AN:

I don't own the chapter name. I'm not that creative.

Songs:

Lucy by Skillet

Believe by Skillet

PaperThin Hymn by Anberlin

and Get Well by Icon for Hire

All the songs go with story almost as if they were written for it Paper Thin hymn though you kinda have watch the music video to see why it's so perfect.

As always a huge thanks to Hassle Castle. :) I apologize if anything she edited got messed up...my computer hates me...like a lot...it decided that fixing highlighted mistakes is to uncool so I had to it on FF . net...which is hard and confousing because my computer wont show the full screen. :P

Anyway here you go! Chapter 21!

She walked into the building. She felt like she had done this a million times, it was just as bad every time.

"Dad no. Please No." she heard herself beg.

"Clarissa, what would people think?"

"I don't care! I won't be a murderer!"

"It's not murder. It's damage control."

'Mom! Help!' she screamed in her mind. But no help came.

"What would mom think?" she asked desperately.

"She understood business."

Since when was selling your daughter's innocence considered business?

"She would never have let you do this to me! Or my baby!"

"It's not a baby and it never will be."

"It is. And you can't do this."

But he could.

She watched as her 15 year old self struggled and was dragged into the abortion clinic.

"No! You can't listen to him! Don't kill my baby!" apparently it didn't matter what she wanted.
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"Noooo!" she screamed.

She could hear people trying to wake her up but she couldn't.

Then she heard his voice.

"Clary. Clary, I need you to wake up now. Come on, you can do it. It's not real Clary. It's a dream. It's not real." his voice was calm but there was an almost but not quite hidden note of panic in it.

She opened her eyes forgetting that he wasn't supposed to be here; that had she come here to avoid him.

She had been here three days. In that time they had mostly let her sleep, she would be starting more therapy and stuff once she had a little more time to rest. She had had lots of nightmares in the those three days but this was by far the worst one.

"Clary?" he whispered when she opened her eyes.

"Why are you here?"

"I..." he didn't know. He had been on his way home from running errands for Maryse when he had felt an uncontrollable need to see her. Knowing she was likely to be asleep he had been planning on just peeking in, seeing she was alive and leaving. But when he heard her screaming...he couldn't help but go to her.

"You shouldn't be here."

"And yet here I am."

"Jace?" She sounded so vulnerable it hurt him.

"Yes?" He replied tracing soothing circles on her wrist, just below the bandages.

"Is it wrong that I want you? Even though I know I shouldn't?"

"No. No it's not!" He said vehemently. "And whatever it is you think you know it's not true. Clary...look, I don't want a "perfect" girl. Not the kind you think is perfect. Not the kind the world thinks is perfect. I want the only girl in the world who is perfect. And that's you."

"Jace." she whispered disbelievingly. "I'm not."

"You are to me."

"You're nuts."

"Maybe. But in this case I know what I'm talking about."

"I...can you stay awhile?"

He smiled. "Till they kick me out. You want to tell me what that dream was about?"

"Promise you won't be scared away?"

"Cross my heart and hope to die."

She closed her eyes and tried to gather her thoughts.

Jace waited, after awhile he began to worry.

"Clary?"

"What day is it?"

"Tuesday." why did it matter?
"That's not what I meant."

"The second."

A pained look crossed her face. "Of October?" her voice shook.

He nodded slowly. What was going on?

"Oh!" she gasped.

"Clary? What's wrong?"

"Lucy." she whispered.

"Who?"

"He killed her."

"Who? Who did he kill angel?" his mind was racing, he should have killed the bastaered when he had the chance.

"She would be one today."

"He-he got you p-pregnent!"

She was shaking and Jace held his arms out to her. Without hesitation she began trying to pulled herself closer. He ever so carefully pulled her into his arms and kissed her forehead.

"Oh Jace I want my baby back!" she sobbed into his shoulder.

"Shhhh, I know. I know. Do you want to tell me what happened?"

"H-he told me he needed me to go to a business meeting with him. His "business" was apparently selling me for sex. I don't even know what he got out of the deal."

Jace was trying hard to hide his anger but it didn't seem to work.

"Oh Jace don't be mad at them. Not for that. As horrible as it was having Lucy made up for it. But then...he found out I was pregnant...and he killed her."

