Alex woke with a start, jerking awake as the memories of what just happened flash through him. He sucked in a sharp breath and hissed out, "Thomas!"

Panickedly, he turned and looked around him, he was still by the campfire, but it was the middle of the night. The fire had flickered to nothing more than hot coals, and the stars were shining brightly overhead him. For a second, he stared at them, and a part of him wondered how the universe could be so beautiful from far away, yet so painful upclose.

His gaze dropped to the limp body on the floor three feet from him. Alex pushed himself up to his hands and knees. With great difficulty, he crawled across the dirt and gravel until he was by his friend's side.

"Thomas…" He was whispering now, his shaking fingers brushing across bruised skin. Thomas' eyes were closed; his skin cold, a small cut was bleeding from above his eyebrow. Thankfully, he was breathing, but it was very slow.

Alex gently dabbed at the cut with his sleeve, hoping to stop the bleeding a bit more. When he was done, he shook Thomas' shoulders, saying, "Thomas, Thomas, wake up, I need you!"

Brown eyes flew open, immediately landing on Alex's own. Strong hands reached up and grabbed him, holding him still. Thomas was panting heavily, his gaze darting back and forth between Alex's. He was sweating, despite the cold air.

"Thomas!" Alex breathed, relieved He didn't know what he'd do if the other man didn't wake up.

But Thomas' expression wasn't like his own; his lips turned downwards and his eyes darkened. Alex felt Thomas' fingers dig deeper into his arms, to the point of hurting. Alex squirmed, "Ow! Hey!"

"I can't believe you!" Thomas pushed Alex away, sitting up enough to properly shout at him. "You never wanted her! You hated her!"

Alex jumped back in surprise, his emotions switching from being afraid for Thomas to being afraid of Thomas. He swallowed hard and leaned back, "No, no, I- that's not true!"

Thomas shook his head, his voice pained, "She was our daughter!"

Alex fumbled for a moment, before (stupidly) replying, "No, she wasn't!" Thomas' expression darkened considerably, and Alex tried to backpedal, "Thomas, please, you are more important than-"

"You gave her away!" Thomas accused, interrupting him.

"I had no choice!" Alex hissed back, "That bitch was going to kill you!"

"I don't care if I die!" Thomas said.

"I DO!" Alex shouted, emotion far too clear in his voice. His heart was on his sleeve, and he realized it too late. Thomas' eyes widened slightly, and Alex glanced away; embarrassment coloring his cheeks.

An array of emotions flickered across Thomas' face before it settled on a small frown. He shook his head and muttered, "Well, you shouldn't."

Alex's heart felt hard and heavy, it sank low in his chest. Shakily, he asked, "What?"

"Nothing." Thomas said, he wouldn't look at Alex, keeping his gaze to the ground. "Next time, just save us both the trouble and shoot me."

I could never. Alex wanted to say. Instead, he watched as Thomas struggled to stand up, forced to put more weight onto his prosthetic than his natural leg; since that lady attacked him. Alex reached forward to try and help him, but Thomas jerked out of his reach, glaring at him.

Startled and confused, Alex sat silently on the ground while Thomas limped away from him. The smaller man wrapped his arms around himself and chewed his lip. Guilt ate away at him, but what could he have done? Was he really to blame?

He couldn't cry; he didn't want to. Not now. He felt stuck, like nothing he did mattered. Every time something good - or, good for them - happened, the world decided to kick him in the balls and remind him that he would never be happy again. There was no solution to any of their problems, it just kept building, building, building, and soon - the weight of it all will crush him.

That much was obvious by now.

Alexander had known hunger before, but this was something different. His stomach was retreating further inward, as if it was seeking out its own nurishment. Every time he moved too quickly, dark spots would scatter across his vision. His hands were constantly shaking and he wanted nothing more than to lay down and never get up again.

He sat on the horse while Thomas was laid down in the wagon. The other man's legs were hurting him, and he couldn't make it up onto the saddle. Alex also had the sinking suspicion that Thomas didn't want to look at him; and therefore chose to situate himself in a way that avoided any contact. That hurt, but there really wasn't much Alex could do about it.

It wasn't like he could hunt down the woman and find Baby again; the world was big and she could be anywhere. They just had to accept that she was gone.

Alex glanced over his shoulder at the wagon. Thomas' hair could barely be seen over the edge of the wooden wall. He wasn't moving. Alex let out a sad sigh before turning back to the front. He leaned forward a little as a wave of nausea hit him.

God, they needed food.

