"Come on, just one more. For me," Justin brazenly coaxed as he straddled Brian's naked form, grinding his cock against him, creating the most exquisite sensation.
Brian hissed and arched his back off the chaise, nearly dislodging his blond. "Stop tempting me," he said, grabbing onto Justin's thighs, "I've had enough. Besides, you know I don't eat carbs after seven."
Justin laughed throatily and brought the fork full of leftover birthday cake from Gus's party to Brian's mouth. "Never enough," he purred. "Can't you make an exception…just this once?" he pleaded seductively as he waved the fork in front of him.
Brian playfully turned his head away but Justin wasn't letting him off that easy. He gathered some of the icing off the cake and smeared it over Brian's lips…then leaned forward and proceeded to lick the sweet confection up.
Brian opened his mouth to receive Justin's tongue and wasn't the least surprised when his blond took advantage of the move and slipped the forkful of cake into his mouth. He laughed at the ploy, yet ate the cake. He then grabbed the back of Justin's neck and pulled him in for a hard kiss.
Justin moaned into his mouth. He brought his hand, the one holding the fork, up over the chaise and crushed his naked body flush against Brian's, pushing them both deeper into the supple cushion of the Italian divan.
Brian wrapped his arms around Justin's waist securing his blond tightly against him. He then moved his mouth to Justin's ear.
"You know, you never did make good on that promise," he whispered in a hoarse, lust-filled voice.
Justin mewled and rubbed his ear over Brian's mouth. "What promise?" he lazily asked, too distracted by Brian's licentious attention to his lobe to comprehend his meaning.
Brian bit down on his ear and Justin hissed in pleasure-pain.
"As I recall, it had something to do with your desire to entertain me with all sorts of inane sycophantic bullshit," Brian growled before proceeding to lick the sting away.
Justin sat back up and chuckled. "Oh, that promise," he said, gracing Brian with a lethal smile. Brian sucked his breath in knowing he had no defense against it.
"Well asI recall," Justin said, leaning forward once again to offer his ear for more of Brian's ministrations, "you said you'd only be inclined to believe my'bullshit' if you were buried balls deep in my ass," he purred out contently.
Brian drove his tongue deep into Justin's ear making his blond tremble from the erotic sensation. He then snaked his tongue down Justin's cheek to the corner of his mouth and rasped out, "That can be arranged."
Justin turned his head slightly to capture Brian's mouth with his own. Their tongues met and dueled for dominance, each desperate to satisfy their seemingly endless thirst for the other. Justin could think of no other drug that was as intoxicating as one of Brian's kisses; it was stronger than the most potent aphrodisiac.
Brian, being the egotistical sexual being he was, was acutely aware of his "gift" and used it more skillfully than a Samurai warrior wielding his sword. Sometimes his kiss was hot and rough, intended to exert control and sexual dominance. Other times it was soft and gentle, a gesture, if you will, of approval and affection. But no matter what the intent, his kiss was always, always demanding. Demanding to be heard – to be acknowledged and accepted.
Justin had learned this about Brian the very first time they met that day in the coffee shop when his Adonis had reached over and kissed Tina, the Barista girl. Justin knew that kiss was Brian's way of sending him a message – "I'm in control…I call the shots." And Justin heard him. The kiss was also his way of showing Tina gratitude for the great service she'd given Brian over the years. He could have just settled with the card and flowers he'd given her, but no, that wasn't how Brian did things…it wasn't in the Brian Kinney manual. A tome Justin was just learning how to decipher.
One of the very first lessons Justin had gleaned from the Kinney manual was that Brian very rarely used words to communicate emotions, opting instead to demonstrate his feelings through action. He showed his love in the way he cared for people in his life – his son, Lindsey, Michael, and all his adopted family. He took care of them the way theyneeded to be taken care of, even if that meant his own needs were put on hold. To Brian, that was true love. Words meant shit. Staged gestures in the name of love meant shit. Love was an altruistic act, not a contrived statement.
And when it came to men, Brian was even more distrustful of words – specifically flattery – which was why Justin was now weary that Brian was asking him, though playfully, to "talk sweet" to him. To flatter him. He knew it started as a joke days ago at the bar. It was just playful sexual banter at the time that Justin had completely forgotten about. Obviously, Brian hadn't.
Why? Justin wondered, though it was hard to think about anything other than the way in which Brian was sucking on his tongue right now.
"Mmmuuh," he moaned his pleasure into Brian's mouth causing him to intensify the kiss.
The kiss…it always came back to his kiss.
Fuck! Justin realized with a start. Brian was "talking" to him now. He always expressed himself, his needs, in his kiss. Even with his tricks he made his intentions clear in that first kiss. Usually it said, "I'm going to fuck you and it doesn't mean a damn thing past that," and the tricks usually understood the message loud and clear. But Brian never kissed Justin like that. Not even the first time. Oh, he tried, but that message quickly changed to, "Oh shit, you're going to be trouble."Justin heard that loud and clear in that very first kiss. Since then, he had mastered the art of deciphering Brian's messages through his kiss. Well, at least he believed so.
