"My creator," Godzilla thought as the massive, pure white being reappeared before it in the strange, black void it found itself in. She crouched, looking down at it with pity in her eyes. "Godzilla," she whispered. "All your suffering... all the suffering you have caused... all to find the one thing that everything needs. Another of your own kind." She smiled sadly, reaching down to stroke its scarred head.
"And... you can give me that?" Godzilla thought, instinctively knowing that she could hear his thoughts. "All this time... the isolation... can you make it stop?" Rei shook her head, her smile fading. "I can't. You may be my child, but it was not I who turned you into what you are now." Godzilla froze. "So... it was right. I shall die alone." It looked up at Rei. "Why? Why am I alone? What is wrong with me?!" "Let me show you," she said quietly. Suddenly, it remembered everything.
An ear-tearing explosion tore through the warm waters of Bikini Atoll, sending the creature scurrying for its cave. It scrambled inside, just in time to avoid the blast. It was safe, even as the cave nearly shook itself apart. Before long, the explosion had ended, and the creature cautiously swam outside. But it soon found itself alone. Everything else had perished in the blast. There was no food left. But the creature was one of instinct, and its instincts had always been to stay here, where it had spent its entire life - even as it began to starve.
It wasn't long before the first barrels sank down towards it.
Hunger gnawing at its stomach, the creature bit into the barrel, desperate for any food. Tearing the metal away, it found several birds inside. Quickly, it devoured them all, despite the strange smell that came from them. It moved to another barrel. Inside was nothing but coconuts. But these had that same strange smell. Cautiously, the creature took one of the coconuts in its mouth, and bit into it. It had never eaten such a thimg before, yet something was telling it that it should.
As time went on, more barrels fell, the creature ate them, and the strange smell became more appealing, though not enough for the creature to eat the man-made items inside some of the barrels. It began to grow in size, and the water grew warmer around it. Ultimately, the day came when the barrels stopped falling. Desperate once more, the creature took an entire barrel in its mouth, and swallowed it whole, even as the metal tore its throat. But the pain stopped quickly. And when it swallowed another barrel, its throat was too tough to be ripped.
One day, strange figures came down towards it. They watched it, and flashed lights at it. Once, the creature may have checked if they were edible. But now, it only ate things with the strange smell.
"Do you know what happened to you now?" Rei asked. Godzilla thought for a moment. "The... Lilin. They made me like this." She nodded. "And the Lilin are the only ones who can make another Godzilla." It was silent. It thought of how simple its life had been before the mutation. There had been hardships, yes, but it had never felt completely alone. Its flesh had never felt like it was tearing itself apart. It had a reason to exist, back then. Now... now it was nothing but an abomination, pointlessly wandering the Earth in eternal solitude.
"The Lilin... they did this to me. And if they go unchecked, they may - they will do it again. No... now, I have a purpose. They will burn." Rei sighed, and regarded the mutant with pity.
"Why?" Shinji asked, looking down at his feet. "Why can't people just like me? I piloted the Eva. I... I tried to be friendly, but... you just used me. All of you did." Rei's voice came from behind. "Did you like Asuka?" "... no," Shinji admitted. "But she was rude and arrogant! She didn't treat anyone nicely!" "Did you know why she acted that way? Did you know that her Mother's insanity and her Father's infidelity made her feel inferior and betrayed? Did you know that she was trying to escape and avoid those feelings?" Shinji was silent for a moment. "No, I didn't know." "And now that you do, how do you feel about her?" He stared down at his feet. "I'm... I'm still angry with her. But I guess... I also feel... sorry for her."
"Did you know that Misato feels immense guilt from asking you to pilot the Eva? That, in many ways, she views you as her own son?" "... I didn't." "Did you know that your Father abandoned you because he felt that you would be better of without him? That he believes that all he does is cause you pain?" Shinji was still for a moment. "He's right about that," he murmured.
"You aren't the only one who has hardships to face, Shinji. Everyone is weighed down by misfortune, guilt, and regret. But here, in instrumentality, there will be no others. There will be no you. There will be no life. Simply a collection of souls in perfect harmony." Shinji closed his eyes. "I... I like the sound of that..." Rei smiled sadly. "But you won't experience it. You will cease to exist as an individual. Everything you loved, everything you wanted, and yes, everything you hated, will simply disappear. No-one will love you, because there will be no-one to love you and no you to love."
Shinji thought for a moment. "Perhaps... it would be better like that." He felt someone else's comforting hand gently squeeze his shoulder. "No. It wouldn't," a familiar but unrecognisable voice said. "The only real way to be happy is to fight for it. You can't submit to the pain. You have to keep going, fighting for yourself. You have to love, even though your heart might break. You have to act, even though you might make mistakes. You have to live, even though it might hurt, because there's only hope when there's life. Anywhere can be paradise as long as you have the will to live."
The presence left as soon as it had appeared, and now Rei stood in front of him. "Shinji, I just want you to be happy. Truly happy." He turned back to look at Rei, tears in his eyes. "You... you really do care about me." She smiled. "Yes." He looked down at his feet. "I... you're right. I want to be happy. I don't want to just give up. But... the others... Misato, Asuka... they're gone. I don't know..." "No. It's alright. Everyone whose souls are here can return, if they choose to."
"Everyone except for me." He stared at her, unwilling to believe her. "No... I... I want..." "It's all okay, Shinji," she said, smiling sadly. "You gave me a chance to actually, properly, live." Tears began to form in her eyes. "The fact that I'm sad means that I was happy, once. Losing someone important to me means that I could connect with someone, something that I thought I would never have." She leaned in closely and softly kissed him. "Thank you, Shinji," she gasped, trying to maintain some of her composure.
"Rei, I -" Shinji's mouth was flooded with LCL. Desperately, he swam upwards, and as his head broke the surface, he saw the remains of the giant, pure white Rei come crashing down around the ravaged countryside.
She was gone.