He stared at the back of the horse's head, his thoughts drifting. It came to his attention; the horse is an animal. Humans eat animals. They could… you know… the horse…

But then you'd have to walk. His mind reminded him. He really didn't want to walk. After having the horse for so long, walking sounded like a curse. No, he'd rather just slowly starve to death. At least, for a little while longer.

Now that it was getting colder, the grass was slowly dying, soon the horse would have some trouble finding food, too. Following that line of thought, Alex looked up at the sky, seeing the dark clouds that hung overhead. A storm might be brewing. He couldn't really tell, but at this point, he expected the worst.

Thomas made a grunting noise as they went over a large pothole. Alex twisted around to look at him, but the other man was refusing to acknowledge him.

"Thomas?" Alex asked. The other man stayed silent. Alex took a deep breath and then whispered, "I'm sorry. I just… I couldn't lose you."

Thomas sat up suddenly, twisting around to shoot him the angriest glare Alexander had ever seen. He said in a low, dangerous tone, "And I couldn't lose her."

Startled, Alex remained silent, watching as Thomas took a deep breath. He continued, "Alexander, I have lost two children that I could have protected. I watched them both get taken from me - by me. You can look crushed and guilty all you want, but it won't make up for what you did."

A small fight started to sturr inside Alex's chest. He replied, bitterly, "I lost two kids, too, you know. My family's been dead and gone since the beginning. And I liked Baby, regardless of what you may think. Losing her wasn't exactly a win for me."

Thomas shook his head, "It's different. Your family died far away from you, out of sight. I stared my wife in the eyes as she bled out. I shot my toddler in the head." Thomas had turned around entirely now, his voice loud and frustrated. Alex could hear a hint of wetness in his words. "I had the one chance to fix things and bring some good into this fucked up world and I lost her! So don't bitch to me about loss!"

"Thomas…" Alex sighed, defeated. What was he supposed to say to that?

He didn't like how Thomas minimized his own pain and experiences - just because Eliza and their children had died far away from him, doesn't make it any less traumatizing. And he really wanted to call Thomas out on that. And, honestly, what could he have done for Baby? He only had to believe that that woman is going to keep her safe. Hell, maybe she'll even take better care of her than they were. God knows it wouldn't be that hard.

But he wasn't going to kick a man when he was down. So, for once, Alex kept his thoughts to himself. (Maybe he'd bitch about it later.) He took a deep breath, to clear his angry and hurt thoughts, and replied maturely with, "How can I make it up to you?"

Thomas stared at him for a minute, perhaps surprised by the response, before he scoffed and turned around, "Just keep us moving forward."

Alex muttered to himself, turning back to face forward, "That's what I've been trying to do."

They returned to their uneasy silence, listening to nothing more than the horse's clop clop clops on the pavement.

After an entire day of near silence - it was basically forever, Alex counted - Thomas finally muttered, "Stop the horse."

Alex did and wondered why they never named the damn thing. The dog got to be Chien and the baby got to be Baby. Why didn't the horse get to be named Horse? Horsey? Horsington? Bojack?

Thomas interrupted his thoughts as he climbed out of the wagon and stretched his arms over his head. He twisted around, popping his back. Alex observed the other man, watching as he groaned softly. Suddenly, Alex's mouth was dry.

No, don't be ogling him, you're angry at him. Alex thought to himself as he struggled to get down from the horse's saddle. As one leg hung down, desperately trying to reach the floor, his arms struggled to lower himself slowly.

The next thing Alex knew, two strong arms were holding onto his waist; helping him to safely reach his destination. Alex looked over his shoulder to see Thomas standing right behind him. His hands were warm and fit perfectly around Alex's hips. Alex really really wanted to lean back into the other man's embrace, but then Thomas was stepping away without another word.

"Are you still mad?" Alex asked. Despite all of his degrees and studies and awards, Alex really could be dumb sometimes. Why didn't he just keep things as they were? Why did he always have to ask questions? What was the saying? Let sleeping dogs lie; lets you want to get bit.

Thomas let out a long sigh. He turned and looked at him. His eyes were tired, his shoulders slumped. "Alex, I…"

He never did finish his sentence, because just then something started growling from just beyond the bushes. Thomas stepped in front of Alex, gesturing for the rifle. Alex handed it to him silently, his eyes locked on the rustling leaves. The last thing they need right now was a zombie fight. The horse stamped its hooves nervously, and Alex placed a hand on it's flank, hoping to calm it.

The growling turned into barking, which then turned into a very excited ball of fluff bounding out of the bushes towards them. Thomas lowered his gun and grinned.

"Chien!"

