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Harry Potter and the Wish of Life
Chapter 21
Discoveries
Nausea pounded into Harry's heart as he wretched onto the grass over and over again. The face was a far cry from the handsome man in his memories from this world, but Harry made the connection immediately: to the gaunt, destroyed Sirius he had first met in his own.
"It's Sirius." He choked out, scrambled to his feet and grabbing the battered man. "SIRIUS! SIRIUS!" In his panic, he began to shake the older man with wild abandon, trying to get him to make a sound. Everything was spinning and Harry could barely hold onto his grip of reality.
"Harry! Stop it! Shit!" Draco shouted, trying to grab at Harry's arms. "Stop it! That's not helping. Hell, we must be in deatheater territory." Draco was looking around wildly, suddenly aware of the danger they were in. "We need to get back now. Get it together, we have to get out of here."
"I'm not leaving him!" Harry bit out wildly, staring at horror at the wounded, bruised face of his surrogate father.
"I didn't ask you too! God! Do you know a levitating spell?" Draco was already leaning down and trying to lift one of Sirius' limp arms to place about his neck.
Harry followed suit, numbly shaking his head. "I can't think right now, let's just carry him and go."
A loud crow's caw had them both jumping. Every nerve in Harry's body was sensitized as the rest of his life ceased to exist and all that matter was saving Sirius. He had to save Sirius.
Together they carried Sirius through the fields they had run within earlier. It was difficult. He was heavy and deadweight, unconscious and limbs dragging. The sun was hot and the effort was tiring them quickly.
"We have to get out of here quick, we can't take a break." Draco kept mumbling orders as they inched through the areas that originally had taken them so little time to forge through.
Their movement was so slow but blood was roaring in Harry's ears, every moment stretching forever, every noise signaling danger.
Suddenly, they heard a familiar voice.
"HARRY! DRACO!"
Harry never thought he would be so relieved to see Snape. The older man was running toward them from the direction of the map's entrance. He looked furious and confused.
"It's Sirius!" Harry shouted out wildly, "It's Sirius!"
They stumbled toward Snape who met them in a mix of shock and horror. Recoiling back, he peered at the man they carried. "Are you sure?!"
"Yes!" Harry screamed. "He's dying! HELP HIM!"
Snape reached out and tilted up Sirius' face. As he recognized the man, his skin turned even paler than usual and in an instant he had his wand out and had levitated the other man. "Run. Run, now." He ordered the boys.
They took off into a dead run toward the map's entrance spot and in moments they were stumbling into the shed at Spinner's End.
Ethan was waiting, worried. He rushed at Harry. "You took so long, I had to tell Uncle Sev-" He stopped short as Snape appeared with Sirius. "…Is that?"
Snape simply swept past the boys without a glance, rushing toward the house. In one accord the boys followed him to the Floo network and in a whirl of green flames they headed to the hospital.
The hospital spun into madness on their arrival. Snape had shouted at the staff in something akin to hysteria while once Sirius was wheeled into a surgery, Ethan turned pale and fainted and had had to be placed on a gurney while a mediwitch fetched him pumpkin juice.
"What's going on here?" Remus appeared in the waiting room. "Draco, why aren't you with Uncle Severus?" Then, noticing the pale Potter boys, did a double take. "Harry? Ethan? Oh Merlin, has something happened to James?"
The boys had simply sat in the waiting room in sheer terror for the last forty minutes while Snape had left to Hogwarts to hail Dumbledore. Though their father's room was only a few corridors away, the boys had been so dumbstruck they hadn't dared move.
"Papa Padfoot." Ethan began, "It's Papa Padfoot." The youngest Potter's eyes were wide and confused as he stared at his uncle.
"Sirius?" Remus questioned, looking back and forth between the two brothers, not yet understanding what had happened.
"We found Sirius." Harry confirmed tonelessly.
He understood now. Remus sunk into the chair beside them and they added another to their vigil.
It was four hours later, after their group had increased to include Tonks, Snape and Dumbledore, that the doors to the surgery opened and a serious looking Healer came out.
