Waking people up is just cruel. Especially people who are NOT morning people. I have this on good authority, since I'm one of those disgusting morning people, and my friend Aub is not. Let me tell you, it's like dealing with a hibernating bear. Just wave coffee in their general vicinity and you'll escape with most limbs intact. Sorta. Anyway, Heero doesn't seem to grasp this idea. A soldier (even an ex- soldier) should be ready all the time, right? ...Right?

Uhoh.... (listen to: Life's gonna suck when you grow up by Dennis Leary)

Excerpt of Phone call between Yuy, Heero and Maxwell, Duo. Timestamp: approximately 03:02 hours, L2 Standard Time. Location of transmission: L4 orbit, post completion of short transport job from L1 to L4.

*beeping noise of incoming vid-call*

D: Mmmmffle...Wh-What the.... who the.... fuck an' why, man?

H: 02. Previous Communications Ineffectual. Current Location secure? ...Status?

D: You gotta be fuckin kidding me. Heero, 'case ya haven't noticed, I'm on L2 time, an' it's fuckin' 03:00! Is this some kinda joke?

H: Negatory. Comply with previous request.

D: *rubs face in attempt to grasp sanity.... er, wakefulness* Uhm... Alright, alright, fine. Current Location: my fucking bed. Status: Half-fucking-asleep. On my fucking ship. What the fuck do you want?

H: Clarification of Ship registry status at Sanq Kingdom Shipyard.

D: Uh... does that... *rubs face again, yawns* mean you wanna know... if I'm comin' there 'r somethin'? Jeeeez, if ya wanted ta take me out ice skatin' ya shoulda jus' said so, twinkle toes.

H: Hn.

D: Oh, jeez, don't call me, wake me the fuck up, an' talk my fuckin' ear off there, blabbermouth.

H: Affirmative. Confirmed en-route to Sanq Kingdom. Confirm attendance at 04's event, designated 'reunion' without Schbieker?

D: *cackles slightly* Well, if ya want her there, I could have the bitch shipped ahead a' me in a meat locker. Or a couple of 'em.

H: Schbieker's demise confirmed? Only 1.75 meat locker needed for transport based on body mass calculations.

D: *stares for a second* Shit, you thought that crap out ahead a' time? An' here I thought I hated the bitch. What, you talk to her... oh man. You did. Hell, how the fuck'd that go?

H: ....

H: Standby for reception of conversation transcript.

D: *blinks, sees file, reads for a moment.... busts up laughing mid-way through* Elephant-fucking WHAT?

H: Hn. Continue.

D: *mumbles under his breath as he reads it semi-out loud... finishes by falling back flat on bed with a set of very low cackles, clutching stomach* Holy... CRAP. A REAL WOMAN! HAHAHAHAHAHA!

H: Hn. Has 04 been informed of Schbieker's absence from Event?

D: *sitting up, wiping tear from eye* Uh... ehehe... Naw, Quatre's got 'nough on his ass right now without listenin' ta me gripe about some crazy bitch comin' onta me. Jus' good old Duo Murphy's great fuckin' luck. I'll tell him when I see him... ya know, over a coupla liters a' old fashioned grog... er, nog.

H: Confirm Appellation Change?

D: *blinks* Naw, dude. Murphy's Law? Ya know... the shit good people're punished with?

H: Excrement....rotating aeration device. Roger that.

D: *doesn't know if he should laugh or bitch slap... too far away for latter* Heh heh... right. Good one there... buddy ohl' pal. No uh... since you know where I am and where I'm gonna be and shitty details about my nonexistent shitty-ass love life, ya want anything else?

H: Your cooperation needed in pending operation regarding Vice Foreign Minister.

D:*silent for a minute, scratching behind his ear thoughtfully* Uh... well... I dunno, Heero. I mean, if yer life's in danger or somethin', I'd totally jump right in there, y'know that...but I just kinda got my wings, an'I gotta run the kinks outta Scythenmark 'n' stuff.. er... I'll... have ta talk to ya later 'bout that one, bud.

H: Acknowledged. Later. 01 Out.

D: Uh—hey, Heero, ya know what I mean by—shit. *static* Hope he forgets. *sits in silent ship for a moment, sighs* He won't. *falls back onto bed with a sigh* Well, time for more hedge-jumping deathscythes to count.

See? Heero DOES have a sense of humor. A bit bizarre, but he can be humorous. Heh. Especially about shit hitting the fan. Heck, he's not an idiot—he's pretty much a genius, but he's just a bit sociopathic in that he doesn't grasp the everyday nuances of human interaction, or see the need for all of them. He's not totally irredeemable, people. He's just....Japanese. Excessively Japanese. A caricature of the whole "samurai" ideal. Which is not bad, it's just....minimalist. In a lot of areas. Okay, he's an idiot in his own way.

...this has been a byproduct of Aub and my insanity. Thankeee *bows*