"Are you sure you're ready to this, Mate? I mean, I think it's brilliant and I'm glad you're here, I just want to make sure you understand that it's going to be… rough." Logan and Finn were standing outside a local church, waiting to go into the support group Honor had told him about. Finn was watching as Logan was fidgety and a bit paler than normal, but he took a deep breath and squared his shoulder, knowing he needed to do this.
"Yeah man, let's go." He moved forward and Finn pulled him back quickly.
"Look, you're going to hear a lot of things in there that are going to be really hard- this is a mixed group- it's Secondary Survivors, like us, and it's actual victims. We'll all sit in a circle, someone is going to ask people to share, after they share he'll ask if anyone has a reaction or a question or a follow up. Speak if you want, ask questions if you want, but you don't have to- plenty of people just listen their first few times. If it gets to be too much, all you have to do is stand up and leave, it's totally fine, it happens- I've had to do it more than once. You can leave and collect yourself, come back in, or you can leave- no one will judge you, it's fine. Ok?" Logan took in a few deep breaths and nodded.
"Alright then, let's do this." They walked in together to the social hall/gym of the church- it wasn't the homiest or most welcoming of spaces, fluorescent lights buzzing overhead, there were some ceiling fans, but all in all it was hot and humid- but there were people sitting in a circle of chairs, sipping on coffee or water. They were all ages, there were two people who looked like they were in high school, a boy and a girl- the boy had dark hair, black painted nails and was wearing a black hoodie and jeans, despite the 90 degree summer heat. The girl next to him- a petite blonde in a cute summer dress, was holding his hand, trying to smile reassuringly at him. That sight alone almost broke his heart, then he looked over a few seats to see an elderly couple- they looked like the couple in the movie Up- the man had a walker standing next to his chair, the woman next to him was knitting quietly in her lap while she waited for the session to begin.
Finn and Logan took their seats right as a man with short but curly hair sat down, holding a long yellow notepad and called to everyone chatting around him to begin.
"Welcome everyone, it's great to see everyone here again. We are here to do so much more than to just "try and deal" with what happened to us or a loved one, but we are here to help each other, to learn from one another, to find healing and hope that will make us stronger- that will help us reclaim our lives. Please remember the ground rules- this is a space for healing, which means everyone in this room is here to support each other, this is a place where we accept everything being said, we respect it- it doesn't matter your orientation, your beliefs… let's try to keep it positive, alright? Now, does anyone want to share?"
It was a minute before anyone raised their hand- it was the petite girl who was sitting next to the boy in black.
"Hi, I'm Kaylee… I'm here because my best friend, Peter, was assaulted in the showers at the gym at our high school." The kid next to her blanched and she leaned into him, squeezing his hand, looking at him like she was asking if it was ok she continued. "He had recently come out and some of the athletes at the school decided to try and show him what it was like to be gay- I won't get into details, they're pretty bad, but I'm sure you can guess what a bunch of athletes with access to an equipment closet can think of to use." Logan felt his stomach turn at that- he remember at one of his boarding schools a guy came out gay and got beat up once or twice, he hadn't even stopped to think about it at the time, too concerned with the next prank on the Headmaster.
"Well, the guys they caught were suspended for ten days- that's it. And I'm…" The girl was trying to hold back tears, Logan couldn't believe how brave this high schooler was being right now- either of them! "I'm just so fucking angry! I'm sorry, I hope my language doesn't bother anyone here, but I just don't really know how else to say what I'm feeling- I just- they hurt him, so badly, he was in the hospital for four days! But the school said there wasn't really any evidence what happened was their fault, it was too hard to prosecute criminally and chalked it up to "boys being boys". I mean, what the hell is that? A guy has that done to them and it's basically like they streaked across the field at a football game! I'm just… I want to hurt every single one of them, I want to see them suffer, I want to physically make them pay! And I have to go to school every single day with these sons-of-bitches- how do I handle this? How can I protect Peter or any other boy at my school who feels unsafe when no one else seems to care?" Angry tears were falling down her face and the room was quiet- because what were they supposed to say?
The man leading the group had some follow up questions- did she feel unsafe herself? Had she thought about trying to form a club- an LGBTQ friendly/Pride group maybe?
"Sometimes a group of people who don't feel like they belong anywhere, can find that sense of belonging with each other- and don't ever forget the concept of safety in numbers, the more people there are at your school who stand up in support, in solidarity, the harder it is for bullies to get their way." That was from a woman, maybe in her late 20's, she had really short dark hair with purple tips and multiple piercings all up her ears- dressed in a crazy, colorful dress combination that made her look sort of like a hippie- if anyone knew something about feeling like they don't belong anywhere, Logan would bet she did.
A few more people stood and spoke, talking about how they were angry, how they felt lost- some of them talked about how hard it was to be there for their loved one who wouldn't open up, who wouldn't talk. Finally a woman, about college age stood- she looked vaguely familiar to Logan- she was tall, she had blonde hair, was thin and beautiful, but looked sad, looked beaten down.
