Thanks to Birdee18, Whippit, Imma Vampire, glc, and my daughter Nita for the Beta work on this chapter!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. No copyright infringement is intended.
Claire turned 14 on the 5th Aug 2017, Quil is still physically 16, but his ID shows that he really turned 28 on 2 Feb 2018.
Chapter 21 Ground Rules
It just didn't really make sense to me. Claire all of the sudden, out of nowhere, wearing makeup, tight sweaters, and KISSING ME? This was just… this seemed so…unlike my Claire. Then it hit me that this most likely wasn't Claire's idea.
I paced the forest floor trying to wrap my head around what had just happened. This caught me totally off guard. I had been very focused on keeping Daniel and Sarah's no dating until you are sixteen rule. As they explained it to me, that was no boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, not just going out in a car together to go to dinner and a movie type of dating. I guess I had just figured since this was a family rule that Claire had been made just as aware of the rule as me. I paced back and forth under the tree some more. The thoughts were rolling around in my head so scattered and so fast that it was too difficult to grab hold of any one thought in particular and make it stay. It was like trying to watch clothes in a washing machine and trying to study one particular item as it whirled with the others.
I ran my fingers through my short black hair and tried to get a grip on something. I was brought immediately back to reality when I heard a shuddering intake of breath. Claire was crying. I looked up to the window of the Dollhouse to see her standing at the window watching me pace below. The clock that I could see on the wall behind her was indicating a time much later than I had thought it was. I must have been pacing without coherent thoughts for at least ten minutes! No wonder Claire was beginning to worry and cry. My instincts told me to run to her and comfort her sadness, but I knew I needed to figure this out for myself first.
I walked over underneath the Dollhouse and sat against the trunk of the tree opposite from the trap door. I put my head in my hands and rested my elbows on my knees. I needed to figure out something. I needed to figure out what I wanted. What do I want? I asked myself. For so long I had focused on trying to be happy with where I was. If I was always looking forward to the time that Claire and I would be married, I wouldn't have been able to enjoy any of the last twelve years. Like those old Sheryl Crow song lyrics, "It's not having what you want. It's wanting what you've got."
Why was this so confusing? I had been perfectly happy with things they way they were this morning. Has anything changed for me? Do I want something different than I did this morning? As I sat and asked myself these questions, I realized that the answer was no. Giving in to a physical relationship with Claire could potentially ruin the trust that Daniel and Sarah have placed in me, the trust that I have earned. It would also be just that, giving in. An intimate physical relationship wasn't something I sought out right now with Claire.
I heard Claire moving across the floor. Most likely she was looking out either window for me. I heard her walk in the opposite direction from where I was towards the trap door. Some of her hair dropped through the opening, so I could tell she was leaning down to look for me. I hear her voice very quiet, almost a whisper as she called out to me, "Quil, are you still here?"
I looked up and shook my head still wondering what on earth I was going to say to Claire. She was my whole world; I didn't want to have to stay away from her. I didn't want to compromise my goals or integrity to please her either. I tried to think of what I could say to her.
I then heard her voice again. It was even more quiet and very shaky, "I'm sorry. Quil, I'm so sorry." She began to sob heart wrenching cries, "Please, Quil, if you're still there, I'm so sorry." She was fully sobbing now, and I could see her hair vibrating with each sob.
My mind suddenly snapped back to reality, and I rose to my feet and went over to the ladder. This was no longer about rules and boundaries, this was Claire, my Claire, heartbroken and worried I had left her stranded. I got to the bottom of the ladder, and as I looked up at her I quietly said, "Claire, I'm still here." I paused and she looked up at me, her eyes filled with regret. "I'm going to climb up so we can talk," I said before ascending the ladder.
As I reached the top I could see that Claire had moved from the opening and was curled up on a pink bean-bag chair hiding behind her hair, still crying. I went over near her and sat a few feet away from Claire, leaning with my back against the wall, facing her. She wasn't saying anything, so I thought that I would initiate the conversation. "So, Claire, do you want to tell me what happened today?" I began.
