Everything and everybody familiar belongs to Janet. As always, the mistakes are mine.
There are a few moments that you just know will forever stay with you. The first time I heard Ranger say he loves me, the consummation of the fake deal I'd made with him, the doctor telling me I was pregnant ... followed by holding Matthew in my arms after he came out, are just a few of mine. One more memorable moment was when Ranger and I told Ella, that in our minds, she's Matty's Godmother as well as his third grandmother.
Ella's eyes became teary at the news, then the tears threatened to spill over as I continued to talk.
"We want the best watching out for Matthew," I told her, "so you and Tank are the obvious choice for Godparents."
"Are you sure?" Ella asked.
"We are," Ranger told her.
"It's one of the few decisions I've made since finding out I was pregnant that I didn't have to question," I said to her.
Ella hugged me, then Ranger, and proceeded to steal Matthew from me. That was okay, because Valerie, Mary Lou, and Grandma were on their way up, so I was bound to lose Matty anyway. I soon realized after spending time with them - and all three sharing their experiences of having husbands and newborns - that even though I'll be Matthew's primary caretaker, just like Valerie and Mary Lou are to their kids, my life is going to be different than theirs. That became even more apparent as I watched Ranger come into the kitchen. Ranger had been set to go after Richmond Amaro early this morning, and I immediately ran my eyes over him from head-to-boot toe to make sure Ranger was still in one piece.
"Why are you all dirty?" I asked him, noticing the dust coating his uniform, small hole in his sleeve, and battered hands.
"Had a little fun today," was the answer I got.
"Is that Ranger-speak for you got to use an actual person for a punching bag today?"
"Yes."
"So I'm here watching your son and you're out smashing heads?"
Ranger grinned at me. "He's our son, Babe. And you purposely try not to beat up on anyone."
I blew out a breath. "That is true, but I'm feeling sort of left out."
"You'll be back to nailing skips soon, Babe, but Matty needs you more than anyone else right now."
"And Matthew doesn't need you?"
"He does, but you're his mother, Steph. Matthew will always need you more than me."
"That's where you're wrong, Ranger. Matty needs us both for different things. I'm going to keep Matthew from getting shot at. And you have to keep him from going crazy."
"I'm the bodyguard in the family, Babe. Shouldn't that be the other way around?"
"No. I'll probably drive Matthew as nuts as I do you, so you're going to have to convince him to put up with - and love - me despite my irritating habits."
"Matthew will need no prodding there, Steph. He'll love you like I do."
Ranger knows that I'm a sucker when he says stuff like that. And in appreciation, I closed the inches between us and pressed my body against the front of Ranger's.
Big mistake.
Ranger's arms closed like a steel trap around me, surrounding me with his heat and strength as his mouth came down hard on mine. I remember every second of Matty's birth - and the discomfort I'm still experiencing due to it - but even with that, I still want Ranger. Waiting for the doctor's okay to resume the physical part of our relationship is probably going to kill us.
As expected, Matthew woke up like he'd been on a timer, crying, and causing Ranger and I to retract our lips and tongues. Ranger let me go and turned towards the bedroom.
"Ranger, don't you dare get skip juice or blood on Matty. I'm pretty sure his immune system isn't strong enough to fight off any FTA residue. Plus, Ella said blood is hard to get out of clothes, and I love Matty in those pajamas."
"Matthew and his clothes will be fine, Babe."
"Fine, you go get Matty and then you can share what went on this morning."
"There's not much to tell. Tank and I went to apprehend a skip and there was a small altercation."
Ranger was already heading to the bedroom so he didn't catch my eyeroll. Two can play the stubborn game. I picked up the landline and dialed Tank's cell, which I can do now that I've earned his private number.
"Tank ..."
"What's wrong?" Tank asked immediately.
"Nothing. I'd just like you to come up to seven for a few minutes."
"You need me to do something for M.J.?"
"No. I need you to answer a few questions for me."
"Oh shit."
"Yup. See you in two," I told him, and disconnected.
Ranger was coming back with Matty by the time I'd hung up the phone.
"How long was Matthew out this time?" Ranger asked me.
"He slept three hours straight," I said, after a quick glance at the clock. "I was going to take a shower while he was sleeping, but I was scared he'd wake up as soon as I stepped into it. My plan was to introduce Matty to my office for a little while tomorrow. Now I'm not so sure that's realistic. If I couldn't manage to get myself clean, how can I get any work done?"
"When you're ready to venture beyond the apartment, we'll tag-team, Babe. If you're awake when I leave in the morning, I'll wait to go until you're up and dressed. If you're still asleep when I'm ready to head out, you can call me and I'll come upstairs if I'm in the building and not in the middle of a meeting."
"You can't put everything on hold just so I can shower, Ranger," I told him.
"Isn't that what you're doing? Taking time off work and completely changing your schedule because you have a child now?"
"That's different," I said to Ranger, after kissing both my guys on the cheek.
"How so, Babe? Are you forgetting that I also have a new baby at home?"
I sighed. "No. But you own an empire, have a ton of employees counting on you, and undocumented military personnel on call. The world can't afford you taking time off."
"Steph, there are more important things than saving the world."
I snorted, bringing Matthew's face towards me.