Right now, Justin was having a hard time discerning what Brian was trying to convey to him. It was right there, on the surface – in the way his mouth moved almost reverently over his own, in his breathing, which alternated between hot gasping pants to little shuddering sighs, released into his mouth. It was there in the way his tongue worked furiously seeking answers…answers Justin wanted to give him, but not "hearing" the question, didn't know how to respond. For some reason, Brian was holding back. Why, Justin didn't know but perhaps, he thought with sudden impish impulse, opening up other lines of communication might help him better receive the message.
Lifting himself up a bit, he grabbed hold of Brian's cock with his free hand and pressed it against his heated entrance. He was more than ready for his lover; they had just fucked not twenty minutes before. He broke the kiss just for a moment to look down into his lover's eyes.
"Well then, why don't we put that theory to the test?" he said, knowing that whatever he wasn't hearing in his kiss, he would most certainly hear once their bodies were joined. Everything became crystal clear when Brian was inside of him.
Something primal flashed in Brian's eyes. He grabbed Justin by his hips and pulled him down hard, embedding himself deeply into his warmth with one swift, smooth upward thrust.
Justin let out a deep, throaty groan as his body capitulated to the mind-blowing sensation of being taken. He sat back, dropping the fork from his hand as he adjusted himself to the fullness inside of him.
"Oh, Jesus, that feels so fucking good…" he crowed, bringing his hands down to grab onto Brian's waist, his fingers digging into his skin in an attempt to anchor himself.
Brian cupped Justin's ass and took control of the fuck. He lifted him up off his cock, then slammed him back down again until his balls screamed for entry. He mercilessly repeated this movement over and over again, gyrating his hips in concert with his thrusts.
Justin gave himself over to his lover completely. His head lolled back in blissful abandonment – his face flushed deep red, his eyes hooded to tiny slits as he struggled to keep them open, and his mouth drooped slightly open to let short, labored, passion-filled breaths escape from between his swollen lips…swollen from his lover's kiss.
Brian watched him in awe; his cock throbbed painfully inside Justin's tight, hot ass at the sight of him in the throes of ecstasy. His blond never looked more beautiful…more perfect. It was times like this Brian felt doubt – doubt that it was even possible that someone this amazing could love him. It was times like this he didn't feel worthy.
…and through the haze of raging desire…Justin heard him.
He immediately felt the shift in Brian. He lifted his head and stared down into Brian's eyes. All the love, passion, and awe shone from the hazel orbs, but there was something else there too…something that clutched at Justin's heart. Fear.
This is what he's been holding back; what he's been trying to tell me,he suddenly realized.
Justin knew in that instant what Brian needed of him. He leaned over and placed a soft kiss on his lips. "Will you believe me now?" he asked, breathing the words hotly into the brunet's mouth.
Brian arched up while pulling Justin down harder on his cock. Justin let out a deep moan.
"Well, will you?" he asked again, resisting the urge to give in to his own needs.
Brian, lost in his own sexual haze, took a minute to comprehend Justin's words. "Now?" he asked, with a hint of confusion and frustration in his voice.
Justin rested his forehead against his mouth and sighed deeply. "Yes, now, with you buried balls deep in me, will you believe me?" he said, his body shivering in anticipation of Brian's response.
Brian tasted the salty sweat on his blonds, skin and drank it in. This was playful sexual banter – nothing more he told himself. Yet… he wanted it to be more. He wanted something he wasn't even sure Justin could deliver, but he was willing to let his blond try.
He pulled Justin's face up for a quick hard kiss then released him. "Maybe…" he said, rocking his hips up, hitting Justin's prostate at just the right angle.
Justin hissed at the move. "Fuck, Brian, play fair."
Brian smiled. "You didn't think I was going to make this easy for you, did you?"
Justin didn't return his smile. Instead, he placed his hands on the sides of Brian's face and held him, locking their eyes together. "Nothing about you is easy," he said.
Brian didn't respond, he just held on to his gaze as if the connection was the only thing preventing him from falling into some dismal abyss.
Justin ran the pad of his thumb along Brian's bottom lip. "Chinese algebra is easier than you," he said, this time gracing him with a wry smile.
Brian's tongue darted out to lick the explorative finger, his eyes never leaving Justin's. His breathing became more even, more focused. Justin knew he had his attention.
"But as the saying goes…nothing worth having ever comes easy," he pressed forward. Brian pulled his thumb into his mouth and gently sucked on it. Justin took a deep breath and continued. "You are by far the most beautiful man I've ever seen. You ooze sex from every pore, driving men, and women, absolutely crazy with desire for you. You can have anyone you want…with just a glance men and women fall at your feet, you're that hot," he said, then paused and tilted his head impishly to the side. "How am I doing so far?" he asked.
Brian released his thumb from his mouth and gave it a gentle kiss. "Not bad," he said, "but I've heard better."
