Eric comes to a stop in front of Sarah. Her eyes linger down at Wayne, her expression considerably stern for what usually fronted the normally open and telling features.
For a minute, Eric doesn't say anything, breathing heavier than before and he keeps his hollow gaze towards the door. "I told you not to turn around," he says but there is nothing menacing behind his words. He turns his head to check over each shoulder and then gently guides her back to the door, sighing through his nose.
As the door swings to, Eric pulls the fire handle up, locking it, and essentially locking Wayne outside.
Sarah can't look at him, holding her stomach still defensively. "Eric, I…I just-"
He cuts her off and says in a flat voice, "I'm decommissioning you."
"What?" She reaches out, pulling on the sleeve of his jacket. "You can't. I'm still fully capable."
"I can't have you at work with me anymore. It's not safe. Clair made a good point… I've already done it so there is no point in arguing." Eric takes her arm, watching her down the steps.
"What am I supposed to do for the next…four months?" She frowns at him suddenly treating her like an invalid, purposefully walking ahead, guiding her step by step.
"What I want to know, is how you thought you were getting back to the apartment? What I want to know, is what caused you to leave Clair's so suddenly and not call me? What I want to know, is whether you led him on."
"After everything, I find that insulting," she huffs out incredulously.
Eric narrows his eyes, his jaw flexing in thought. "Why? He's my friend for over ten years and that's a first," he scoffs, "…and last."
"I think you know why."
"Enlighten me." He smiles falsely from below her on the steps and Sarah takes another, leaving her at his level. His composure stutters for just a second.
Her sight travels between dots of Wayne's blood on the front of his uniform, then to the specks on his face. She can see he's trying his hardest to remain relaxed while standing so equally in front of her. Sarah has nothing to lose when running her fingers along the underside of his jaw, leaning forward till their lips brush.
"Say it," he hisses and his austere persona is ruined by the desperate plea in his voice. "Say it, damn you."
"No," she shakes her head and a sweet smile dances across her lips,"I want to hear it from you."
Eric's eyebrows shoot upwards, his teeth glinting at her audacity. "I just defended you. I chose you."
"So, it shouldn't be so hard!" Sarah exclaims and she frowns at him, "What is hard about this? Why can't you just tell me what you are really thinking? How you feel? Are you ashamed? Are you ashamed of me?"
"I'm not ashamed of you," Eric speaks quickly.
"Then what? Am I a possession? Just a thing to you?"
"You're not-"
"When the baby's born, then what, are you going to decide that you don't want me anymore? That you don't have time. That you're bored?"
"I'm done with this conversation." Eric turns to leave and Sarah suddenly pushes him, knocking him down a few steps. Registering what she's just done, she pushes him again. "Sarah," Eric warns, but she pushes him again, harder.
"What, Eric?" She hits his chest with the side of a balled-up fist. "This seems to be the only way to communicate with you!"
"You're going to hurt yourself."
"I am sick of this. I need more, more than… this!" She slaps his face. A hard slap, the sound echoing down the stairwell.
Eric's fast, grabbing her arms and pinning them either side of her while pushing her against the nearest wall. Every last ounce of strength against her emotional assault fails him in an instant.
"You need fucking more? You need me to say it?!"
Sarah blinks, her mouth parting in surprise. "Something!" her voice squeaks.
"I've never wanted to have anything in my life that I couldn't stand losing. But it's too late for that. It's too late for that because I've somehow managed to illogically fall in love with you." His face flushes, his lips grimacing while hissing the words close to her face. "Foolishly!" Sarah's head falls back as he brings her away from the wall. "You irritate the fuck out of me and god damn it, I could smother you sometimes, but I need you in my life!" He takes a deep breath. "…And that isn't me. Never has been... Is that what you want to hear? Is it? The words of a condemned man?"
"Why does that make you condemned?" Sarah pants, calming from her frustration and shook from his sudden outburst.
"Because it makes me weak."
"You're human…"
"I'm Eric Coulter. Leader of Dauntless. I can't be weak." Eric lets go, rolling his shoulders back to his full height.
"It only makes you weak if you let it. If you think that way… Is that what the nightmares are? You're afraid?"
"I am never afraid!"
"Eric…" She reaches for him. Him and his fretting movements. The hand that wipes at his brow and rubs fiercely at his temple. But he hits her hands away.
"The sooner you accept who I am, the sooner it will stop hurting. The sooner you will stop looking for the things you need from me."
"I have never tried to change you."
"Good," he squints, his face darkening, "Because I never will." He takes the rest of the steps, opening a door to a corridor and holding it without another word.
Sarah doesn't have a lot of stuff. But the disarray in the room is tedious. She doesn't like the bed pushed up against the wall. The side cupboard is not close enough…
But she had to admit the new apartment is much, much bigger. The kitchen more squared off from the lounge. The three bedrooms running off down a single hallway. Next to the main bedroom, the second biggest room was what she intended to be the baby's room. All that sat inside was a single chair.
And that's where she finds herself. Sitting, alone, looking at the white walls. There was a window, a small window, but the view was over a low connecting roof of another building. It wasn't pretty. She dared to think Abnegation was prettier.
The chair faces the window, and when she leans back, slouching in the seat, the blue sky is her main focus. She sits and she stares.