"Sorry, Matty. You'll get used to that particular noise soon enough. And, Ranger, I don't think Gotham would agree with your putting the world-saving on hold statement."
"I'm not really Batman, Babe. I'm a man with a family now. And a man who wants the ability to enjoy what I now have."
"You do have both. I just don't want you sacrificing the job you love for us."
"You and I agreed to balance things, Steph. We can each have a career and family if we do this together."
I stared at him.
"What, Babe?"
"Do you realize you just became the perfect man? It seems like I've waited a lifetime to hear a guy tell me that my needs are equal to his."
"I not only want you with me, Babe, I also want you happy. And you staying inside the apartment all day, every day, will not accomplish that. So we'll figure out what we both need to stay active, interested, and together."
"I would kiss you right now, but that would probably make Matty cry, so I'll restrain myself until he's been changed and fed. If you handle diaper duty, I'll let you feed him."
"You'll let me?" Ranger asked, lifting a brow at me.
"Yup. How nice am I?"
"How about you change Matthew while I get his bottle ready, and I'll feed him while you shower?"
"Uh-uh," I told Ranger. "I want to watch the two of you bond."
"Babe."
I blew out a breath. "Okay, I'll go change him while you do his bottle, and then we'll all go into the living room so you can tell us a story of how the big, bad bounty hunter took down an unruly FTA. Kids like stories, don't they?"
"Nothing noteworthy went on today, Babe."
"Yeah well ... we'll see if Tank agrees."
"You called Tank?" Ranger asked, keeping his hold on Matty when I went to reach for him.
"Yeah, I did."
Ranger's mouth twitched in amusement. "You can't go over my head, Steph. I'm the boss. Tank answers to me."
"I think Tank answers to Matthew now. He wouldn't want to upset his Godson."
"Or his Godson's mother?"
"Her, too. I'll get Matty taken care of," I said, as a knock sounded at the door, "and you can let Tank in."
"I will get even, Babe."
I gave Ranger a very thorough once-over. "I look forward to it," I told Ranger, kissing him briefly before taking Matty away from Ranger and to the nursery.
"Your pj's don't lie, Matty," I said to him, once I'd put him down on the changing table. "You are a Major Cutie. I don't care that your dad still thinks I'm crazy for buying them."
If the light blue and white striped footie pajamas weren't cute enough on their own, the words plus the appropriate military rank underneath them in a very pale khaki color, added to the adorable factor. I undid Matthew's pjs, and changed his thankfully only wet diaper. I probably should put Matty in an actual outfit, but he isn't going anywhere except back to sleep in a little while, so I figured we could both just stay in comfy clothes a bit longer.
I took my time just to give Ranger and Tank a chance to corroborate on a story. I'm okay with Ranger keeping some things from me if it's necessary, or if Ranger had been in mortal danger so I wouldn't have a heart attack, but my thinking is everything else is fair game. And finding alternate ways of getting Ranger to talk has become a fun game all on its own.
"What do you think, Matty?" I said to the somewhat bright-eyed little boy in my arms. "Do you think we gave them enough time to get their stories straight?"
Matty made a noise which I took as a yes, so I left camo-central and joined Ranger and Tank in the living room.
"There's my little man," Tank said to Matty. "Are these two treating you okay?"
"You have to ask?" I said to Tank.
"No. I'm pretty sure you'd cut the balls off anyone not taking care of your kid."
"You're right. I always thought those stories about women lifting cars to save their children were exaggerated, but I swear I could lift a car to get to Matty if I had to. The superpowers are spreading in this family."
I pressed my lips to Matthew's little chin before letting Ranger have him. I wasn't going far, though. I sat next to them on the couch and kept my body touching Ranger's as he gave Matty his bottle. I knew it was dangerous to stare, because watching Ranger with Matty is incredibly sexy.
Ranger's bicep popped out below the short sleeve of his t-shirt as he cradled Matthew in his arm, and the muscles in his forearm flexed as he held the bottle to Matty's mouth. I'm sure I was drooling as much as Matty. Hmm, maybe I need to steal one of Matty's bibs for myself for future feedings. I made it a point to divide my eyes between Tank and Ranger.
"Okay ... fill me in on 'the fun' you had today."
"It was great," Tank said. "That idiot challenged Ranger and ended up spitting out half his teeth."
I grimaced, then looked at Ranger and Matty to center me. Ranger's okay, and he's back home with us, so he is fine ... which means I should be fine, but I still waited for Tank to continue with my breath held.
"Amaro tossed his gun aside and said if Ranger was a 'real man', he'd do the same."
My eyes opened wide. "Is this guy friggin' blind?" I asked. "He didn't happen to notice that every part of Ranger's body is a weapon?"
"You weren't there to tell him, Babe," Ranger said to me.
As I checked Matty's bottle progress, it seemed he was completely okay with Ranger feeding him. I was a little worried that Matthew wouldn't appreciate the change in how we've been doing things, but Ranger has been with me almost every time I've fed Matty, so I'd been fairly sure he would be okay with his dad doing the honors while I was hovering nearby.
"You being there is probably the only thing that would have made the fight better," Tank told me.
"I would've saved this guy a world of hurt if I'd been there," I told them.