Justin laughed and pulled back from him, the movement causing Brian's cock to jump inside of him. Justin had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop the wave of pleasure coursing through him. Once he was in control again he gazed back down at Brian. "I'm sure you have," he said, "but…do you believe me?"
Brian lifted a brow at him. "I know my sexual appeal, Sunshine. Can't dispute, or disbelieve, a fact," he answered.
Justin placed his hands on Brian's shoulders and started to rock slowly back and forth, ever so gently on Brian's cock. "True. It is a fact. It's also a fact that you are the most amazing lover. So good, that you're sexual prowess is legendary," Justin said.
Brian grabbed on to his hips. "Hmmm…so I've heard," he said, his voice growing hoarse from his own mounting pleasure. Justin's slow rocking fuck was driving him mad.
"But," Justin continued, "do you believe me?"
Brian's eyes fluttered shut as his breathing grew shallower.
"I'm a great fuck…another fact, so yeah," he said in a strained voice as he tried to keep up with his blonds, inane ramblings. You asked for this remember?he somberly thought.
Justin leaned over and purred into his ear. "You seem to like facts."
"Currently, I find them exceedingly annoying," Brian said.
Justin let out another small laugh. "Most men wouldn't be annoyed by being told how hot they were or how great of a lover they were," he said.
Brian groaned in frustration. "I'm not most men Sunshine."
"True, that's what makes you so exceptional…another fact," Justin said, kissing his ear.
Brian shivered as Justin's hot, wet tongue lapped at his lobe.Ok, so maybe not so annoying,he thought.
Justin continued to ride Brian's cock and tongue fuck his ear for several, long, agonizing minutes before he spoke again. "I have one more fact for you, then I want you to cum. I want to feel your cock throb and pulse in my ass. I want to feel your cum coat the inside of me, filling me. I want to squeeze down on you hard, milking every drop from you. And then I want you to stay inside of me until I fall asleep," Justin whispered into his ear.
Brian groaned deeply. "You better make it fast then Sunshine, cause I'm about to cum now," he said, gripping Justin's cock. He started pumping it in rhythm with his thrusts.
It was nearly Justin's undoing, but he gathered every ounce of energy he had to hang on.
"I'm yours," he said, lifting his head to look at Brian, whose eyes were closed, his face beautifully contorted in ecstasy. God, could he be more beautiful?he thought.
Brian arched his back and gritted his teeth, hissing out his pleasure.
"Brian, did you hear me?" Justin panted out as he continued to watch Brian's face.
"I'm yours. I belong to you and will continue to for as long as you want me…and long after that," he managed to croak out. His orgasm was quickly approaching but he held back. He wouldn't allow himself to cum until he was certain Brian acknowledged what he was saying.
"Do you believe me, Brian?" he asked. Brian ignored him as his body tensed in response to his own impending orgasm. Justin's body immediately reacted to it. He felt his balls pull up, indicating he was seconds away from cumming. He bit down on his lip hard, trying to ward off the release his body demanded.
"Goddamn it Brian, tell me you believe me!" he screamed out in frustration.
Unfortunately, his body wouldn't let him hold out for an answer. As soon as the words left his mouth white, hot bolts of electrifying sensations coursed through his veins; singeing every nerve ending in his body with blinding pleasure. He trembled and convulsed from the intensity of his orgasm, shouting out his lover's name as his cock jerked in Brian's hands, spraying hot cum all over them. Somewhere through the haze of his coitus bliss Justin heard Brian's own cry of release before he collapsed on top of him.
Some time later, as he lay on his lover's cum-coated chest, his cheek firmly plastered to the damp skin, Justin felt Brian's hand run through his hair. He turned his head to look up at him, too weak to lift any other part of his body, and froze at the intensity in his lover's gaze. Many years later Justin would still recall the sound of Brian's voice – the complete raw honesty in his tone when he uttered those three little words he so desperately longed to hear.
"I believe you."
PART 2
"You know I never had a virgin before," Justin said, coming down into the living room from the bedroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.
Brian was in the kitchen brewing a fresh pot of coffee. He looked over at his beloved Divan. "I feel like a lecher. Violating Malmo like we did," he sighed regretfully as he placed a cup of coffee on the counter for Justin.
Justin walked over to the kitchen. "We were gentle," he teased as he hoisted himself up on the kitchen stool, shaking his wet hair, causing droplets of water to spray Brian.
Brian made a face and stepped back a bit, holding his hand up in a feeble attempt to fend off the impending soaking he was about to get. "I think we exchanged enough fluids last night to last awhile, don't you?" he asked, failing to keep the mirth from his voice.
Justin stopped shaking his head and graced him with one of his Sunshine smiles. His hair was disheveled; strands of wet, golden locks were plastered to the side of his face while other, more slightly dry pieces of hair stuck straight up in the air. Brian thought he looked utterly adorable. And yes, he knew that was a lesbianic thought, but he didn't give a shit.
"Never enough," Justin responded with a mischievous grin. He picked up his coffee and took a sip.
