"Dude, I told you to check on April, not drive her away," Alex hissed at Jackson an hour later.

After April left, Jackson didn't have time to dwell on what had just happened. He got paged 911 and had to perform surgery on one of his patients whose condition suddenly plummeted.

When he got out of the OR, Alex happened to be walking by and stopped him.

"She left? Did she talk to you?" Jackson asked.

"No, she hasn't spoken to anyone except Hunt to tell him she was taking the rest of the afternoon off. Even Robbins couldn't get a word out of her," Alex answered. "And with the way she looked when she left you in the room earlier, it doesn't take a genius to figure out she came out of there looking a lot worse than when she went in."

"Look, I really don't want to get into this right now. Can you just please give me a break?" Jackson said.

Alex noticed how tired and worn down he looked, and felt sympathy toward him. He realized that Jackson came out of that room feeling just as bad as April did.

"Yeah, okay," he said considerately. "But if you see Robbins, I suggest you walk the opposite way. Or run. Or, you know, hide."

Jackson gave him a fed up look.

"I'm serious, man," Alex said. "Believe it or not, I'm looking out for you."

Jackson sighed. "You have any idea where she went?"

"Robbins?"

"No, April."

Alex shrugged his shoulders. "All she told Hunt was that she needed to take a break, and he was more than willing to give it to her without asking any questions."

Both men walked on in silence until Alex left to make his final rounds before the end of his shift. Jackson continued walking, not really knowing where to go.

Jackson spent the rest of his afternoon doing consults, performing his surgeries and dodging Arizona. It turned out Alex wasn't kidding about her at all. Earlier, he was in the elevator, waiting for the doors to close, when he heard Arizona's voice.

"Avery!" she shouted at him from the end of the hall as she rushed toward the elevator. "What the hell did you –"

He breathed a sigh of relief when the doors closed shut before Arizona could get to him. For a moment there, he wished Nathan were here instead of the feisty blonde. He was more afraid of her than of the army guy. Since then, he would peek around the hall first before walking ahead. The last thing he wanted to happen was a confrontation with his wife's friend, and to have the whole hospital know that he made April cry after she had already lost a patient.

Throughout the rest of his day, Jackson kept himself busy. But that didn't mean his mind didn't keep wandering off to April. Once, he went to the ER to see if she actually left, hoping she might've returned.

When he finally admitted to himself that it was useless to expect her to be there, his sullen mood gave way to a muted, almost sizzling anger. He had trouble responding to April's accusations earlier when she was right there in front of him, but now that she was gone, he felt he got cheated out of the chance to defend himself.

Of course, he wasn't intentionally hurting her. How could she even think that? Ever since she got back from Jordan, all he tried to do was tend to his own hurt and his own frustrations while making it as painless for April as possible. He was still looking out for her. He balled his fists up as he kept replaying their confrontation in his head. Saying those things to him was unfair, and he wanted to make sure April knew it.

When he got home that night, all he wanted to do was to take a hot shower and go to bed. But as soon as he walked through the door and took in the sight before him, he let out a sigh of exasperation. His sink was filled to the brim of dirty dishes. There were empty cartons of takeout on the counter, clothes were everywhere from the floor to the couch to the chair. When he opened the fridge, a foul smell immediately escaped. The last time he lived in a place like this was with Charles, his best friend from Mercy West. It was like living in a bachelor's pad.

Since April moved out a little over a month ago, he never cleaned up his place and the leftovers were left uneaten. They were always April's thing; she couldn't stand it when the apartment got messy and she would rather eat leftovers than buy food. Now, assessing the damage for the first time, he realized he couldn't put off cleaning any longer.

He was in the middle of picking up the dirty laundry off the floor when he heard a soft knock. Putting down the laundry basket, he went to open the door, all the while thinking who his visitor could be and hoping it wasn't Arizona plotting to murder him. When he finally saw who it was, all thoughts ceased.

April was standing in the hall looking smaller and more unsure of herself than he'd ever seen her before, and the anger he felt an hour ago disappeared. All that was left was a burning desire to take her into his arms and bury his face in the crook of her neck. Deep down, he was aware of how crazy his sudden mood switch was and that only she could reduce him to a conflicting heap of emotions.

"Hi," April said softly.

"Hey," he replied, just as softly.

"I just…" she faltered, not knowing how to go on.

"Come inside," he said gently, as he opened the door wider to let her in.

They were both sitting on the opposite ends of the couch. They'd been sitting for a couple of minutes with neither saying anything until Jackson couldn't stand the silence any longer.

"How are you feeling?" he asked, remembering that they not only had a fight earlier that day but that she'd lost a patient as well. To him, it felt like their exchange in the peds room happened ages ago.

"Okay," she answered.

He merely nodded his head in response. He didn't know what else to say. He wanted to ask her why she came, but he was afraid that asking that question might lead to her leaving.

"Actually, no" April spoke up, "I'm not okay. I haven't been okay since Samuel... I haven't been okay since I left…home." She gestured to the apartment.

"April –"

"I know I hurt you by leaving, and I left knowing that you'd get hurt. And I'm sorry."

