I have no opening words for y'all...so just enjoy (:

{Zach}

The only thing I wanted for Christmas was hundreds of miles away and refusing to talk to me. Despite telling Bex that I would remain silent if that was what Cammie wanted, I was having a terrible time with it. I'd texted her constantly the first couple of days, and I'd called her more times than I even wanted to admit. She hadn't responded. I had to face facts that she actually wanted my silence.

I still texted her when I couldn't bear to let her think that she was off my mind. But even those, I let dwindle to once a day, and then every other day, and then every third day.

Guilt infected everything. Guilt about how I'd treated Cammie, how I'd talked to her, for not going after her, for not doing enough. Guilt about how I'd treated Sydney, how I'd treated the guys, how selfish I'd been in everything I'd been doing for months…years. I was no better than my crazy mother. That much was becoming a pretty obvious fact. Self-sabotage was the name of the game, and I was the goddamn reigning champion.

Normally, in these situations...well, shit, I'd never been in this kind of situation. But when I got down, I usually overindulged in anything that would make me forget. But everything made me think of her. I didn't want to drink. I didn't want to smoke. I didn't have the energy to think about anyone but her, so there was no way I was going near women. A fucking blizzard had ripped through Virginia, so I couldn't ride my bike. The only thing I still had was my guitar, and her song seemed to be the only one I remembered.

"Are you going to mope around all break?" Sydney asked a few days before Christmas.

I'd apologized to her as soon as she'd gotten back from the ski lodge. She'd brushed it off like it didn't matter and told me it just ranked right up there with my other bizarre behavior.

"I'm not moping."

"You are so moping!"

I just shrugged. I didn't want to argue with her. I started strumming out "Life Raft" for the hundredth time, and Sydney groaned.

"Stop playing that song. Can't you just…I don't know…find someone else?"

My eyes shot daggers at her.

"All right, all right. Bad idea."

"She just needs time."

"Has she spoken to you at all since she left?"

I couldn't think about that. I couldn't consider that she had moved on. My life was hanging on the edge of disaster with those thoughts constantly swirling through my brain. I didn't need the push that would send me into a spiral of chaos.

"Look, cuz," she said, sinking into the seat next to me, "I know this is hard on you, but you need to do something else, something to get your mind off of her."

"Like what? Everything that I've ever done in the past just conjures up more memories."

"I don't know. Just do something productive. Go work out or go for a run or go work for Joe again. Sitting here and thinking about her all day is only going to make you depressed. You were never exactly chipper, but this…this isn't you."

I ran a hand back through my hair and tried to listen to reason. Sydney was right. Cammie was on my mind 24/7 and if I didn't get myself together, her walking out of my life was going to destroy me.

"All right then."

Sydney and I drove to Solomon's, and I smiled at the old familiar feeling at seeing the building. A long line of people greeted us when we entered. The hostesses recognized Sydney, and they hugged and started talking rapidly. I wandered back to the kitchen and found my aunt and uncle where I'd always found them before. Joe was busy making pizza dough from scratch while young servers busied themselves around him. Abby was sitting at a cash register, ringing out customers and making change. It felt…homey.

"Zach!" Abby said with a big smile on her face. "How wonderful to see you, honey."

"Hey, Aunt Abby, Uncle Joe."

"Sydney get you out of the house?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, she did."

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

A white apron was launched at my head, and I caught it easily with one hand, laughing as it almost hit my face. It felt good to have something to laugh about.

"We have a lot of work to do."

The pizza place closed at midnight. I stayed after to wipe down tables and refill parmesan and red pepper flake containers. The steady motion of running the restaurant had kept my mind occupied and had given me a blissful reprieve from my thoughts. When I finished around one in the morning, I closed up shop. Instead of going straight home, I turned and walked out onto the beach.

I'd been avoiding the beach at all costs. It had once been my place of solitude—just me and the crashing waves, the sand between my toes, the salty air. Peaceful, serene, entrancing. But I'd brought Cammie here, I'd shared my favorite place in the world with her, and now, it wasn't mine. It was ours.

I was exhausted from working hard all day, and I wanted to feel a piece of her when I couldn't be anywhere near her. The only time we'd ever been closer was when I told her about my parents. We'd connected on such a strong emotional level then, just like the morning on the beach. And since I was missing her like crazy, I decided going to our spot would be a small consolation.

I tramped out through the snow, letting the dry, cold air seep into my lungs. I finally reached a point where the ocean had washed away the snow, giving way to hard-packed sand. I stood there in icy silence, just watching the waves come in and then flow back out.

Working had never held any real interest to me. I had money, lots of money, from what had happened with my parents. And the band made good enough money to top that. But I suddenly wanted a job. I wanted to feel like I was doing something worthwhile. A secret part of me wanted to prove Cammie wrong. I'd never been motivated or ambitious. I'd been treading water in my life for a long time. Maybe it was time to change that after all.