Brian feigned annoyance. "Malmo might disagree. We've ruined her. She's never going to be the same. I'm probably going to have to reupholster her now," he abjectly stated as he wiped the moisture from his face with a kitchen towel.
Justin nearly choked on his coffee he laughed so hard. Brian's face broke out in a grin. His blond was absolutely giddy, and not in a revolting way, this morning. His face literally shone with delight. His smile seemed brighter, and bigger if that were possible. Brian never witnessed Justin this…happy.
Their relationship had taken a turn – in a positive, life-affirming way – since they had gotten back from New York. Each was more relaxed, more confident about the tomorrows in their lives. Since they met it had been one case, one crisis after another. Always some danger lurking around the corner. Today, however, there was no case awaiting them. No imminent peril needing their attention. It was over. Hobbs was a free man, even got his old teaching job reinstated. Teresa and her daughter had moved out of the rat hole they had found them in and into a better neighborhood near the brokerage firm where Brian had gotten her a job. And Internal Affairs had thrown the book at Harmond, who was facing so many charges that Brian doubted the man would ever see the outside of a prison in his life again. But the best thing that came out of that whole fucked up situation was that Justin had quit his job. Handed in his badge without regret or reservation and walked away without so much as a glance back. Brian followed suit and had started the process of handing off Kinney's Private Dicks to Ted and Cynthia.
He now had the luxury of unimpeded time to enjoy his blond. Time and the knowledge that his blond – one Justin 'fucking bad ass' Taylor – belonged to him.
A fact he believed.
His goal now was to concentrate all his efforts on getting to know his slice of Sunshine more intimately and in more sinfully erotic ways. And, to make matters even better, Justin was just as focused on that goal as well.
"You know Bri, some would say you have an unnatural attachment to your furniture. At the end of the day, it's just a chair," Justin teased, taking a sip of his coffee.
Brian put his hand to his chest and glared at Justin in mock indignation.
"Just a chair?" he sputtered dramatically as Justin laughed. "I'll have you know Malmo has given me more pleasure than any trick I've ever fucked. That's why I never let any of those losers near her. She's…special. One of my most prized possessions," he jested. He couldn't help himself, Justin's mood was infectious. They were both giddy this morning. Great, Kinney. You've now officially turned into a dyke,he thought.
Justin smiled wickedly at him. "Oh? I thought I was your most prized possession," he said, placing his cup back on the counter.
Ok, maybe being a dyke isn't so bad, Brian's treacherous mind suggested. But then he caught the look in his blonds' eyes and his dick took over all thoughts. There goes the dyke theory.He walked around the counter and turned the stool around so Justin was planted firmly between his legs."You are. That's why I let you talk me into violating a twelve thousand dollar custom made Italian Divan," he said.
Justin's mouth dropped open. "Are you fucking serious? You spent twelve thousand dollars on a piece of – "
Knock, knock, knock, knock!
Justin never got to finish his sentence as a sudden barrage of raps at the loft door interrupted him.
Brian frowned. "A bit early for company," he commented.
The insistent banging continued.
Justin sighed in disappointment. They hadn't fucked on the kitchen counter yet and he had been hoping to remedy that situation this morning.
"You better answer that before whomever it is breaks down your door," he said, jumping off the stool. "I'll go get dressed. If it's my mother, tell her if she knows what's good for her, she'll go away. She's cutting into some serious fucking time," he said jokingly as he headed towards the bedroom.
Jennifer was booked to fly back to New York later that evening. Justin was going to drive her to the airport. She was supposed to be having breakfast with Debbie and Emmett this morning. At least that's what she had told him yesterday at Gus's party, which had turned out to be one spectacular affair, though Justin wasn't surprised. When it came to his son, Brian went all out. He never saw a father who loved their child so much. Was it a wonder he was so in love with the man?
Brian watched his blonds' sexy ass walk up the bedroom stairs. "Forget getting dressed, just get in bed and wait for me. Mother Tayl – "
"Tucker," Justin corrected over his shoulder.
"Whatever, will have to visit her baby boy later," he called out to him.
Justin turned around and threw him an inviting smile. Brian sucked his breath in and silently cursed whoever was at the door.
"Much later…" he added, thinking it was going to be a long time before he let his blond leave their bed today.
The banging continued.
"I'm fucking coming! And not in any way remotely enjoyable so hold your horses!" Brian turned to go answer the door as Justin disappeared into the bedroom. He slid the metal loft door open and groaned when he saw who was on the other side.
"How dare you!" his mother growled out in way of a greeting.
Brian stood in front of the door, blocking her entrance.
"What do you want, Joan?" he asked in a tone that should have warned her that he was not in the mood for her antics this morning. Of course, Joan never gave a shit about Brian's mood or anything else about him.
Joan sneered at him. "I want you to stop interfering in my son's life!" she railed at him in fury, pushing her way into the loft.
Brian bit his bottom lip in an attempt to calm his rage and turned to face her, leaving the loft door open.