I only saw her head shake telling me that she didn't want to tell me as her waist-length hair practically hid all of her. I was pretty freaked out by her behavior on the ladder, but this just broke my heart! I couldn't help it; I had to do something to make my Claire feel better. I started to move forward and hesitated a bit. I suddenly took a deep breath and let it out it one big sigh before moving the few feet over to where Claire was and wrapped my arms around her. I rested my chin on her head and took another deep breath as Claire continued to sob into my shoulder. I moved my head and kissed the top of her hair. "Claire, I'm not mad. You just really freaked me out. I … I just don't understand what happened between yesterday and today. I…" I let out another big sigh into her hair and felt her shiver. I let her go and backed up to the wall again. "Claire, I love you. I will always love you. Please talk to me," I gently begged.
Claire tilted her head to the side a bit, and lifted her head until she was able to peek at me through her hair. The loving concern she must have seen on my face evidently gave her the courage to speak. She was still trying to get her breathing under control as she began. "I…I w-walked into t-the school…" Claire sucked in a deep unsteady breath and continued. "Skye was k-kissing her boyfriend. Willow was standing n-next to me…and …and Tracy Longman bumped into me." Claire put her face into her hands as she paused and struggled to steady her breath.
"Did Tracy hurt you when she bumped into you?" I asked her hoping to figure out what had happened.
Claire shook her head, "The box of…of conversation hearts that you gave me…t-they fell on the floor." She inhaled another deep ragged breath getting fairly close to having her crying under control. "Tracy…Tracy started making fun of me. She…she said that it was 'so cute' that my 'babysitter' still got me little candy hearts." Claire started to look up at this point. I could tell that her annoyance at what had happened earlier in the day was overcoming her sadness over more recent events. "I told her that my 'boyfriend' was both fun and romantic, and so in addition to this little fun tradition, he also got me a really nice box of chocolates." Claire said this with emphasis before she blushed a little as she looked at the floor in front of her.
"Claire, don't worry about being embarrassed. I'd really like to know what happened today," I encouraged her.
Claire continued to look at the floor, but took a deep breath and continued saying, "Then even Skye was making fun of me. Right in front of Tracy, she said 'Oh, really? Your boyfriend, have you even ever kissed him?' I couldn't believe that she would be so mean." Claire looked up at me. "Tracy totally laughed in my face, and Skye just gave me a nasty look and walked away with her boyfriend. Willow…Willow even said to me, 'Claire, are you sure you can call him your boyfriend?' I was in total shock! I mean, Willow is supposed to be my best friend!" Claire paused there for a minute before continuing her story.
"Did you say anything to her?" I asked hoping to get to the part of how she ended up wearing Willow's sweater.
"At first I couldn't really even say anything. I was just so stunned. I guess she figured it out, because then she asked me if I wanted you to be my boyfriend. She said she would help me at lunch," she stopped, seemingly just as she was getting to the point of the story.
"So did Willow put makeup on you at lunch?" I asked.
"Yeah, and she did my hair different, and she traded my shirt for her sweater. She said it looked more 'grown up than the boring shirt I was wearing.' I was thinking it did because all of the boys in the class paid a lot more attention to me after lunch than they did before," Claire recalled.
I remembered how she had looked, and was positive that every male in that classroom noticed the difference. I had a difficult time recognizing Claire at first, and I have seen her practically every day for the last twelve years. I was a little nervous to ask this question, but I knew I had to or it would be bothering me for weeks. "Claire, how did you feel about all of the boys paying attention to you all of the sudden?"
Claire shrugged, "I don't know. It didn't make any difference to me."
I have to admit I was rather relieved when I heard that. I hadn't ever been jealous before with Claire and was glad I didn't feel the need to start. "So did Willow give you any suggestions for after I picked you up from school, or was that all your idea?" I asked her.
She hid behind her hair again and mumbled, "I don't want to talk about it."
I let her think things over for a minute or so before beginning with, "Well, there were a couple of things that happened today that I need to talk with you about, are you ready for that?"
She didn't move but did mumble a quick, "Uh huh."