He glanced around the crowd before Remus stood and followed him to a side room. Harry's hands began to shake uncontrollably and Tonks hugged both boys to her, whispering positive statements that went in one ear and out the other as they stared after Remus' form.
Tension was still high as Lily and Arulbella Black came running into the hospital.
"What's happened?!" Lily asked, wildly. Arulbella, Sirius' widow had taken up permanent residence in the Potter's house since James's attack and both witches had taken a quick trip up North the day before to collect some of Arulbella's things. "We got here as soon as we could, what's happened?!"
Harry met the grief stricken face of his aunt and felt his first real connection with her. In the tragedy, memories of her pricked at his mind, reminding him of love and a time when his whole family was complete. Coming to terms with Sirius' death had been one thing; but having to lose him again was something that felt like it would crush him completely.
Remus walked out of the room to hear Lily's question. He took five long strides to close the distance between them and his arms wrapped around both the women. "He's alive. That's what's happened. He's alive."
His forehead pressed against Arulbella's as she cried out in agonized relief, sinking toward the floor as Lily and Remus anchored her.
Harry felt wetness on his cheeks, suddenly aware that he too had started to cry.
Arulbella reached out an arm toward the brothers and both Harry and Ethan jumped into the embrace.
The five of them cried together. Two members of their family lay in hospital beds, fighting for their lives, but for the first time in a long time, there was a little bit of hope.
The next few days were spent living out of St. Mungo's. The story of what had happened had been told over and over and despite it all, the boys hadn't gotten into trouble. Harry supposed finding your dead godfather sort of gave no premise to being scolded over doing dangerous things. Snape and Dumbledore seemed in deep discussion the day off and had retreated to Hogwarts. McGonagall came for a visit, and Harry had been unnerved to see her weep so openly. Remus rarely left the hospital and as a result, Draco also lived out of the hospital with the boys.
Sirius's condition was critical. Unlike James, who despite no improvement stayed relatively steady, Sirius crashed numerous times. It had been so much horror in such a short period of time that Harry felt permanently numb. He was a ghost who wandered the halls of St. Mungo's, guilt; his only anchor to this world.
The next day, Harry sat in James's room at night while Lily and Ethan had taken a quick break to go home and sleep. Remus had been keeping him company but had gone in search of some food for the both of them. It was close to midnight when Snape walked in to the room.
"Harry." Snape greeted softly, "You're still here? It's very late."
Harry nodded, rubbing at his head, "I know, but I didn't want to leave ... in case any news of Sirius." Hopefully he looked at the older man, "Did you get to see him? They won't allow me in - maybe you could-"
A ghost of smile fell across Snape's face, "Harry, Sirius is in critical care right now, they won't allow minors." Before Harry could ask, "No matter WHO asks. I did get to see him, yes. I won't sugarcoat it, Harry, it's not looking very good."
Harry felt tears burn at his eyes and he looked down at James.
"I think that Pettigrew likely was the one keeping him hostage so that when he got captured they most likely left him to die." Snape said softly, "It only makes sense."
Surprised, Harry glanced up at the Potions Master. Sometimes it was so hard to get direct answers from his Mother or Remus that the factual information gave him pause. "But that was at Christmas! So it's my fault then … my fault that he's the way he is-"
"Harry!" Snape's voice was sharp, "Don't be stupid, boy. If you hadn't captured Pettigrew then he would still be torturing Sirius, is that any better?" Then, obviously feeling bad at snapping at him, Snape approached and placed a comforting hand on his shoulder, "You saved him, I'm certain he would be so very happy for that."
"How do you think he managed all this time?" Despite himself, Harry appreciated the kindness from the man who hated him so very much in his other world. "Survived, that is?"
"The healers will say he has been under Deatheater capture till recently, but I think he survived as Padfoot, eating vermin and the like. Pulling himself out like that – broken legs and all – he's much stronger in his animagus form - he probably just got so exhausted he couldn't keep up the magic anymore."
He couldn't help himself, "You've seen him as Padfoot?"
Snape gave him a surprised look and Harry immediately shut his mouth, realising that after such a long friendship it must have been knowledge Sirius had shared with Snape. Yet, in all the memories he had learned of this world, Sirius using his animagus form was not common. He couldn't imagine how Snape would have been able to speculate on Padfoot's strength.