She hadn't known it was a girl not till just before she was murdered when they did the ultrasound before the abortion they told her it was a girl.

"As soon as they told me she was a girl I had to name her. She couldn't die without a name."

Jace felt his heart break for the millionth time.

"Lucy is a beautiful name." he whispered.

"Her full name Emily Lucia Fray. Those were mom's favorite names. But I like Lucy and since Lucy is short for Lucia..." she trailed off unable to go on.

He didn't know what to say so he just held her as she cried. He barely y even noticed that he was crying too. How could anyone do this to their own daughter? And kill their own granddaughter?

"Clary?" asked gently after a while. "I have a surprise for you. I'll be back in half an hour or so okay?"

He didn't want to leave her but he had come up with an idea and he had a feeling it might make her feel a bit better.

"What is it?"

"If I told you it wouldn't be a surprise now would it?" he asked letting a bit of arrogance creep into his voice.

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When he came back he didn't seem to have anything with him.

"Want to go outside for a little while?" he asked her.

"I...I don't even know if I'm allowed to..."

"I already asked."

"Fine I guess..." she muttered. It didn't really matter where she was anyway.

Jace started to help her into her hoodie but he stopped when he saw it was hurting her. It barely fit over the bandages on her arms and it rubbed painfully.

"Try this." he said slipping off his own hoodie and helping her into that instead.

"But what about you?" she protested.

"I'll be fine. It's not that cold out."

He lifted her from the bed to a wheelchair since she was still unable to walk very far and pushed her out to a little garden.

When they got there she gasped. There was a little table with two chairs in the middle of the garden and on the table sat a birthday cake. It had pink icing and said in yellow letters "Happy first Birthday". He had tied balloons to the chairs and it looked like he must have climbed one of the trees because there was a happy first birthday banner in the branches.

"Oh Jace." she began sobbing again.

"Clary?" Oh crap. Maybe this wasn't a good idea after all. He just thought that maybe having a birthday party for Lucy would help somehow, he had heard that honoring the memory of someone who had passed away helped their loved ones to cope but maybe this wasn't the right way to do it. "I'm sorry...I just thought-"

"Jace, this the most beautiful thing I've ever seen!"

After over a year of thinking she was the only one who cared about her beautiful Lucy this was the best thing Jace could have done for her. It showed that she wasn't the only one who cared; that someone else realized that Lucy was a real human being who had been murdered.

He picked her up and held her in his arms for a moment.

"Can I kiss you?"
He wouldn't have asked, it sort of ruined the moment a little but after what the poor thing had been through he thought she might need a warning.

"I guess..." she answered hesitantly.

He slowly bent down and gently pressed his lips to hers.

She almost pulled away but when she felt his lips on hers she relaxed into the kiss, allowing herself to almost enjoy something for the first time in what felt like ages.

He gently lowered her onto a picnic blanket he had spread out in a patch of warm sunlight.

"Here." Jace handed her a yellow gift bag filled with pink tissue paper.

"What is it?"

"It's not like you could open it and find out now is it?" he teased raising an eyebrow.

"You're really bad at tissue paper." Clary noted as she pulled out bunched up wades of the stuff.

"I know right?" he was too relieved that she was back to being able to tease him to think of response.

"Oh!" she exclaimed as she pulled out a set of very expensive drawing pencils.

She had never had such nice ones before!

"You like them?"

"I love them."

"But?"

"But...?"

"But not as much as you love.." he promoted.

She actually laughed at that. "Not as much as I love you. You are a bit full of yourself though aren't you?

"Only because I'm too awesome not to be." he quipped. He knew this was an act. She wasn't nearly as okay as she was acting. But if she was as much like him as he thought her to be then she needed to put on the act right now and she needed him to fall for it - or at least play along. She could only take so much at a time. When she reached her limit she had to try to convince herself she was okay.

She wasn't very strong yet, she could couldn't sit up on her own for very long. So she was leaning against Jace, letting him run his fingers through her hair over and over.

"Clary?"

"Hhmm?"

"I need to ask you something."

"Okay..." she hesitated. "Fine."

"Why? Why did you do this to yourself?" he ran a finger over the bandages on her arm.
"I thought you were doing better... I thought...why didn't you tell me? Why... Why would you leave me?" oops...that shouldn't have been said out loud, crap.