{Cammie}

Going through the motions at home was surprisingly easy. My family had never been particularly emotional, so I could hide my feelings behind an expressionless mask. I'd never told my parents that I was dating anyone, so they had no reason to suspect my sullen attitude was anything out of the ordinary. Only Dillon seemed to notice a shift in my moods, but he kept his thoughts to himself, just like my family always did.

I was upstairs, getting ready for my father's annual Christmas party, when Dillon appeared in the bathroom mirror behind me.

"Are you ready to go?"

Sometimes, I swore that Dillon and I could have been twins. He wasn't much taller than me, and we had the same natural blonde hair and matching dark blue eyes. He'd graduated from Gallagher the year before I'd attended, and he was now working in business in big corporate cities, like our father.

I swished the mascara across my lashes one more time, and then I put the tube away. "Sure."

"Have you been okay?" he asked, crossing his arms over the chest of his designer tuxedo.

"Fine."

"Cammie, I know you're not fine."

I ran my hands down the front of the black lace dress my mother had picked out for me when we'd gone shopping. It had an open V-cut with thick straps falling over my shoulders, a tiny empire waist, and an A-line skirt that fell to my knees. Zach's dog tags had been replaced with a simple gold chain with a little bow pendant. My parents had gotten it from Tiffany's for me for Christmas. It was simple yet extravagant.

I hated taking off Zach's dog tags almost as much as I hated wearing them. They were my reminder as much as his text messages were. I desperately wanted to pick up the phone and make it all right, but something had kept me from doing it. I missed him terribly, and honestly, I couldn't believe some of the things we'd said to each other, but I wanted to trust Bex's advice. I did need time away from him to get my head on straight again. To discover who I am and what I want out of life without Zach so I can decide if it's worth throwing away the life I had with him.

"Are you daydreaming?" Dillon asked, waving a hand in front of my face.

"No," I said immediately. "What were you saying?"

"If I didn't know better, I'd say you are lovesick."

The color drained out of my face, and I was thankful for the blush I'd just applied to my cheeks. "I'm just not feeling well." I took a step around him to grab my black heels and I slipped them on.

"Cammie," Dillon said softly, following me into the room. "Did something happen at school? Is that why you came home early?"

Oh, how I wanted to confide in my brother, but I knew exactly what he would think about Zach. Dillon would assume what I'd assumed at first. But there was so much more to Zach than what met the eye. I'd said that he hadn't changed, that he wasn't ambitious…and more terrible things, but I'd realized that none of them were true. His drive and ambition just didn't fit the mold I'd been carefully cut from. That didn't mean they didn't exist.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"I'm your brother. You can trust me."

I sighed and relented. "I was dating someone. We got into a big fight when school ended. I'm just trying not to think about it."

"Well, as your brother, I can say that no guy is ever going to be good enough for you."

I cringed at his words.

"And if you're already fighting, then it's probably only going to get worse. But if you decide to see this guy, tell him your older brother will beat his ass if he hurts you again," Dillon said.

The thought of Dillon trying to beat up Zach was highly amusing, considering Dillon had always been an all talk, no action kind of guy. I cracked a smile for the first time in what felt like forever.

"That's better. Come on, we have to get to the hotel. You'll get to meet DeeDee."

In the limousine, my parents chatted aimlessly on the way to the party, and Dillon had his arm around his new girlfriend, DeeDee. I gazed out the back window and prayed for the night to end quickly. We pulled up in front of the hotel and were escorted to the ballroom.

My mother took me aside at the entrance. "Cammie, please do try to smile while you're here tonight," she said with a wary look in her eye. "I've noticed that you seem sullen, but maybe the festivities will do you some good."

I managed a polite smile and nodded. "Of course."

"Also," she said, gesturing for me to follow her, "we have invited a delightful young man who works for your father."

I groaned. "Please, don't do this."

"Just meet him," she insisted. "His name is Preston. His parents are from the area. He graduated from Harvard three years ago, and he is already making his way seamlessly up the company."

Twenty-five. My mother was pitching me to a guy who was six years my senior and listing off his good qualities, like he was antique furniture being auctioned off to the highest bidder.

"I'm not interested."

My mother gave me a stern look. "It's good and well that you've been focused on your schoolwork, but it doesn't hurt to look around. You never know. You might like him."

Zach. I liked Zach. No do-gooder Harvard grad from high-society was going to compare to Zach. I almost couldn't believe those thoughts had just crossed my mind. Hadn't I thought the same as my mother only four months earlier?

"Preston!" my mother said, fluttering her fingers.

Oh, God, she had just been walking me right to him.

"Rachel, so good to see you," Preston said. His eyes swept past my mother and landed on me. "And you must be Cammie. I'm Preston Winters."

I handed him my hand to shake, but he brought it to his lips. His blue eyes stared straight through me. I managed not to squirm uncomfortably, but I quickly retrieved my hand.

"Nice to meet you," I said.

I got my first real glance at Preston, and he was everything I'd expected him to be—tall, blonde, blue-eyed with a suit to rival my brother's and a smile that could charm a snake. The only thing out of the ordinary about him was that he was slightly lanky, but he definitely had some muscle to him, even if it was just barely.