"…Yes." Snape said awkwardly, "Once or twice, I suppose. Anyhow, I was thinking to stay a little while if you don't mind the company."
Thankful for Snape treating him as an adult, Harry nodded, "Thank you for telling me your thoughts, sometimes it's like pulling teeth with Uncle Remus and Mum."
A rare grin on his face as he pulled up a chair, Snape gave him a glance, "Well, there are so many secrets in this world why keep any extra?" Then, "You know, with Lily and Remus they only want to protect you. You have a nose for trouble, Harry, we all just want to keep you safe."
Indignant, Harry pursed his lips, "But don't you think I should get all the information available? It's not fair to keep things from me-"
"You're our child, of course it's fair. Your shoulders don't need the burdens we all have." Snape said firmly, "Our generation never got that privilege, you should be happy."
Flushing at the phrase 'our child', Harry fell silent. What Snape and the others didn't realise was that his shoulders had all the burdens, both in this world and the other. It seemed as if all his choices led to big outcomes and Harry hated having such an influence on the world. His hurting Pettigrew almost caused Sirius' death. His argument with his Father led to James being alone in their house and now in a coma. His wish caused so much suffering and neverending fear in his own heart.
On the third day, his friends came to visit.
"Harry." Hearing Ron's voice sent a rush of relief pounding through Harry's veins. "Hey, Harry."
"How are you doing?" Hermione asked, her face scrunched in worry.
"We brought food." Parvati held out a basket of little quiches and sandwiches.
"Oi, hello-" Draco had just turned the corner, freezing in his steps as he saw the Indian girl. Parvati meanwhile looked stunned, flinching slightly, her expression frozen in longing and misery all at once. "Uh, that is, I'm just stepping out so I'll see you lot in a bit." He left quickly.
The others all shared a look.
Taking a sandwich and thankful for some degree of normalcy, Harry bit into the cheese and cucumber treat. "He misses you." He mentioned offhandedly to Parvati.
"I miss him too." She said quietly, looking put on the spot.
Hermione's face was stern. "Well, actions are everything. How he feels is nothing." She said sharply, firmly stopping the conversation.
Curiously, Harry caught Parvati's eye, but the girl simply stared steadfast at the ground.
"How are you, mate?" Ron sat beside him, slinging a kindly arm about his shoulder.
"I don't know." Harry admitted, "I'm relieved, but I'm scared. I…can't lose him again."
"You won't." Hermione said equally as firmly, "We just all have to think positively."
"It's just…. I can't stop thinking about what he's been through … I mean alone all this time? The Healers said he's been under many curses and hexes, on the brink of starvation. They think he was also victim to a killing curse that didn't work and I just know it's that bloody sickening Pettigrew that rat bast–" Harry felt his ire begin to spark, anger began to heat his cheeks. Parvati placed a gentle hand on his shoulder while Hermione clucked understandingly.
"He's been through a lot." Ron finished his original thought for him.
"All that torture." Harry managed to choke, "And after everything he had been through before…."
Hermione looked confused. "Before?"
Harry flattened his lips against eachother, realising he had been talking about his own Sirius' time in Azkaban. "Just…just everything." He mumbled, knowing that in his state of mind he would be allowed to not make sense.
"We know." Parvati soothed.
"The thing is, I've been thinking about it so much: What was that map?" Hermione piped up, sharing a look with Ron.
"I still don't know. Dumbledore and Snape seemed to get very serious about it and went off to deal with it. It's something to do with the Deatheaters I'm assuming."
There was a long silence.
In the silence a creeping thought occurred to him, one that hadn't in all the confusion and mess of the last few days. Ron was the first to voice it. "So, why did Snape have it, then?"
Harry didn't have an answer.
"Well," Hermione supplemented, "Maybe the deatheaters sent it to him to trap him or something?" Even despite her best effort the explanation seemed weak.
"But it would be totally random which place he may have touched though, right?" Parvati refuted, "It's not like they were all waiting for him in all the places. And there was a way to get back, right, Harry?"