Growing weary of the sight before her, she heads to the bedroom, going to nap on top of the awfully positioned bed.
Mary can see him through the gap in the door. Her eyes cast in spite, but face paling with the thought of coming face to face with him again.
Entering quietly and shutting the door, Wayne still remains unaware, his good eye closed and breathing steady. Though there was multiple cots in the room, they are empty. The green, limp curtain around his bed hanging half open.
She'd already been to see Sarah. Telling her that she had to see Wayne at some point. She had to see what Eric had done. And she also had to know why.
She hadn't forgotten to tell Sarah about the papers Eric had signed in the process either. Wayne wasn't the only guilty party. She still absolutely hated him regardless. It was just closure on her part. Closure she was denied when Wayne outright refused to speak to her afterwards.
Walking up to the side of his cot, she clasps her hands in front of her, eyeing up the drip in his arm and wanting nothing more than to rip it out in anger. The bandage wrapped around his head cut into his hair, making it jut out messily. The leg Eric had stabbed was out of the covers, propped up and strapped.
For only a moment she wonders whether he will be awake enough to speak to, whether the painkillers would have an effect on his consciousness. But he didn't deserve the time or her consideration.
His good eye suddenly opens, half-hooded and his lips part. "Come to finish me off?" he asks, his voice gritty and low.
Mary snorts through her nose. "I wouldn't waste the energy."
"Why the fuck you here, Mary?"
"Because I wouldn't miss this for the world. One-eyed Wayne kind of has a ring to it."
"Get the fuck out of here."
"Make me." She watches him struggle to find the nurses button, just swiping it out of his reach before he can claw his way to it.
"I'm warning you!"
"You are in certainly no position to warn me." Suddenly he lunges out with a growl, and she manages to tilt back just in time. "You tried to kiss my sister. My pregnant sister. Your best friends' partner." Mary laughs suddenly, a little sardonically, covering her mouth quickly with her hand. "The Leader of Dauntless' love interest... You are an absolute idiot."
"Fuck you! You were nothing but a wet cunt to slip my dick in."
"Hmm...yeah... I agree with you, I was... That's all I was to you." Mary throws the control under the bed. She grabs just above his knee, close to the stab wound and Wayne cries out, then winces from the pain radiating from his expression, burning the skin around his damaged eye from his grimace.
"I will probably be one of the last wet cunts that you will ever slip your dick in. With a limp and one eye, you don't have a chance." Mary turns her back to leave.
"Wait...wait...Mare, Mare, listen! Just give me the control...the pain. Look, I'm sorry!"
"Goodbye Wayne...and... good luck. You're going to need it." She shuts the door.
"Mare!" his voice echoes behind her while she walks away. "Mary!"
But she smiles to herself.
Finishing work early was rare. With the entrance hall to the new apartment, Eric could enter more quietly, without being noticed. The place is spotless, but more homely since he'd given Sarah the chance to dress it, along with the help of her sister.
Sarah's voice travels from the bedrooms, humming to herself. Stopping in the doorway of the spare room, he finds her sitting cross-legged on the floor over a box, folding small clothes.
Tucking his chin towards his chest, he swallows the silent lamenting sigh. But his phone beeps from an e-mail and Sarah turns her head. However, she scowls, turning back and continuing.
"I hate lying to you...that was your words," she says calmly while laying a romper on a small pile in front of her.
He waits for her to continue and when she doesn't, he sighs in exasperation, "I have no idea what you are talking about," he pinches the bridge of his nose and adds, "So please, do elaborate."
"Wayne. My sister."
"I'm sick to the back teeth of hearing about them." He hits the doorframe with his knuckle in passing, leaving to pace the kitchen and scouring for a strong drink. Eric opens up the cupboards as Sarah comes up behind him. He just about uncaps the lid to pour it when she shoves his arm, spilling it across the counter. "What? Can't I even get myself a drink now? I don't know why I bothered finishing early!"
"You signed the papers off for Wayne!" She points a finger accusingly at him. "You knew all this time! You knew what he was going to do and you let him! Is my sister now stuck with that scumbag?"
"Did she sign it?" he scoffs.
"She told me she didn't."
"No harm done then." He shrugs, drinking the alcohol he did manage to get in the glass. "Clean this up," he motions to the mess in front of him.
"You clean it up!" She grabs a cloth off the side, throwing it in his face and turning her back on him.
"Being a bitch doesn't suit you, Sarah. You don't talk to me like that and you definitely don't walk away from me."
"Go back to work, Eric. I'm better off on my own."
The smash in front of her makes her yelp. The bottle indenting the brand new and freshly painted walls. Just as she turns, Eric is stalking towards her, his face inches from hers.
"Better off on your own?"
"We don't talk anymore. And when we do, it's some argument about one thing or another that you have done."
"I'm trying here," he hisses out through gritted teeth, the heat rushing to his face.
"And I'm not? My whole life is shrouded by you. Everything. I don't have a job or a purpose."
Eric flaps a hand, giving her the cold shoulder. "Stop being over sensitive."
"I sit around and wait for you. How long do you think I can do this before I start going out of my mind? I can't live like this." Sarah suddenly sees what Clair was trying to get across. A caged bird. "And I can't live with so many lies and secrets."