"I'm glad you stayed home then," Tank said. "It's been a while since we let off a little steam."
"Matty, you didn't hear that. You're not supposed to be proud of hurting someone. That should remain a last resort."
"Isn't Matthew a little young to start with life lessons, Babe?"
"No. I didn't learn anything useful until I'd hit rock bottom ... having no job, no direction, and not a great-looking future. I don't want Matthew to have to make my mistakes."
"Things worked out for you," Tank said.
"Yup. They did," I said, looking on as Ranger put Matty's bib aside and then burped him.
You'd think Ranger holding a baby would somehow cut some of his badassness, but their differences are so clear, they only made Ranger tougher in my eyes. Ranger's hard where Matthew is soft. Matty has that air of innocence that all babies are born with, while you could tell with one quick look into Ranger's eyes, that he hasn't been innocent for a very long time.
When Ranger and I first started hanging out, I'd been scared of him, but also surprised at how caring he can be to the people he loves. Ranger stayed inside a bomb-rigged building to save the people who lived there, then held me close as I cried when the horror of what we'd seen caught up to me. That's why my feelings for Ranger were so hard to admit to ... or ignore. He led a full scale assault on all my senses and emotions, leaving me shaking, scared, and seriously in love for the first time.
Dickie had been expected, Morelli had been inevitable, but Ranger was ... everything. And Ranger still managed to give me something else I didn't think I needed that I now wouldn't be able to live without ... his son.
"Do I have to put you down for a nap, Babe?" Ranger asked me.
"No. I thought pregnancy brain would end with the pregnancy," I told them, "but it looks like it just switched to 'mom brain' instead. So you kicked the crap out of your FTA and then dropped him off at the station?"
"We made a stop and got him stitched up first," Tank said. "It would be wrong to bust a guy open and not put him back together again."
"You're all heart, Tank," I told him, with a heavy dose of sarcasm.
I leaned towards Ranger and Matthew, and put my hand right next to where Ranger's was on Matty's back. Ranger's arm came around me now that he had one free.
"If I wasn't worried about you booting me out of here, I'd comment on how nauseating you two are as a couple," Tank told us.
"You're just mad that you can't tell us how stupid we are anymore for denying stuff," I told Tank, laying my head on Ranger's chest next to Matty's cute little wriggly body.
"That did take up a lot of my time," Tank said. "If you would've figured out the obvious sooner, you'd probably be holding baby number two or three by now."
"You can go now, Tank," I told him, lifting my head off Ranger to glare at Tank.
"No way. You called me up here and I'm not leaving until I get a chance to play with M.J."
"I don't know how much you're expecting Matthew to do," Ranger told Tank. "His activities are limited."
Tank lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug. "Doesn't matter."
I was about to say something, but Ranger's cell rang from somewhere underneath me.
"It's in my front pocket, Babe."
I slipped my hand into the one closest to me, and I figured since I found it that meant I got to answer it.
"Yo," I said.
There was a pause. "Stephanie?"
I recognized Zero's voice. "Hey, Zero. Ranger's a little busy ..."
"Babe."
"What? I'm playing secretary today," I said to Ranger before getting back to Zero. "Do you need to speak to Ranger directly? Or can I pass something along to him?"
"Well ... I suppose this does concern you," Zero told me.
That had me sitting up faster than I should have.
"What concerns me?" I asked, stupidly not realizing until it was too late that I should have kept my big mouth shut.
"Stephanie, take Matthew," Ranger told me, and I knew it was a command not to be argue with.
Tank also sat up straight, and moved to the edge of his chair like a group of armed guerrillas were about to bust through our door. I took Matty from Ranger and he took his phone back.
"What is it?" Ranger asked Zero.
I got a full body chill at Ranger's clipped tone.
"Are you sure?" Ranger said into his cell.
"Bring the envelope to me. I want to see it," Ranger ordered a second later, then he disconnected.
"What's going on?" I asked, keeping my cheek pressed to Matty's head, feeling his out of control hair brushing my temple.
As long as Matthew, Ranger, and Julie are okay, everything else I could deal with rationally. Or so I was trying to convince myself.
"Flowers were delivered to you, Babe."
I waited in case Ranger was adding onto that. When he didn't, I spoke up.
"That tone and aggressive body language was due to flowers?" I asked him.
"Stephanie, a lot of unpleasant things can be hidden inside flowers," Tank said from behind me, since we were all standing at that point ... except for Matty.
Matthew was busy being cute, sounding like he was practicing his vowels. A.E.I.O. or U. could pop out at any time.
"And plenty of powders can be hidden inside a card," Ranger added.
"Crap. I didn't think about that. No one opened it, did they?"
"Yes. It's free of certain dangers."
"What the heck does that mean?" I asked Ranger.
"Morelli was the sender, Babe."
I stopped swaying Matty and stared at Ranger.
"Joe? Why would he be sending me flowers?"
"Aside from the fact that he's still in love with you?" Ranger said to me. "I'd guess he heard about Matthew."
The was another knock at our door and Tank went to open it. He came back two seconds later with the card in his hand. It wasn't one of those tiny cards florists just stick into a bouquet, either. No, Joe had gone the Hallmark route and included an actual greeting card. Shit. Ranger would definitely take note of the size and expense of it.
