James took me up to an apartment that was on the 5th floor of a building.
"Take a seat" James said, gesturing to the sofa. I looked around the apartment, it was a mess. Beer cans, soda cans, odd socks and underwear were scattered about every where.
I moved a t-shirt to one side of the sofa as I sat down. My head thumped from crying so hard. Even my lips felt swollen from the tears I had shed in the taxi on the way here.
"Can I get you... er... a coffee?" James asked looking lost. Not knowing what to really do with me now my world had pretty much folded in on itself.
"Just a water would be great... thanks" I whispered, with a staggered sniff, trying to get my breathing back in order.
James went off and made a fair bit of noise in the kitchen as he got a glass of water for me. He reappeared moments later with a mug of water in one hand and some pills in the other.
"What are they for?" I asked looking at the pills.
"I saw you rubbing your temples. Figured the last thing you need right now is a head ache." He replied.
I smiled weakly and took the pills, washing them down with the water.
"Sorry about the mug... I couldn't find a clean glass" James said with a wary chuckle.
I looked around at the messy apartment again.
"Who's place is this?" I asked, taking another sip of water. I felt so dehydrated.
"My sister's " James explained.
"no offence James, but your sister is a slob!" I said giving a dirty sock a prod with my shoe.
James laughed. "It's not my sister that is the slob, it's me! I've been hiding out here. She hasn't been home for a week or so, she is visiting family in New York" he explained.
I nodded. "This is where you have been coming instead of going home?" I asked.
"Yeah... I just needed to clear my head... get away from you!" He said with a small smile.
"I'm sorry about the way I spoke to you after Kendalls seizure" I said looking in to his kind brown eyes, they reminded me of Logan.
"Don't worry about it Sheri... how close were you and Kendall?" He asked shyly.
"I thought we were really close, I told him I loved him, he told me the same" I explained.
"Sheri if Kendall did love you then he would never of left you on that floor."
"I guess" I replied.
"How come you fell out? I missed that part of your argument... you need to shout louder" he said sarcastically.
I gave him a little smile. "He took offence to something I had told Carlos... but he took it out of context... I can't believe he just left like that" I said getting teary again.
James handed me a tissue that was in a box on the coffee table in front of us. "What about Logan? Do you really think it's over between you two? That was some pretty fucked up shit back there in the cinema"
"Its over... Cass won. So much for operation seduction huh" I said as I wiped my nose, the tears still falling without any effort.
"Yeah I feel bad about that... at least Logan didn't go through with it" he replied.
"Have you ever been in love james?" I asked.
"Yeah once" he replied.
"What happened?" I asked.
"Well I never went out with her, I just admired her from a far" he explained. I found it amusing that the beautiful and flirty James Maslow couldn't get the courage to ask a girl out that he liked.
"How come you never told her how you feel" I asked.
"It was never the right moment... besides I don't think she ever liked me like that. Staying friends was easier." He said looking miles away.
"Was she beautiful?" I questioned.
"The prettiest girl I've ever seen in my life" he said softly.
I smiled. "Do you still see her James?"
"Yeah I do... maybe one day I will be brave enough and tell her how I feel" he replied.
"Well if she turns you down she must be really stupid" I said spurring him on.
"I think that some of the things she says and does can be stupid, but her heart is always in the right place" he said still with that far away look in his eye.
"I know that feeling. I feel so dumb and naive thinking I had found the person I wanted to spend my life with so soon, then again with Kendall I felt the same after just one kiss... it's stupid! What do I know about love!" I said shaking my head.
"Your 16 Sheri, falling in love is as easy as... i dunno... whistling!" He said reassuringly, to which I laughed.
"What's so funny" James asked with a bemused look on his face.
"I can't whistle" I said with a chuckle.
James smiled just as my cell phone rang. I pulled the phone from my pocket and saw Logan's name on the caller ID.
"Did you want new to get that for you?" James asked softly in a hope to not set me off crying again.
"No... no, I'm not ready to talk to him yet" I replied as I watched the phone ring out, and the missed call sign popped up.
"Sheri I know it's not the best time to bring this up but are you going to be able to work with Logan on set?" James asked.
I let out a big sigh. "I guess that's something Logan didn't consider in his amazing plans of keeping me safe huh" I said regrettably.
"What do you mean?" James said looking confused.
"I'm not so sure I can even look at Logan again, let alone work with him, acting out like we are friends... if I don't have a job, I don't have any money. I don't even have a place to live now I'm not with him" I explained.
"Sure you do, I'm pretty sure Logan would prefer to leave and make sure you have a home. His goal was to keep you safe remember, he isn't going to go back on that" James said knowingly.
"Even if that's true, I share a room with Logan, he is the tenant, not me! I'm too young to rent, im too young to do anything." I whispered out, defeated and crying again.
"We will sort something out Sheri... I promise" James replied giving me a gentle rub on the shoulder to console me.
"Thanks James" I sniffed wanting to believe him.
"Well you can stay here tonight if you didn't want to go back home, I can offer you the bed or the sofa... ladies choice." He said with a grin.