"The Mary thing was not of any importance. It's not like I forced her to do anything. She had her own free will."
"No, but you encouraged him. And what about my pass?" Eric rubs the side of his temple. "You've canceled my pass. I found out when I went with Mary to see her out and I couldn't get past the entrance of Dauntless. I'm restricted now?" Her voice warbles. "You kept that quiet. And what about these meetings you have been doing outside of Dauntless?"
He looks at her quickly. "How do you-"
"How do I know? Because I get lonely and I wonder where you are. I go to find you and you are not in your office and I have to have Clair explain to me that you are not even in the compound." Tears begin to stream down her face. "It's like you're making excuses to be as far away as possible. Like I'm a nuisance."
"You're being hysterical."
"I'm being reasonable. You don't touch me anymore. You don't even bother to say goodbye when you go. I am a prisoner. I am a prisoner here. A prisoner in my own body!" She shakes from the upset. "I need...I need to sit down."
"Sarah, here-" he reaches out for her.
But she pushes his arm away, fleeing into the bedroom. "Just go away!" The door slams behind her and she sobs from inside. "Just go away… go away…"
Silence was usually a virtue.
He had praised Sarah on her capability of remaining silent when necessary or being comfortable to rest in it with each other without issue. ...But a week was enough.
It wasn't their usual silence. It was a pissed-off-woman silence that he found irritatingly pathetic if he was honest. Eric was used to shouting or brawling it out. Smart remarks. Obvious anger...
Sarah was blank. It was the only way he could explain it.
Now they sat opposite each other, the scraping sound of cutlery between them at their new table that fitted perfectly with their new apartment and new surroundings and new furniture. ...It never felt barer, washed out like seemingly Sarah had become.
He finishes his food first, watching her sit rigidly and barely looking up from her plate. Eventually, he leans back, hooking an arm over the chair next to him and huffing exaggeratedly.
There was a multitude of topics of conversation or things he wanted to say, and he surprises himself by coming out with the most insulting first. He was never one to beat it around the bush.
"Your clothes aren't fitting properly."
Slowly her eyes trail up to him, but she still doesn't say anything, quietly chewing.
"You can detest me all you like, but it doesn't stop you from half smothering me every night."
The top of her cheeks begin to tinge pink, then, collectively, she places her cutlery down, slowly pushing out the chair and standing. When she reaches for his plate, he captures her hand. She doesn't resist.
"Can you just…" he hesitates, "Say something...anything."
There's another long silence, and coldly, she murmurs, "Thanks for dinner."
Eric juggles her fingers for a second, kissing his teeth when she pulls away.
"Sarah, do not open that door!" he demands furiously but she ignores him, bag in hand and acting as if he didn't exist. "Sarah-"
However, he stops himself from begging because he finally realizes there is no evidence of his child. She turns and smiles.
The dreams were so recurrent that when he now woke, it was mainly just a cold sweat covering his body and a long drawn breath to finish the pounding of his heart. Lying flat on his back, he reaches out next to him, touching just cold sheets. Swift confusion puckers his brow and he throws his legs out of bed, striding to the door and peering out down the hall.
Sarah's already looking at him from the kitchen, her hair loose down her back and shoulders, eyes wide but knowing. Her nightwear now hung from her abdomen, lifting the front higher and leaving her cleavage fuller. One side of her mouth lifts fractionally in a weak attempt at acknowledging him.
"You were dreaming," she bites into a slice of red apple. "...Again."
"Don't I know it." Quickly her eyes drop to his boxers and the tired stride towards her. He stops, looking at the mess of food she has on the counter.
"Are you…" She picks up a knife, turning half an apple over and pushing down into it. "Are you okay?"
"I'm better now you've finally decided to speak to me," he says and smiles down at her.
Sarah pulls her hand back, having not been concentrating. "Ah…damn it…" The knife had just nicked her finger. A small gathering of blood begins to trickle from the tip.
"Let me see." She lets him take her hand, cupping it gently, rubbing his thumb against her palm and over exaggerating his inspection. "...I think you'll live." Bringing it up to his mouth, he sucks on her finger, watching the way her lips part, the breath hitch in her throat, and eyes shooting up to his.
Sarah clears her throat, turning back to her food. "Thanks."
He sighs, pursing his lips in reluctance, "Sarah, I apologize, if that's what you want to hear."
"You know, I did want to hear you say it," she smiles but it fades quickly, "But at the same time, it still feels empty. You're only saying it to make me happy."
"Yes, of course! All I ever do is try and make you happy," he sneers, "I try. I'm trying to give you space. Then I think it's too elusive and you give me shit for that as well. I can't win either way."
"Because you don't understand! You can't seem to comprehend the damage you do or have already done." Her knuckles whiten on the knife as she drops her head between her shoulders, leaning against the counter. "I'm exhausted. I'm tired of fighting with you. If this is what you want, a shell, a timer to the birth of a child that will only make things worse, and that's guaranteed, then let's carry on like this," she puffs out in deflated anger.
He waits for her to calm down for a moment and then genuinely asks, "What do you want?"