I wondered where to start. I decided to pick up where she had left off but was afraid that if I came directly out and asked her why she had kissed me, I'd never get an answer. I decided to approach it a different way. "Claire, there are things you've made promises to yourself about, right? Things you've committed to either do, or not to do?"
Claire looked directly at me for the first time in a while. Her expression held a bit of confusion as to where I was headed with this line of questions. "Um, yeah, I don't ever want to drink any alcohol," she answered.
"Well, how would it make you feel if someone spiked your punch or soda at a party sometime? Even if it didn't taste bad, you didn't get sick, and you didn't get drunk from it, would it still bother you when you found out?" I questioned.
Claire looked indignant. "Of course it would bother me! I don't want to be an alcoholic. Too many people on this reservation have had a relative affected by alcohol, and I don't ever want to drink. It would totally bother me if someone made me and I didn't have a say in it."
I sat there and watched her for a few moments to see if she would make the connection on her own. Then the thought occurred to me that it had probably never occurred to her that I might have had goals or commitments to myself about our physical relationship. I continued with the conversation by saying, "Claire, what if you had promised yourself that you weren't going to kiss someone until you were married, and then someone just kissed you. How would you feel then?"
Suddenly Claire's eyes were huge and she blurted out, "You aren't going to kiss me until we're married?" As soon as it was out of her mouth, she flushed with embarrassment and then quickly hid behind her hair again.
I was more than frustrated with Claire hiding behind her hair. Without a word I stood up and went over to the dresser that held a few toiletries and pulled out a hairbrush and some elastic bands from the drawer. I closed the drawer and went and sat behind Claire. I slowly and gently pulled her hair back from her face and began to brush her hair from the bottom taking gentle care not to pull any knots. I had fixed her hair thousands of times over the years, but she had always asked me first. When I realized that I had started without permission I leaned over and quietly asked, "Claire, may I brush your hair and put it up, please?"
Claire nodded and said, "Yeah."
I continued with the gentle brushing and noticed that Claire's shoulder began to relax a little. With the steady gentle rhythm of the brush strokes and the familiarity of routine, Claire's breathing also became more steady and smooth. "Is it ok if I do French braids?" I asked her.
"If you want to, it's ok with me," she responded quietly.
French braids down either side of her head, were my favorite on Claire. They seemed to emphasize her high cheekbones and flatter her dimples. Because I liked them so much, I had asked Sarah to teach me how to French braid Claire's hair. When Sarah was pregnant with Marc, she was too sick to braid Claire's hair in the mornings. She had actually taught me in the afternoons using Skye for practice. I had even practiced on Emily's hair a few times until I was comfortable that I knew what I was doing.
Claire interrupted my thoughts with, "Quil, I'm sorry I kissed you earlier." She spoke very softly and her voice was repentant.
"Thank you for apologizing, Claire." I paused as I concentrated for a moment on matching the second braid to the first as I braided over her ear. "Claire, I wasn't planning on waiting until we were married to kiss you. I was however planning on waiting until our first real date."
"And when do you see that happening? Our first date I mean," Claire responded.
"Well, I was planning on the fifth of August 2019. Would you like to go on a date with me that day?" I asked her.
"My sixteenth birthday? Don't I get a party?" she asked.
"You can have a date and a party in the same day," I replied. I finished up the second braid and wrapped the end with an elastic band.
"Yup, I'll go out with you then. Why do you want to wait until I'm sixteen though?" Claire asked.
I flipped the braids to the front and got up to put the brush away. "Claire, haven't you had the no dating until you are sixteen talk with your parents yet?"
"I think I heard a rumor about something like that from Skye, but she was always finding ways around it, so I never figured they were really serious about it," she answered. Then asked, "Quil, where did you learn how to French braid hair? Not many sixteen year old boys know how to do it."
I sat down in front of Claire again and told her, "Your mom taught me when she was pregnant with Marc. That is my favorite hairstyle on you, and your mom was too sick to do your hair, so I learned."
Claire immediately looked humbled. "Wow, you did that for me?"
