Chapter Twenty-One: Undisclosed Desires

"I know you suffered, but I don't want you to hide. It's cold, and loveless, I won't let you be denied… I want to reconcile the violence in your heart…I want to recognize your beauty is not just a mask…I want to exercise the demons from your past…"

-Muse, Undisclosed Desires

No matter how well-behaved or purebred a dog, it still has accidents from time to time. After all, even washed and groomed it is still a mongrel. Mine was frustratingly loyal, I saw the fear flicker in her gaze when she noticed I was bleeding. A rare occurrence but not unheard of in the grail war, still…it was too much for her. Lacking teeth, she did what she had to, and I knew it was trying to keep me safe when she ordered me away even if I despised running. It wasn't long before we arrived, the safest place I knew? Obviously, the place that was mine…brining her to Babylon was taxing but it was an order with a seal, so I had to comply.

Her sense of wonder and my understanding that her action was misplaced concern assuaged the worst of my irritability. It was further soothed by being able to see my city again, my throne wouldn't be far away and I'd walk there soon enough. By the time she stumbled after me to look over my city I had already dismissed much of my anger. I let her know it was a one-time trip. I would have added that she should feel honored but the way she stared was reverent enough that I didn't need to. I glanced to her as opposed to my home below, wanting to see her reaction to what was mine.

Natsumi –

I glanced at the walls but I didn't really understand the pictographic writing along substantial portions of them. I was still trying to wrap my head around the fact that I basically had time travelled, or at least as close as I thought it possible. This place in my time. It was utterly devoid of the life it had now, of the structure and beauty. It's still a dessert but everything has changed. I spoke before really thinking through the question. "Did you visit Babylon when you had your physical form? You were just gone for many years, was that a part of your travels?"

"Yes, we went to my old home on your world. Kirei insisted on it." He answered, his voice a bit less cheerful than a moment before. "I expect he hoped I'd grow more content in his cause seeing that your world had left my history in ruins."

"Oh." I realized I'd stumbled onto a sore subject. I didn't want to apologize, he'd just corrected me for that but I wanted to express my displeasure with how things had ended up somehow. "Well, I…prefer it like this. I don't think I'd want to see it in my world."

"No? I suppose not. It is more wretched than even many of your hovels now." He agreed, pulling back a curtain and leading the way into a large room I recognized from my dream. It was still pretty and it held the same view of Babylon below as the balcony. It was hard to believe this rich and impressive empire had been reduced to dust. I suppose I could relate to not knowing what to do with the world if everything I'd ever possessed had been destroyed. Able to call on his possessions wasn't really the same as losing his entire world.

The throne room echoed that thought, there was a throne and the pillows but it was barren of life. No guards, concubines, petitioners, or even the lion that had been at his side in my vision. Though he'd told me he had servants I didn't see any here. At least below you could see people moving, small enough from this distance that they may as well be ants beneath us. I bit my lip, it wasn't really normal for me to feel pity for the King of Heroes, but a pang of regret touched me for ordering him away.

"Whatever imaged history inspires your commissary it is best dismissed, I find your melancholy expression unsightly." Gilgamesh stated at my sad expression. Still, I couldn't really help it.

"What happened to you? Where were you before I summoned you to be my Servant in this grail war?" I asked, now seemed as good a time as any as we weren't fighting for our lives and he wasn't trying to seduce me. I ignored his slight about my appearance outright.

"You dwell on disagreeable drivel." He waved a hand over a shoulder as though to wave away a fly, though no insects were buzzing about us to bother him. His eyes remained on the city below instead of glancing at me however. I wondered just where his mind must be…in my vision of him he was always considering several things at once. Like a computer that simply had the capacity to run several different programs at the same time. It had been hard to follow even in a dream, so I supposed he must be considering several things at once as he looked down at his Bablyon. I followed his gaze, pressuring him wouldn't help me learn anything, if he wished to answer he'd do so on his own.

"Nowhere. I was nowhere." He said after several moments of silence. I'd already assumed he wouldn't bring it up again by the time he'd spoken. I glanced at him but he hadn't looked at me when he said it, his crimson gaze was reflecting the lights and colors of the glittering city beneath us. "It was quiet and I imagine best described as black as it lacked any feeling, vision, or other sensation of any kind. I expect it was what mortals consider death to be like."

I wasn't sure what to say to that…I'd basically brought him back from the dead. That's why he'd pulled himself out of the earth instead of just appearing in the circle. I'd expected it for certain but this was clear proof of that hypothesis. He was pulling himself up from the ground…perhaps he'd reformed about the very bones I'd placed there and I hadn't been able to make them out. Was he all the god he claimed to be if he could reject death itself not just after his time in Babylon before he became a spirit but even now when he'd been killed Shirou?

"I'm glad I called you." I stated. As many times as I'd regretted it since I'd summoned Gilgamesh, I suddenly didn't. Certainly, he wasn't easy to deal with but he sounded as forlorn as I ever expected to hear him when he'd stated he was nowhere. It had been hell for him, it was nothing but for a man that wanted everything it was horrible. A man that had more pride than anyone in the world had been made into nothing, what more insult could there have been? There wasn't a worse hell when it came to him than to cease to be. I realized I knew him more than most ever would…for I certainly wouldn't record his secret.

