Sorry for the loooong wait. My muse was on life support and just woke up.
23) Regardless of who is visiting me, you and your team must show proper conduct. And for the last time the new Tsuchikage's new assistant name isn't Chesty McRackboob. (AND STOP THAT OOGLING HIRUZEN!)
A new hidden village was created a year or two ago. It was named Iwagakure and it was growing quite fast. Hashirama was expecting the new leader, the Tsuchikage, to come to talk about peace and stuff of that matter. Hopefully it won't go as bad as the whole Raikage incident. He was glad that he gave his brother and his team the impossible task of training a cat. That should give Hashirama and the new Tsuchikage some time to talk.
The Tsuchikage walked in with his very womanly assistant. She had fine features but had an air of arrogance about her. Somehow she seemed bored with the whole matter and didn't want to be in the lovely city of Konoha. Not too far was Ōnoki, a short little fellow with a big nose. Hiruzen had a good three inches on this new boy.
Hashirama was already up when they came in. He greeted the Tsuchikage as a future ally if Tobirama doesn't come in.
"Welcome to Konoha," he said to all three of them. "I hope your trip wasn't too hard."
He motioned them to sit down.
"Do you three need anything before we begin," he said. He wasn't just doing this to get on their good side; it was a proper and polite thing to do to diplomats.
"No thank you Hokage," the Tsuchikage smiled. "But thanks for asking anyway. Let me introduce you to my lovely new assistant, Kakutasu and the future Tsuchikage Ōnoki. Now that we got that covered, shall we begin?"
"Lets," Hashirama smiled and began to talk. That is when he felt it. His brother is going to do something extremely stupid. Or could it be Hiruzen. He wasn't quite sure who will it be.
"Brother, we finally trained the cat," Tobirama appeared behind him with a highly trained cat on the former's shoulder.
Behind him were three kids looking behind him. One had a death wish since he was clearly ogling at Kakutasu's chest.
"Brother why are you here, didn't I tell you I was meeting the Tsuchikage today."
"I vaguely recall about you saying something about that this morning."
"Who is this man," Tsuchikage said. He wasn't pleased but at the same time slightly amused on the whole thing.
Now the second boy was shown to have some interest in Kakutasu's chest. This glasses-wearing one did a better job at hiding it. Unlike the first boy who didn't take his eyes off. But he finally snapped too and finally opened his mouth. Something that Hashirama wished to remained closed.
"Hey is your name Chesty McRackBoob?" he asked.
"HIRUZEN!" Hashirama glared down the boy. "That isn't the way to ask a lady's name!"
Now Hiruzen knew what his sensei feels every time that they do something like the whole paint job at the Uchiha's compound. Or that rumor of Madara having PMS, which by the way is still going strong.
Tobirama did a great job of hiding his amusement on the whole thing well. Homura quickly looked away bashfully. He didn't say a single word. Koharu didn't see the big deal of this. However she was envious about this new woman, mostly her bust.
23a) No you may not call Ōnoki shorty or any variation. Besides you three are about the same height as him
"And who's the shorty?" Hiruzen just dug his grave even deeper.
"Stop it monkey," Tobirama finally step in. "Don't call people short."
"But he is a munchkin," Hiruzen argued with his teacher.
Tobirama had a little mental fight of what to do. Either encourage him or stop him. One will bring the wrath of his brother and this other guy or do the "good" thing and stop this madess.
"Hiruzen, Ōnoki is going to be the future Tsuchikage just like you will be the future Hokage."
"Well that half-pint better grow tall," Koharu made a catty remark. "A kage must be tall."
Hashirama just rubbed his temples. This job was very stressful indeed, mostly thanks to his brother and his team.
"That's true," his brother said under his breath.
23b) No Tobirama, you don't put rope in proper. (And put down that whip, you are a teacher not a circus animal tamer.)
It was a month, or so, since the whole Tsuchikage thing took place. Amazingly there was some truce made. Hashirama was happy about the outcome. Of course he chewed out Tobriama and his students in proper conduct. But he didn't foresee what Tobirama was planning. Of course it took Hiruzen to finally drop the question that would put it to motion.
"Why do we have to be so proper?" Hiruzen asked his idol.
"Because we have to," Tobirama said in a deadpan manner. "Unfortunately, my brother doesn't have the guts."