"Of course I did, Claire. I want to do things for you. You are my whole world. I love you," I told her looking directly into her eyes and watching her expression change with my words.
Claire began to tear up a little and moved her head as if to hide behind her now braided hair. "So if you love me, are you my boyfriend? I know you are my imprint, but I can't exactly call you my imprint at school…"
"I know, it's complicated, even among the other imprints, our situation is different. Most of the others were older than sixteen when they imprinted, or didn't have any family dating rules, or both. I have promised your parents I would follow the family rules. They told me that the family rules were no dating and no boyfriend/girlfriend relationships until you are sixteen," I told her.
"It's difficult to know that we are soul mates, that we belong together and not be allowed to date," Claire said.
"But Claire, once you start something in a physical relationship, it's really difficult to stop doing whatever you were doing. Once you hold hands romantically, it's tough to stop. If you start kissing, it's difficult to go back to just holding hands. We need to follow your parents' rules, but we need to make them our rules. Then we need to follow our rules even if some idiot girl, or your sister, makes fun of us because of it," I finished.
"Idiot sister is more like it," Claire muttered.
"Did Skye have something to do with what happened today?" I asked her.
"Yeah. She told me to…um…do that stuff on your neck. She…she said that you would either…turn in to kiss me, or that…you would move back because you were surprised and then I…um…should grab you around the neck and…kiss you," Claire finished so softly that I could barely hear her with my werewolf hearing.
"Yeah, well, just because you can have power over someone else's body doesn't mean you should use that power. Claire, we need to have some ground rules for our relationship. Us, not your parents, not your sister, not the pack, not the kids at school, we need to decide what is right for us," I told Claire gently but with determination in my voice.
"Like not kissing until we start actually dating?" Claire asked.
"Yes, like that. Is that something you can…would you like that to be one of our rules?" I asked her, as I looked into her eyes.
"Yeah, Quil, if I'm not ready for dating, I'm not ready for kissing. But, what if I'm ready for dating when it's like…two months before my sixteenth birthday?" Claire asked.
"Good point there. I'm most likely going to be ready for sex two months before our wedding date," I said with a tone of irony in my voice. "We still need to decide, for us, that we will wait until we are married, and stick to that even if everyone else is telling us something different. If we decide now, when we aren't totally tempted, then it's easier because we won't have to decide in the heat of the moment when our brains might not be working as well," I said.
We sat there for a moment in quiet contemplation. Claire was the first to interrupt the silence. "I think I would like us to not go past first base until we are married then. I think it would be easier to wait for…more if we only ever kiss or hold hands while we are dating," she contributed quietly.
"Yeah, I agree. It would also be easier for that to happen, if you never borrow Willow's sweater again…or nuzzle into my neck like that…or blow in my ear when I'm in my wolf form," I finished.
Claire immediately burst into giggles. "But blowing in your ear is like a gas pedal in a car, it makes you go faster." She was obviously both clueless as to the total effect that had on me and unrepentant about her use of my "accelerator" to make me go faster.
"Claire, my running speed is not the only thing it affects. You really need to stop blowing in my ear when I'm running," I emphasized.
She was still giggling and had a bit of a devilish look on her face, and I could tell she had no clue as to what she was doing to me. I thought the only way she is going to understand this is if I show her what effect this has.
I leaned forward until I was mere inches in front of Claire, gazing into her eyes until she ceased giggling. I then gently took her face in both of my hands, and she sucked in a gasping breath. Then I knew she was ready for a little demonstration. I leaned into her face until I was only an inch away from her lips, then swiftly turned my head to the side and breathed, "Claire," into her ear. I knew I had the desired effect on her because I could hear her heart racing! I continued to hold her face as I moved away from her ear. I looked deeply into her eyes and asked her, "Do you feel like kissing me now?"
Claire was in a bit of a daze as she slowly nodded her head and barely whispered, "Yes."
I changed the mood to something much more casual by instantly dropping my hands from her face and leaning back on my elbows. I smiled and in a very upbeat and jovial tone and normal volume I said, "See, that's why you can't blow in my ear when I'm running!"