Tank handed the card to Ranger.
"Hey! Shouldn't I be the one to read it since it was addressed to me?" I asked.
"No," Ranger told me.
He opened the envelope and pulled out the card. I peeked over Ranger's shoulder and read the front of it. "It's a boy! Congratulations on your new son!" The card had an illustrated picture of a crib with a moon hanging above it done in pastel colors. The thought of Morelli standing in a store, trying to pick out a card for a baby I had with another man, made my stomach hurt. I am nauseatingly in love with Ranger - as Tank so sweetly pointed out - but living Joe's idea of the perfect life without him seemed a little cruel. I wouldn't trade places with anyone on the planet, but that knowledge didn't squelch the quick stab of guilt that hit me.
"If you're going to feel sorry for him, Babe, the card will be joining the flowers," Ranger told me.
"Which are where exactly?" I asked him.
"Not here," was Ranger's answer.
Ranger flipped the card open and his body went rigid as he read what Joe had written inside it. 'I hope you're happy ... Love Joe.'
"Should I be feeling angry, sad, or relieved?" I asked Ranger. "Those four words can be taken a bunch of different ways."
"I suspect that was his intention, Babe."
"That cop's harder to shake than the flu," Tank said to Ranger.
"And just as resistant to deterrents," Ranger said back.
I moved Matty from my shoulder and held him in my arms. I don't want to analyze Joe's - or anyone else's - intentions anymore. I just want to be here with the people I love and have everyone in my life, past and present, respect that.
"I really hope my mother didn't leave here and go straight to Joe," I said to Ranger and Tank.
"It's possible, Babe. She didn't look too happy with her visit."
"I'm going to call Morelli and 'thank' him for the flowers I haven't seen, and find out how he found out about Matthew."
"Does it really matter?" Ranger asked me.
"Yes. If my mother ignored everything we said to her, and immediately contacted my ex-boyfriend to complain about me, or discuss my son, she's going to hear about it."
"How about you let me pay them both a visit?" Tank said to me. "I've got an hour or two free."
"While I'll admit to being curious about what would be said in those particular conversations, I don't want to get you guys involved in this."
"Stephanie," Tank said, clearly not joking, "you and M.J. are part of Rangeman, and we take care of our own."
"I know, Tank. And I appreciate that, but I feel like I've let people handle my crap for me for too long. If I'm going to be the wife and mother Ranger and Matthew deserve, I have to be strong in my own right."
"You already are, Babe. That's why your mother left peacefully, and Morelli only sent something instead of bringing the flowers to you himself."
"Maybe I'm making progress, but if my mother is still going behind my back to cause trouble, I have more work to do."
Tank came over to me and Matty. "Hey, M.J., what do you say we give your parents a few minutes to kick some Burg behind?"
I let Tank have Matthew while I went in search of my phone. I haven't really needed it since the hospital, because everybody I wanted to talk to seemed to just show up. I thought Joe would be more likely to answer if he saw my number on his phone. Ranger, Tank, and Matty closed ranks around me, I guess to make sure the phone could be snatched out of my hand fast in case the conversation took a turn for the worst.
"Hello?" Joe said, after two rings.
"Hey, Joe. It's Stephanie. I got your flowers ..."
"You did?" Joe said to me. "I thought Manoso would have incinerated the roses before you found out about them."
I'm sure that's close to what happened to them, but Joe didn't need that information.
"I am happy, Joe," I told him, not wanting there to be any question in his mind about that.
"I know. And I'm trying to be happy for you."
Well, that was honest at least.
"Ranger and I have been trying to keep Matthew's birth quiet ..." I started to say.
"Gee, I wonder why," Morelli said to me.
My suddenly narrowed eyes had Ranger reaching for my phone. I covered it quickly, and held it out of grabbing range.
"I'm fine," I told Ranger, before bringing the phone back to my ear. "So you get why I'm curious how you found out. It should have taken the Burg longer to get the news, since Matthew wasn't born in Trenton."
"Now I'm confused. If you didn't want everyone to know, why did you put his birth announcement in the paper?"
My body was conflicted. It didn't know if my blood should be draining out of my face, or if my blood pressure should head into the danger zone.
"Unless you didn't ..." Joe continued.
"Ranger and I definitely didn't," I said, looking over at Ranger.
"Helen?" Joe asked.
"Who else?" I told him.
"What's wrong, Babe?" Ranger asked me, lifting Matthew out of Tank's arms when Matty started to cry.
Matthew seems to be a little mood barometer. It's like he can sense the second somebody gets upset. And to make matters worse, I could feel Morelli tense over the phone line as Ranger's voice and Matthew's cry was heard all the way over in his house on Slater Street.
"I'll let you go," Joe told me. "You sound like you have things to deal with there."
"Yeah, I do. But I did want to say thanks for the congratulations, Joe. I know it wasn't easy."
"Nothing with you ever was," he said, and I heard the click as he hung up.
I held my arms out for Matty as soon as I'd put my phone back down on the sideboard. Ranger waited until Matty was quiet again before he asked what was said.
"Apparently there is a birth announcement for Matty in the paper," I told them.
"Fuck," Tank said, and Ranger didn't even punch him for swearing.
