an: haha, this chappy is gonna be all Jacob and thanks to the people who have been faving me over the weekend I got ya'll covered enjoy ^_^
Better in Time
Chapter Twenty::::
JACOB'S P.O.V
"You sure you don't mind being here alone tonight?" old man Roald says as I begin to work on the piece of tin car Bella and her boyfriend/husband brought in.
"Go already, I'm fine." I reassure
"Ok, well, here's the key, there's leftovers in the fridge when you get hungry." Roald says and hits the back lights and exits
I sit up from up under the car and just think for a bit I can't seem to let tonight sink into my mind. There's just --she was here and I didn't even get to see her. I couldn't even smell her or catch a glimpse of her from afar just nothing. There was just her stupid boyfriend or whoever he was I don't think it was her husband her maiden name is still there. *shrug* What the hell is she even doing back in town. Her dad knew I'd be out so why would he even allow her to come here--fucking Charlie who knows the shit he's been saying about me to her. She must still think I''m just some cold hearted full fledge criminal doesn't she know I paid my dues for her. Everything I did was to get her to love me because I couldn't stop thinking about her. Fuck! I kick over the rusted oil tin and see it's running down beneath my shoes causing tiny stains on the dirt ground as I walk over to grab a rag.
I have to see her. I want to see her but I know that's not at all possible. I just want to know what's been happening in her life. Lord knows the whole time in jail I've done everything I could to not think of her because the thought of not seeing her or haivng any communication with her was too much to bear. I wrote letters but I never sent them; I tried calling but I din't know her number. I feel like an emotional wrek with her on my mind so many things from the past and these demons trying to pull me back because I know that's where I want to be. I should be with her. I wipe off the top of my boot and walk back and flip the hood of the car up and begin fiddling with a couple of things. As I'm tinkering with the engine I'm still thinking about her, wishing that this rusty, textured instrument were her soft pale skin. I slowly come back down to reality and see that I'm still just touching the car and that the engine is looking alot better. Since this is a rented car I take it they don't have time for me to order a new engine so a simple clean job and rust removal should do the trick, I each over and grab my tool box and put my things back in there.
I can't focus on anything I feel so jittery and nervous like I'm in love. I'm in love all over again but not the kind that I want to be in, not the kind they write songs, and stories about but the kind that feels like a burden and cryptic maze. I just want out of it but I can't stop this feeling not even if I could.
"Bella..." I whisper softly and close my eyes and softly recite her phone number to myself every one of those numbers sounds like sweet music to my ears and I feel around for my cellphone.
"I can't do this." I say opening my eyes and realizing the severity of my actions I can't call her. I can't let her know it's me. I'll end up back in jail in a second. I place the phone back in its place and wipe my oil ridden hands through my hair. I wonder if she lives close by, maybe she does and she came in town to come visit Charlie what if I just so happen to bump into her tomorrow I mean, she does have to come back and pick up the car all I have to do is just be ready and let her see I have a job and that I'm changed I'm not this monster she needs to run from. I mean, would Edward be spending his night fixing her car where is that asshole now? Looks like things fizzled out fast why'd she even think that was gonna last. I made it my duty to protect her and she just slaps me and the face and blames everything on me. I fully admit that yes, I did screw things up but shouldn't she of all people believe in the power of change. Hell,, she thought she could change a man's sexuality why can't I be that guy who she loves what's the harm in that. She saw the lengths I've gone to protect her.
"Dammit Bella," I scream softly going over to the car and opening the door the moment I do I can instantly smell her scent. It's exactly the same only aged, like a fine wine and more addicting. I go into the car and sit in the passenger seat and recline back just letting the rush of air hit my nostils like a sensual wave, I kick my feet up and hit open the glove compartment and out falls some papers. I bend down to pick them up and see some notes with her handwritting on the paper 'edward cullen interview' is written on top and dialouge from him. My eyes start racing around like crazy and I see the words 'single?' written with a tiny heart around it and my hands start trembling while clenching the paper tighter in my hands till finally I drop them to the ground and sit back trying to catch my breath. I kknew Rosalie was back in Forks but now she but now she brough her brother here too. What is he now a permanent resident. Why is Bella even interviewing him what is this all about, why are they still associating themselves with each other--Rose and Charlie. I know their connection has something to do with this they were both there at La Push what have they joined forces. What kind of shitty parent allows for this, Charlie is just a joke that whole fucking Cullen klan is too. I just don't like this feeling this just sitting here and not acting it's not in my nature how can this be happening how did my life all of a sudden become so unlucky. I've let down everyone closest to me and I can't seem to make anything better Billy doesn't even look me in the eyes anymore and my stint in prison made his already weak body weaker. I'm just making a mess all over the place I want to use this time in my life to take back what's mine and I won't make the mistakes I did in the past. If being in a maxium security prison all these years has taught me anything it's how to better cover my tracks and get smart about certain things; I've also come to learn that no one's worth trusting. The only one who was there for me in jail was myself and I know I'm not gonna do anything to put myself in another one of those kind of situations I am gonna get what I want no matter what and this time I will succeed.
I pull up on the road directly behind the long winding path up to the Cullen mansion the lights are off so everyone must be asleep. I sit back and continue to watch and listen out for any sound. I know I won't be able to hear or see anything from this distance though so I have no choice but to drive up.
I drive up to the top of the path and get out of the car and sneak up and around the house careful not to step in front of the door to set off the porch lights. I try to see if I can catch a peek in the windows but there's just a shrowd of burgundy curtains blocking my way. I look directly to my side and see a disgarded ladder thrown to the floor flat and I reach down to set i up and place it against the the side; I turn it so that it's slanted but sturdy and start climbing. I know this is a bit extreme but dammit there's just way too much adrenaline coursing through my veins to even begin to try to talk me out of finishing what I've already started. I continued to climb up and up to the first window I see with a light emitting from without and I smile softly as I slowly poke my head up eyes first and see just the huge study room with stacks and stacks of book cases but no one in and no light the light is coming from the hall where I see Rosalie storm past and then Edward follow like he's going after her. I lean in a bit closer and hear the screams they're yelling at one another and then they retreat in their steps and come back to the open study door where I see them continue to argue back and forth. Rosalie looks really upset (as usual) and Edward--that asshole, is looking pissed too. I try to listen in closer to find out what all the commotion is about but still I hear just muffled screams. Rose then blows up in Edward's face and then goes into the study and slams the door and locks it to keep Edward out and then sinks to the floor covering her face crying...what the hell.
I start to climb down from the ladder still scratching my head totally confused by the cause of that situation but whatever it is I hope it's not related to Bella. I get to the bottom when I hear the front door swing open and I quicky cease up and crouch down low
"This is such intolerable bullshit!" Edward screams out loud to himself and runs over to his car and I hear it start up, I creep down to watch as Edward suddenly just speed off till he comes to a stop. What the hell...
"The car!" I gasp to myself, I parked it right there and it's not just my car it's Bella's oh shit! Fuck! No!!!