"Your son?" he sneered back at her with just as much venom. "Since when did you give a shit about any of your children? The only reason you even know about Liam is because I had an uncharacteristic moment of benevolence and told you he was still alive. A decision, I assure you, I deeply regret. And I don't doregrets!" he yelled at her.
-Justin pulled on a pair of pants the moment he heard Joan's voice. His heart raced, not knowing how to deal with the situation. He wanted to run out there to help Brian, to defend him against that woman, but he froze in his tracks when he heard Brian mention another child of Joan's. One he wasn't aware of. Who was this other son? A child Joan conceived with another man? Debbie said Brian only had one sibling, a sister. She had never mentioned a brother. Justin could only assume Joan had another son with someone other than Brian's father from what Brian just said.-
"The only reason you even know about Liam is because I had an uncharacteristic moment of benevolence and told you he was still alive." The words replayed in Justin's mind. How could Joan not know her own son was alive, yet Brian did?
Joan snapped her head back as if Brian had slapped her. "How dare you!"
Brian snorted. "I dare a lot of things. You'll have to be more specific," he said, sarcasm dripping with every word.
Joan narrowed her eyes and approached him. "You have noright to ban me from seeing him!"
-Whoa! Ban?Justin thought. How the fuck was Brian able to ban Joan from seeing her own son? Justin felt like an intruder eavesdropping on a conversation he was sure Brian didn't want him to hear. Yet, he was stuck here. He supposed he could lock himself in the bathroom, but he was sure he'd still hear them. Hell, he was sure the whole building could hear them. They weren't exactly having a quiet, civil conversation.-
Brian laughed and the sound had a sickening sadistic tone to it. "Oh, but I can. I'm Liam's legal guardian. You're just the broken down vessel that spawned him," he said.
-Oh ouch!Justin thought, shocked at Brian's cruelty. This was a side of him he'd never seen before.-
Joan however, was no wilting flower. "You're only his legal guardian because you forged my signature on papers granting you full custody of my son! Just like your father did years ago…forging my signature so that he could give Liam away to the state, then telling me he was dead! That kind of cruelty I expected from him, but never from you! Well, I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree," she threw back at him.
-Justin had to put his hand over his mouth to prevent the gasp that threatened to escape. He couldn't believe Brian would do such a thing! He felt like he was watching some bad soap opera play out before him.-
Brian brushed her dramatics away with a wave of his hand. "That's the one decent thing Jack did. Give Liam away. Do you know why he did it mother" – he spat out the name like it was poison on his tongue, causing Joan to flinch – "because he knew you were too inept to care for him and he didn't want Social Services at his door again! Liam was born with a shit load of medical problems because of your excessive drinking! And how did you handle it? Did you get him the help he needed? No. You barely acknowledged him! Itook care of him! You were too busy hiding in a bottle of whiskey and Claire was too busy hiding from Jack. Liam needed help! He needed special attention, care…none of the things you were willing to give him! And because of your superb mothering skills, he just kept getting worse! I was five years old, changing his diaper because I couldn't stand the smell anymore! YOU SHOULD HAVE NEVER HAD CHILDREN!" he screamed.
-Shit, shit, shit!Justin's heart was breaking at the unmistakable pain he heard in Brian's voice. He was reliving some awful times from his childhood and there was nothing Justin could do about it. He knew if he rushed out there, Brian would resent him for it. Instinctively, he knew he had to wait until Brian came to him, only then could he comfort him…and only if Brian allowed it.-
"When he had that seizure it was Jack who took him to the hospital because you were too fucking drunk to notice your son hadn't moved from the couch in several hours! I can't believe I'm going to say this, but Jack did the right thing for once in his life. When the doctors explained to him the damage the seizure had caused he knew he couldn't afford all the treatment Liam would require so he gave him over to the state. He knew you'd never agree to give him up, not because you had any great love for your children, but because it wouldn't look good to the other parishioners in your church, so he forged your name and came home and told us he died. I'm sure you got lots of sympathy from your church cronies didn't you? Poor, bereaved Joanie, I bet you enjoyed all that attention," Brian huffed out a bitter acidic laugh at this point.
Joan stood stoic in the face of Brian's accusations. She opened her mouth to speak but Brian wouldn't let her. There was something inside of him, driving him to say what he'd been feeling for so long. It was like a dam was bursting inside of him and Joan would just have to stand there and take it.
"If you had one fucking ounce of kindness in you, you would have given him up for adoption at birth!" he continued on in his rant. "Hell, you would have given us all up! Why the fuck did you have any more children after me?" he asked. His voice sounded almost hysterical, yet strangely enough seriously curious. He really wanted to know.
"You knew how Jack was by then. But you refused to use birth control, or God forbid you should go to Hell and have an abortion! Better to keep spawning out children for Jack to abuse! You stupid, stupid hag! Claire and I dealt with it, but Liam…" Brian's voice broke at this point. He shook his head and took a deep, steadying breath before he continued.