"What I want, other than the usual? Trust, respect - and what's more important, love. What I want is a job, my pass and a say in what happens around me." Sarah stands to her tallest, defiantly grinding her teeth. "And I won't take anything less, Eric."
Eric stays quiet for a moment, letting her breathe out the anger before he smirks at her mischievously, "Say my name like that again."
Sarah frowns, groaning with disdain. "What?" She tries to process what he means, noticing how dilated his pupils have become and increasingly feeling a little unnerved by the way he hungrily stares down at her.
"Say my name like that again," Eric repeats and tilts his head, knocking the knife out of her hand. Stepping forward, he forces her to take a step away. When she remains silent, he demands loudly, "Say it!"
"Eric."
It wasn't the same, but it works for him. He grabs her head, guiding it towards him and pushing their lips together. His tongue juts out, flicking against her top lip, urging her to deepen the kiss.
"I haven't tasted you for weeks…" he groans sensually, biting at her lower lip. "And you taste like fucking apples." His fingers are gentle, slipping through the length of her hair and tangling into a fist to control her movements. "I want you," he whispers against her lips.
"You want me? You earn it," Sarah retaliates and his hold tightens. Grabbing his neck, she causes him to pause, frowning down at her darkly, so she explains,"I need you to say you will do what I've asked. I need to hear it from you."
"Compromise." Eric runs his hands under her nightwear, trailing the soft sensitive skin on Sarah's sides. "Half days."
"My pass-" she gasps as he attacks the pale part of her neck, pushing against her continuously to somewhere in the room she can't quite grasp.
"Granted." In one swift movement his boxers are down and he steps over them, guiding her back. "But you don't go near the perimeter fence." He strips the white nightdress from her body, straight over her head and discards it carelessly.
Suddenly, Eric drops and Sarah realizes he's sitting on the couch, legs wide apart but still gripping her hand and tugging her down. He guides each leg either side of his so she is straddling him. The warmth of their skin, his touch and more so his urgency tweak something deep inside her and she almost matches his ragged breathing. She kneels up, though, not letting him just take what he wants so easily, even if his hands tug impatiently at her skin.
She runs a hand up the back of his hair, scraping his scalp and uses her other hand to tilt his head back to look up at her by the vulnerable part of his neck, fingers merging against the stripes of his tattoos. "I mean every word I said tonight."
"I know," he smirks.
Out of pure pent-up annoyance, she squeezes his cheeks, causing him to pout and she bites his lip harshly. He hisses, his hips jutting up till his erection strokes her core. "Go back on your word, Eric, and I swear-"
"I won't," he scoffs in his own form of amusement, then groans, face falling in awe as she tightens her fingers around his neck while sinking down on top of him. "Sarah…" he moans and she smiles triumphantly, catching Eric's own in admiration.
If only he knew that she'd watered down his suppressive medicine that sits neatly in the bathroom cabinet.
By June, Sarah found simple tasks more tedious. Like tying her boots, shaving her legs, even walking from the apartment to the Leader's Suite. Eric's suggested half days were actually a godsend, even though her duties were minimal. She found her energy levels had significantly dropped and she was continuously dreaming about food. More specifically, cheese and pickles on sticks, diced and ready in the fridge which she found some weird pleasure from.
She watches her stomach from a wodge of pillows laid behind her back, propping her up against the headboard. Eric is mulling around the room putting away some items of his uniform when she suddenly laughs.
"I think I saw an elbow!" She rubs her exposed stomach, tilting her head in thought, "Or it could've been a foot."
"Maybe it's the same elbow or foot kicking me in the back every night." Eric shuts the drawer, slumping onto the bed. Though Sarah looked like she shouldn't be able to move from the size of her, she was glowing, so he thought. That's what guys are meant to think, right?
"Wait until he's born, then the crying starts." She smiles down at Eric when he leans back, putting his hand splayed against her stomach. "Have you thought of any names yet? I like Quince."
Eric frowns at her, "No. That's despicably Abnegation...and vile."
"I think Eric is an Abnegation name too," she scoffs and shrugs, "Doesn't scream 'Leader of Dauntless' if you ask me."
"I didn't ask you," he says, sending her a glare, "And I'm not calling him that, so think again."
Sarah rolls her eyes. "Well, can we narrow it down? Have you thought of any, you didn't answer?"
"No, I haven't because I want to wait until I see the baby to know. You could choose a name and when they are born it doesn't fit right." The baby kicks against his hand and the side of his mouth lifts up by the distraction. "He agrees."
"Well I think it should start with a J because he's due in a J month," she says defiantly.
"Okay."
Sarah forgets to blink, Eric finally agreed on something without argument. "Really?"
"Yeah, kind of fitting. I like the idea." His gray eyes linger on her stomach. "Not long now," he tells it absent-mindedly. "You ready?" he asks without looking up at her and it has her pause for a moment.
Sarah shrugs and he still doesn't look up, idly caressing the baby bump. "I don't have a choice but to be ready," she says and then begins to smile, "I must have Dauntless in me somewhere because I'm not scared, at all."
"Literally, sweetheart." He laughs when she pushes him playfully.
"Okay, daddy."
He frowns and grimaces, "I would've considered that sexy under other circumstances."
