It's been two weeks since that night. I woke up in a hospital. Apparently, I slept for 30 hours because of loosing too much blood. I feel better now. I'm living with Christian. Before that night I was planning to hold for some more time moving in with him but sometimes life make decisions for you. After that night I wanted to spend every minute with him, I wanted and I want to have him beside me etery fucking minute of the Rest of my life. I need it to function properly. I am relieved that Kate had decided to tell Elliot about Sue. It means that he is very important to her. I just adore this guy. I know he cares for her. And after that awful night it means that Kate is trying to cope with what happened before. She was heavy drugged by Jose so we decided not to tell her every detail. She thinks his hatred was mostly for me. She doesn't know what he was going to do…. Okay, I don't want to think about this. Never.

So, Elliot moved in with Kate… Even though I know he wants her to move to his apartament. But Pike Market is closer to Escala which means closer to me. I am seeing Kate everyday for coffee, for shopping, to study for my exams. Sometimes Gideon shows up. He was released after 24 hours free of charges. He was acting in self-defense… I had to zone out for a moment because I don't remember Jose firing a gun too. Gideon saved our lifes and I will never, I mean never forget it. Because of him I can spend more time with people I love. Eveything is good beside one thing. My nightmares. Bad dreams about that night.

Flashback

„Gideon! Gideon please, save me, please! Gideon, save me, save m , please." – I know I am dreaming but can't wake up.

„Ana, Ana baby, you are having a bad dream, wake up baby, wake up. It's me, you are in Escala, you are safe." – I can hear him. Christian.

I know he isn't handling my nightmares very well. For fuck's sake I am screaming for another man. I even had a meeting with a shrink to help me stop these nightmares. But this overpriced charlatan ony told me it takes time to recover from such bad memories. But I don't know much more Christian can take. I am hurting him even if it's my subconscious which screams for Gideon at nights.

Maybe some change of scenery will help. Christian is taking me today to his boat, Grace. We are going to spend whole weekend on water. Thank God that he is a sailor, that's why he knows Morse Code and fucking Morse saved my life.

On Grace

„Oh baby, you look too much fuckable" – Christian says to me. I am wearing a black bikini which Christian very much like.

„Hmm, what are you going to do about it?" – I tease.

„Well, we coud start with kissing this fuckable smart mouth" – he touches my lips and his finger is travelling down – „then kissing these very, very fuckable tits…"

„Christian!" – I scream as I am offended. But the hell I am.

„ Then maybe I could kiss this very, I mean very fuckable part of your body. Your pussy." – he slides his finger in me. A moan escapes my mouth. – „Do you want me to fuck this pussy? – he asks.

„Uhm, I don't know. I want to catch the sun." – I say tring to sound bored.

„Oh, really? I think your pussy might disagree with you. You see, such a wet, and when I say wet I mean abso-fucking-lutely wet pussy can't be expose to the sun, it's not healthy" – he says as he slids two more fingers in me and starts doing his magic.

„Are you sure, Dr Grey?" – I ask him.

„Oh baby, I am gonna show you how much sure I am." I giggle when Christian picks me up and carry to the bedroom.

Morning on Grace

I woke up with only one thing on my mind. I am sore. As Christian would say abso-fucking-lutely sore.

We made love for hours. It felt like the first time. Since that night it was actually our first time. But something is wrong, Christian is missing in our bed. Our Steele? Okay, not time for thinking about that. Then I notice the envolope on his pillow.

Anastasia,

Four months ago you asked me which book was my favorite. I'never have favorite book. There are too many good books to have only one favorite. But my view has changed.

You are now my favorite book. You and I are my favorite book. Our life is my favorite book and I cherish every page. I know you are a fan of happy endings so I promise you Ana, I am going to write for you our happy ending.

Yours, Christian

PS. And this is for my favorite bookworm. It means everything what I feel because your are my everything.

I - intelligence – you are the smartest woman I've ever known, your mind is my favorite part of your body. (And your heart, your mouth, your tits, you get the idea…)

L - love – your love for world, for people, for books ;) made me to love you.

O – orgasms, I owned and will own your every orgasm, Baby, I promise you this.

V – vixen, yes you are, and I love that about you.