I smiled at his kindness. I hadn't even spoken to James for ages, but here he was, the only person helping me in my biggest time of need. "Tell you what, I will take the sofa, leaving you the comfy bed. But you have to help me tidy up because I can't stand homes in this kind of mess... reminds me of my father" I said quietly.
James gave me a brilliant smile. "Deal" he replied.
We tidied in silence, I think James was giving my head some time to get itself together. All I could think of was Logan one second, then Kendall the next. Both broke my heart.
As I finished collecting dirty clothes I sat down at the kitchen table watching James finish washing the dishes.
"I don't want to end up back in Texas James" I revealed. Feeling scared of what my future may now hold for me.
James turned and looked at me, he flung the dish towel over his shoulder and came and sat next to me. "Tell me about what happened to you. I've never heard you speak about it" James asked.
"Does your sister have any corn chips?" I asked.
James smiled. "Long story is it?" He asked as he stood up and rummaged through cupboards.
"Yeah, something like that" I said. James handed me the chips and some salsa dip he had found.
"Tell me how it started... everything!" James asked. His face serious.
"Okay, well my mom left when I was really little, I can't remember if it was normal before that, but my dad just drank and drank. I remember the first time he hit me. I was 5. It was this huge back hander across my face. It knocked me over the other side of the room" I replied living the memory crystal clear in my mind.
"Why did he hit you? Was there a reason?" James asked, his eyes searching my own as he saw my pain.
"Yeah... I didn't want to eat my dinner. It tasted funny, I swear to this day, that it was off. But he didn't listen to my reasons. I ate every meal after that but it didn't make any difference. He would hit me for anything, a comment, a look , the way I dressed, my chores... absolutely anything." I explained.
James stared at me for a little while as he tried to understand what I went through. I saw him scan my face as his own memories of what my battered appearance looked like when he first met me. "Did you never tell any one?" He eventually asked.
"I did... I told my teacher at school, who told the head mistress. My dad was called in for a chat with both of them but he told them that I was rebelling against him because of the absence of my mother. They believed him, thought I was doing it to myself for attention so they came down hard on me. I never told any one else apart from Logan" I said with a sigh.
James nodded. "What would you prefer Sheri, to still live in fear in Texas with Logan, or how things are now, safe... but without him?" He asked.
"If I had a choice I would choose neither... I'm done with being hurt James. I've suffered enough, I don't want to do it any more" I said wiping a stray tear away from my eye.
"Sheri everybody is going to hurt you; you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for." James said.
"Do you think Logan and Kendall are worth suffering for?" I asked.
James smiled. "Kendall definitely not! But Logan cares about you. He protected you and he took you away from the one thing you feared. I would say that going through this heart ache now is worth you not still being in Texas being smacked about by your dad... don't you?" He simply said.
"I guess... I suppose he wasn't doing any different to what I was with Kendall... we just moved on huh" I replied, trying to see James's way of thinking.
"Exactly. Im not saying he is a good guy but he saved you Sheri" James smiled.
"Are you trying to cheer me up James" I accused looking at his cheeky smile.
"I might be... how's it working out for me so far?" He enquired.
"Pretty good" I replied.
"Would it change to really good if I ordered us a pizza to veg out to?" He asked, his smile getting bigger.
"I'm willing to take that chance" I chuckled.
I stayed the night on the sofa at James's sister's house. I didn't sleep a wink.
My head hurt, my heart hurt and I spent most of the night crying. It was a lot to come to terms with. I was alone now!
I wasn't one half of anything anymore. I had no family, no Logan, no Kendall. My future no longer looked as rosy as it did a few days ago.
I spent a lot of the morning with my own thoughts, James didnt look like he was ever going to wake up. I didn't feel comfy going in to see him. I just waited it out.
Logan had text me a few times. Saying things like he was always there for me. And he was sorry. He said he hoped to talk when he returned in a week if I didn't want to see him before.
I had heard nothing from Kendall.
James finally woke up just after midday. He walked out of his bedroom like something out of a horror film.
"Morning" he grunted, rubbing his eyes.
"Good afternoon" I corrected him.
James shuffled in to the kitchen scratching at his head as he yawned. His floppy brown hair stuck in all sorts of different directions.
"Have you eaten?" He grumbled.
"Yeah I had some cereal, I washed my bowl up" I smiled.
"Cool." James replied as he opened up the oven and grabbed the left over pizza from last night. He then came and sat next to me.
"How you feeling today?" He asked as he looked at which curled up bit of cold pizza he was going to treat himself to first.
"Empty! I have no clue who I am at the moment" I sighed.
James rested his head on my shoulder. "Well let's re invent Sheri cooper in to something fabulous" James said pushing the pizza away from him as he decided he didn't want it.
"I'm just me James, I can't be re invented." I smiled.
"What are you doing today?" He then asked.
"I need to go back and have a shower, get changed then spend the week in bed crying" I replied sarcastically.
"Not on my watch your not!" James said standing up, "we will go... surfing?" He said hesitantly.
