed once more. She started to pull down my pants. I was alarmed, I was freaking out. I didn't care who she was at this point. She was someone that was going to hurt me, seriously hurt me, and take something from me that I could never get back. I had to defend myself; it didn't matter to me if I hurt her. I kicked her off, knocking her in her mouth. She cried out and rubbed her mouth. She growled and gave me a firm bite on my chest. I tried to scream, but it was all muffled. I was in a sea of pain and fear. Blood started to come out of the bite wound and the wound itself started to turn purple and loose. Sam hissed at me to regain my attention, her eyes were dark and narrow like a snake, "Stay still." I obeyed her, trying to figure out what to do. I tried to black out, wanting to be somewhere other than here.

She finally took off my pants and ran her fingers down my thighs. My body started to respond, being pleased by this sensual touch. But I didn't want this. I didn't understand why my body was betraying me like this. I felt so exposed, like everyone could see me. Like I was in a glass cage in a zoo and everyone was watching me. "See, you want this," Sam pointed out. I didn't, yet I did. I didn't understand. I was so confused. I wanted to do this with her. But not now, not like this. No bondage, no perversion of the most beautiful act a man and a woman could do with each other. I had morals, I had values, and I couldn't be doing this now. However, the most natural, yet the most savage, part of me wanted to say, "Screw this, I'm going to do what I want to do."

I tensed up, waiting for her wrath to over take me. However, nothing happened. She looked at me and took out the sock. I panted for air as I looked at her. "Consider this a warning," Sam said, coldly. She then untied the jump ropes and pushed me off the bed. I fell to the ground, knocking my head on the end table. Not enough to make my head bleed, but enough to hurt. Sam said, staring at me, "You can sleep on the couch tonight." She got under the covers and said, perky, "Good night, Freddie, I love you." I stood up and went into the living room. I didn't even patch up the bleeding bite wound on my chest. I just started crying and I couldn't stop.

From that night on, I had nightmares about what happened. Horrible, vivid, graphic nightmares that made me wake up in a pool of tears. Sam would be holding me, asking me what kind of dream would make me so upset. I wanted to scream that she was the cause of all this. How dare she try to comfort me?!

Yet, the mere fact that she did comfort me proved to me that she loved me. It was a strange love, but it worked for over five years. It had to have some meaning to it. Like Othello, I was a man that "love not wisely, but deeply"

I walked into the bathroom, yawning. I stared in the mirror. My scars were healing up nicely, but there probably will be permanent marks on my face. My eyes are bloodshot. I can barely remember the days when I would look into the mirror and see white eyes. My hair is a mess. I got in the shower and let the warm water engulf me. I scrubbed my body, hoping to clean myself. Ever since that night, I would scrub and scrub, but I still felt as dirty as that night. No matter how hot the water was or how much soap I used. I almost scalded myself (again) the morning after. I spent two hours in the shower. I haven't had two-hour showers since I moved out of my mom's apartment.

I got out of the shower and dried myself off. I noticed that Sam had put my tuxedo in the bathroom with some new boxers. I smiled slightly as I slipped the clothes on. I walked out of the bathroom and got on my shoes. Sam was in the living room, snacking on a chicken wing. I glanced at her and raised an eyebrow. She smiled at me and showed me a bucket of chicken wings and breasts, "Chicken?" Surprisingly, I nodded, "Yeah." I took a wing and bit into it. And I actually finished it. I guess my appetite finally came back.

Mojito. I think that this is what Socko called it. It was delicious. I had to have it. And it made me forget about that night. It made me forget about everything that blonde demon has done to me. I loved forgetting. I loved having fun. I loved what that drink did to me. But then it made me remember Carly. What she did, what I did, what Sam did. Those long months of uncertainty. I will always remember the smirk on Sam's face when Carly lied. I remembered my anger, my words. I didn't speak to Carly for two weeks. It wasn't until Carly was admitted to the hospital that I finally told her that I forgave her.

Anyway, I had to have more of that drink. That delicious piece of happiness. I wondered if I could order it off the Internet and have it delivered to the apartment. All it gave me was a headache and I only threw up once. And it helped me get my appetite back. It didn't seem as bad as the anti-alcohol after-school specials that Mom brainwashed me with.

"Let's go," Sam said, getting her purse. I nodded and grabbed another chicken wing, "Okay." She went to door and unlocked it. She opened the door and we went out. I wondered why it was that she was letting me out now. I guess it was to avoid any suspicious questions from Spencer. We went down the elevator and went out of the building. Luckily, the sky was overcast, so the sunlight didn't hurt my eyes that much. Sam hailed a cab and it took us to the church over on the other side of Seattle. Sam was pissed off that she had to pay a lot of money for the ride. If you asked me, we should just save our money to buy a car.

We got to the church near noon. We quickly got out of the cab and into the church. Not a lot of people were there. Spencer was at the alter, being prepped by his best man, Socko. Spencer never looked so nervous in his entire life. Sam and I sat down at the pew in the second row. It wasn't long before the organist started playing. The cute little flower girl, known as Socko's daughter Lily, walked down the aisle, tossing rose petals on the aisle. She quickly finished and staid put. Automatically, we looked behind us to see Spencer's bride go down the aisle. She sure looked beautiful. She had on a long sleeved white dress with a long train behind her. She had a veil over her face. Spencer looked like he was about to pass out. As soon as Angela stood before Spencer, the priest began the process.

Inside my tuxedo's pocket, I had a lovely little ring for Sam. I was going to propose to her after the wedding. I was more confident than ever that I wanted to do this. I knew that if we could survive a night like that, than surely we would be together forever and ever.

The wedding went on quickly, I was drifting in and out of attention. I quickly came back to the wedding when Spencer and Angela kissed. It was so perfect and I couldn't wait for Sam and I to experience this. Spencer and Angela walked away from the alter, hand in hand and laughed as they left the church, in their own little world. "To Alaska! To Alaska!" They laughed as they ran off. I smiled as I watched them go. Sam and I stood up and left the church. We took each other's hands as we walked out. I then stopped, "Sam…" She turned to me, "Yes, Freddie?" I sighed as I let go of her hand. I got on one knee and looked up at her. Her eyes were wide in surprise and she instantly smiled.

"Sam, I love you. You're everything to me. I can't imagine going through life without you. I need you in my life. I don't know I'd do if I couldn't wake up and see your beautiful face every morning. So…" I pulled out the ring and asked, trying to steady myself, "Will you marry me?"

Sam grinned and laughed, "Yes!" I sighed in happiness as I put the ring on her finger. I stood up and picked her up, carrying her in my arms. Sam laughed as she wrapped her arms around my neck. I held her tightly, nuzzling into her neck. Sam giggled as she was tickled.

Everything was going to be okay.

Til Next Time....