"Jace I..."

"Never mind." he felt like kicking himself, he was being selfish. This was about Clary, not him, he needed to help her with her problems not be thinking about his. But his own "abandonment issues" were getting in the way...he was afraid that if she killed herself it would be his fault...she would be trying to get away from him. A part of him knew how stupid he was being but another part of him never seemed to like logic overly much...or at all. Sometimes it was like there were two people in his mind the real him and the insane one and the insane one seemed to be winning one their seemingly endless fights at the moment. It wasn't that he was really insane, but right about now he felt like he was. All he knew was he couldn't let someone die because of him, not again.

"I thought...I...I was just trying to protect you." she forced herself to look at him and was startled at the pained look on his face.

"How?" His voice was even - too even as if he was fighting to keep it that way. "How in hell would loosing you protect me?"

"From-from him...if I was gone he wouldn't hurt you...he...and...I...couldn't hurt you either... Maybe I was right...maybe we should break up...maybe..."

"No." he struggled not raise his voice, the last thing he need right now was to scare her. "Cl-Clary..." shit he was about to completely break down. Why couldn't there just be one person who needed him? Really truly needed him?

"Jace...it's just...I-I need you..but I- can't...it's not fair to you!"

She needed him. Someone needed him.
"Clary." he wrapped her in her arms. "We've been over this. I need you too. We need each other...that is if you really need me."

She didn't answer not with words. She just kissed him. It was the first time she had kissed him without him starting it, and it said everything she couldn't say with words.

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After that he came to see her every day. She lived for the few hours a day she got to spend with him. Jon went back to New York a few days latter but she didn't feel nearly as alone as she had thought she would. Simon came everyday too. She would first spend time with Simon then Jace.

So many of the other people there didn't get visitors. It was no wonder they didn't seem to be even trying to get well. Many of them only seemed to want to think about what they'd been through. Clary knew it was hard. She still had whole days where she couldn't think about anything else. But they didn't even seem to try. At first, once she was doing a little better she tried to get to know a few of the other girls there but it was as if they were refusing to move on. They almost pulled her into the dangerous trap of comparing misfortunes. To them the more you had been through the more important you were - but she didn't want that. She wanted to get well.

Jace was her light in the dark, guiding her out of her own mind into the real world. When he was there, she was sometimes even able to have fun. He would do the stupidest things just to get her to smile. And for a laugh he would do things so far beyond stupid that she couldn't help but give him what he was looking for.

For example one day she was having a really bad day, she could hardly say anything without bursting into tears. Jace was sitting with her letting her cry in his arms the way he always did when she was like this. He was desperately trying to think of something to cheer her up, when it came to him- the stupidest idea yet. It had to work.

"Clary? I'll be right back okay?"

He walked out into the hall hoping Simon was still there. To his great relief, he was. And better yet he was talking to Natalie another patient , who Clary was somewhat friends with.

"Hey you guys want to have a race?"

"A... what?" Simon asked confused.

"Yes." Natalie answered her eyes sparkling. She was always happy for a distraction from the reason she was here she was doing much better but Jace thought she would recover faster if she had someone to visit her on a regular basis. He and Simon had both started talking to her out of pity but she had quickly made it clear that she didn't want or need their pity. She did however want and need friends.

Natalie was 14 and had been in foster care since she was 8. Her older brother who had just turned 18 was the only person who ever came to see her. Now that he was 18 she was allowed to live with him and Jace had a feeling she would be much better off once she could go home. Her brother however was working hard to be able to take care of her, and normally had to work during visiting hours. They didn't know exactly why she was here. She didn't like to talk about it. But she was bipolar and must have tried to take her own life at least once; that's why all these kids were here.

Jace knew he would have gone here if the Lightwoods hadn't taken him in from here to a group home...only not really, he didn't think he would have made it to the group home.

He mentally shook himself and realized the little the girl was looking at him, her eyes full of concern.
"You okay?"
Jace just looked at her trying to figure out how long he had spaced out for.

"You were totally out of it for like 30 seconds."

"Yeah. I'm fine."

