"Ah," Raven exhaled, breathing the cool, mountain air as she continued to traverse the terrain of the heavily forested foothills of Southern China, carrying whatever possessions she had obtained with her upon her person or in the confines of her backpack. The hiking boots she had received so long ago from Heinrich as a parting gift were now well worn with use as she continued to press forward. "This is definitely a most-deserving change of scenery. It is just utterly…beautiful here. I've never seen anything like it. Everywhere I've been flails in comparison to this fantastic showing of unaltered nature at its finest. Though, it has been nearly 6 weeks since I arrived, and I have searched day in and day out for this "True Master", as it is all that I have to go by, but the lands that I have came across are worth the time all their own."
With somewhat ease, as Raven had finally managed to adapt to the lower oxygen levels of the higher elevations, she continued to hike, moving about the narrow, winding trail that was seldom used. She saw it to be a better choice than forging her way through dense bamboo and other plant life up nearly vertical slopes. In that regard, she also managed to dress for occasion in a sense. For some reason, the weather has been unusually…nice. Warm, breezy days filled the long hours of the days, from sunrise to sunset, made everyday that much more enjoyable as a whole. In a pair of hiking shorts, tanktop, and unbuttoned shirt jacket atop it, Raven was more than taking advantage of the situation. Indeed much of China is deemed "inhospitable", mainly due to the Himalayan Mountain Range and the extreme change in climate at certain elevations. Other than that, most of it was rolling foothills of the higher lands, and most of the populous upon the coast of the country bordering the Pacific Ocean.
"Peace and quiet, tranquility," Raven commented as she continued hefting not only her own body weight, but that of her belongings upon her back, "what else could I ask for? I really wish I had my powers still, it would give me a reason to meditate, well, a valid one, I still do. I just miss them; it makes me feel kind of…worthless without them. Though, I do have to admit, I can make up for it with my martial arts, I suppose."
Raven actually huffed a laugh of sorts to herself.
"I wonder if I could take Robin now," she jested to no one in particular, just talking amongst the trees to pass the time, "I mean I was able to when I had Slade's teachings, and my powers, of course, but I don't have them anymore, so I really think it would be rather even if it were one on one. Out of all seriousness, all jokes aside, I was kinda…pleased with myself how I fared against them when we fought. Not that I enjoyed it, by far, but just the fact that I could hold my own against Robin, Star, Cyborg, and Garfield all at the same time, something Terra couldn't do, but that's besides the point, and I don't have ill feelings towards her. I will admit, that is one thing I always did find so interesting about Robin in general was that all on its own. For an average, well, what I consider average, human male, he is able to combat villains of insurmountable power and unbelievable abilities, sentients such as Brother Blood, Slade, even Dr. Light, which is hardly a villain, but attempts to be."
With somewhat earned grace and athleticism, Raven easily climbed up a washed-out area upon the trail, gripping at the tree roots that had been exposed by erosion as she continued to climb without a care in the world.
"I remember when I first joined the Titans, well, when we all formed the team together that is," Raven corrected herself, "for unexplainable reason, I had this…feeling towards him, I couldn't explain it though. Even though I hate to admit it, the closest thing I could relate it to is a…high school crush. I didn't find Robin physically attractive, I mean, it was his personality. Well before he had his infatuation with Slade as he pursued him, even before he got to know Star, just an innocent boy attempting to lead a bunch of kids, acting as if we were all adults really spoke to me in a sense. That willpower to showed the initiative to take lead is what attracted me. Sounds like I am naturally attracted to power. Seems…logical, but I would like to think that I'm a little deeper than that."
Once more, Raven laughed to herself, a little more robust than her previous expelling. Both were rare for her, even in these trying times.
"Despite his obvious augmentations," she began, "Cyborg had my attention for a short while, even though I never showed it. Extremely intelligent, let alone for his age, he would figure out a solution to anything by viewing it as a challenge, and that was something he never backed down from, no matter how big or small it was. If he possessed the intellect to construct Titans' Tower, not to mention everything within its walls, then he could do anything. I even wonder to this day of what devices and inventions he has came up with in my absence. Those feelings, better yet, that crush, was only renewed when he became "Stone" by disguising himself. Though petty, and slightly conceited on my part, it only made him that much more desirable. Yet, it quickly faded, much like my…crush did for Robin. Yet, power and intelligence seemed to grasp at me for some reason, I don't know why. Robin could get any of us to do as he wished and Cyborg would build to his heart's content. Those two combined developed the backbone of our team as a whole.