"Your mother ..." Ranger said.
"It has to be. And I bet I know why, too," I said against Matthew's neck.
I was shamelessly using Matthew's weight, warmth, and presence to calm myself down. I've learned the effectiveness of full body contact from the countless times Ranger has shown up after something bad had happened. Ranger just wraps his muscled arms around me, not even needing to say anything, to get me to stop freaking out or crying. I'd like him to do that again now, but I didn't want to squish Matthew.
"My parents," Ranger said, not even forming it into a question.
"What do your parents have to do with this?" Tank asked Ranger.
"You didn't see my mother's face when I said that Ranger's family had already been here. If I hadn't been so worried about how my mother was going to behave, I wouldn't have been dumb enough to let that slip."
"You're not responsible for how your mother acts, Babe. As long as you believe you are, she's still controlling things."
I paused in my Matty-cuddling as I really thought about that. Ranger can toss out life-changing statements faster than he can throw a skip off a fire escape.
"Crap, she's been getting her way all along, hasn't she?" I asked Ranger.
"Not entirely, Stephanie. You were tough to push around after you decided on me," Ranger said, "but when you found out you were pregnant, you stepped up and made it clear that you are putting our family before everything."
"He's right, Steph. We've all seen the change in you," Tank told me. "And I suspect your mother has, too."
"And yet she chose to try one-upping Marie and Eduardo over being in her grandson's life. That may not have been her thinking when she contacted the paper, but that's how I see it. What pisses me off is that I can't even stop it. It's already happened. My mother is obviously friendly with someone who works there in order to have it printed so fast and without parental consent. Shit. She probably even used the picture I sent her."
"You were trying to be the bigger person, Babe. You can't fault yourself for that. It's not wrong to give grandparents pictures of their new grandchild."
"Unless the grandparent in question is my mother."
"Why don't you give me Matthew," Ranger said to me, "and go take a long, hot shower. Then we can discuss how to handle this."
I smiled at Ranger. "You're afraid the top of my head will blow off if I talk to my mother right now, aren't you?"
"It crossed my mind."
"Well, Matty is clean, dry, and fed. And you both are here to keep him company ..."
"We'll be fine, Babe."
I kissed the soft skin of Matty's cheek and then let Ranger pick him up. I brushed my lips across Ranger's already stubbly jaw, smiled at Tank, and then tried to clear my mind of everything until I was back with them. Ranger shot that all to hell when he walked into the bathroom a few seconds after I stepped out of the shower. I'd been in the process of reaching for a towel and almost tripped over the stupid thing trying to get all my parts covered.
"What are you doing, Babe?" Ranger asked me, leaning against the vanity like he didn't have a care in the freakin' world.
Meanwhile, my brain was zig-zagging between two thoughts; Where's Matty? and Why don't we have bigger fucking towels?
"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" I said to Ranger. "Where's Matthew?"
"I decided to let Tank be useful and watch him while I made a couple calls. The announcement will be pulled immediately."
"And are my parents still alive?" I said, thinking a hit being put out on them wouldn't be all that absurd in this group of men.
"For now," he told me.
Well that's reassuring.
"So ... you came in here for ...?"
"You were naked and in the shower, Babe. I don't need a reason beyond that. Why are you looking more nervous now than when I broke into your apartment to free you from your shower rod? I know what your body looks like better than my own."
"No, you knew my pre-baby and with-baby bodies," I said, hating that I was feeling self-conscious around Ranger. "This particular body is an unfamiliar one ... for both of us."
"There is no before and after, Stephanie," Ranger said, snapping the towel out of my hands. "I find you sexy, not the way you look ..."
"Hey!" I said to Ranger, smacking his shoulder.
"Babe, don't cut off what I'm saying and then get mad when you misunderstand the meaning behind it."
"Now's not really a good time for a relationship lesson. And give me back my towel."
"I think now is the perfect time for this discussion. And no on the towel. If you would have let me finish, you would know that you don't need to cover anything up."
"I love the fact that you said that, Ranger, but at the moment I feel - and probably look - like a deflated balloon."
Ranger took the edges of my towel and opened it up behind my back, trapping me between the terry cloth and his body. I was waiting for Ranger to close the thing, but he was too busy getting an eyeful.
"I don't see anything except you, Babe. If you think I'm going to wait until you feel you look perfect before I see your body, we may have a problem."
"I was never perfect, but right now, I'd settle for less of a ... just had a baby look."
"You did just have a baby, Steph. And I want you to be okay with that."
"I am. I'd just hoped that exercising throughout the course of my pregnancy, eating mostly healthy, and sort of breastfeeding, I'd bounce right back."
"You will when your body's ready to," he told me.
"I'm impatient, though. I want everything ... now."
Ranger's eyes skimmed over my torso, down my legs, and then back up to my face.
"I'd really like to show you how much I want you now. If it was okay to do so, I would demonstrate that I like this body, too."
"Every woman should be lucky enough to have someone like you in her life," I said to Ranger. "Minus the worry that comes from you beating the crap out of someone just to pass the time."
Ranger finally tucked my towel together when he saw that I was no longer making an effort to take it from him.
"There was nothing to be worried about, Babe. There's not a lot I can't handle on my own, let alone with Tank tagging along."