"No way" I laughed.
"Okay ... erm. Shopping?" He tried.
"I'm not really in the mood" I explained.
"Get some alco pops, get drunk and sit in the hot tub?" James said as his last ditch attempt.
I laughed. "I don't want to drink but the hot tub sounds good!... what if Logan is in though? He doesn't leave until tomorrow."
"He has left already, he sent me a text asking if you were okay and that he wasn't at the house so you were free to go back." James said softly.
"Really ? Did he say anything else?" I asked now with hot tears rolling down my face.
"No, he didn't Sheri" James said handing me a tissue from a box on the coffee table. "C'mon lets take you home" he said softly.
I looked up at James and nodded with a sigh.
Once home James walked me in, it was weird. Carlos had gone home, Kendall had gone, and Logan had packed most of his things and left.
There was an envelope on the kitchen table with my name on it.
"Are you going to read that?" James asked.
"I don't want to hear what he has to say just yet." I said stuffing the letter in to my bag.
"Okay, get your bikini on, I'll get the hot tub on!" James said grabbing us two cans of cola from the fridge.
I got changed and had a good soak with James in the hot tub, it was nice to have the entire thing to our selves. James kept my mind busy, mostly by playing guess the song. He would sing a bit of a song and I would have to figure out which one it was.
I was terrible at it.
After we had turned prune-like from spending too much time in the tub, we got out, dried off and changed. I looked at Logan's shirt that was folded up neatly on my bed. I still wore it as a night shirt. It just didn't feel right to wear it now. My heart ached at the amount of times I had tried to seduce him wearing that. I placed it away in his drawer and just got dressed in to some leggings and a top.
I went down stairs to find James channel surfing.
"I got you a soda" James said as his eyes glazed over the tv.
"Thanks" I replied as I sat down next to him.
"Well I've been through every channel twice, but the only things on are... 'seven years in Tibet' , 'pimp my ride' or 'titanic' " James said glancing at me.
"Titanic... can't beat a bit of Leo to cheer a girl up huh?" I smiled as James turned the channel over for me.
He raised an eye brow just before he turned his head to watch Leonardo DiCaprio and Kate Winslet dance drunkenly to Irish music.
I folded my legs up on the sofa to relax. I watched the tv as leo and kate ran away hand in hand. My thoughts strayed to Logan. How romantic it was that we ran away together. I regretted not being able to share everything with him. I did love him. I did once want to marry him.
I envied leo and kate as I watched them all loved up in the dumb ass film. that used to be me. That used to be how Logan and I felt about each other. Now everything had changed. I was never likely to feel as close to anyone like I did with Logan.
I watched the film as they got hot and heavy in the back of the car. Kate's hand slid down the steamed up window.
"Is that what it's like James?" I asked. My eyes still glued to the soft smut of leo and kate getting it on on the tv screen.
"Is that what what's like?" James asked not bothering to move his eyes from the screen.
"Sex! Is that what it's like?" I asked still looking at the tv. "Is it really so amazing that you can't control anything?"
I saw James's head turn towards me. "I wouldn't know Sheri" he simply said.
My head turned towards him at his unexpected words. "You are kidding right?" I asked. Highly entertained that someone as cool and good looking as James could still be a virgin.
"I've never had sex... I had a blow job once... that was pretty mind blowing" he said looking slightly embarrassed.
"How are you still a virgin?" I laughed.
"It's not through lack of trying, believe me. The girls at school just wouldn't put out" he laughed.
I shook my head in disbelief. Nearly all the girls at my old school had lost their virginity. They would of fought over someone like James. "Do you think it's like that?" I Asked.
James shrugged. "I dunno... guess so. I get nervous just thinking about it" James said going a bit red.
I nodded. "Yeah I feel nervous. At least if I had of lost it with Logan then I knew he would of ... been gentle" I decided to say.
"I came close to losing it once. But the girl changed her mind." James confided.
I turned my head back to the screen. Once again I felt like a silly little girl. Believing one day Logan and I would be married and have sex. Believing he would never hurt me. Believing that I thought Kendall was then the one I wanted to be losing my virginity to. Believing Kendall loved me. James was right, sex was sex. It wasn't love. I honestly had no clue what love really was. I was 16, I knew nothing. Logan knew nothing... Kendall knew even less.
"James... do you want to do it... to get it over and done with?" I asked quietly.
"Do what?" He asked, his eyes glued back to the screen.
"Will you have sex with me... to get it over and done with... we could lose it together?" I whispered. Feeling my face burning as James looked at me in complete shock.
"Are you joking?" He asked with a half smile on his face, trying to figure out if this was a prank.
"I just want it out of the way. Sex is sex" I said not knowing where to look.
"Don't you want to save it for someone special?" He asked, not moving his eyes from mine.
"I think that ship has sailed now James... seriously lets do it! Now! What do you say?" I asked.
James then searched every inch of my face. He stayed silent for several minutes before uttering the words "ok then" to me.
author note : will update tomorrow (20th August) thanks for reading.