A stifled laugh came forth unnaturally, as well as a quizzing look about her face, only to be accompanied by a shake of her head.
"Then there's Garfield," Raven flatly commented, "of all the guys in the entire universe, let alone world, I wound up involved with him to a degree. He's immature, obnoxious, rude, idiotic…there's many other things he is, but out of it all, I manage to pick him over everyone else. I am not exactly what you would call a social person, but I am nearly a completely opposite person than he is. I'm quiet, intellectual, and…mysterious. He's loud, dumb, and worst of all, predictable, it's a vicious cycle. I will admit, he has managed to grow up somewhat, and I think that he's trying so hard to impress me to show me that he can be what I want him to be. All I ask from him is his loyalty to me not as a person in a relationship, but as a friend. We share a common bond, something deeper, something that was much deeper than what I ever though about conceiving with Robin or Cyborg. That, and he goes entirely out of his way to make accommodations for me of any kind, no matter how great the magnitude. There in the end, or what I presume they call the end, he tried so hard to convince the others to give me one last chance to redeem myself. If it wasn't for him, I would have met a gruesome fate not by Slade, but by my own friends' hands. If I had been in their shoes, I would have seriously doubted giving myself that second chance, especially after what I did of my own free will. I owe him my life, I owe Garfield…everything."
Raven ended with a solemn tone, but it was indeed true. Though things seemed bleak, it was better than being dead for eternity, and not everyone is given a second chance. She wasn't about to waste what she was granted. In the beginning, it indeed seemed so far off, but with help along the way, her goal has grown much closer, as if it was just out of her grasp, almost taunting her.
"That is one of the first things on my priority list when I return is be sure to repay him in any way possible," a semi-devious grin crept across her face, "possibly in more than one way. I'm almost certain he will be in agreement with anything that I have in store for him."
A hint of seriousness managed to invade her minute euphoria of happy feelings.
"Yet, seeing how they do believe I am, well, gone for good," she continued, still traversing the difficult terrain, "I'm not completely sure that the Titans, let alone Garfield, would take me back. I understand that we are indeed friends, but not only what I willingly did to them, but also time. It has been little over 3 years. Three, long, agonizing, brutal years. Everyday I spend away from them; the farther apart I feel that we are growing. They may have forgiven me, but words only mean so much, I have to show them that I am their friend, and not the heartless monster they remember me for in our last true meeting together before I "perished". Though, the only comfort I have found in this hiatus of sorts is that Slade will no longer torment anyone else upon this plane, except for me of course. As soon as I find a way to block him out entirely, the better off I will be."
Raven's face contorted slightly, as if she was deep in though, recollecting the past.
"I still can't believe how much he managed to warp my mind. I willingly attacked anyone who ever showed me compassion, even to the point of nearly killing them. I had lost all humanity, and became this violent…beast that was barely controllable. The one at the reigns was Slade, and he easily manipulated me into doing nearly anything in his name or cause. At first, I was completely against whatever he had planned, but as time wore on, and to protect innocent people, I did what I must. Yet, my sadistic side of my personality enjoyed the pain and suffering I was willingly causing to others, enough to shut out any reasoning or common sense that was left within my vessel. Slade may be a cold, heartless bastard that is more than deserving of the fate he received, but a part of me, a very small one, but a part of me still respects him. Not as a mentor or father figure that I retained him to be in my mild psychosis, but that of an adversary. I hate him with every fiber of my being, and possibly more, but he taught me so much, and fought with respect and tenacity. I don't worship the man by any means, but he is indeed very charismatic and rather easy to look up to when taken under his wing. I found out the hard way as to how simple it was when I was caught up in his sick, little game. Robin and Terra could possibly relate to what I felt during that time. Though Robin's stay was mere days, and Terra's of weeks, mine was months, nearly an entire year of deception and treachery in his name. If had to repeat it all again to have the same results, including me being displaced, my mother's life forever altered, and him dead for good…I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. I ridded the world of one of its greatest evils, no longer presenting a threat to innocent people. I do admit it though; it felt great when I was kicking the shit out of him, or at least when I was winning. Just by the look in his eye, I could tell he was frightened, scared, terrified if you will. He was terrified of how powerful I had become. Not only did I use his teachings against him, but my own powers intertwined within them, and they all on their own were…supercharged or something. The physical conditioning that he put me through to effectively use his teachings boosted my own personal abilities tenfold easily. I couldn't imagine how powerful I would be now if I had them, this is the best I've ever felt in my life, well, in terms of condition, that is."