"Shut up and go get me cheese and pickles." She orders him and tries to keep a straight face. She screams when Eric leans down and bites her hip gently, more so for the fact she was so big she could barely move even if she wanted to.
"Be right there! Hold on!" Sarah wipes her mouth with the back of her hand quickly, having huge effort to scoot the chair out from underneath her, and waddles towards the front door. Typing in the code, she opens it to Clair holding a wrapped box. Sarah's face drops fractionally.
"...Hello."
They hadn't spoken properly for months from their brief dispute back at her place. Clair smiles awkwardly. "I wanted to see how you were."
"Come in." Sarah motions her inside, watching as she absorbs the room.
"They did these places up really nice."
"They're possibly too big." Sarah folds her arms, making it back to the table with her breakfast on it.
"What have you been up to?" Clair asks rather stupidly.
"Growing a baby. Waiting for dust to settle. Idle work for Eric." She begins to list off then cringes with the awkwardness, rubbing the back of her neck.
Her animosity hasn't gone unnoticed and Clair slides the box cautiously along the table. "I got you something." She waits nervously when Sarah doesn't make a move to open it. "It's just something for when the baby comes along."
The wrapping paper is easily discarded and a small cardboard box is revealed. Upon opening, Sarah pulls out a dark navy box, and she clicks the golden slide button, causing the top to pop open. Chiming music begins to play, a small dancing ballerina in the middle with the soothing song and Sarah begins to well up.
"I know you don't do gifts, but this may come in handy. The songs always help with the kids."
"Thank you." Sarah sniffs, wiping her eyes. "I like it."
"I wanted you to know that you do have friends that are here for you. More than you think... If you ever need to talk."
"I have nothing to talk about."
"Well as a mother-"
"I have books. I've read them enough times. I think I'm now ready to deliver the baby myself if I had to." The Abnegation's gaze was powerful, striking Clair in that moment.
"And Eric?"
"Working…"
Clair nods a few times, the silence between them unbearable. "Can you please just hear me out?"
"Me and Eric are on better terms now, Clair. Things are different." Sarah crosses her arms looking away.
"As a friend." The older woman almost begs. It's a long nervous moment before eventually Sarah nods reluctantly without saying anything. "I apologize from before when I was a little hasty. I said some things I probably shouldn't have said and I know that now." She watches as Sarah purses her lips, obviously holding back something she wanted to say. "I wanted you to know that this isn't the life you have to put up with. You may be on good terms now but in the future... I just wanted you to be assured that there are options. A life that will help you start again in Abnegation if you wanted to."
"What's in it for you?"
Clair manages to refrain from the surprise and looks to the ground. "I'm not being deceitful. So, I will tell you the truth."
Sarah scoffs, rolling her head up to the ceiling and leaning back in her chair. "Oh my god, you have no idea how many times I've had someone try and explain to me the truth."
"There is nothing really in it for me other than the fact I won't have to be terrified going into work every day. Not having to worry about Eric's actions or mood in that moment. Whether or not I get to watch another person ridiculed or punished. To not have blood on my hands..."
Sarah's eyes narrow. "You think Eric's not capable of running Dauntless?" Her tone is amused, the same glint in her eye Clair would sometimes see from Eric. Was she too late? Had things gone too far? Was Sarah really that brainwashed by him she couldn't see left from right?
"That man is capable of running anything he puts his mind to. But his mind is on five different things at once. For everyone's safety, this is why I think this is for the best…"
"And how exactly is all this going to happen?" Sarah leans forward, more interested than before and a pang of mistrust runs up Clair's spine for the first time since she's known her. "What is this? What does that mean?"
"I trust you can keep everything to yourself?"
"I'm selfless," Sarah counters. "Gossip is hardly stemming from our faction…"
The small dig Clair allows. "I can't tell you any more than what you already know."
"So what are you really trying to say? Do you want Eric to be killed or arrested? Can they even arrest him?"
Clair shifts uneasily, rubbing her chin quickly in thought. "His following here in Dauntless, believe it or not, is too great. It would start an outright rebellion if the news of his arrest even got around. …Nobody can get close enough to kill him, that was never our aim anyway."
"Our?" Sarah tilts her head.
"I have to go back to work. You know where to find me should you ever change your mind." Clair looks down to Sarah's baby bump and back. They walk wordlessly to the door and Sarah types the code in. The last thing she hears as the leader's secretary walks away, is: "I pray you do."
Waddling back to the table, she mentally threads her mouth shut, but it doesn't stop all the information from hurting her brain. The call of motherhood beckons her as her eyes begin to droop. Sarah wouldn't be able to go to work again, the third time that week.
"So, it's not that we don't get on, but it's just awkward. I actually don't think he knows this is Eric's child," Sarah scoffs, bringing a forkful of cake up to her mouth. Her sister, Mary, coming to visit her that Sunday was a surprise. She wasn't expecting her, nor had seen her for a few weeks with her not working at Dauntless anymore.
"Who's this?" Mary asks dully from opposite her, her head cradled in her hand.
"Glen...the new guy…" Sarah sighs. "You're not really with me today, are you?"
"Erm…" Mary grimaces, then composes herself quickly, taking a long drag of air, a sign of something bad about to spill from her sister's lips. "Father hit Thomas...the other day. He got in the way."