E – emotions, from the moment you entered my life I can feel every emotion which exists. Before you I was numb. Thank you Ana for bringing me to life.

Y – youth. When I am with you I feel young. And I know that 50 years from now I will be feel young too, as long as I am with you.

O – is for before P, and P is for passion. Passion you have for life, for your hobbies. Passion we have for each other.

U – Us. Thank you baby for believing in Us.

I am stearing at beautiful diamond bracelet. With secret message… This secret message says "I LOVE YOU" in Morse code. The dots and dashes are carefully hand stamped onto a beautiful hand cut brass piece. Not only is this bracelet gorgeous, it's also mysterious and sexy. My my, Mr Grey is very romantic.

„Do you like it?" – he asks suddenly. I didn't notice him while reading his note. I decide to blink to him my answer.

„Yes, I love it and I love you." – he smiles against my mouth like he's so happy he can't help it.

4 weeks later

The weekend on Grace is one of my favorite memories. We had such a beautiful time with Christian. But my nightmares didn't stop. It's even worse now – I am asking during my night terrors „where is Christian? Why didn't he come for me?" That's why, at least is what I am thinking, Christian's mood changes so often. He is happy, he smiles, he kisses me but the next minute his is so angry, angry with me. Sometimes we fight, I know he is jealous of Gideon but he has no reason to feel that way. Gideon has his own hell trying to cope with his past, I see him only when I am meeting with Kate.

I know that Christian's asshole beahavior is my fault but he starts to hurting me too. Recently, we are only fucking. I love rough sex but I need some love making too. Christian beahaves like he wants to claim me, claim every part of my body, he brings to bedroom too much bdsm toys for my liking . I feel like he is shutting me out. I don't feel the connection when we are in bedroom anymore. And that's bad. So I decided to take some medications to stop my nightmares beacuse they are tearing us apart. Maybe the doctor will give me some depression drugs too. I am gonna lose my mind if Christian's behavior won't change.

„Miss Steele, have a seat. Let's discuss your options. I have your blood results. Everything is good. And I think congratulations are in order."

„Excuse me?"

„Congratulations. You are pregnant."

„Uhm, what?"

„Ana, you are going to have a child." – she says sternly.

„But how it is even possibile?"

„You have a boyfriend, don't you?" – she asks annoyed.

„Uhm yes, I mean, I am on the pill. And I am on the pill to avoid having kids. I am graduating next month."

„ Were you taking your pill every day?"

„Yes, of course! I…" - fuck! I didn't take them for couple of days after being kidnapped by Jose. But we didn't have sexduring these days. We had on Grace… Fuuuuuck!

„But I don't have morning sickness. Are you sure? Can you check one more time?" – I ask.

„Miss Steele, you are 4 weeks pregnant. On your next appointment you will have an ultrasonograf. Dr Greene will be your doctor during your pregnancy. I wish you all the best."

„Okay, thank you and goodbye."

Escala

Huh, I didn't see that coming. I am waiting for Christian to be home from work. I hope he is in good mood beacuse I need to tell him today, it's a huge, I can't keep it to myself. I don't know how he is gonna react. Holy shit, I don't know what to think about it. A baby….

I hope it will be a boy, little Christian. Okay, now I know that I want this kid.

„Hi baby!" – he kisses and cups my face between both hands. I love this.

„Hi you." – I smile and tease himfor a second before actually kissing him.

„Have you eaten yet?" – he asks.

„Yes, you?"

„Yeah, I had long dinner with clients. But I could use some wine, want a glass?"

„Nah, I am good."

„Are you okay? You look different." – oh boy, you have no idea.

„ Christian, I am okay. But guess what. Your boys can swim! – I yell excited.

„What? What are you talking about?" - he runs his hands through the hair, bad sign.

„Well, it sounded so much better in my head. Uhm, Christian, I am pregnant." Silence.

„What? You are on the pill. You can't be pregnant." – he argues.

„I had doctor's appointment today and apparently I am four weeks pregnant. I might have forgot taking pill after you know, that night."

„FUCK! How could you…. Fuck! How could you be so careless? We can't have a kid now!" – Christian yells.

"I know, I know! I am sorry. It just happened. You know, something happens by chance - and when you least expect it. I think we can handle a little baby. It's not so bad."