"Hi, I'm Cassie… This is my first time at a group, but, uh… my roommate thought it would be good for me, and so did my therapist, so I thought I'd try it. I'm a student, I go to Yale, at least I used to. I'm not sure if I still do- I'm really not sure if I can go back after what happened. And I'm angry about that- I mean, angry seems to be the emotion of the day, right? I was raped off campus, in my apartment." She paused to push her hair behind her ear, she was so tense- her shoulders tight, she was so controlled, but had a certain grace to her movements.
"You see, I worked my ass off my entire life to be a ballerina- it's all I've wanted to do since I was three. Originally I wanted to go to Juilliard, but I have a twin brother, and he's kind of sick and we were raised by a single mom, so I decided it made sense to double major in something where I could get a real job if I had to, you know, to help pay the bills. Plus, Yale gave me a bigger scholarship- not a lot of people are dual majoring in Dance and Psychology- I thought maybe if I had to, someday I could develop some kind of dance therapy program for kids with disabilities." She was tearing up, biting at her bottom lip, clenching her fists.
"Basically, I'm broke. So when it was time for my roommate and I to move out of our apartment for the summer for different internships, we decided to sell as much of our furniture as we could, instead of storing it- we're both from the West Coast. She had a meeting, I agreed to wait for the guy who was coming to pick up the couch we were selling- he'd offered us full price and could be there that day." Suddenly Logan was sitting up, his spine totally straight, Finn looked at him curiously. Logan's jaw locked as he listened to the girl describe the exact same thing that Rory had told the police- the guy knocked, said he was from Craigslist, she turned around, he grabbed her, held a knife to her and raped her, repeatedly. She was crying as she spoke, someone got up to hand her some tissues and she flinched at the sudden touch.
"I didn't go to the cops. I didn't even go to the hospital. Not at first anyways, it wasn't until I was a no-show to my internship with the San Francisco Ballet- something I've worked for my entire life- that anyone came to my apartment, almost a week later. Finally I went to the hospital, but I didn't want to talk to the cops, I wanted to forget it all. My sister finally made me find a therapist, I've been going for a few weeks now… it sort of seems like it's maybe getting better. I don't know- I'm not sure I know what better is supposed to feel like. But I do know that just walking through the gates of campus, towards my apartment, makes me feel sick and panicky. I'm staying with a friend right now, I just can't be there- but I don't have the money to break my lease, I don't think I have the money to transfer anywhere. I don't really know what to do at this point, how I can possibly move forward… But I also know that I don't want this bastard to chase me out of school! Out of my dream! I've worked so hard for all of this and I just feel like he took it all away from me!" And with that she completely broke down- she was angry, her face was a hot red, but she was sad- Logan could hear the despair mixed with frustration in her voice, it sounded so much like his Ace- he couldn't- he didn't really know what to do, he just stood up and left the room as fast he could. He wanted to hurt someone, he wanted to hit something, he wanted to be able to fucking do something!
He stormed out of the room, but he couldn't make himself leave the building, he had to speak with her- he didn't know if there were rules about that, was he allowed to talk to anyone outside of the room? But what she had said- she had described exactly what Rory had been through- he had to talk to her. Was this something that was happening? How was this going on in New Haven and no one knew about it?
"Logan, man, what happened in there? Are you alright?" Logan was pacing fast, he was punching at the air, he was moving as much as he could- Finn knew what his best friend looked like in full on anger/hatred mode and this was it. Keeping his distance, holding his hands up spoke as calmly as he could, trying to coax his friend into speaking. "Logan, I need you to try and calm down- that was a rough session, absolutely- not the easiest one for your first go. But I need to know why you're so upset. Is it because the girl goes to Yale too?" Logan finally turned and looked his friend in the eyes.
"Rory was attacked in her off-campus apartment by a man claiming to come for the table Paris was selling from Craigslist. Everything she just said, every single thing she just described was like how Rory told it to the police, told it to me. What are the chances that's a coincidence?" Finn stood there, trying to absorb the consequences of what Logan had just said.
"You mean, someone is going around and doing this in New Haven and nobody's done anything about it? No one has said anything? The cops haven't put it together?"
"Yeah, Finn- that's exactly what's going on! Some sick and twisted fuck is going around and raping Yale students and apparently no one gives a goddamn shit!" Logan hit both fists against the walls as hard as he could, almost embracing the pain. They just stood there as Logan tried to breathe, the anger obvious, his struggle to keep control apparent to Finn.
Finn was trying to process- he hadn't known the particulars of Rory's story- hadn't really wanted to know them- imagining his beloved Reporter Girl treated so brutally. To hear that another girl at Yale had been treated the same way, he couldn't believe that there were multiple men out there doing the same thing.
"Well, Mate, I think we need to try and speak with Cassie when she comes out- i know she said she didn't go to the police, but it's possible she can help them find the sick fucker that hurt them both."