"Liam didn't deserve you," he said in a low, somber voice. Much of the anger was leaving him now only to be replaced with deep sorrow. "I'm glad Jack took him away, and I'm glad he told me what he did on his death bed. And I'm very, very glad I did what I had to do in order to get custody. The only thing that matters to me is that I have my brother back, and that he's getting the care he needs. The only reason I allowed you to see him is because you show him a kindness now that you refused to show him when he needed it the most. I'm sure it's your guilt eating at you, or maybe your desire to earn brownie points for Heaven now that you're getting closer to death, but for whatever reason, your weekly visits have been good for Liam, and that's the only reason I've allowed you to keep visiting him. However, this last stunt you pulled was the last straw. I had no choice but to pull your visitation privileges," he concluded, before walking over to the couch and flopping down on it.
-Justin could see him through the slit in the blinds in the bedroom. He looked exhausted, like he just ran a marathon, which Justin was sure he just did. An epic run through some deep emotional shit. He mentally cringed at the thought that, at one time, he had thought it a good idea for Brian to confront his mother about his childhood. He even talked his mother into broaching the topic with him. Now, he questioned the soundness of that idea. Who the fuck would want to confront a past like that? Surely, living through that Hell once was bad enough without being forced to relive it all over again. Unfortunately, that's exactly what was happening now.-
Joan, to her credit, or her detriment – Justin couldn't tell which – didn't refute any of Brian's accusations. She walked over to where Brian sat and faced him.
"I'll not apologize for who I am," she said.
Brian leaned over and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Just get the fuck out," he said. His voice sounded very weary.
Joan squared her shoulders. She was determined to have her say as well. "I've not done many things I'm proud of in my life. Your father was a hard man, you know this. And I was a weak woman. I make no excuses for the lousy childhood you children had. I'll not stand here and insult you by saying I ever loved you or your siblings. I didn't."
-Again Justin had to put his hand over his mouth to stop the gasp from escaping his lips. What kind of mother admits such a thing? Even if it's true?he wondered. Joan was a monster.-
Brian, to his credit, didn't flinch.
"I never had a chance to learn about love. Even before I married your father I wasn't…well. My own father was abusive in ways only the good Lord knows about. I'm not excusing my behavior, just stating a fact. I was already pregnant when my father forced me to marry Jack….the child wasn't Jack's." She dropped that bomb in a voice so quiet Brian didn't think he heard her correctly at first.
-Justin slid down to the floor in shock. He wasn't expecting that, and he was damned sure Brian wasn't. He wondered how he would react to it. 'Jesus Christ, this is worse than a soap opera! It's like some Greek tragedy!'he thought dejectedly.-
Brian's head snapped up at her confession. "What the fuck are you saying?" he asked, though he knew exactly what his mother was saying. Her father had sexually abused her and had gotten her pregnant. He felt like throwing up. Is my whole family lineage tainted with evil? Brian thought.
"I'm saying we all have our crosses to bear. I was forced to have that child even though everyone knew. Thankfully, it was a stillborn. God was merciful that time. Birth control and abortion were out of the question. And yes, scorn me if you must, but I'll not prevent one of God's children from entering this world. By His will we suffer or prosper. My mother didn't abort me…I never said she shouldn't have had me, I accepted my fate. As you and Claire had to accept yours. But" – she paused for a moment to compose herself. For a woman with no capacity for emotions, she was displaying some pretty deep ones right now – "Liam…you're right. That wasn't God's will. That was my doing. I…he was born the way he was because I drank too much. That's my sin. You're right. I avoided him. God forgive me, but I couldn't bear to see what I did to him. The guilt was too much. I started drinking more heavily than I ever did. I wasn't stupid; I knew you were caring for him. And I was grateful. When he had that seizure and Jack told me he died at the hospital, I thanked God. I found comfort in knowing your brother was in Heaven, away from the evil in our house. Judge me, hate me, whatever makes it right for you. I'm only speaking the truth. But hear this, when you told me my son was still alive, I knew God was giving me a second chance. You know I've been good to my son since you brought him back into my life. All these years and I've never missed a weekly visit. He looks forward to seeing me. You admitted it yourself, I'm goodfor him. So why are you so determined to take him away from me now?" she asked.
-Justin could almost feel pity for the woman. Almost. But whether or not she deserved a second chance was up to Brian in his opinion, not up to what she believed God would want.
Jesus Christ, Brian has a brother no one knows about!It suddenly hit him.
This was the mother of all bombshells! And it explained so much about Brian's feelings towards family, love, and especially his own son. He loved Gus more than life itself. His son came first in his life and was denied nothing. He even made sure he had two good parents he trusted to raise him. As if he didn't trust himself to be the only parent in the boy's life. 'Maybe', Justin thought, 'because somewhere deep inside he feared he'd fail as a parent, just as his parents did.' Justin didn't know how to process all of this. He didn't know how Brian had been able to keep this all inside for so long. He had a brother, a mentally challenged brother, that nobody had a clue even existed. No one except Joan, apparently. 'Why',he wondered. There were so many questions swirling around in Justin's head it was making him dizzy.-
Brian stood up from the couch. "Because you crossed the line! You tried to take him from the institution! Are you nuts? You can't care for him at home! You don't have the means, or the skills, to give Liam the medical, no less emotional, care he needs. What the fuck were you thinking?" he asked as his anger reignited.