Alex let out a surprised laugh, watching as the dog attacked Thomas with licks and tail wags. It was the same dog, that much was clear. She was blonde with a red collar and one toe was brown.

"Oh, I knew you'd come back, you're such a good girl," Thomas was saying as he pet Chien all over. "Yes you are, yes you are!"

Smiling, Alexander looked up from the two on the ground to see that they weren't alone. Something else was coming out of the woods. Alex's heart sunk as he saw a figure slowly creeping towards them, leaning to one side, watching them. Alex was about to scoop up the rifle and shoot the creature, when it, too, walked out from under the shadows.

Alex frowned, because, no, that couldn't be…

"Burr?!"

The man looked rough. He was leaning against a tree, his clothes torn and muddied. Alex was sure he appeared just as bad, but seeing his friend in such a state sent a shock through him. Aaron swayed, obviously weak. Alex scrambled past Thomas - Chien excitedly raced after him - and he reached forward to catch Aaron before he could fall.

Aaron leaned against him, his glazed over eyes looking up at him. He was clearly confused, "...Hamilton?" Then, to Alex's surprise and delight, the man groaned loudly, "How in the fuck…?!"

"I know." Alex chuckled, wrapping an arm around Aaron to help him stand. He placed a hand on the other man's chest, just for extra support. "I ask myself that every day."

"You're alive…" Aaron mumbled, his brow furrowing slightly. Alex smiled and shrugged, which made Aaron laugh. He shook his head, but stopped when it made him dizzy, "I'm never getting rid of you, huh?"

Alex grinned, "Nope."

Someone cleared their throat from behind them. Alex turned to see Thomas awkwardly standing there. His arms were crossed, and he was frowning. He glanced between Alex and Aaron rapidly, "Who's this?"

"Oh, uh, Thomas, this is my friend, Aaron Burr." Alex said, "Aaron, this is my companion, Thomas Jefferson."

Aaron weakly nodded at Thomas, before he leaned more heavily on Alexander. He groaned quietly and mumbled, "I need'a sit down."

"C'mere." Alex replied, helping the man move to sit propped up against the wagon. Once he was sitting down, Alex grabbed his water bottle, opened it, and pressed it up to Aaron's lips. "Drink."

"Thank God." Aaron mumbled, taking the bottle from his hands. He desperately gulped down half the water, some spilling down his chin. Once he was done, he sighed and handed the water back. He didn't wipe the water from his chin.

Alex looked down at him, still amazed that he was alive. "Jesus, what happened to you?"
Aaron shrugged, "The apocalypse?"

That was as good of an answer as any. Alex opened his mouth to speak again, but Thomas grabbed his hand and dragged him a few feet away. Confused, Alex glanced down at their hands, then to Aaron (who was resting his eyes), and then to Thomas' stormy face.

"Thomas?" Alex asked hesitantly.

"Who the fuck is that?" Thomas hissed, glaring at Aaron over his shoulder.

Alex frowned, "Aaron Burr. He's my friend."

Thomas shook his head, "No I mean-" He growled in frustration, before trying again, "You've never mentioned him before. I remember all of your friends' names, and you never said shit about an 'Aaron'."

He wasn't going to mention that there was no way Thomas actually remembered all of his friends from his stories, but whatever. That wasn't the problem right now. Alex crossed his arms, "So? He was my first roommate in college. We worked together. Our kids were friends."

Thomas' jaw was tensely moving back and forth, like he was grinding his teeth. "I don't like this. What if he's infected?"

"Thomas, he's exhausted. Let me take care of him." Alex said, pleadingly. When Thomas didn't reply, Alex added softly, "You'd do the same for James."

That made the other man relent. He sighed, but nodded and gestured for Alex to return to his friend. As Alex walked back over, he glanced over his shoulder to see Thomas kick the dirt and curse to himself.

"Trouble in paradise?" Aaron asked quietly as Alex sat back down. He was already looking a little better, but that was relative.

Alex offered him a small smile, and apologized, "Sorry. He's just… paranoid. You never know who to trust, these days."

Aaron hummed in agreement. Chien, who had previously disappeared into the bushes, returned into the clearing. She was dragging a black backpack behind her, happily wagging her tail. Aaron raised a hand and whistled, patting the ground next to them. "Come here, Daisy!"

"Her name's Chien!" Thomas grumbled as he walked past them to dig through the wagon.

Chien - also known as Daisy - dragged the backpack over to them, proudly displaying her hard work. Aaron rubbed her head, smiling, "Good girl."

Chien barked in agreement.