Shock was clearly evident in Claire's expression. She even shook her head to clear the haze. "Hey, that was kind of mean. You shouldn't do that to a person. I totally thought you were going to kiss me or something," she said accusingly.
"Exactly, that's my point. That's what it feels like to me when you blow in my ear when I'm running," I explained.
Her face softened with the realization, "Oh, I'm sorry, Quil. I really didn't understand."
"I know, that's why I had to demonstrate, but I don't want to have to demonstrate again, so can we just call something that affects us like that, an ear thing?" I asked.
Claire got a wide smile showing her dimples, she loved secret code between the two of us. "Sure, and…uh, I kind of…well lately…" she stumbled before finishing in a rush of words, "um, when you don't wear a shirt it has been an ear thing for me lately."
I nodded, "I'll try to be aware of that. Ditto on the tight sweaters and bikinis…lately."
She ducked her head and nodded. "So you'd prefer I wear a one piece this summer?" she asked.
"Yeah, that would…be helpful," I answered almost awkwardly. "So, uh, the ladder…do you think that maybe I should put more rungs on the tree so that you could climb it? I haven't done that yet because I figured it would keep anybody out that happened to find the Dollhouse. Maybe instead I should add more rungs and a lock on the door?" I looked over and saw Claire staring at the floor looking as if she were about to begin crying again. I waited for her to speak.
"I'm sorry, Quil, I don't want to change everything. They just got to me today. I won't do that again, not before I'm sixteen, I promise. Do you think you could give me another chance?" she begged.
I couldn't help it, looking at her, my heart nearly broke. I scooped her up in my arms and hugged her as she sat wrapped in a ball in my lap. "Definitely, Claire, we can try again. We just need to remember that we are on the same team; it's us against the rest of them."
Claire nodded and relaxed into my chest. "So when my friends ask what you are to me, friend, boyfriend, or whatever…what should I tell them?" she asked.
"I'm not sure, maybe Ariel or Emily are home and would have some good ideas. Do you want to see if maybe Embry and Ariel would like to come over and watch a movie with us tonight?" I suggested.
"Quil, it's past five on Valentine's Day. Don't you think they have plans already?" Claire asked.
I whipped my head up looking at the clock, only ten past five; we could still make it to Claire's house by five thirty. "We need to leave right now, your mom needs us home by five thirty," I told her helping her off my lap and standing up. "Claire, will you behave on the ladder?" I asked her looking deeply into her eyes for any possible mischief.
"I'll be good, I promise, I don't want to lose the good things we have," she assured me.
Everything went smoothly on the way back to Claire's house. Her parents left on their date, and I called Embry. Although he had been contemplating all sorts of plans all week, he hadn't ever settled on something, and when I spoke with him, he still hadn't come up with any plans yet. He was thrilled to have the invitation for him and Ariel to come for dinner and watch a romantic comedy with us. He even played it off like he had it planned for weeks.
After dinner and a few cartoons for Marc, he went to bed, finally down from his sugar buzz. We put in an old romantic comedy we had all seen several times and settled in for snacking and chatting during the film.
"So Embry, are you still going to try to play it off like you planned this all along, or are you willing to let go of the lie and just enjoy it like the rest of us?" I teased Embry as we sat down and handed sodas to our girls.
"Dude, why are you ratting me out? I had her fooled," Embry said with a swift punch to my bicep.
"You don't have to hit him Embry. You have a smart wife, I figured it out. When everything was a secret until five thirty when the phone rings, and then you are able to tell me the master plan of coming over to help baby sit…let's just say my choices were between thinking you were the least romantic man on the planet, or the cheapest. Or, I could actually be your imprint and know you well enough to know that while you have most likely been pondering, stewing, and stressing over what to do for the past two weeks, nothing could top the beginning of the month, and you kind of gave up until Quil called, am I right?" Ariel finished.
I burst out laughing, I couldn't help it. "Embry, she knows you better than I do, and I get to share your thoughts!"
