Disclaimer: Doctor is still not mine. *sigh*
Author's note: A reviewer has kindly pointed out to me that the Doctor did not in fact wear a tie in 'Fear Her'. I was stupid and didn't check. Apologies for the inconsistency, but for the purposes of this story, I will have to hide behind artistic license and pretend he had a tie on all along.
Features Rose with the 10th Doctor.
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Solace
"You choose where we go next," the Doctor whispered to the TARDIS and leaned against one of the pillars. He could not summon enough emotions to care where the ship would take him or what he would do once he got there. He simply sighed as the engine began its grinding cycle and the ship shuddered.
Ever since he lost Rose to the alternate universe, he had been utterly lost and simply drifting through places and times. Just thinking about her, remembering that he would never see her again, was enough to break his hearts all over again. The Doctor brushed both hands through his hair, blinking back the tears. What hurt him even more was that he had ensured he had one last chance to tell her how much he loved her and he had run out of time. Who cared that she had been declared officially dead when he could be explaining to her that he had never loved anyone as much as he loved her.
The Doctor's gloomy thoughts came to a halt when the TARDIS landed accompanied by the usual lurch. He sighed again and slowly made his way to the doors, opening one of them without any enthusiasm to see where he had ended up.
The TARDIS had materialised in a small alley way between two rows of neat, semi-detached houses. The Doctor pinpointed them as early 21st century Earth and judging by the architecture and the climate, he was somewhere in Southern England. He was about to wander out when he suddenly saw himself and Rose walk past the entrance to the alley. Just seeing her for a brief moment made his breath catch.
"Why did you bring me here?" He spun around and shouted at his ship. "Am I not hurting enough? Do you feel that I need to be tortured some more?" He suddenly ran out of anger and slid slowly to his knees. Burying his face in his hands his whispered:
"Please take us away. Please don't make me see how happy she makes me. Please don't make me watch how I take it all for granted, without ever telling her – " the Doctor stopped in midsentence and the ship's hum changed now that he understood. He brushed a grateful hand against one of the pillars and rushed out.
He got to the end of the alley way as he and Rose split up further up the road. It was the eve of the London Olympics and they were investigating the missing children. He knew that Rose would be out of his sight for about five minutes before she was attached by the pencil scribble, and there lay his opportunity. Knowing he would not look back, he sprinted after Rose, suddenly very grateful that he wore more or less the same suit than he had that day. The tie may have been a different one, but surely Rose would not notice that.
He ran all the way to her and Rose turned when she heard his footsteps. She looked to the direction he had disappeared shortly before and then frowned.
"Doctor, is everything alright?" She asked, wondering why he had felt the need to change his tie all of a sudden.
"Rose", he started, suddenly out of breath not just from the running. She was so beautiful and for once he followed his instincts and moved forward to cup her face. She looked startled, but then stepped forward as he spoke. "Rose, I should have said this to you long ago and even if I never get the chance to say it again, I need to know that you know for certain. Rose Tyler, I love you. I have loved you since the day I met you and I will love you until the end of my days." His hearts soared as his words caused her to smile her brightest smile and brush away tears.
"I love you too, Doctor, I always have." She whispered and he pulled her gently to a kiss. If this moment was the last one he would ever share with her, he was certainly going to make it go right. He sighed into the kiss and let the tears flow free when she wrapped her arms around him to keep him close. He kissed her for what seemed like forever, until they both had to pull back for breath. He hastily wiped away his tears – but not before she had noticed them – and stroked her cheek gently.
"Back to saving children eh?" he said, trying to maintain his cool. "Give me a shout if you find anything." He gave her a quick kiss and, before she had time to say anything, ran back the way he had come.
The Doctor ran all the way back to the TARDIS and closed the door firmly behind him. As soon as he was in, the ship was off, knowing he would not wish to linger there any longer. The Doctor slumped against the seats, his hearts aching. He would still grieve losing her for the rest of his days, but his sorrow had changed subtly. He had told her how he felt and somehow that made the loss easier to bear. For years to come, he would find solace from the memory of how she had smiled when she finally heard how much she meant to him.
"Thank you", he murmured to the TARDIS. She had given him exactly what he had needed and he was so very grateful for that.
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Back on Earth, Rose stared after the Doctor. Her mind was swirling and her lips burning from their passionate kiss, and consequently she was hardly concentrating when she opened the garage door and released a pencil scribble hurtling towards her. When the Doctor saved her, she could only stare at him. He looked perfectly composed, like nothing had happened between them, and he had changed his tie back once more. Rose felt cold fear slowly grip her. She had seen the Doctor's tears, seen the immeasurable grief in his eyes and heard the words spoken in desperation. She thought once more what the Face of Boe had said.
"The darkness is coming," she whispered, too low for the Doctor to hear her, "and I will be lost."
