Sesshomaru held me in the nursery, Nashika was asleep in her crib. The other room was now closed off. Akihiko was being prepared for the funeral we would have today.
It felt like I hadn't stopped crying in the three days that had passed. Sesshomaru just couldn't find the words. He would just hold me and ignore everything except me and Nashika. Flowers from neighboring kingdoms had began to fill up the hallways with cards expressing their condolences but I couldn't read them. No one had the words to help me and now I felt like nothing was certain. Nothing was mine. I had no control or grasp on anything. My mother left me, my baby left me, what was stopping everything else from leaving me too?
Sesshomaru could leave me. Find another mate, more suitable for children, but he couldn't. I couldn't. I couldn't be without him. I needed him more than I had ever needed him before. I managed to breathe, pushing tears down for a few moments when I looked up at him.
"Sesshomaru."
"Yes? I'm right here." His fingers cupped my cheek and I closed my eyes at the feeling of them, almost falling into another round of tears before I forced myself to look at the sad notion within his eyes.
"Sesshomaru. I need you."
"I'm here."
"No, I need you forever. I. You can't leave me. Ever."
He let his face show his confusion. "Jin, I would never let you. Not now, not ever. I love you."
I kissed him for that and rested my forehead against his. "I love you too, and if you're never going to leave me, than mate me again."
"A double mating?" Sesshomaru asked. Something very few demons did. To mark another as your mate twice met that the mating could never be broken unless one of the parties dies. There is no leaving each other.
"Yes."
"Where do you want the mark?" was all he said and I breathed a sigh of relief. He wasn't opposed to it. He'd do it. Chose me, forever.
"My arm, where I can see it."
"Then I will do the same." His arm lifted up to my mouth and I did too.
"Forever." I said and he nodded before we bit into each other's flesh.
Double matings were tricky because they were not placed on the traditional mating spot you had to create one yourself through your demonic energy. I pushed myself into his skin, drawing forward a mark, exactly the same as the one of his neck and he did the same to me. I let out a soft moan as the feeling of certainty and finalization come over me. He was mine, forever. There was no one else for either of us. When we released each other's arm, he kissed me.
Long and deep and for a moment it seemed like everything was okay again. I was in my mate's arms. The one that would never leave me and always be here. Our baby was sound asleep and happy, but when the kiss broke I did with it. Our other baby was gone, never even here with us. Just a shell that would never giggle at us or pull his sister's hair. He was as empty as my heart, and there was nothing I could imagine that would ever fix it.