Fourth of Elembious, darktime

Just when I think things are going smoothly, fate intervenes. It seems I'm destined to ruffle feathers continuously while I'm here – or have my own ruffled, as the case may be.

Eirliss has gone home to help her older sister, who is expecting a baby any day now. In her place I'm being served by a maid named Mabonwy, who also serves Aeronwen. Dreadful luck! I know she spies and brings back her observations to Aeronwen, so I haven't gone out again since that first night. I've had a horrible time finding where to hide this book, since she's likely to rifle through my things. I had thought at first of sticking it inside my mattress, and remembered at the last moment what a horrible messy business goose down is. I'd have left my chamber looking like an indoor snowstorm. Finally I decided the best way to hide it was to camouflage it, and stuck it on the shelf with all the books on law and history that I'm supposed to be reading for my lessons with the Queen.

I would have put it under the mattress, thoughtlessly, except the first thing that Mabonwy discovered yesterday was my set of boy's clothes I'd bought from that stable-lad. Of course she claims she was only making the bed, but Eirliss made it every day without managing to stumble upon them, so I know Mabonwy was actively looking for something to squeal about. She found them while I was at breakfast and went straight to the Queen, who called me on it during our daily lesson.

The moment I entered the chamber, her Majesty greeted me with a perplexed frown and held up the garments in question, her little finger curling back in distaste. "What," she demanded, "are these?"

I recognized them instantly, and flushed – in fury more than anything, but I daresay to the Queen it looked like guilt. I spoke to her through clenched teeth. "Clothing."

"I can see that," she said tartly. "What were they doing in your chamber?"

I toyed with telling her I'd been undressing stable-boys in my room, and thought better of it. Queen Teleria has no sense of humor when she is vexed, and her tone at the moment suggested she thought I'd be capable of it.

"I bought them from one of the stablehands," I muttered, scowling. "I wear them when I go out in the mornings."

A faint look of relief flitted over her face, replaced quickly by a more familiar stern expression, tight of lip and heavy of brow. "Out?"she queried. "Where do you go?"

"Only to the kennels and the dog runs. Sometimes the stables. I like to visit the animals," I explained, "and I should hate to muck about down there in my gowns. They'd be ruined." I knew she couldn't argue with this sort of practicality. No need to tell her about the way I roughhouse about with the dogs.

She dropped the ragged garments and sat back in her chair, wearily passing a hand over her brow. "Child," she sighed, "Will there never be an end to your shenanigans? You had only to ask for appropriate clothing and it would have been provided."

I knew what her version of appropriate clothing would be – and it's been added to my wardrobe, now: all raw linen and coarse wool, and still three layers of skirts. The last thing I wanted, but, as usual, nobody asked me.

"I didn't want appropriate clothing," I snapped. "But I suppose now I'm to have it, in addition to spying chambermaids."

"It is unfortunate," Queen Teleria admitted, pursing her lips. "I ordered Mabonwy to speak of it to no one, on pain of discharge. What can you have been thinking? Do you realize – don't fiddle with your hair -- how it looks to have a man's clothing hidden under your bed?"

I had been twisting my braid in frustration and I tossed it over my shoulder at her order. There was nothing to say. I confess it does look badly, although I'd never thought of it before. And I don't trust Mabonwy to keep her mouth shut about it; the temptation to blab to Aeronwen will be irresistible -- perhaps even worth losing her position. Nevertheless, at the moment I was still too angry at her sneaking to feel at all convicted over my foolishness.

Peeved with my stubborn silence, the Queen rose abruptly from her seat and paced across the floor. "I can see you are displeased with Mabonwy," she said, "but she did precisely what she should. It had been in my mind to find you someone else, but on second thought I believe she will be useful in keeping your behavior under control."

Belin! It was terrible. I stood there, feeling like I was being tied to a stake. I'd have screamed aloud if it would have done any good. I wanted to, anyhow, but simply glared at her, seething. The Queen gave me a cool, discerning look. "I am pleased to see you at least attempting to control your temper just now, at any rate. I suggest you master the skill directly – beginning with taking that expression off your face. If you looked so at King Math – unclench your fists, you'll cut yourself – he'd have you beheaded on the spot."

This was so ridiculous that I felt my anger drain a little, and snorted. "Rubbish. King Math never beheaded anyone. Though I can think of a few I'd like to."

"No doubt," the Queen replied, her blue eyes dancing. She seemed really to be enjoying getting the better of me. It was unbearable.

"Will I get Eirliss back when she returns?" I asked sulkily. Yes, I sulked! I admit it!

Her gaze was shrewd. "Perhaps, if I find the need to keep a close eye on you lessened. Eirliss is…malleable. And if you want her back – look me in the face, child – only so that you might manipulate her…"

"I want her back," I interrupted, growling, "because she suits me. With Mabonwy, I might as well be rooming with Aeronwen. You know they'll gossip about me…"

"See that you give them nothing to gossip about, then," the Queen responded brusquely. "Aeronwen will make it up if she must, I grant you, but it won't be the last time you have lies told about you. It is an affliction of all who govern, and it will give you the opportunity to practice your diplomacy. Now, I'll hear no more about it. And let me hear no more of you running about in," she shuddered, "boy's clothes."

I'm still mad enough to boil a toad. Every time Mabonwy comes into my chamber she smirks at me. It's all I can do while she's helping me dress not to dig my fingers into her hair and yank with all my might. Vicious sneaking wretch. But so far she seems to be taking the Queen's threat seriously, because Aeronwen has said nothing to me, and I've no doubt she'd say plenty if she knew.

Mae's been ill for two days – nothing serious, but she's stayed in bed – so I've not even been able to confide in her. Thank Llyr for this book! If I couldn't have written all this out I'm sure I would have lapsed into a screaming fit by now. It's a mercy there's nothing fragile in my room, because I'm not certain I could resist the temptation to hurl it at the wall at this moment, just for the satisfaction of hearing it smash. I'd do it with the inkwell if I didn't need it for writing.

I don't suppose it's real self-control when one's only reason for it is personal convenience!

Author's Notes:

Yes, I'm back! Thanks to all who sent their well-wishes, thoughts, and prayers. My husband has recovered wonderfully from his stroke and returned to work, and I am adjusting to life with baby - my son is now eight weeks old and a joy. It is a little harder now to find time for all my extra hobbies, but I've missed writing this so much I just had to pound out a chapter.

In lieu of personal comments this time around, I beg, plead, and cajole all of you to join us over on the Lloyd Alexander forum, which needs some livening up!