My mother smiled brightly at our introduction and then went back to find my father in the crowd. I avoided Preston's curious glances and scurried after her. I spent the remainder of the evening tucked into a corner of the room, wasting time on my cell phone. A text pinged on the screen from Zach, and my heart raced.

Merry Christmas, Gallagher Girl. Hope you get everything you want. Unless you manage to get a ticket into Virginia, I'm afraid I'll be without the only thing I want. Stay warm, and come back soon. I miss you.

Tears swam in my eyes. Damn him! How was he able to bring so much emotion out of me from a simple text? I felt positively dreadful. There was no other way to put it. I missed him, and I wanted to make things right.

I'd decided that I was going to call him at the same moment Preston had materialized out of thin air. "Are you all right?" he asked.

"Oh!" I blinked away the surprise, and then tried to hide the tears that were still forming. "Sorry. I'm fine."

"Do you want to take a stroll around the hotel?"

"Did my mother send you?" I asked before I could stop myself.

Preston looked taken aback, and I wasn't sure if it was an act or not.

"No, of course not. I just saw that you looked sad and wanted to get you out of here in case other people noticed."

"So…this is about appearances?" God, my stupid mouth.

"Have I done something to offend you?" Preston asked plainly. "You looked like you needed an escape. I can provide one."

"Oh. Sure," I said softly, slightly embarrassed by my outbursts.

Preston walked me to the nearest door, and we started wandering leisurely around the hotel. He didn't say much, which was a relief. The silence was better anyway.

"Want to see something?" he asked.

"Um…sure."

He pushed open a door and led me into an empty ballroom. It was dark, the only light coming in from the panel of windows along the far wall. Preston shrugged out of his tuxedo jacket and walked me out to the balcony overlooking the city.

"Here," he said, slipping his jacket over my slim shoulders.

I felt a touch of guilt for taking it, but I was glad I had it.

"God, it's freezing."

"Yeah," he admitted. "It looks better in the summer. You'd like it."

I shrugged. How did he know what I liked? "So, how do you like working for the company?"

"It suits me. How are you enjoying Gallagher?"

I turned my face back out toward the city. "It's nice."

"Will you be in town much longer?" he pried.

"Through the rest of break. I don't have school again until the second week of January." That meant I would be away from Zach for a couple more weeks. Could I wait that long?

"Do you have plans for New Year's?"

New Year's. Oh my god! Why didn't I think of that before? My whole face lit up. Zach would be in New York for New Year's. He still had to be opening for The Drift. I could go there. I could actually see him and make things right in person!

Realizing I hadn't responded to Preston, I said, "I'm going to be in New York City with one of my friends."

He looked disappointed but managed to cover it up. "What about after that? I'm leaving on vacation with my family to Paris for a week, but I get back on New Year's Eve. I'd love to take you out."

Oh…

Oh!

"Um…I really appreciate the offer, but I'm not sure what I'll be doing."

"Well, just think about it. I'd like to see you again," he said turning me to face him.

He looked completely one-hundred percent sincere. I guessed I'd somehow charmed him in our short time together, or it was the parental influence behind the whole exchange. He was rather handsome. Before Zach, I would have totally been into this. But now, all I saw was a life I didn't want to fit into because it was one without Zach.

Preston's eyes dropped down to my lips, and I saw his intention a split second before he leaned down to kiss me. I turned my face at the last second, and he chastely kissed me on the cheek. He cleared his throat, obviously embarrassed.

"Perhaps we should get you back inside. You're shaking."

"I think that's a good idea," I whispered.

I was certainly shaking, but not from the cold. It was from what had almost happened.

Zach and I were on a break.

We needed space.

We needed time.

We weren't broken up.

Zach just kills me. He's so precious, it hurts my heart to see him hurting...I'm still going to write it though ;P

And Dillon and DeeDee are together...HAHAHAHA! Don't ask me why I wrote it that way, I don't know why, I just did. Lol. It's not important anyway.

Preston tried to put the moves on Cammie ;) But she rejected him...because she's missing Zach and she, too, is hurting. Ugh, the feels. And his text message would've broken me if I were her.

Someone asked if Cammie and Zach were related because Abby is Zach's aunt, and in the books she's Cammie's...and I knew that it was going to be confusing but simply put...no, they're not related. Rachel is Cammie's mom, so I couldn't have her be with Joe like she is in the books, so I decided that Abby was the next best thing (let's not forget that she did kiss him first ;P). But no, Abby and Rachel are not sisters in this FF, and therefore, Cammie and Zach are not related and their relationship is totally appropriate (although, did anyone ever watch Life With Derek and totally ship Derek and Casey, or was that just me?).

With next chapter comes more drama (but come on, when is there not any drama with this story?). I know I say that every chapter, but this breakup-slash-needing-space thing Cammie's got going on is like a bruise...it has to get worse before it can get better.

Thanks so much for the reviews y'all! Stay awesome (:

"I had to see you…I had to know that you were okay. I had to see you and touch you and…know." Zachary Goode, Only the Good Spy Young