I put my arms around Ranger and leaned into him.
"I get that you're invincible and everything, Ranger, but I still don't like anyone trying to injure you."
"I know, Steph, but I'm not injured."
I pulled back and lifted up Ranger's hands between us.
"I think your knuckles would argue that point," I told him, kissing the ragged skin around them.
"What are you two doing in there?" Tank called through the door. "M.J.'s wondering where the hell his parents are."
Ranger grinned.
"What?" I asked Ranger.
"Tank thinks I'm in here trying to take advantage of you."
"Great. I used to only have to be concerned about Tank protecting me from bad guys, now he's added you to the list?"
"He's second-in-command for a reason, Babe. He can sense a threat almost as quickly as I can."
"And you're a threat to me?" I playfully asked Ranger.
"Don't ever doubt it."
"What does your kid have to do," Tank asked, sounding like he was right outside the bathroom now, "scream his head off to get your attention?"
"I really thought I'd be accused of smothering Matty," I told Ranger, "not neglecting him."
Ranger kissed me and then took a step towards the door.
"I'll go shut him up," Ranger said to me, "while you get dressed."
"You're referring to Tank, right?"
"Yes. Matthew is acting less childlike than Tank is right now."
"I heard that," Tank said.
"Which means you're too damn close to the door. Your eyes had better be looking elsewhere when I open it."
"About damn time you do," we heard Tank say.
"For future reference, Babe. If you're standing naked in front of me, it would take a whole hell of a lot more than Tank to get me not to do something about it."
I smiled at him. "I appreciate your restraint."
"No you don't."
"You're right. I don't. If I had a higher pain tolerance, and was less afraid of causing serious damage, I might be doing 'a little something' of my own."
"Soon, Babe."
At least I know Ranger will be interested in me when soon turns into today.
Ranger left the bathroom and I could hear the sound of something being hit. I knew Ranger and Tank would rather peel their own skin off than cause Matty any kind of harm, so I'm guessing Tank was the recipient for interrupting us.
I got dressed in a pair of yoga pants and a t-shirt washed so many times it felt as soft as Matty's skin. If Ranger saw me naked and still wants me, then this less than sexy outfit wouldn't bother him at all. Plus, if Matty spit up on it, I wouldn't care. I'm giving myself a certain amount of time to play hooky from the gym and dress comfortably while my body adjusts to not being pregnant anymore, then I'll get back on the workout horse and look a little more put together.
Ranger had Matty propped up on his lap and in the crook of his arm when I stepped back into the living room.
"Are you guys having fun without me?" I asked, picking up Matty's hand when I sat down beside Ranger.
"We're debating whether to let your mother live or not," Tank told me. "You want in on the conversation?"
"Yes. You're not getting yourselves arrested by offing anyone. Matty and I need you guys here, not in jail."
"You only go to jail if you get caught and convicted, Babe. And we wouldn't."
"Are you kidding or being serious?" I paused. "Never mind, I don't want to know either way. I never thought I'd say this and actually mean it, but I guess I'm the more rational one when it comes to my mother, so I'll deal with her."
"You want to call or go over there?" Ranger asked. "I'm going with you if you choose the Burg option."
"I can watch M.J. if you need me to," Tank offered.
"No. I'm not going to leave Matty because my mother stirred the pot again. She gets a phone call and nothing else until she fully grasps how pissed I am about her using my son to get back at Marie."
"I am in no way defending Helen here," Ranger said, "but you don't know if that was her intent. Your mother strikes me more as a woman who runs on emotion more than sense, without fully processing the outcome of her actions."
"Exactly. She was feeling threatened by Marie's presence in Matty's life, so my mom tried to gain the upper hand by doing something that we'd hate. Now she's made me angry, could have put Matthew in danger, and in one move completely ignored every warning we've given her since we learned I was pregnant. I can't let that go or she'll think it's okay to walk all over me again."
"You want me to have a word with her?" Tank asked me. "I have a few in mind already."
"I remember a time I thought you could only say a few words period. We've all come a long way from that redecoration job, haven't we?"
"I scared the crap out of you," Tank stated.
"You still do."
"Not enough," he said, quietly.
"You want Tank to amuse Matthew in the nursery while we talk to your mother?" Ranger asked me.
I noticed the 'we' in that question. I sighed. Ranger is Matthew's father, so he does get a say in this as well. Maybe I should've insisted on an answer about whether Ranger was joking or not regarding my mother disappearing.
"No. I need Matty with me so I don't let my mother upset me. I don't want Matthew exposed to bad vibes before he has to be, so I'll have to keep my temper and words in check with him here. And that will annoy my mom even more, since she won't be able to accuse me of being impossible if I'm systematically making points instead of yelling at her."
"If you don't need me here," Tank said to me, "I could show up at your parents' house to reinforce what you're saying."
"It's okay, Tank," I told him. "We'll be fine."
"You'd better be or I won't care what you tell me to do. I'll handle things my way."
"Tank," Ranger warned.
"You don't get it both ways. If you're entrusting me with M.J., then I'll protect him at all costs. Remember that."