-So Brian's brother is in an institu….Brentwood! It all started to make sense now. That's where Brian was when Michael freaked out because Joan found out about his son. Another secret he kept. He must have been visiting his brother. Justin didn't have time to go find Brian that day; he had taken off instead to find Hobbs. But Ted had told him that Brian paid money to Brentwood every month. A maintenance fee for his brother's care, no doubt.
Fuck, fuck, fuck!Justin was too busy with his own fucked up situation to even notice what was going on with Brian. He had never bothered to ask Brian why he was paying money to the institution. In truth, he didn't think it was a big deal. Brian had many investments, as he learned in New York when he offered Hobbs's sister, Teresa, a job at a brokerage firm he was involved with. That, too, was a surprise to him. But Brian was a very rich man. Justin knew the agency couldn't have been responsible for his considerable wealth. He had no reason to ask Brian about his investments. For all he knew, the money he was giving Brentwood every month was just another one of Brian's investments. Now, however, Justin started thinking about the past few months they'd been together, and the pieces started to fall into place. There were many times when Brian would disappear for hours on some "business" matter. Even yesterday, at the party, Brian had snuck out for an hour with some cake, telling Lindsey he had to make a quick run to the bank to withdraw some cash because he promised Ernie, the owner of the Children's Emporium where Gus's party was held, that he'd pay him in cash. The cake was for Ethel, the bank teller. No one questioned it. Brian always took care of the people who serviced him like Tina, the Barista girl, and Ethel, the bank teller at his bank. Thinking back on it now, Brian would not have forgotten to bring the cash to pay Ernie. He was more meticulous with business issues than anyone Justin knew. He would bet that was just a ruse so he could run up and give his brother some cake. The Emporium was only minutes from Brentwood. 'Some fucking detective you are Taylor,' he thought.-
"You're wrong," Joan said, breaking into Justin's musings.
Brian raised a brow at her. "And you're insane," he said.
Joan was persistent. "I've been dry for over two years now. I am quite capable of taking care of my son. He's been living in that institution – "
"An institution I pay for," Brian interrupted.
Joan nodded her head, accepting the truth of that statement then continued. "Yes, the institution you pay for, for far too long now. Or is it your intention to have him die there?" she challenged.
Brian's face grew red. "Liam is there because it's best for him! But you don't get that do you? If you did, you'd know that if you really care for someone, you do what's best for them! Liam knows he can leave whenever he wants, but he chooses not to," he tried to explain to Joan.
Joan shook her head. "I don't believe that. I think you and the doctors there have brainwashed him to believe he can't leave. He's better now. His verbal skills have improved greatly and physically he's strong. There is no reason why you shouldn't let him come home with me," she argued.
Brian huffed out a bitter laugh. "The fact that you're a cold-hearted bitch that I wouldn't wish on a rabid dog, no less my own brother, is all the reason you need," he spat out sarcastically.
Joan brushed off the insult. "How would you feel if someone denied you your right to be with your son?" she asked, switching tactics.
-Justin held his breath as he waited for Brian's response. Knowingly or not, Joan just stepped into dangerous territory.-
"My son is none of your business," Brian said. There was an unmistakable edge to his voice that Joan heeded.
She nodded her head in agreement. "True. He's not. But Liam is. Liam is my son. And if you refuse to let me take him home, than I'll have no choice but to fight you in court for custody," she said.
Brian laughed in her face. "Go ahead. No judge in their right mind will let you have custody with your history. You're a child abuser mom. It's on record, or have you forgotten all of the visits from Social Services over the years? And let's not forget your drinking or the fact that you signed your son over to the state years ago when he was just seven."
"I did not! Your father forged my signature!" she yelled, clearly frustrated at this point.
Brian shrugged. "So says the drunk," he replied cruelly.
Joan clutched her purse to her. "So says the deviant homosexual!" she spat back at him.
-Justin groaned, then pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them tightly. His heart burned with pain for Brian. He knew exactly how that felt…to have your parent despise you for who you are, and to voice that hatred. His own father had done it to him. Though considering how abusive Brian's mother had been to him over the years, even admitting she didn't love him, he supposed nothing she said anymore would come as a surprise to Brian. Or hurt him anymore than he's already been hurt. Justin felt sick to his stomach.-
"Wow, Joan, that's the first time you admitted to having a gay son. Nice touch by the way – the deviant part I mean. Lots of homophobes out there, I'm sure you can find a judge who shares your aversion to deviant fags. But then again, I'm not the one trying to pull Liam out of a top notch rehabilitation facility for their own selfish, perverted reasons – you are. I'm just the deviant fag who's been paying for his medical bills, physical therapy, and round the clock care all these years. Oh, and I'm also the deviant fag who's been paying for the mortgage on your house since Jack died. Now, if a judge is insane enough to grant you custody against all reason, then all those expenses will fall in your lap. Sure you can handle that Joanie?" Brian sneered at her.