"What? Why didn't you call me?"
"What can you possibly do? You're eight months pregnant." Mary pushes her food tray away. "Everybody knows about John drinking now. The school asked about it." She exhales, looking up at the ceiling."I'm scared, Sarah."
"Why?"
Mary leans forward, keeping her voice quiet. "What if they take Thomas away? Both of us. We are still minors."
"No, surely-"
"Nothing is certain. We'll be split up."
"No, you're talking rubbish."
Mary freezes, gazing over Sarah's shoulder then turning her head away quickly. Eric pulls Sarah's bun gently. Dread runs through her, she'd managed to successfully keep these two apart, but it was inevitable.
"Why is it whenever you're around shit happens?" he snorts, throwing one leg over the bench, facing Sarah. "Eat your cake, sweetheart, don't let Wednesday here ruin it for you."
"Eric. Stop. You don't understand."
"Oh, right," he throws his thumb out at Mary, "Meek mouse has another issue she needs you to resolve." Her sister's lips begin to tremble but he carries on anyway, "What's the matter now? Not enough attention? Need a slice of Dauntless in you?"
"Eric!" Sarah hisses, "That is quite enough." Mary stands up, gathering her jacket. "Mary, wait, don't go!"
But the unexpected happens. Mary stops looking down her nose at Eric, "I am not meek. I am polite. I have mannerisms that obviously you don't. My sister might be able to put up with your insults, but I won't."
"Ravishing," Eric grumbles and she storms off. Chuckling to himself, he turns to Sarah, who is getting up herself. "Oh, you too?"
"That was uncalled for," she says angrily.
"Oh lighten up-"
"The truth hurts, right?" Sarah interrupts him, "That wasn't the truth, that was just rude."
"At least we are finishing each other's sentences now…"
"Whatever." Sarah turns to walk away and Eric grabs her arm. "Let go."
"If she can't take a joke-" He stands up immediately when she grimaces. "What's wrong?"
"Nothing…" She avoids his eye when he scowls at her lies, "Okay, my back's hurting." He still frowns. "...And I keep getting this sharp pain when I move too quickly."
"Have you been to the doctor? Fuck it, Sarah. You should have told me. Why didn't you?"
"Because...because I didn't think you'd care, and... it's nothing anyway." She struggles to put on her jacket.
"Stop with the Abnegation bullshit." Even though his words are harsh, he helps her. "Is it bad? How long has this been going on?"
"It's just sharp, right in my groin, the doctor says it's nerves." Her cheeks begin to redden. "You don't really need to know."
"I want to know everything. What else are you not telling me?"
"Why are so suspicious all the time? That's it," she shrugs. "This is why I don't say anything, you make me feel like a criminal. Jesus."
"Sarah," he calls as she tries to walk away. "Forgetting something?" he asks, holding up her gray bag smugly. "What would you do without me?"
Eric guides her out by the small of her back and murmurs, "From now on, you tell me everything."
The vials sat inside the bathroom cabinet with the essence of a watery, slightly tinged, blue hue to them. She only emptied half to still be able to keep the unusual color, and arranged them exactly how she found them on the shelf after she was finished.
Her plan had ultimately worked. It was easier to work on Eric and get him to give in to some of the demands she made, subtly or unsubtly, it didn't really matter. But also with whatever of the serum he was getting, it was enough to sate him. It made her feel slightly more in control.
What she was doing was a good thing. A good thing, she tells herself.
She empties the last one halfway when the front door suddenly slams. Her body feels like it's vibrating, her heart suddenly lurching in her chest. She scrabbles trying to find the cap when the thin bottle drops from her panicked fingers and into the basin. "Oh no," she gasps, absolutely horrified.
"Sarah!" He calls from the kitchen, the sound of keys cluttering on the counter. Eric was not supposed to be home for a few more hours.
"I'm in the bathroom!" she calls and tiptoes over to the door, quietly turning the latch while saying, "What are you doing home?" Trying to keep her voice even and feeling all the color draining from her face till the skin began to prickle at the thought of being caught.
"Had some time on my hands…" His voice begins to get louder till he's outside the door. "I might tell Clair to divert my calls and take the rest of the afternoon off."
"Oh…" She peers around the room wildly, trying to find somewhere to hide the vial.
"What're you doing in there?" The door handle suddenly jerks down. "Why is the door locked?"
"I'm on the toilet, Eric," she lies, feigning exasperation. She settles for hiding it behind the toilet on the floor and mentally telling herself to get rid of it later.
"You never lock the door. Sarah, open the door," he talks degradingly as if sweet-talking to a child.
The Abnegation thinks quickly, rubbing her eyes harshly and willing herself to seem teary eyed. She flicks the lock and the door swings open in an instant. His stare is intense for only a moment, then softens.
"You're crying?" Eric sighs.
"I was having a nap and I had a bad dream." Eric motions her forwards and she wraps her arms around his waist, pushing her head into his jacket. They stand like this for a while. But she doesn't know what she's more happy about, Eric initiating a cuddle or the fact she successfully lied to him.
She smiles when she hears him say, "I'm rubbing off on you."