Tank walked over to the couch and tugged on one of Matty's feet. Matthew's foot looked incredibly small in Tank's hand, but no one could be gentler with him. Tank knows his strength and he doesn't have a need to flaunt it unless it's necessary. And apparently Tank thinks my mother is in need of a reminder of just how tough he can be.
"We're here for you and M.J., Steph," Tank told me before leaving. "You don't have to fight any battle alone."
Tank slid his finger over Matty's hand where the tiny knuckles were curled around my finger, nodded to Ranger, and then left us alone to talk to my mother.
It would be so easy to just tell Tank and Ranger to handle this so I won't have to feel guilty for hurting my mother, or feel like I once again disappointed her, but this particular 'battle' is one I put off for too long. It was time to get over hurt feelings and my own disappointments, and stop giving my mother opportunities to control me or hurt someone I love. Ranger and Matthew are my family, and they are where my focus has to stay. Growing up is hard, but it's time I did.
"Why don't you take Matthew," Ranger told me. "I'll be right here, but I think Matty is quicker in calming you down."
I snorted at that. "I told you, I'm not letting her get to me. I'm going to tell my mom that I'm not happy with what she did, explain why she isn't getting another chance to do something like it again, and then we'll get Matty settled in his bassinet before I clean up your hands for you."
"Babe, I washed my hands before I touched Matthew," Ranger told me.
I resisted the eyeroll that comment deserved. "Your knuckles need to be ointmented and bandaged, Ranger. And I'm going to do it."
"They'll heal, Babe. I don't need any special treatment."
"Too bad, because you're going to get plenty of it."
I slid my hands under Matty's arms and brought him to me. His head and upper body fit perfectly above the boob shelf I now have. Matthew seemed to instinctively curl into me, and that's exactly why I wanted him near me. It's hard to be angry, bitter, or childish, when I have a child this perfect in my arms ... looking to me to take care of him.
I promised myself - and Matty - that I'll do a damn good job of it, too. Ranger got my phone, and with one hand I hit the number that almost always makes my stomach clench. This time, I was more relaxed. I gave my mom a chance. My daughterly duties have been done. I don't owe my mother my life, or my child, for bringing me into the world. While I do appreciate that, I feel I've already paid her back for that with my ill-fated marriage to Orr and my pseudo engagement to Morelli. From now on, my mother will have to concentrate on living her own life and leave mine alone.
"Wish me luck," I said, as I listened to the ringing.
"You don't need luck, Babe. You have me."
I would have kissed Ranger for that if my dad hadn't answered the phone.
"Is Mom there?" I asked him, as I wondered why he was answering the phone.
All forms of communication are usually my mother's domain.
"Yes. What's going on?" He asked me.
"You must know why I'm calling," I told him.
My dad picked up on something in my tone.
"It's not about inviting us to dinner, is it?"
"No. I'm too irritated about Mom doing things behind mine and Ranger's backs to invite her anywhere."
My dad paused. "What do you think she did? I know she was sincere in wanting to have an active role in Matthew's life."
"Mom may have been at the time, but it looks like she wanted one last hurrah."
"Why do you say that?"
I blew out a breath. I know my dad skips over parts of the paper that don't interest him, but still ...
"Did you happen to notice Matty's birth announcement in your paper?" I asked him.
"No. You know I don't look at that stuff." My dad paused. "Why did you give us that speech about not telling anyone if you were going to announce it anyway?"
"We didn't announce anything. And Ranger and I definitely didn't okay it."
There was dead phone silence.
"Your mother ..."
"Yep. Who else in the Burg would have done it?"
"She told me they didn't deliver a paper yesterday," my dad said to me.
"My guess is they did, but Mom wasn't willing to risk you seeing it and then mentioning it to us. Even Joe was surprised that we'd put one in. If he realized that it wasn't something Ranger and I would do, why couldn't my own mother?"
"You and Morelli are talking?"
"Joe was a side issue caused by the announcement. Joe sent me flowers and a congratulations card."
"And Ranger ..."
"Wasn't at all happy about it. If Ranger and I didn't have such a good relationship, that could've created a few problems. Something else Mom didn't take into consideration."
"I'm sorry, Stephanie ..."
"You didn't do anything, Dad. This was all her."
"Let me take care of it. I couldn't stop a kidnapping, but I can damn sure stop your mother."
I wasn't so sure of that, but it was nice that he offered. I took a second to inhale the scent of Matty's baby shampoo before answering.
"You and Mom can talk all you want after I hang up, but I need to say a few things first."
I slid myself a little further down on the couch so Matty could be more comfortable. I curled my arm under his diapered bottom, cuddling his body, and took a calming breath. Then another one. It's scary how much I already love Matthew, and everyone will soon know that I - like Ranger - will take no prisoners when it comes to protecting and loving him.
"Stephanie ..."
"Dad, just put Mom on the phone."
He hesitated, then I heard him sigh.
"Helen," he said, probably from the living room, "Stephanie wants to speak to you."
I could hear their muffled voices, but couldn't make out any words. I suppose it doesn't matter. The damage has been done, and nothing my mother promises me will make a difference. I honestly don't want Matty to miss out on time spent with people who love him, so Ranger and I have a few things to figure out, but that can wait.
"I can explain ..." my mother said, when she got on the line.