Raven finally managed to top the slope that she had been climbing for the better part of the day, a chill of a wind whipped across the open clearing atop it as she looked around, surveying the surrounding areas. With a quick check to see the positioning of the sun, as well as the time upon the watch on her wrist, it was time to make a decision.
"Well, what's it going to be?" She commented to herself, "early evening, and this is the first place I've came across that will provide a decent area to sleep for the night, but no water means another day without drinking…or bathing, and I really need it, I haven't found a suitable place to bathe for…2 days? I am starting to feel disgusting, especially out here in the middle of nowhere. The old me wouldn't have lasted a few hours out here. Enough reminiscing in the past though, it's time to make a decision."
Once more, Raven surveyed the cleared area atop the hill, browsing about, finding it was larger than previously thought. She stopped for a moment, leaning as she listened with her ear.
"Does my hearing betray me?" she coyly stated, almost happy as she listened to the very faint, minute sound of trickling water, hoping it led to a larger source.
Sure enough, she rounded a slowly descending bend of the clearing, finding a shallow spring that gently allowed excess water to flow down the hill side.
"Salvation," Raven heaved, dropping her backpack as she approached it. At the crystal clear pool's edge, she knelt, dipping her lithe hand into the water, skimming it around.
"Even at this elevation, the hot spring has kept temperature at a tolerable level." She commented, standing up to take a seat, digging in her backpack, "I will be sure to make excellent use of it."
Without hesitation, Raven quickly brandished a disposable bag of necessary toiletries that she had packaged before he entered the wilderness, and it appeared that supplies were still ample, but beginning to run low.
"Where ever this "True Master" is at," Raven thought, setting that aside as she dug out a towel, "they had better show themselves soon…I'm running out of soap. I'm not too sure to what kind of things I could use out here as soap…if there is anything. That's beside the point; the point is…actually, I don't even care. I'm in one of the most beautiful places upon this Earth at the moment, by myself, and enjoying the surreal peace of it all."
It only took mere moments before Raven had undressed herself and slid her unclothed body gently into the pool of naturally heated water. She was easily submerged up to the base of her neck, right above her collar in the relaxing liquid aura.
"This is most pleasant," she thought as she smiled to herself, allowing the natural relaxing of her muscles to take place, easily loosening her up from all the days traveled that she had endured. "Wait…"This is most pleasant"? That sounded like something Starfire would say. For the first time in….well, ever, I actually miss her, I miss all of them. If I could have anything in the world right now, that would be it, just to be reunited with my friends. They are all that I have left and I don't want to lose them too. I don't know what I would do if that ever happened, just the mere thought makes me sick to my stomach. They're more than friends, their family."
With her back against the edge of the pool, Raven laid her head back upon the ground, closing her eyes as she enjoyed the feeling of the heated water around her relaxing any pain away that she had.
"Might as well make the best of my situation though," she commented with a smirk as her head still lay back, eyes closed.
A branch snapped rather profusely in the jungle shrouded by countless shoots of bamboo jutting from the ground. Raven's eyes snapped open, immediately peering the direction of the sound.
"Who's there?" She demanded, fearing someone was spying on her. Being self-conscious about herself didn't help matters any.
While faced in the direction, only the sounds of wildlife managed to signal itself present. Just as a precaution, Raven continued to watch, assuring herself that she was the only person around.
"My imagination is playing tricks on me," Raven commented, turning back around slowly.
Her eyes stopped as she did so, paralyzed with fear as a figure stood before her. Raven's amethyst eye shrunk to nearly nothing at the mere sight of it as her heart began to race, unable to contemplate a single coherent thought.
"Why, hello Raven, how have you been since my…departure?"
It was Slade.
"Well, well, well," he hissed, approaching her slowly, hands clasped behind his back, "what do we have here? Appears you have found some leisurely delight, have you not?"