"This is the report from Amity." Sarah flips a red folder over to Clair from the pile pushed against her chest. "This…" She files through until she finds the right one. "Is minor issues and patrol reports...for Glen. This blue one…"
"How long you got left?" Clair tries a light form of conversation.
"A couple weeks. Really any day now." Their awkward friendship was still belligerent in some aspects. Sarah made an innocent effort to steer clear, Clair's poisonous words from before still bothered her.
The blue folder slips from her hand, opening and scattering papers. "Oh, damn it," she exclaims and kneels down to gather them.
"I'll do it." Clair stands up quickly, rounding the desk to pull Sarah up but the young Abnegation is staring at a paper in her hand. "Sarah, please…"
"What is this? You know about this?" Clair keeps herself composed under her accusations. Spitefully, Sarah grabs the other folders. The Amity report is a statement of available land to build upon and other plans she didn't understand. "They're moving Abnegation? You knew this didn't you..."
"It's nothing to do with me. I didn't want to mention it as I didn't want to upset you any further. I thought Eric would've told you."
"Whose orders are they? Who has been arranging this?"
Clair drops her eyes. "I think you know." Sarah grabs the papers messily in her hand, storming towards Eric's office. "Sarah!" Clair calls in an attempt to stop her.
The door to Eric's office is thrown open and Eric casually peers up to her flushed face as she strides over to his desk, slamming the crumpled papers down. "You are still lying to me!"
His gray eyes scan what's in front of him to figure out how much she actually knows before speaking, "I haven't lied to you. You just didn't need to know."
"Amity is two hours away, and if you have forgotten, my entire family is Abnegation."
"The country air will do them some good." Sarah gapes at his open insult in disbelief. "Look, sweetheart, it's logical the Abnegation site is removed from the center, the space is required for the expansion of the other factions."
Sarah points to a sentence on the papers, "You are putting Abnegation in the fields to work alongside Amity. For labor. You asshole!"
Eric kisses his teeth. "It's temporary. We are recuperating from the chaos we had last year. And Abnegation was a target because they reside in the center of the three biggest factions."
"Because we selflessly offer to help you! And we have resided there for years, Eric, years!"
"Well it's about time things change then, isn't it." Eric shrugs, watching Sarah pace from side to side, pushing back the hair from her face with a hand on her hip.
"I can't believe you are doing this. You! I was beginning to trust you, to think you could really be happy with the way things are. But it's not enough, it never is."
"I'm about growth and efficiency, Sarah. Logical movements to create success. For the future-"
Sarah points a finger at him. "Do not even begin to speak to me about the future! Ah!" She leans forward against the edge of the desk from a sudden tweak in her stomach and Eric stands hurriedly. "Don't you dare… don't come near me," she pants, holding up a hand to hold him back. He doesn't listen and reaches out for her. "Eric, stay away!" she almost screeches, holding her stomach, walking backward towards the door. "I was beginning to trust you! You're two faced. There are two sides to you Eric. I never know which one I'm going to get. How can I ever trust you?"
"Oh, fucking deal with it, Sarah! Stop judging me. I have a faction to run. I don't have time to run about after unimportant issues and a hormonal little stiff!" Her eyes almost glow staring at him. The realization of his words sink in, so he begins, "I didn't mean-"
"At least I know what you think of me. And I think you know exactly what I think of you."
She leaves to the sound of something smashing behind her in the office causing her to slightly flinch and the pain in her stomach sharp and radiating down into her thighs. Violently shaking and feeling sick as she walks up to Clair's desk, she grabs a sticky note and writes 'Yes'.
There she sat, sweetly hugging her knees in the bath, her back to the door and hair flowing across her bare back. Picturesque, he may have called it at any other moment bar this one.
It was all well and good. Eric was becoming used to her prickled anger spells of blatant ignorance. However, he had a bone to pick. And he was sure this one would taste good.
Creeping quietly up behind her with the taps running, he hears her humming faintly, sloshing the water with a hand every now and then. The lengths of her hair had absorbed some of the water, darkening the tips of her gold locks. For a split second, he almost could imagine her not pregnant anymore from this view.
When her hand reaches for the taps and stops the water, Eric pounces in the silence. She almost screams but his hand on her mouth prevents the agitating noise and her wide eyes slightly relax when he allows her to see his face.
"You've been a bad girl, Sarah, haven't you…"
Sarah tries to remain oblivious, and rather than looking away in guilt or shame, she keeps his eyes that seem to bore holes through her. Eric is angry. He looks very angry.
Keeping his palm pressed against her mouth, he continues, "You didn't think I'd eventually find out?" She blinks slowly, still not daring to look away. "Maybe I'm not the only one lying…" Eric looks to her chest quickening.
Sarah has no idea what subject he is referring to, and rather than saying the wrong thing, she decides to not say anything at all.
"Do you want me to wash your hair?" he suddenly asks and she frowns. "Well?" he asks again, his eyebrows slightly rising in impatience. She nods slowly. "Good, let's get you lying back…"
Fear bristles on her skin. She holds the edge of the bath and readjusts so she can dip her head into the water. Eric begins pushing his fingers through her hair, dampening the fine baby hairs of her forehead with seemingly no bother as to how much time he was taking.
"You know…" He doesn't look at her, appearing to be more focused on playing with her hair in the water. "After our spat, I came back here to find you. Though, you weren't here. Where were you?"