She looked at him knowingly but said nothing. She knew he had his own painful past. She could tell by the way he treated her, he didn't act like there was something wrong with her. Neither did Simon but there was something different about Jace. Plus he had these weird "black out moments" as she thought of them where he totally spaced out. It gave her hope though, if he could make it through whatever darkness his past held so could she.

"You want to come with me to get the stuff for the race?"

"Duh!" she responded.

"Stuff? What stuff?" Simon had a feeling this was going to be a bad idea. "Natalie does not need you getting her in to trouble."

"Whatever. If he doesn't get me in trouble I'm sure I'll end up in trouble somehow anyway." she answered airily making Jace bite back a smile. It was true. The girl was always getting in trouble for something or another. She meant well but her passion for having fun just didn't work in a place like this. Jace could tell how hard she worked to act so happy all the time, and he felt like he needed to help her as much as he could, especially since he seemed to be the only one who understood her at all. He tried to include her in his planes to cheer up Clary as often as he could.

"Where are we going?" she asked excitedly.

"To find a wheelchair of course."

"Why...? Oh! A wheel chair race!" she exclaimed jumping up and down with joy.

Jace had to smile at her excitement.

"Yep and don't worry. If we get caught I'll take the blame, okay?"

"If we do it on the ramp I doubt we'll get caught. No one is ever there this time of day...I go there...sometimes to cr-" she caught herself. "To be alone."

Jace wished there was something he could do for her. But then he realized that there was, and that he was doing it when she perked up again.

"I know where we can find a wheel chair."

She grabbed his hand and pulled him down the hall.

A few minutes later they were back to Clary's room pushing an empty wheelchair.

Clary was lying in bed with the covers pulled over her head crying. Simon was trying to coax her out to no avail.

"Hey geek. Get outta here for a minute."
If looks could kill Jace, he would have died right then and there.

"Fine. Come on Nat we can wait in the hall. But if I were you I'd rethink being a part of his plan."

"No you wouldn't. If you were me you would do what I would do." she pointed out as she bounced out the door.

"The girl has a point. Now scram."

"Clary, I come bearing news of great fun."

"Not right now Jace, I just...I can't..." she was clearly fighting back another wave of tears.

"Care to talk about it?"

"Not partically. I did enough talking for one day."

They had been trying to get her talk about her childhood, which was bad enough. But it had also made her think of how Lucy would never a childhood.

"So you just want to sit here and cry all day?" He didn't mean to be harsh but he knew that if she didn't have someone to force her move on she might not be able to. That's what would have happened to him.

"Well...n-no...but..."

"Look Natalie is super excited about this..."

"What is it?"

He grinned, "Not telling."

"Give me a hint?" she asked starting to get interested.

"You'll have fun. That's the only hint you get. So if you want to find out what it is, you'll have to come with me."

Five minutes later they were in the hallway Natalie had mentioned. It was long and sloping like a ramp. There was just enough room for the two wheelchairs to safely go down side by side.

"This is nuts." Simon muttered. As he stood behind Natalie's chair ready to push her down the ramp. "You're both sure you know how to stop?"

"Yes!" they both answered.

"Chill Sie, this is gonna be great." Clary reassured him. He hadn't heard her this ready for excitement and mischief since they were about 12. Though he was still worried, he no longer had the heart to voice his worries out loud.

"On your marks… get set… GO!" Jace cried pushing Clary just before he said go.
"Cheater!" Natalie squealed as Simon sent her racing down the hallway a split second latter.

"We won!" Clary laughed as Jace come running down the ramp to meet her.

"No fair! I call a redo!"

Slowly, the to sounds of the two girls laughter drew other people out if their rooms. Before long they had a whole crowd of people watching and cheering. Some of the other kids wanted to take a turn too so Natalie let them use the extra wheel chair and Clary sat on Jace's lap on a bench off to the side so they could use her's.

Eventually a few of the people who worked there came to see what was going on.

"Oh crap." Natalie said to Simon, nodding to where they were standing.

But to their surprise one of the young male nurses stepped forward laughing.

"Okay kids 10 more minutes, then we never speak of this again for fear of someone 'uncool' finding out."

They knew they should be scolding but this was not a nice place to be. The sound of laughter was rare and they all knew that fun and laughter was what these kids needed.

"Who's idea was this?" asked someone else.

All the kids looked around, no one wanting to squeal on the boy who brought them a little bit of fun.