"Yeah, there was."
"What were the other places?" Hermione asked, "Draco had mentioned a Scottish Bog."
Harry felt grateful that Draco had filled in his friends with enough background that he hadn't had to start from page one with them. "Yeah, I can't even remember now. There was an Irish festival we stumbled on once. And a graveyard-" Suddenly, as he tried to picture the places in his mind, a chill went up his neck. "It was really stormy the day of the graveyard, I couldn't see it properly but …." He paused, "Now that I think on it … It could have been…"
Tom Riddle
The gravestone was etched in his mind.
"It could have been the graveyard…"
His friends fell silent, aware of the gravity of the place.
"It must be a deatheater thing." Ron confirmed.
Parvati looked at the others, "Well, that doesn't mean anything. Maybe they were trying to sway Snape or something."
"Right!" Ron blustered, "That makes sense. He did used to be involved, right? They probably still try and get him back or something."
"Right." Harry agreed weakly, too tired to deal with the other possibilities. He remembered Snape's pale face at seeing Sirius. He remembered the feel of Snape's hand on his shoulder as the Potions Master had joined their family in a tight embrace on hearing the news of Sirius' life. He had seen the tears that glimmered in cold, dark eyes. No one could be such a good actor, right? "Right."
Aimlessly watching the wiz-vision in James' room, Harry chewed on one of the chocolate frogs his friends had brought him.
"Darling, you're still here?" Lily asked softly as she walked inside. "I thought you went home with Ethan to eat."
Harry shrugged, glancing at his father's pale form. James had lost a lot of weight in the past few months. He looked positively gaunt and a far cry from the handsome robust father Harry had known. More than ever, Sirius and James looked like brothers in their diminished states.
"You need to get some rest. You only have another day before Hogwarts-" Lily admonished as she walked around James' bed to the armchair on his right side.
"What?" Harry's emerald eyes grew wide. "I'm not going back to Hogwarts."
"Uh, yes. You are." Lily looked taken back at his attitude. "You're not missing anymore school. You have OWLs-"
Harry's hands curled into fists at the idea of being separated from his family for something as useless as school. "So?! There is no way I'm going back when Dad AND Sirius are here like this! Are you kidding me, Mum?!"
Lily's temper lit. "No, I'm NOT kidding, Harry, and I'm not arguing with you about this. You are a kid and you need to be in school. I'm not having you and your brother waste away your lives in this hospital-"
"Is that what you think you're doing? Wasting your life at Dad's side?!" Harry said bitingly. "I'm sure he'd love to know that!"
"How dare you!" Lily stood, furious. "Harry, I've given you a lot of leeway because of what has happened to your Dad but-"
He knew exactly where to cut her, "Leeway? Is that what you call being completely absent-"
"Harry!"
Harry jumped at Remus' tone, flinching lightly. The werewolf stood in the doorway, eyes glinting gold in anger. He looked from mother to son and back again before striding up to Harry, towering over him.
"You are angry, Harry and you have a terrible habit of lashing out because of it. I know you didn't mean what you were about to say to your mother, because if you did, your father would wake up from that coma just to cuff you about the head. As it is, I should, but you get one pass. ONE. Don't EVER let me hear you talking like that again, am I clear?"
Thoroughly told off and feeling very small indeed, Harry felt his cheeks burn. "Yes, Sir."
"Right. Now, Sirius is out of the intensive surgery unit so that means you can see him." He turned toward Harry's fuming mother, "It doesn't mean much though, they've done all they could. Today was their last try- now it's a matter of waiting."
Suddenly, the thought of seeing Sirius again had Harry feeling rooted to the ground. He wasn't sure he was ready to see him, wasn't sure he could handle seeing him again before potentially losing him forever.
"Waiting. As usual." Lily remarked bitterly as Remus took the place next to her beside James. "In that case, go and stay with Sirius, Harry. I don't want to see you right now."
His mother's dismissal shocked Harry to the core. His doting, loving mother wanted him out of her sight. "But-" An apology was on the tip of his tongue, but it was so very difficult to get it out. Harry felt wronged in so many ways that it was a struggle to try and pull out of it. He felt like a victim of circumstance. Yet, the more rational part of him knew that it wasn't just him suffering these devastating losses, they all were … he was just the one acting like a child about it.