Claire started laughing at that then turned to Ariel and said, "That actually reminds me of why I wanted Quil to invite you over here tonight. I had a little question about what to tell the girls at school and I was hoping that you might be able to help me with it."
"Sure, what seems to be the problem?" Ariel asked.
"Well, everyone is asking about boyfriends. My parents say that I'm not allowed…"
"Claire, it's our decision to make," I interrupted and gently reminded her.
Claire began again, "Right, sorry. Quil and I have decided to not date or be boyfriend/girlfriend until I am sixteen." Claire looked at me, and I gave her a smile of encouragement. "The girls at school bug me about not having a boyfriend, and when I said earlier today that Quil was my boyfriend they teased me because at that time I hadn't kissed him yet." Both Ariel and Embry's heads whipped over to look at me. They caught on that she had kissed me today. I gave a tight smile and a miniscule nod. Claire continued without interruption, "So they said he couldn't really be my boyfriend. I know Quil is my imprint, but it's not like I can tell anybody that, or explain what it means to them. I just really don't know what to say Quil is to me, when I'm around my friends."
Everyone had now ignored the movie to the point where I just pushed the pause button. Ariel had turned to sit sideways on the couch, completely facing Claire. Ariel took a deep breath and began, "Claire, the very first time I met you, you explained to me what imprinting was." We all smiled at the memory. "Now you are quite a bit older and have several years of experience with this whole imprinting business. I want you to tell me. What about imprinting makes your relationship with Quil different than what the other girls your age have with their boyfriends?"
Claire thought about this for a moment while she nibbled on a chocolate chip cookie. "Well, I know Quil really loves me. I know I can totally trust him. I know that we are going to get married later," Claire looked directly at me as she continued without missing a beat, "because I want to marry Quil. I know he will never intentionally hurt me." Claire shrugged her shoulders and said, "I guess that about says everything."
Ariel smiled at her. "All of those can really be put under two categories. You trust how the two of you feel, and you feel secure about your future together. Now since you aren't even dating yet, I'm guessing your friends don't need to be informed of any future wedding plans, right?" We all chucked at that.
"Right," Claire said with a smile that showed her deep dimples.
"The other is really about trusting feelings. While that is something that they might be able to understand, you still really don't need to explain it to anyone, and it still wouldn't really answer the boyfriend question. So really, we need to look at the boyfriend issue. Claire, if you hadn't imprinted, you could still decide not to date until the age of sixteen. If you were in that position, what would you tell your friends about having a boyfriend?"
Claire got a very quizzical look on her face. "I…uh…I guess I would just tell them I wouldn't date or have a boyfriend until I'm sixteen."
"Well, there is your answer then," Ariel announced proudly, sitting back and stretching a bit.
"But I have Quil!" Claire protested.
Ariel sat back up and with a serious face asked, "So what title fits; boyfriend, husband, brother, best friend, cousin, neighbor, lover, babysitter, or protector extraordinaire?"
Claire laughed at the last one, "I guess best friend probably fits best, it just doesn't feel like it's enough. I feel like I want to tell the girls at school more."
"I think this is just one of those times where you and Quil know something, and it just kind of sucks that you can't share it with the world. There are some things that are like that like pack business, and then there are other things that you can share." She quickly glanced over at Embry and with a gleam in her eyes continued. "Like when you are two weeks pregnant, and are going to have a baby like Embry and I are, then you can totally tell everybody. Right, Embry?" Ariel finished with a huge grin looking right at Embry.
"Yeah you can tell something like…wait. What?" Embry froze in place. He looked like a statue in a wax museum, or like he was frozen in a state of suspended animation.
I waved my hand in front of his face. "Earth to Embry," I called out, but he was too stunned to respond. I looked over at Ariel who was busting a gut laughing with Claire and said, "So I take it this is new information?"
"Yeah," she managed to get out between bursts of laughter, "I took the test a couple of hours before we got here."
"Congratulations!" Claire said.
"Yes, Congratulations!" I added and slapped Embry on the back. That seemed to snap him out of him stupor enough to go hug his wife.