Raven was frozen with sheer terror, attempting to climb out of the pool and escape, only to have Slade's cold grip force itself around her throat before she could even exit the water. Raven's limbs flailed as she attempt to scramble to safety, but it was futile, Slade's inhuman strength bore down upon her.
"Did you think it was going to be so easy to kill me, child?" Slade maliciously questioned, bathing her face in his hot breath, eye staring intently into hers. "Terra befallen me once and failed, what makes you so much different?"
"H-how?" Raven managed, still unable to retaliate in any way, and it felt as if death was the only thing awaiting her at the moment.
"As I informed you before, child," he slowly replied in a sinister tone, "you cannot kill what is already dead. I am nothing more than a husk of a human now, I long lost the use of a soul many years ago. As for you…Apprentice, I fear that it will not be the same for you."
Though it was quite evident that she was nude, it was only until now that Slade actually took notice to it. He used his free hand to caress her body, even gently groping at her chest, Raven attempting to stop him, but unable to do so, tears beginning to form in her eyes.
"If I was years younger, Raven, I would take advantage of this situation and ravage you like no other," he informed coolly, as if he were smiling beneath his mask. He released her body, but keeping his grip tightly upon her bare neck. "Even I have standards, no matter how…inhuman I may seem."
"I'm…going to die," was all that Raven could think about at the moment, seeing how bleak things looked.
"This has been a most enjoyable reunion, child," Slade commented, quickly increasing his grip upon her throat to strangling levels, and forcing her head beneath the water of the hot spring, "but I must be on my way, and your life must be ended here and now."
Raven panicked, beginning to kick and thrash in the water, unable to resurface her head to take a breath, and life was slowly slipping away.
"Consider us even, Apprentice," Slade added as he sat idle, holding her beneath the water's surface, no emotion present in his cold exterior. "We'll meet again one day, possibly even have a small family reunion with your father."
She felt the sheer coldness of death begin to take her over, consciousness slowly fading away. Little by little, she died, and finally…everything went black.
"SLADE!!"
Her eyes snapped open as she screamed, thrashing in the water. She heaved for breath as she was still scared for her life, looking around, and finding…nothing.
"W-what happened?" She questioned, clearly shook up, but once her confusion subsided, she was able to contemplate what had transpired.
"It w-was a nightmare," Raven concluded, still frightened by the experience, "I must have dozed off and… slid under the water."
She shook her head, attempting to rid herself of the painful images that just plagued her. Though merely a dream, it felt so real to her, and didn't wish to experience ever again, let alone dream it.
"Enough of this," Raven commented, stepping free of the pool, toweling off, "refreshing or not, that was too real. Besides, it's time to lay out my sleeping bag and call it a night."
As perceived, Raven did just that after dressing herself once more. Though she had long ran out of clean clothing, she managed to attempt to wash what she had every chance she had when she came across water, and the hot spring was no different. More than likely the next day before she would set out, that would be one of the first things she would do.
"Well, as I said," she thought as she lay, looking up at the clear, nighttime sky that was studded with countless stars, "at least I can be thankful for this hospitable weather, it has indeed helped me be able to traverse these lands with relative ease."
Indeed, weeks of this nearly perfect weather was welcomed, but even after nearly 6 months of searching, things began to look bleak for Raven. Not only had the monsoons of the rainy season began to show up, storms often lasting for weeks on end themselves, but supplies had run low, and so did her hopes.
"I am sick and tired of this rain!" A rain-drenched Raven screamed to no one in particular as she sat huddled beneath the biggest flat leaf of a large tree she could possibly find, but it was to no avail. She had been soaking wet for nearly a week, and it had begun to take its toll upon her, ranging from constant shivers, to even the possibility that the dreaded condition of trenchfoot could have began upon her own feet. Unable to find cover or a suitable place to rest for days didn't help matters any, and this seemed to be the worst of it thus far.
"No matter how bad things seem," she growled to herself, "they can get worse."
The leaf she was using as an umbrella caved in, water that had managed to collect in it poured all over her while she sat with a blank, irritated expression.