"Mine." Jace said calmly.

"Can we speak to you when this is over?"

"I guess so."

15 minutes latter Clary was back in her room.

"What if you're not allowed to come back." she worried.

"Chill, everything is gonna be fine. I'll come back and say goodbye when I'm done getting yelled at."
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"You wanted to yell at me?"

"No actually. We wanted to ask if you could come up with more things for them to do. We try to have actives but they all stay in their rooms...laughter is the best medicine but it's hard to get them to laugh while they're here."

"Boared games are not, I repeat, not actives. The word bored is in the name. It's like they are warning you about how boring they are!"

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"Hey beautiful. I didn't get kicked out. And you know those little square scooter things?"

"What?"

"Those little things with four wheels that you sit on? Usually thought to be for little kids?"

"Yeah...?"

"Well there will be a scooter race in the hallway day after tomorrow."

"Why?"

"Because they didn't want to yell at me. They wanted ideas for fun things to do."

"Really? They didn't kick you out?"

"Even if they had tried, it would have been pretty hard to keep me away from you."

"Jace? When I can leave...is it okay if I come back to your place?"

"I thought you'd never ask." he said kissing the top of her head.

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"Hey Max! Want to go to the park?" he called as pulled the door closed behind him.

"Yes!" came Max's excited voice from his bedroom.

"Okay just let me go grab my jacket."
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Latter that night when he was trying to fall asleep Jace heard a knock on his bedroom door.

"Go away."

"Its me."

"Oh Sorry Alec. Come in."

"You took Max to the park today?"

"Yeah..."

"I take you must have been in a good mood."

"She asked if she could come back here once she can leave there."

"I thought that was the plan anyway?"

"Yeah, but she didn't know that."

"Jace? I need to ask you something."

"Then ask."

"How do I ask someone out?"

"You just ask."

"But I...I can't..."

"Why not?"

"Cuz I'm me."

"If he says no he's not worth it."

"But...what if...when he finds out about..." his hand flew to his upper arm where Jace knew his scars were.

"I have more than you do. Does it mean I'm not worthwhile?"

"No, but-"

"Enough buts. Call him."

"It's not that simple he asked me out and I said I wasn't sure...I was too sacred..."

"Call him."

Alec looked at him, his blue eyes huge with fear.

"You can do it."

Half an hour latter Jace heard another knock on the door.

"Yes?"

"He said yes! Jon is trying to keep the place running...Magnus stayed to help out...I'm going back next week to help too and we're going out to dinner." Alec was clearly torn between excitement and terror. Jace knew the feeling, that was how being with Clary made him feel, happy just to be near her but terrified that he would mess it up.

Jace raised an eyebrow. "See? I'm always right."

"Thing is...he...he doesn't want me keeping it secret...like he said we don't have to tell everyone but...well...I promised I'd tell mom and dad."

"You want me come with you?"

He took a deep breath, "No. I need to do this alone..."

"You sure you don't need anything" Jace asked looking concerned.

"I might need you to be here when I'm done...I...can you keep this for me?" he held out his pocket knife.

"You know, I don't think either of us should be allowed to carry these..." Jace said taking it from him.

"I may have to agree with you on that." Alec said as he turned to go face his parents.

"Alec?"

Alec turned to look at him once more.

"You're gonna be fine. Mom might be shocked...but she'll get over it and Robert...well whatever he says it doesn't really matter. You can handle it. You handled him quite nicely for me...thanks for that by the way."

Alec didn't say anything. If he didn't go now he knew he wouldn't be able to.

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Jace was worried. The yelling had stopped sometime ago...where was Alec?

He walked into the hallway to find Isabelle and Simon standing in the hallway looking stunned.

"I think dad just disowned Alec..." Isabelle said softly.

"Where is he?"

"In his room...he won't talk to me ...I was about to come get you."

Jace nodded. "Simon take Izzy somewhere that's not here." without waiting for a reply or even knocking he tried opening Alec's door. Locked.

"Alec. Alec you need to open this door right now. If you don't I will break it down."

"Alec! Do you hear me?" he banged on the door. Nothing. He heard a noise behind him and turned to find Maryse, tears running down her face.

"He won't open the door." Jace said coolly. He found himself blaming her for the pain he knew his brother was in. "I'm going to break it down."