"April, I –"

April held up her hand. "Please, let me finish."

"You don't trust me to stay anymore, and I can't blame you for that. I wish I can say that I would take it all back if I could, but… I'd be lying if I said that. I can't apologize for choosing to go, Jackson. I can only apologize for hurting you in the process. I know that no matter how many times I say I'm sorry and no matter what I do, I can't ever make it up to you because that's not what you want from me. You want me to regret going there, you want me to say that I shouldn't have left… but I can't give you that."

She began to cry as Jackson looked at her silently. Since Samuel's death, he'd always felt that she hadn't been entirely honest with her feelings. He could tell there were times when she only pretended to be happy, but whenever he asked her, she just brushed it off. Even when he saw her off at the airport on her first tour overseas, she told him it was for surgical experience, but he knew it really wasn't.

At that moment, as he stared at her as she cried, he realized it was the first time that April was completely open to him about her feelings since the death of their son. He didn't know what to feel about what she just said, but he did know that what she said was true – he wanted her to admit that she made a mistake, that she shouldn't have left. But there was nothing for her to admit because she didn't see it as a mistake. All he wanted that past year was her honesty. Now that he finally got it, he didn't know what to do with it.

So where were they supposed to go from there?

April covered her face with her hands. "I can give you something else you want though," she whispered. She dropped her hands to look at her husband, her red, swollen eyes looking deep into his green ones. "I'm going to meet with my lawyer tomorrow, the one who took care of the prenup papers your mother sent."

Jackson blinked, confusion mixed with dread began to creep on him. "You… your lawyer? For what?"

"I said I was going to fight. I said I was going to fight until I'm bloody for us," she said in between tears. Putting her hands over her heart, she said, "I'm already bloody, Jackson. I… I'm neck deep in my own blood. There's nothing left in me anymore."

Jackson moved to sit beside her and laid a hand on her knee. "April, what are you trying to say?"

"I'm saying I'm waving the white flag," she told him, her lips quivering. "You haven't mentioned it to me anymore since the night I moved out, but people at work talk and word gets around. You know what some of them say? They say it serves me right for leaving Matthew at the altar, and how perfect it is that the guy who wants to leave me is the same guy I left him for."

Realizing what she had just said, Jackson's eyes grew wide in alarm. How could anyone be so cruel and mean? And to April of all people. He wanted to say something, anything, to stop her train of thought, to keep her from saying anything further. But April continued to speak.

"But I know you, Jackson. I know the only thing keeping you from going through with it is because you don't want to hurt me," she sighed, her voice sounding pained and tired. "So tomorrow I'll meet with the lawyer to…" she stopped. She couldn't bring herself to say it. Maybe he changed his mind, she thought. She needed to be certain. "I mean, it's what you want right?"

Jackson was shocked. He expected her to consider divorce. But not in a million years would he expect her to actually go through with it, and so quickly too. He knew he was the one who said it first and that he mentioned it a few times to Ben and Callie, but somewhere deep inside him, he knew that actually going through with it was another thing altogether.

His mind began to race. First, she left him twice to go overseas and now she was entertaining the idea of leaving him for good? Gradually, he felt anger rise inside him.

"What I want? What I want?" he repeated, his voice getting louder. "Why, April? Why now? Last year I told you what I wanted. I told you I wanted you to stay, but you just threw that out the window. So why are you so concerned with what I want all of a sudden? And what makes you so damn sure that's what I want?"

"You told me, Jackson," she argued. "And from what I heard you said it to someone else too. Now, I'm the bad guy? You don't get to do that to me, not when I'm trying so hard to set aside what I want for you."

"Oh, so I'm being selfish now, is that it?" Jackson countered. "I let you go to Jordan –"

"You let me?" she cut him off. "The first time I went you told me straight up you didn't want me to go. The second time, you backed me into a corner and forced me to choose between you and –"

"And what did you choose, April? You didn't choose me. You didn't choose our marriage. You chose yourself. That's what you wanted, and now you're doing what you want all over again."

"Fine, what do you want, Jackson? Because I honestly don't know. You don't tell me anything! I wanted us to talk about our problems but you would never stay in the same room with me long enough to actually have a decent conversation. I tried fighting for our marriage but you wanted to kick me out. I moved out of our home, but that doesn't seem to be making you any less angry with me. Now, I bring up divorce, which is something you came up with, and then you scream at me. So what do you want, Jackson? What do you freakin' want?"

"I want some damn sleep! That's what I want!" Jackson shouted as he let his exhaustion and frustration completely take over him.

April looked at him, her expression troublingly indifferent. There was no trace of pain or anger, just blank eyes and a slightly open mouth.

Taking a deep breath, she stood up from the couch, grabbed her bag and walked quietly to the front door. Jackson watched her. The fact that it was the second time he watched April leave his home without knowing when or if she would ever come back didn't escape him.

"Goodnight, Jackson," she said as she opened the door. This time, she didn't bother turning around to face him before leaving.

When the door finally closed, Jackson stormed to the bedroom and slammed the door shut.