"I don't think you can, Mom," I said, trailing my fingertips repeatedly up and down Matty's back, from the top of his diaper to the nape of his neck.
Ranger was sitting down beside us, and his hand went to my thigh, lending me his support. Ranger was probably trying to keep his temper under control, too, since he didn't snatch the phone out of my hand ... yet.
"There's no way to justify sneaking around and doing something you obviously knew was wrong, since you didn't tell anyone what you were up to. You can't deny it because you even hid the evidence when it was dropped at your door."
"I didn't do it to cause trouble, Stephanie. Imagine how I felt hearing that my own daughter banned me from visiting when you let Ranger's family - and all your co-workers - come to the hospital and also your home. And when you finally let us come over, your father and I were shown to an office."
"It was a huge, cushy space, Mom, not an 'office'. And you're overlooking one very important thing."
"And that is?"
"My pregnancy was not about me, Ranger's family, or you, it was about Matthew. I didn't have to tell you anything at all about him or his birth, Mom. I chose to share a happy moment with you, and you once again used it to upset me."
"What do you mean by that?" She asked me.
"Ranger and I told you that things are different for us. Do you know how many criminals we have arrested between us? Lots. And do you know what a few of those people would do if they knew there was a baby available to use as leverage?"
Before my mother could speak, I cut her off.
"Of course you don't. The Burg might as well be an island for all the attention you pay to what's around it."
I was angry, but I wasn't yelling, blaming, or complaining. I was stating the facts as I saw them. Either my mother got that or she didn't. I can't spend the rest of my or Matty's life talking her through my decisions regarding him. Especially since she's still taking baby steps in order to change, and I've been doing daily hurdles trying to be better ... as a wife, mother, and person.
I'm not just out of the Burg now, I've moved far away from the woman my mother wanted me to be. I'm married, have a kid, and a steady paying job, but that isn't enough to make her happy. My mom obviously didn't figure in the fact that I'd have people besides her who care about me in my life. I'm not giving a single one of them up for her, so it's something she's going to have to learn to accept.
"I've heard everything you've said, Stephanie, but ..."
"That's just it, Mom, there shouldn't be a but anywhere after that."
"Would you let me finish speaking?"
"No," I told her. "If you're not going to listen to what I say, why should you have the luxury of people hearing you?"
Matty moved a little and yawned and I smiled to myself, then over at Ranger, because that little movement was too cute not to acknowledge.
"I think you're boring Matthew, Babe," Ranger said to me, smiling a little himself despite the circumstances. "He - along with me - was expecting fireworks."
"Not anymore," I said to Ranger.
"Not anymore ... what?" My mother asked me. "Who are you talking to?"
"Ranger and Matthew," I told her. "Two people who aren't trying to drive me nuts."
"And I am?"
"Yep. Continually. I don't think kids should have to suffer because adults can't resolve their issues, but for right now - until I tell you otherwise - you're not welcome at Rangeman. I'll make arrangements with Dad and Grandma, but if you show up with them, or try to come over on your own, whoever is on duty will turn you away."
"I wasn't trying to harm Matthew. I was just so proud, and wanted to show everyone how beautiful my grandson is."
"If I believed that, I'd be less mad, but I know what your real motivation was. You were pissed when you heard that Marie saw Matthew before you, and you wanted to stake a claim on him. My son isn't - and isn't going to be - a toy or a pawn in some I'm more important than you game."
"Be reasonable, Stephanie."
"I was - and am - being completely reasonable. The little bit of trust I had in you led to this phone call. You'd better go out of your way to prove that you deserve to have Matty in your life, or you'll be reduced to hearing how great he is through Dad and Grandma. I'm no longer playing nice to get out of feeling guilty or sorry for you."
"You have no reason to feel either way, Babe," Ranger told me.
"I'm learning that."
"Stop discussing me like I'm not here, Stephanie ..." my mom started saying.
"Did you seriously just say that to me?"
"Give me the phone, Steph," Ranger said.
"Why?" I asked him, hugging Matty's little body again.
I didn't get the whole baby thing before, but now I'm starting to understand it.
"Why do you think?" Ranger asked me.
I didn't want to hand my phone over, because I'd really like to be more like Ranger when it comes to handling people, but Ranger was owed a piece of this conversation, too.
"Mrs. Plum, I'm sure you've heard a lot about me," Ranger said in an icy voice, "but the only thing you need to know is that no one disregards an order from me. The fallout from this lies solely on your shoulders. If you do anything in relation to Matthew again without our permission, or bother Stephanie before she's ready to speak to you, you'll find out firsthand that every single thing whispered about me is in fact true."
And Ranger hung up.
"Jeez," I said to him. "You said more with that last sentence than I did in my entire conversation."
"Some people are like puppies, Babe. They listen better when only given choice words to hear."
"Hmm, I never thought of that. I was busy trying to keep my blood pressure from skyrocketing."
"You handled yourself well, Steph. You were clear, concise, and apparently soothing."
"Huh?"
"Look at Matty," Ranger told me.
Well ... this is promising, I thought to myself. I'd been so calm, cool, and collected throughout this discussion, Matty had actually fallen asleep on me while I'd been talking. The tone of my voice didn't change at any point, but my whole outlook and approach regarding my mother sure did.