Sarah doesn't like the calm, placid tone to his voice and clears her throat before answering, "I went to get some air." The shake in her voice is too obvious for someone like Eric not to catch and she mentally kicks herself for it.
"Oh...you went to get some air…" His tongue slips over his teeth between his closed lips in thought. "Do you feel better?" His voice is warped by the water in her ears as he pushes her head back further and she throws a leg out, splashing over the sides of the bath in panic.
"Hey...I thought you were beginning to trust me?"
She looks towards the taps and around the room before shakily replying, "I do trust you."
"Liar," Eric smirks. "Not more than a few hours ago you told me you didn't. It's funny what people will say when backed into a corner."
"I want to get out the bath now." Sarah tries to sit up but his hands ball into her hair, keeping her in place. "Eric...Let me go."
It's something very subtle she sees in his eyes that probably no one else would ever notice. Confliction. His want to do something and the self-restraint of holding himself back.
"I know you've been fucking around with my stuff." His voice is suddenly gravelly, deep and low. "I found this…" He holds up an empty vial. "On the floor."
"Maybe you dropped it?" Sarah is relieved it's that and not anything to do with Clair.
He leans forward, his voice smooth as he strokes her face, "You take me for a fucking idiot." She feels the water line raise towards her cheeks, threatening to just trickle towards her nose and the corner of her eyes. "...Because I went to add some more to my little stash I've got, and what do I find? My old vials are paler… Only slightly. Just enough so I wouldn't notice."
"I thought I was helping you."
"Helping me?" he questions, his thumb running across her bottom lip.
She catches his wrist, "You are the father of my child. I would do anything for you." And she does the only thing she can think of for her own self-preservation, she kisses the tip of his thumb, trying to sate him. "Anything… And I swear..." she whispers as a tear slips from her eye which she doesn't even have to force, "...I thought what I was doing was for the best, I swear!" She whimpers, "Please, just don't hurt me."
"Sweetheart, I would never hurt you." His other hand massaging the back of her head grips the nape of her neck, turning her to face him. His eyes swim between hers. "But don't let me ever catch you again, got it?"
A strangled noise breaks from her throat and she cries, loudly, the water shuddering and slopping around her till she's pulled up into Eric's arms and lifted gently from the bath. Eric finding the vials was not the only thing she was upset over, it was her final decision. She's made her mind up.
"Eric…" she tries to say through sobs.
"You're fine. I've got you," he tries to reassure her but she had never felt less sure about him.
Eric pushes the hair away from the side of her face while she sleeps. In the surroundings of their apartment, Candor seemed a million miles away, and he wanted nothing more than to curl up back beside her. He hesitates for a moment when he realizes her forehead is clammy and he peels back the covers.
"Sarah?" She only hums in response, nustling closer to the pillow and seemingly going back to sleep. He places his hand on her stomach, feeling the baby move ever so slightly, making him more reluctant about leaving. "I love you," he whispers barely, "And for what it's worth, I'm sorry, for everything. It's just who I am... " He purses his lips in thought, twirling a curl of her hair with his finger absentmindedly. The words seemed foreign and strange, even still. "I'll be back soon…" Looking back down to her stomach, he knows that it could be any day now and a smile plays on one side of his face. "Stay in there while I'm away, boy."
This platonic moment wasn't out of his persona. He'd done this every night for months, Sarah just never knew…
Sarah received a call from Clair after Eric had left to meet her at the leader's suite. She did so, at the time she had asked her to be there.
"Are you ready?" Clair asks and Sarah is still confused over who this particular person was that was going to be powerful and clever enough to help her. The person had to have balls of steel to plot behind Eric's back, but influential enough that their following was rather strong with the likes of Clair and obviously others that had kept themselves hidden away.
"I'm ready," she all but squeaks as her mouth runs dry. Sarah looks back to the elevator then to Clair who smiles tightly and holding her arm out for her to follow.
Clair stops outside Eric's office and Sarah panics, "How could you!"
"What?" Clair shrugs.
"You were playing me! Is this some sick trick?"
"Sarah!" Clair waves her down when she realizes. "Eric is not here. He's at Candor and won't be back for a while. If he does decide to come back early, I will be the first notified." Sarah breathes out a large exhale while holding her stomach. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine. Let's just...get this over with."
"I'll be waiting right outside this door. But just so you know…" Clair begins whispering, "In the interest of your safety, keep everything to yourself, even if you decide you don't want to go through with it... Otherwise, she will make sure you do."
"She?" Sarah questions, opening the door to see exactly who was causing a stir in her life.
There, sat behind Eric's desk, in Eric's chair with her fingers intertwined and one eyebrow raised intellectually, sat a woman she'd only ever seen on video recordings with the voice that could deter blizzards.
"Jeanine…"
0.0
Hope you enjoyed this chap! I'm sad to say there is only ONE more Chap left :(((((
Huge thanks to everyone who listened to me rambling and helped me sort my life out, literally couldn't be done without you!
Let me know what you think, or if you don't want to publically say, PM me on here or Tumblr! I had a AWESOME new pic made for BBC if you wanna check that out somewhere on my blog too :) *squeals* people are awesome!