"Harry, go. Blow off some steam with Sirius. You can say all sorts of terrible things to him if you'd like and he won't be conscious to suffer through it." Remus ordered sarcastically.
Ears burning, Harry turned on his heel and walked out the door. He was unused to the adults treating him so harshly. What happened to the coddling and affection they all poured on him? It sucked.
A passing mediwitch smiled at him. Harry just scowled back. He didn't know why he was like this recently; always so angry and upset. It was hard to find happiness when everything seemed so bleak.
Turning into Sirius' room, Harry peeked in tentatively. He hadn't seen Sirius since they day they had brought him in and he was relieved to see that he didn't look nearly as horrific as he had that day.
Cleaned up, no trace of blood or dirt on him, Sirius looked more like the memory Sirius Harry had seen in Dumbledore's pensieve. He was thin and gaunt but strong somehow. His dark black hair had been cut and lay tousled over his forehead. Bruises marred his face, matching in color to the bags under his eyes. Little balls of light spun around him making tiny noises, monitoring every heartbeat and keeping him breathing.
"Hi, Sirius." Harry warbled before taking a seat. "So… you're the second Dad I have who is unconscious now."
He got no answer.
"Yeah, Dad said the same thing." Harry joked, pulling a comedic face to prevent the tears that were stinging his eyes from falling. "I'm such a git now, you know. You'd probably be so disappointed in me. I just … I just am scared to lose you again."
Sirius' chest moved with some degree of difficulty as the magic life support pushed him to breathe.
"I don't know why you were in that field, but….it scares me sometimes to think that if we hadn't been pissing around that day, that you would have …. You know, I thought maybe it was fate we found you, but I'm really bloody scared that if I think so positively that you'll be taken away again. Sometimes it's easier to just be depressed." He touched Sirius' hand, "You're not like that though. Where I come from you were in Azkaban having all happy thoughts ripped from your body for years, but you still managed to be positive and find a way out. I'm not brave like you. … And….I suck at having a family. I really suck at it, I think. I'm such a self entitled prick about it."
Harry glanced around the empty room. He could tell Sirius! He could tell Sirius what had happened to him. Sirius was a common factor in both worlds, the man he had wanted to tell so many months ago on his birthday … it made so much sense to Harry.
"I'll tell you some stuff. Maybe it can make you wake up and help me. You always did like to help me…"
And so, Harry told Sirius the whole story. He told him of his childhood on Privet Drive, of always feeling on the outside, of entering Hogwarts a star and of finding his way into this world.
"Sometimes it feels like it was almost easier there, no one to worry about. It's hard to love, it can hurt so much and I'm so scared. I do it all wrong, I shout at Mum and Dad for no reason and make everything worse. Voldemort is so strong here and I know he's coming for me and it all is so much more real here. You, Ron and Hermione were the only ones I had to worry about there. But you were okay, not dying in a hospital bed – you were starting your new life. I wish you'd wake up and start it here as well."
"Or what? You'd wish you were back there, then?" A voice filled with hurt and loathing came from behind.
Harry turned to see his brother staring at him like a stranger. Ethan's face was red from anger and his hands had curled into fists. How much had he heard?
"Ethan-" He uttered in shock before his brother turned on his heel and ran outside.
…He'd heard everything.
To be Continued….
Ethan now knows, what will this mean for Harry? Where do you think Snape's allegiances lie? Do you think Harry was acting within reason or was he a real brat?
The Draco chapter wasn't as well received as I had hoped, which makes me a little nervous for the next chapter which will be an Interlude chapter focused on Ethan and Harry's relationship growing up. I do hope there is some anticipation for it.
Please do me the courtesy of leaving a review if you like this story. Even if it's just to say hi! I really am inspired by your comments and feedback and I'd love to hear from more of you. I will always reply to signed in reviews. Since we may hit 1300 reviews I will choose a reviewer of this chapter at random and their name will appear in an upcoming chapter as a pet, person or whatever. Just a way to thank you guys :D
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