Joan gave him a smile that chilled him to the bone. "No, I won't be able to handle the finances. But we both know you're bluffing. You'd never let Liam suffer. Just know, if I win, and you cut me off, you'll also be cutting your brother off. Oh, I won't mind. There's always disability and welfare. We'll manage just fine," she said, smirking knowingly at him.
-What a goddamned bitch!Justin thought. He couldn't believe how manipulative Joan was! She was using Brian's affection for his brother against him to get her way! Justin was itching to slap the smirk off her face.-
The vein in Brian's neck throbbed. "Get the fuck out. Now," he said in a deadly, calm voice.
Joan, who was still clutching her purse to her chest, backed up from him, finally sensing real danger. She turned towards the door, which was still open. "You'll be hearing from my lawyer," she said over her shoulder as she rushed out of the loft.
Brian followed her and slammed the door shut behind her.
"Fucking cunt!" he screamed out into the empty loft.
Justin stood up from his position on the bedroom floor and watched as Brian walked back into the living room, grab the edge of the coffee table, and flip it over. The ashtray, some magazines, and an empty bottle of beer crashed loudly to the floor.
Justin cautiously crept out of the bedroom.
"Fucking spawn of the Devil!" Brian screeched out to no one in particular before he headed for the Divan.
No! Not Malmo,Justin's mind screamed. He rushed into the room and picked up the brown leather ottoman. Then, without thought, he threw it into the TV. Glass shattered and sparks flew.
Brian stopped mid-stride and turned towards the damage Justin caused. He looked back and forth from his blond, to the TV.
"You just destroyed my eight thousand dollar liquid screen, high definition TV!" he shouted, shock written all over his face.
Justin was breathing heavy. "Yeah, I did," he panted. "That's good right? I mean better the TV then Malmo. I figured she's suffered enough. Damn TV never did get good reception anyway," he added.
Brian blinked a few times, and then dropped his face into his hands. His body started shaking.
Justin didn't know if he was crying or laughing. He slowly crossed the room to him and was relieved when he heard the rumbling sounds of laughter coming out from behind Brian's hands. He put his hand on his shoulder.
"Bri?"
Brian stopped laughing and wiped his face before removing his hands to look at Justin. He'd forgotten he was in the bedroom. 'Fuck! He heard everything',he realized. 'Just fucking perfect'. He didn't know what to say to Justin. In truth, he couldn't think past his brother right now. His whole fucking world was being ripped opened and Liam was going to suffer because of him. He should have never told his mother Liam was alive. He never regretted anything more in his life at the moment. Now, he had to deal with the consequences. At all costs, he had to protect Liam.
Justin saw, and responded, to the anguish in his eyes.
"Brian, tell me what to do. Whatever it is you need from me, just tell me. You know I'll do it. If you want me to destroy that woman, I will. In a heartbeat. If you want me to forget the last twenty minutes ever happened, then it's done. No questions. Whatever you need for me to do, I'll do it, just tell me," Justin said, his tone pleading…almost desperate.
Brian's face softened and his eyes grew glassy. He pulled Justin to him.
"I need….I need to get drunk," he breathed into Justin's hair.
Justin pulled back from him and looked into his eyes. "I can do that too," he said, then turned and dragged Brian over to the bar in the far corner of the loft. He poured them both tall glasses of Beam. Brian took his and drank it down in one shot. Justin did the same. They both stood there, just staring at each other. Justin filled the silence by refilling their glasses. After their third shot, Brian spoke.
"So, when do you have to take Mother Taylo – "
"Tucker," Justin corrected with a smile. It had become a game with them.
'So, he's going to act like this never happened. Fine. I can do that for him',he thought.
Brian smiled back at him. "Whatever," he said, "when do you have take her to the airport?"
Justin looked at the clock on the wall and answered, "Not for another few hours."
Brian nodded his head and held out his glass. Justin refilled it.
"I think we need a cab," he said, downing his fourth shot of beam.
Justin agreed. "Wise move," he said. They were probably going to be shit faced by the time they had to pick up his mother.
Brian slammed the glass down on the bar and pulled out his cell.
Justin narrowed his eyes suspiciously. "Um, Bri…who're you calling?"
Brian scrolled down until he found the number he was looking for. He then glanced back up at Justin.
"Didn't I just say we were going to need a cab?" he answered, rolling his eyes as if Justin just asked a stupid question.
Justin shook his head as he tried to follow Brian's line of thought. "But we don't have to leave for at least another two hours."
"I know. That gives us time to make a stop first," he said.
Justin tilted his head and stared at him. "Okay…where are we going?" he asked hesitantly.
Brian put the cell to his ear and said, "To see my brother."
Justin poured himself another drink.