Tobirama had a vague idea on what to do when Hashirama gave them the speech on being proper. Now the idea was completed.
"Why is that sensei?" Homura asked.
"He doesn't put the rope in proper," he told them with a smirk. There was that gleam in his eye. That partly scared all three of them. "But I do. I have the power to put rope into proper."
"Why does rope have to do anything?" Koharu asked.
"No nothing," he still had the smirk. "Something between me and the nurse that you guys aren't old enough to know…yet."
"I don't get it," Hiruzen said.
"You will know later in life," Tobirama dropped the smirk. "We do have to train in proper behavior and do our everyday shinobi training. And I know how we could do it."
"How? Tell us," Hiruzen jumped around Tobirama like a little toy dog getting a treat from its owner.
He pulled out a whip.
"Why do we need a whip?" Hiruzen asked.
"You'll see," he had that smirk.
"Tobirama," Hashirama didn't seem to be all that pleased. "What the hell?"
24) There is a 'u' in community.
They were cleaning the playground. Why on earth do they have to do this? There was no point. They were experience genin, they did better D-rank missions than this. Was it the whole whip thing? Or the whole rope in proper deal. They could never tell.
And Hiruzen just had to open his mouth.
"Why do we have to do this? Why?"
"I think it is punishment from Hashirama," Tobirama grumbled. He knew his students deserve better missions than this.
"Why do we have to do community work?" Hiruzen complained. "We're shinobi, we don't do any community work."
"Of course not," Tobirama offhandedly stated and wasn't thinking he was taking to Hiruzen and the two others. "There is no 'u' in community."
"Yeah there is no 'u' in community," Hiruzen proudly and blindly agreed to what Tobirama said. Somehow Hashirama just walked up to see what was going on when Hiruzen said that.
25) Being a Hokage does not mean you can create special workday.
"Why aren't there any special workdays?" Homura asked. He wanted to know why.
"Special workdays?" Tobirama was weary about this question and didn't really understand what Homura wanted to know.
"Well my dad said at work they have special work days like a casual day or fun day. So why can't shinobi have special workdays."
Hiruzan and Koharu were baffled at first but now they agreed with their studious teammate. Why can't shinobi have special workdays like the other workers of Konoha? Tobirama wasn't too sure about this. There was a logical reason why shinobi don't get special workdays like what Homura was asking about. That answer would be handed out by his older brother Hashirama. And the last time he checked he wasn't his older brother.
"Well it is up to the Hokage to give out special workdays. Since Hashirama is a killjoy he won't do it."
All three of them looked at him and he could tell that they agreed with him. Hashirama is a killjoy.
"Know what, when Hiruzen becomes Hokage he can create all the special workdays he wants."
"Why can't you do it?" HIruzen asked and the others nod in agreement.
25a) For the last time there will be no 'Bring your mistress to workday'!
"I will be making one very special day," he straighten himself out. "It would 'Bring your mistress to workday.'"
He was of course joking and wasn't planning to do it.
"Really," Hiruzen believed every word that Tobirama said. "You'll do that."
A pause pass. Tobirama regretted the whole thing. Koharu didn't like the whole thing and hoped he wouldn't do it. Homura has a soft blush on his cheecks.
"What's a mistress anyway?" Hiruzen asked.
26) Stop making up legal sounding words. That means NOW!
"Why do we have to study law?" Hiruzen didn't like learning about the said subject.
Law was his worst subject ever. There were too many laws to remember and how to counter loopholes. Besides it was boring as hell and he wanted to do things like swimming or covering the Uchiha's compound with glitter.
"As the future leaders, you must know everything there is to know on law and its loopholes."
"But it is boring," Koharu whined.
The only person who was enjoying himself was Homura. He loved reading books and learning new things. So this wasn't too hard.
"How bout we make up legal sounding words," Tobirama thought this would help.
"Really?" Hiruzen and Koharu looked hopeful. Homura just over heard the last part and wasn't too sure.
"Sure why not, what could go wrong?"
*An hour later*
Hashirama checked in to see Tobirama's students' progress.
"Rear-end joineder," Hiruzan gave his two cents.
"Tobirama," Hashirama seethed with anger.
A/N: Some jokes I got from "Sebben and Sebben Employee Orientation." A free internet cookie for whoever finds the jokes.