"Not so bad? How this cannot be bad? We are at shit moment in our relationship, every night you scream for another man to save you! How long it will take to run to him for help? I didn't come because the fucker told me the minute I leave my chair…."

"I know, I know that! Please, I don't want to talk about my nightmares. I am dealing with it. I am meeting with your shrink every week ."

"Ana, I am just waiting for our life to be normal again. And vomiting, child's screaming, diapers. I don't have energy for this shit." – he sighs.

"Well, you need to find your fucking energy. You have 8 months for that!"- I snap.

"You are only one month late, you can still have a miscarriage."

'What the fuck did you just say?"

"I mean, you are only 1 month late. Usually people wait until 3rd month to tell about pregnancy. I don't know why are you telling me this so quickly."

"Oh my god, what's wrong with you? I am telling you this because you are the father. For fuck's sake we are in this pregnancy together. Couple are waiting until 3 month to tell OTHER people. Holy shit, I can't believe what you just said."

"I don't want you to have a miscarriage Ana. But we should wait. We don't know what will happen. Don't be too much attached to this…"

"Shut up, just shut up! I told you because I want US to do everything we can to have this baby, to have a healthy baby together."

"I don't want this baby, Ana! I need to get out." – he says and storms out.

Huh, I need to call Kate. And have some wine to calm my nerves. No, she doesn't need my drama. And wine isn't an option anymore. Looks like it's me and my blip now.

We are not talking for three days now.

Christian leaves early in the morning and comes home late in the evening. Even if I am staying late to study for my exams he comes when I am asleep. We communicate through the phone but he still refuses to talk about my pregnancy. I am so tired of this shit.

And let's not forget the text he got from Elena. One night he came drunk and I helped him to get to the bed and accidentally, and by accidentally I mean I checked his phone because I was pissed, I saw the message from his Mrs Robinson.

„Fatherhood is not for you. You need control, and you can't control kids. That's why I never had children. People like us shouldn't have kids."

Bitch! She is messing with Christian's head again. I need a plan to cut her out of our life. So far, I told only Gideon about pregnancy. Actually, I almost puke on him because I don't have morning sickness, I have afternoon sickness. Kate had to stay longer at work so I am now alone with Gideon.

„Gideon, could you help me with something?" – I ask. I think I need to do this. I trust him but something is wrong.

„Yeah, what's up?"

„Can you track Christian's phone? He isn't at work and it's 6 pm already. I don't know where he is."

„Where do you think he is? Did you have a fight?"

„Yes. And I don't know where he is." – Probably somwehere with blond bitch.

„Okay, I will help you only because you look like shit and sooner you reconcile with Christian, it's better…. For everyone" – Gideon adds.

.

30 minutes later

„What the hell?" – I ask. Who? I don't know. Probably myself.

„Ana, are you sure you want to come in there? It's not the best in your condition."

„I want to see it. I need to. I won't be kept in the dark." – that's it. That is the beginning of the end. I can feel it. My heart feels it.

„You think the door are not closed?" – I ask.

„No, rules in this club say that rooms cannot be close for safety reasons."

„How do you know that?"

„Ana, it's a BDSM sex club. I've been here couple of times."

„Oh God."

„Are you sure? We can…"

„I am. Open the door, It's time to face the music."

Gideon opens the door. I can hear classic music, probably Wagner. Firstly, I see her. Lying on table with legs wide open. She is tied to the table. Is she wearing underwear? That's not important. I see that my man is standing in front of her and whips the girl with a belt. He is wearing only jeans and no t-schirt.

He looks so cold and distant. I hate him. I hate him for doing this to us. Gideon rushes to him and then Christian notices that we are in the room. I see shock and regret in his beautiful face. Gideon punches him into the next week.

„Gideon stop! Please, stop. He is not worth it. He is jus fifty shades of shit. Let's go."

In that sex club I left my man, I left the love of my life. I left myself right there. That didn't kill me. I surivived. But what doesn't kill you, fuck you up mentally.

Uff…. Many hours of writing this chapter. Please, review!

You can check Pinterest to see Morse Code Bracelet and more pics for this chapter.

Thank you for reading!