"No." she said firmly.

"Look, just stand back."

"No." she repeated holding something out to him.

A key.

"Thanks." he said taking it.

"Let him know I love him no matter what. Robert does too he just...he'll calm down."

"Yeah whatever." Jace said unlocking the door and quickly closing and locking it behind himself.

Alec was lying on his bed staring blankly up at the ceiling.

"Hey." Jace said hesitantly. This was not something he was comfortable with. Alec was the strong one, the one who never complained, the one who just sat there and quietly took whatever came at him. Seeing him like this was hard, especially since he knew that hopeless look all too well.

"Alec?"

"He said...he said I should kill myself..."

"Alec." Jace felt an uncontrollable wave of anger. "No. He doesn't know what he's talking about." he would have gone and started screaming at Robert then and there, if he didn't doubt Alec's ability to safely be alone just then. Plus from the sound of it Isabelle had beaten him to it.

"He said...he said...'I don't care what you do, it's a free country. You could kill yourself for all I care." Alec's voice trembled even as he fought with everything he had to keep it even.

"Alec." Jace sighed. "Maryse said to tell you she loves you. No matter what." He wanted to say more to tell Alec he knew how it felt to have a parent hate you. But he couldn't, so he just say there.

"Maybe she does...but dad doesn't."

Alec's phone rang. They both ignored it.

Jace just sat there with him. Not letting him be alone, thinking about how many times Alec had done this for him.

The phone rang again, and again. The fourth time Jace picked it up and saw who it was.

"It's Magnus."

Alec looked for a moment as if he was about to say something, but he didn't.

"You should talk to him."

"I can't." he said his voice breaking.

"Yes you can." was all Jace said. He went back to sitting silently.

"Okay Alec...you have 15 missed calls, 4 messages and 13 texts...you can't ignore him forever. If you try your're phone might blow up."

"I can't talk to him right now."

"Just listen to one of the messages."

He would have been wary of playing them for Alec right now for fear Magnus was made about him not answering, but the newest text said. "Alexander please be okay. I love you." so Jace didn't think there was much danger of Magnus hurting Alec more.

"Put it on then."

"On speaker?"

Alec just shrugged.

"Alexander...what happened? Are you okay? You said you'd tell them right now and let me know how it went...I'm worried sick. Maybe you changed your mind...but don't think you're like that...I'm not gonna call again...but I'll be waiting for your call. Whatever happened Alexander...I'm here."

"You need to call him."

Alec nodded and numbly took the phone Jace held out to him. He just stared at it as if he had no clue how to use it.

Jace took it from him and pressed redial, handing it back as it began to ring.

Magnus answered right away.

"Alexander?"

"Magnus."

"I'll be in the hall." Jace whispered.

Alec nodded at Jace and said into the phone "It was...bad...he...he hates me."

As Jace closed the door he heard Alec say, "No. It was worth it"

Jace didn't know how long he paced the hallway for but it seemed like forever. Finally Alec's door opened and Alec came out looking slightly more put together.

"You okay?"

"I think so. Thanks."

Jace nodded.

Alec's phone buzzed and he looked at it and smiled.

'I love you.' the text message read.

"Yeah, I'm gonna be okay."

"Good. You know...I think we all are."

Okay now he was sounding like some lame tv show...

Isabelle must have heard their voices because she came rushing out of the room Simon was staying in and threw herself at Alec so hard she almost knocked him over.

"I yelled at him for you."

"Isabelle don't." he said wrapping his little sister in his arms and holding her tightly.

"Too late..."

"Izz." he sighed. "Thanks."

"Are you gonna be okay?" she asked despite herself.

"I'm going to be fine. Don't worry. If you want to worry about someone worry about Simon. If he spends the night with you...he may do well to remember who your brothers are."

Isabelle pretended to be offended, but she was really too relieved that both of her brothers seemed to be safe at the moment to mind their stupid over protectiveness.

AN: What did you think? Anyone see that coming? I highly doubt it. The story is almost over (insert tears here) I know I said that before but I think it's really true this time. There will be maybe 5 more chapter? IDK I still have somethings to wrap up and a few more things that I can't tell you about ;) Any way what did you think of this chapter?

Review for a sneak peek. :)