"Well, they just got worse," Raven added, standing up in a fit of rage, "this is ridiculous! I have seen more rain in the past week than I have anywhere else in my entire life. I'm wet, hungry, cold, and tired. I have been for weeks, and it is beginning to take its toll on me. I'm sick of wandering around in this damn jungle, and nothing of any help has yet to rear its head. Once more, everything seems so difficult, so hopeless, what am I to do? Give up? Where would I go? What would I do? It isn't so simple; everything just seems so complex that I can't escape it. My life has amounted to nothing thus far, and I feel it will be just that as the end result. Not even the hope of reuniting with the Titans is keeping me motivated. They have long forgotten about me….and I don't blame them. It is possibly better off that I don't retur-"
Raven's footing gave way close to a steep slope as she walked, beginning to tumble down the muddy grade. Though sliding through the muck, she was lucky the slope was bare of any trees. She continued to roll and slide, becoming clearly covered head to toe in thick, disgusting mud and other random things of the forest floor. Her tumbling person came to a stop at the bottom, laying face first in the mud. It was a moment before she stirred, unable to contemplate what had happened.
"That is it!" She screamed, crawling to her knees, tears forming in her eyes, "I have searched long enough! There is nothing left for me to do! Life is pointless, and I am only wasting it."
Hasty in decision or not, no one was going to stop her, and she wasn't about to think twice in her current state of mind.
As her tears flowed with the rain and mud down her face, she quickly drew the survival knife upon her belt, the metallic blade gleaming as the rain drops splattered off of it. She carefully took in into her view.
"There is only one thing left for me to do, no matter what the consequences, it is necessary. I am sick of this day-to-day torture; I cannot take it any longer. I have suffered for nearly 3 years is long enough. My friends think I'm dead, and I might as well be, I'll make it true."
With slight hesitation, she brought the cold steel to her pale flesh upon her wrist after she pulled her sleeve of her jacket up.
"I'm sorry," Raven calmly stated, hoping that all were necessary heard her cry of apology, "especially to you, Garfield, you don't deserve this, but this is all I have left to do. I can only hope for forgiveness of you and the others."
Raven's grip upon the knife tightened, and without another thought, she brought the blade across the inside of her wrist with force, yelping in pain as she did so. Knife still in hand, she watched her blood flow vigorously from the wound she had just made, still shedding tears of extreme discontent with herself. Her life force drained upon the ground, beginning to pool as it mixed with the standing puddle of water near her. Though, to her surprise, the wound…stopped bleeding. With a simple wiping of her thumb, it revealed as if nothing had happened, but he blood that had escaped was still present.
"What the hell?" she thought, still pained greatly, but surprised, "my healing powers. Still, they are not enough to stop this from happening."
Raven kissed her flesh with the knife once more, making an equally deep incision upon her wrist, just below were she had struck first, gritting her teeth, but watched the wound hemorrhage this time. Feeling light-lightheaded, she still noticed that her cut sealed once more in a similar fashion.
"Damn," Raven cursed, taking the knife in her other hand, and with irritated vigor, she made several slashes at her other wrist in quick succession, watching her forearm and hand be covered in blood from the split flesh. Out of weakness, she fell over, seeing that she was indeed succeeding, but she still needed to keep going to ensure it. Lying in her pooled blood, knife weakly in hand, she attempted to bring it to her wrist once more, but it was nearly impossible as it continued to grow farther and farther away, as well as her consciousness.
"Even…now," Raven huffed in her weakened state, eyes fluttering off unconsciousness, "I fail…at what I start. I…am so…sick of myself."
Raven continued to reach, but the blade fell from her grasp, landing on the soft earth.
"I can….only lay here and hope….death comes," she managed as her eyes closed, "at least it will…finish me off for good. I…accept my fate."
Raven's breaths may have been long, but they were far from deep, and beginning to fade as much as she was.
"It is not your time," a deep, echoing voice called to her from within her mind, but before she could contemplate any kind of reply, darkness overcame her, but it was…inviting instead of fearful.
"Is that…the…Elders?" Raven thought before being overtaken by the darkness, unknown if she was truly alive or dead at the moment.
Unknown to Raven, in the real world, her body lay motionless, but alive. She remained in this state of limbo, or whatever she wished to call it, for easily a day, still impervious to what was going on around her, especially to the figure that appeared to be gathering bamboo. Raven's disturbing form of attempted suicide and mess of a demeanor easily caught his eye, and begged his attention. Oblivious to whom this person was, he only hoped that she would be thankful of his intervention. He had no idea.