Maybe that's why so much information was lacking on certain legendary spirits, the masters that called them got connected and couldn't bring themselves to put some details onto paper. I wasn't sure if I could ever bring myself to do something to disrespect Gilgamesh even despite the fact he would probably slay me for it. It just seemed wrong to let anyone know what had happened to him. Everyone already knew more of the truth than they realized since most had believed him dead. That was as close to the truth as they would know.

"Your petty compliments clash with your prior commands," Gilgamesh responded to my words, looking back to me and leaning on the rail careless to the height behind him, "Is that pity mongrel?"

I stepped closer to him and despite the fact he was watching me I still reached out to take one of his hands. "It's strange. We lived in separate times, you are a creature that was dead but you are here now. You rally against my compassion but you don't back down from my touch, I'd say you want to feel something more than you did before the grail... "

Or maybe I just hoped that he did…

"I never retreat unless forced." He replied simply, still watching me and not withdrawing his hand or entwining fingers with mine, letting me do as I would. "I've rarely had such an impertinent master or lover. There is a charm to your uncouth dedication but this conversation is tedious. Let's see the gardens first."

He swept me up and while I let out of squeak of protest it was ignored and faded into the swirl of gold that accompanied his unique form of movement. The world grew bright and dark before seeming to explode into a kaleidoscope as my eyes and mind both tried to focus and fight for consciousness. I realized after a moment that unlike when we'd appeared in Babylon that this time Gilgamesh was holding me up so I didn't fall to the ground. I blinked in surprise at the change of scenery, the pale sunstone of the pyramid had been replaced by a pallet of color. The humidity was heavy on my chest and the heady smell of mixed flora wrapped around us.

The gardens reached well above us toward the sky, all manner of trees, shrubs, and other plants hung from various areas of the impressive structure he'd pulled us away too. It was as though we'd entered a fantasy world, the ground was dirt and grass grew from it that was neatly trimmed to make a path. From the roof hung long ivy of bell shaped flowers, beyond that further trees and bushes grew from almost every available surface that wasn't aqueducts running water through this complex craft of dirt. It was like a strange combination anthill bee hive crafted almost completely of plant life. I couldn't help but stare, even disoriented, at the unexpected majesty of it. The architecture seemed impossible and all the same here I was witnessing it, standing within the famed Gardens of Babylon. History wasn't even certain if they were real yet I walked inside them.

I was still staring at my surroundings when I felt my hands move and tore my eyes away to see Gilgamesh setting a small twig of grapes in my hand. He smirked at me and gestured for me to follow as he walked ahead, throwing a few of the small fruit into his own mouth as we walked. I moved after him, popping one of the grapes in my mouth only to find it watering almost immediately at the sweet burst of flavor. I stared around us until we reached a small clearing open to the sky. There was a small open air platform with shelter from the sun and pillars along the outside to hold it up. Inside were more pillows as I'd seen in the throne room and a small bath filled with clear water. I could look down at slants below us and above us both covered in green littered with fruit and flowers all the way down to streets beneath us where the market seemed to adopt the spectrum of color here for their tents and stalls.

"You lived here thousands of years ago?" I asked, I knew he'd confirm it but it was all difficult to believe.

"Presently we both live here now, at least for a while." Gilgamesh answered, moving toward the pillows. I likely would have continued to stare at the surroundings but a lion came around from another of the paths that connected to this one. I was about to cry out since it was running at my Servant but he had a bright smile on his face. He caught the beast as it pounced on him and began rubbing it's back, so all I could do was watch as it made small growling and scuffing sounds. It seemed happy to see him. Of course Gilgamesh would have a pet lion…what else?

"This is Izdu. Don't be concerned, he's fed often." Gilgamesh introduced fondly. "This is Natsumi, don't eat her."

"Gee, thanks." I stated drily before stepping a bit around them to move under the cover. In the sunlight, it was impossibly hot. I didn't know if I would burn here but it seemed reasonable to expect so, even if this was just some sort of impressive reality bubble that still made it real for the time being. After a few more ruffles to the beasts fur it seemed more content, laying on the steps up to this little haven in the gardens while Gilgamesh walked up to lounge on the pillows comfortably, calling a glass of water to hold out to me.

"Thanks." I stated, accepting the water. The heat was oppressive, I loved the beauty but it was hard to enjoy when I was being baked alive. I was sweating pretty heavily and made effort not to sit that close to Gilgamesh, I didn't see precipitation on his skin. Was he immune to the heat too? I wish I had special no sweat skin while still being comfortable in the heat.

"Master Gilgamesh," A woman had entered the clearing and she looked surprised to see him, moving immediately into a deep bow. "I am overjoyed by your return to us."

"Jezra, I have a guest." Gilgamesh pointed out gesturing toward me and then looking me over critically. "I forgot how fragile mortals are to the weather, help her undress and get in the bath then bring her some proper clothing."

"Of course, sire." The woman immediately moved forward to help me, coming out of her bow with an easy grace. She had on loose fitting silks that drifted gently on the breezes that came through this opening. I frowned at the idea of just undressing here in front of her, or Gilgamesh, who was watching without bothering to hide that he was. I frowned at him, how could he go from someone I was happy to be around to someone I would rather throttle in such a short time?

End Chapter

LOL poor Natsumi. She is not doing well atm, it's hard being interested in a godlike creature that's all perfect. Gilgamesh is so rude, just laughing at her…tsk tsk.

-Aura

To my reviewers:

Nada from 20.