Alex helped Aaron open his backpack and peer inside. The other man gave them a weak smile, "I don't know how much food you have, but this is all I got."

Alex was expecting a couple of sad crumbs, but Aaron's bag was full of food; a cereal box, a few cans of soup, a fucking apple, and a container of mixed nuts. It may not sound like much, but to Alexander, it was a feast. His stomach growled at the thought of eating any of those. Alex grabbed his tummy absentmindedly.

"I'm sorry," Alex replied, his voice soft, ashamed, "But we don't even have this much."

Aaron frowned a little, "How much do you have?"

Alex shot him a desperate look. As always, Aaron knew what he was thinking. He let out a low whistle and shook his head. Alex felt his face flush with embarrassment. How shitty were they at surviving the apocalypse? Did everyone else have efficient rations? Was he just the bottom of the survival food chain?

"Do you have any plans…?" Aaron asked. 'To get more', he didn't say.

Alex tilted his head back, bonking it on the wagon tiredly. "You know I don't."

Aaron was quiet for a long moment before he sighed and handed the container of nuts to Alexander. "Eat."

"No, no, you don't-" Alex said, pushing the nuts back. He couldn't take them. Food was so hard to come by…

"Alexander." Aaron said, his tone leaving no room for argument. Alex's stomach won his mental debate, and he relented far quicker than he wanted to.

Smiling gratefully, Alex took the nuts, frantically to yanking the lid off. The salty, woody smell drifted up, making his mouth water. Alex thought he was going to cry. He had been so hungry, and now he'd be able to feed himself; if only for a little bit. Aaron smiled at him, pulling out the apple. He took a bite out of it and sighed in content.

Thomas had pulled the bag of dog food out of his backpack. Alex was going to make a retort about how he was a hoarder, but something about the other man's body language told him to play nice.

Chien sat patiently by Thomas' feet, her tail going wild. She barked at Thomas to hurry up, but didn't jump at him. She was good like that; well-trained. Polite.

Thomas poured the dog food straight into the pavement in a little pile. Chien was already slurping them up before he could get his hands out of the way.

"Thomas," Alex held up the nuts container, raising an eyebrow. Thomas hesitated, glancing between Alex and Aaron. Like Alexander, his hunger must've won over his thoughts, because he shuffled over and sat next to Alex, far away from Aaron. His breath ghosted over Alex's cheek as he took the nuts, "Thanks."

A shiver ran down Alexander's spine.

"How long have you been traveling together?" Aaron asked. Alex turned to look at him - how long was he staring at Thomas? Burr's eyes were watching them carefully. Alex had seen that look in his eyes before, when he was reading over case notes.

Alex shrugged, "Since the beginning."

"Since New York." Thomas commented under his breath. Alex didn't know the difference.

Alex turned his attention back to Aaron, asking quietly, "Your family, are they…?"

Aaron's expression darkened, "Theodosia… didn't make it."

"And Theo?" Alex asked hopefully.

Aaron took a deep breath, "We got separated. I was following Daisy. I thought she was leading me to her…"

Alex squeezed Aaron's hand briefly. His fingers were cold, even to Alex. He gave him a tight smile, "She'll be okay. She's tough."

Aaron nodded, his eyes holding a sad kind of fondness, "She's her mother's daughter."

"Have you seen anyone else?" Alex asked.

"No." Aaron shot Alex a grateful look, "I was going insane from being alone."

Alex chuckled, "I understand that."

Alex missed the hurt look that ran across Thomas' face. The two continued to chatter and catch up, finding some much-needed comfort and familiarity in the other. The entire time, Thomas was silent, his arms crossed over his chest. The only time he moved was to gently pet Chien, who was resting her chin on his bad foot; or to grab another handful of nuts.

Eventually they got onto the topic of what once was and the times they shared. Aaron was chuckling as Alex recalled a drunken memory of an office party. "Then Lee fell flat on his face in front of Washington."

"And then James Madison almost died from how much he drank." Aaron remembered fondly.

Alex's smile fell. He turned and looked to Thomas, who was now standing up and walking away from them.

"Thom-" Alex tried, reaching for the other man, but he was already gone. Alex watched as he walked off down the road.

"Something I said?" Aaron asked.

"Sorry, James travelled with us. Sore topic." Alex slowly turned back to Aaron. "He, well, he's not…"

Alex couldn't find himself to say it. He died. James Madison died. It felt so long ago; Alex thought he was over it. But that's the thing about death - it's never really over.

"I'm sorry." Aaron said quietly.

"I'm sorry to have to tell you." Alex replied. "He was your friend, too."

Aaron nodded silently, his gaze distant. They didn't speak for a long moment. Until Burr took a deep breath and found the courage to move on. "So." Aaron nodded over to Thomas' distant form, "are you and Grumpy…?"

Alex frowned, then blushed, then smiled, then frowned again, all in the span of five seconds. "Me? Him? No! No. No, he, um, we're- don't-"

"Alexander," Aaron easily silenced him with a gentle hand to his shoulder. "Talk less."

Alex only blushed again and looked away. "I don't think he's interested. Or, maybe he was, but I ruined it."

Aaron hummed in the back of his throat, "Yes, that sounds like you."

Alex scoffed and the two sat in silence, watching the clouds. There was something echoing in Alex's mind. Something he hasn't thought of since he was a teenager. He looked down at his nails, absentmindedly tugging at the knots in his hair.

"Aaron…" Alex asked, his voice open, exposed like a fresh wound. "Am I… pretty?"

Aaron frowned as first, then, to Alex's frustration, he laughed. Not a mean laugh, or a loud one, because this was Burr. He kept his laughs at a reasonable tone. Realizing that Alex might have been serious, Aaron's smile faded a little, "No, Alex. You look disgusting. You haven't showered in months. You're malnourished. Nothing about you looks pretty."

Alex realized that Burr was right, but it still wasn't what he wanted to hear. He forced a small smile, muttering, "Of course." under his breath.

Aaron's eyes zeroed in on him. Alex knew that he was being mentally dissected, and he wasn't fond of it; but this was Aaron Burr and that was basically a requirement for any conversations with him. Aaron replied earnestly, "Yes, you're very pretty, Alexander."

It still felt a little patronizing.

"What's this about?" Aaron asked. When Alex hesitated, Aaron glanced at Thomas, who was pacing somewhere behind Alex. "Is this about him?"

Alex frowned even as he felt his cheeks burn. His silence was the only answer Aaron needed. The other man sat back, staring at the trees he stumbled out of. "Huh."

"It's just…" Alex took a deep breath, "I like him. A lot. He's been my saving grace in this mess of a world and I genuinely know that I would've died at least ten times now without him. He's… all I have."

"So why don't you tell him that?" Aaron asked, nudging Alex a little.

Alex thought for a second, turning to look over his shoulder. Thomas ran a hand through his hair, and, feeling Alex's gaze, looked up at him. The wind blew suddenly, whipping Alex's hair out of his face. He swallowed hard, feeling like they were standing face to face. He wanted to go to him. He wanted to touch him. To hold him. He just didn't know if he was allowed to anymore. Neither of them did.

"Alexander?"

Alex turned away from Thomas, his thoughts scattered. Aaron raised an eyebrow at him expectantly. Alex hesitated, a rarity around Burr, "It's… not the right time. He's incredibly mad at me right now. I think I really hurt him..." Alex shook his head slightly, "I'd have to make things right again before he'd listen to me."

Aaron pursed his lips in thought, "With thinking like that, it'll never be the 'right time'." Alex looked up at him, seeing a wisdom in his eyes that few notice. Aaron carried on, "There's always going to be something that's holding you back, especially now. 'It's too dangerous, what if one of us dies?' But that's the thing - you could die. Any second, any moment. Time is a luxury we no longer possess." Aaron smiled a little as he looked Alex in the eye, his voice imploring, "So why waste it?"

Alex let out a breathy laugh, running a hand through his hair, "I- I don't know…"

Aaron glanced over Alex's shoulder suddenly, his expression flickering slightly. He placed his hand on Alex's knee, patting it twice, "Think about it."

Before Alex could say anything, Thomas pushed past them, kicking up some dirt as he went. Alex frowned, observing Thomas' tense shoulders and clenched fists. What had upset him now? Alex sighed out his nose as Thomas grabbed a sleeping bag from the wagon. He set up his sleeping spot - alone - on the other side of the wagon.

"I suppose we should follow his lead." Alex muttered. "I can keep first watch, if you'd like."

Aaron smiled thankfully, "Please."

The shorter man watched as Aaron settled down, closing his eyes. Even Chien was turning in circles to take a nap. She was laying in the distance between Aaron and Thomas, as if she couldn't decide which one she wanted to sleep next to. Alex let out a deep sigh and stared up at the clouds. He was alone with his thoughts, once more.

Aaron Burr was alive. And hopefully, so was Theo Jr. If they had made it out of New York… could anyone else? Did… did his friends survive? Is he really alone in this world….?

For the first time in a long time, Alexander let himself have hope.

Tell me what you think!