Disclaimer: Not mine

Twenty: For the last time

After returning with her sort-of fixed hair, still short but not as bad as it was, Samantha took Hanna and Finn to lunch and to the grocery store, with a quick stop at her place for clothes. Although it had exhausted her thoroughly, she was pleased to have gotten out of the house without incident, and she'd gotten all the ingredients to make a nice dinner, having extracted Hanna's promise to help. She and Jack's daughter had a long heart-to-heart once they returned home, and Samantha was amazed when the young woman agreed with what she wanted to do. "I'd really like to see you and my dad make it work this time," she said quietly and sincerely, covering the older woman's hand with her own. "My dad has loved you for years. He's the happiest with you, and I want to see him happy. I still have a few months before classes start up again. I'll drive you to appointments, or wherever you need to go. I'll watch Finn whenever you like. Whatever I can do to help, I'm in." Tears had welled at the show of support from Jack's daughter, and she hugged her tightly.

"Thank you. Thank you so much."

When Jack got home semi-early from work, it was to find Samantha, Finn and Hanna making dinner, flowers and candles waiting on the table set for two. And then he stopped and stared. Her hair was gone. Or not gone, rather, shortened dramatically to make up for the parts that had had to be shaved during the surgery to relieve the pressure in her brain. As different as it was, all he could see was how beautiful she looked, the long lovely line of her neck now exposed, her eyes huge and luminous in her pale face, which had more color today than he'd seen in a while. She must have gotten some sun today, as well. She wore a long bright sundress that swirled around her body as she moved, and she seemed to be moving easier, as well. She had been wearing yoga pants and long T-shirts to hide the new scars, and he was glad to see them go.

When she turned and saw him, her eyes lit with something that he couldn't immediately define, but she was breathtaking. That was all he knew.

"Hey," she said self-consciously, wishing now that she could cover herself. That she hadn't hacked off her hair. That she wasn't still so shaky. That she…

And the look in his eyes stopped her from thinking and wishing altogether. Because she couldn't wish to see anything more in his eyes than what was already there. He was devouring her with his eyes, but at the same time, the love in them was plain to see. "Hey," he said, finally able to break the spell and move closer, kissing her lightly, and then greeting the kids. "What's all this?"

Her face heated, and she moved back to get dinner on the table. "Nothing much. I just thought we could… we need to talk, Jack. I thought we could have dinner and talk."

Dread spread swiftly through him. That didn't sound good. How many times was this woman going to break up with him?

She caught his look and had to smirk at him. "You're as bad as I am. Stop analyzing everything to death. Talking isn't always bad."

He snorted. "Yeah, well, you're never going to get me to agree with that, so no point in wasting time trying."

And this was rapidly going in the wrong direction. She reached out to pull him in for a kiss. Her first objective completed when his grumbling was instantly ceased, she smiled into his mouth and kissed him again, letting it wind out deliciously as he pulled her even closer. "Trust me," she whispered in his ear, nibbling there just a little before he growled and latched onto her neck like he'd been dying to do since he'd walked in the door.

"Always," was left somewhere in the vicinity of her collarbone as he got distracted with kissing his way down the lovely lines of her, and she finally had to give up trying to decide which was the more miraculous: the fact that he was still mesmerized by her or the fact that he still had it in him to trust her, with anything. She still didn't think she deserved him, but she was at the point where she didn't care if he didn't. Worthy or not, she wanted him.

Giggling amongst themselves, Finn and Hanna grabbed the pizza they had made for themselves and headed into the living room to put on a movie, as they sat together at the table, ate and talked. Jack relaxed once he knew it wasn't a brush-off meal and gave her a chance, even though he wasn't sure he was going to like where this was going. He did trust her. Once they'd eaten, they sat over wine and Samantha gathered herself for the speech she wanted to make, hoping she could get through it uninterrupted either by Jack or by her own emotions. She looked at him, forcing herself to take his hand rather than her wineglass, wanting to do it on her own without liquid courage for assistance. Besides, she could only have the one glass and she knew he'd be keeping count.

"I love you," she finally said. "I think I've loved you since the first time I saw you. I haven't ever stopped. It's always been you, for all these years. I want to be with you now—so much—but you're right. I want to do it right this time. I don't want it to end messy this time, for either one of us. I don't want it to end, at all. And I love you for this—" she lifted her hands widely, encompassing the room, the apartment, all he had done to take care of her. "All of it. I think the doctor was right. I don't think I would have come back for anyone but you. But I can't be with you like this, like I am right now." She took a deep breath, noticing his eyes intent on hers, not brushing off her concerns, but listening, and it gave her the courage to go on. "I can't keep sleeping with the light on. I can't keep trying to keep from falling into a deep sleep, or trying to keep close enough to you all night to keep from having a nightmare and giving you another black eye. I don't want to use you like that." She saw that his mouth opened to speak and held up her hand to stop him. "I don't want you to be with me because I'll fall apart without you, or for me to be with you because I'll fall apart without you. I don't want to need you for that."

"I want you to need me. There will be times when I'll need you too for those things," he said quickly. "You keep my nightmares away, too, Sam." That warmed her. She really, really wanted to be good for him this time. She really wanted to be what he needed, too.

"I know. But I need to be okay first before we try living together." His mouth opened, and then closed. This wasn't what he was expecting to hear, but he couldn't really find anything to argue with, so far. She wanted to live with him. "I want to go home, Jack, just until I get myself together. I'm not leaving you," she said quickly. "I think you're right about starting over, about doing this right this time, for the last time. I want for us to… to date, if that's all right with you." They had never dated. He grinned at her in spite of himself, feeling suddenly like a damned teenager. She wanted to date him. She wanted to do this right, for the last time. She wanted them to get it right. There was nothing he wanted more.

Concern for her evaporated his giddiness. "Are you sure you're ready? Are you cleared to drive?" He knew she wasn't. She hadn't been back to the doctor yet.

"I think Finn and I should go back to my place. Hanna has offered to drive me anywhere I need to go, until I'm cleared to drive, and to help out with Finn. We went out to lunch today, and to the store, with Hanna driving, and I was fine. I'll have doctor's appointments, and I… I'm going to meet with a shrink tomorrow. I need to get my head on straight. And I hope you'll come by, too, as often as you can. And then, maybe, we can talk about living together or where we go from there. You know, if you still want to."

Jack just sat and stared at her. Of all the things he had expected her to say, none of that was it. He almost couldn't believe any of it, couldn't believe they had come to a place where such things could be possible. He wanted to say the hell with it, they loved each other and she wasn't going anywhere, to take her to bed and change her mind like he knew he probably could if he really put his mind to it.

But what she was talking about was for them, for their future, together. He had waited so many years for her. He could wait as long as he had to, as long as they were trying, together.

He picked up her hand that was still in his and lifted it to his lips, kissing each knuckle, relishing the melting look of love in her eyes that she held only for him. "I love you, always have, always will. I'll do anything you need." Leaning across the space between them, he kissed her cheek, then moved slowly to her mouth, kissing her slowly, deeply, feeling her melt into him. "And I would love to take you dancing." He found her eyes again, and knew she remembered as he did that he'd always wanted to take her dancing.

"I'd love that," she said almost shyly.

He grinned slowly. "Friday night?"

She nodded. "It's a date."

"What now?"

She swallowed, the prospect of not spending the night in his arms suddenly daunting. For all her tough talk, she didn't really know if she could do it. She definitely didn't want to. "I… Can you… take me and Finn home?" It was just one night. She met with the therapist tomorrow. Even if she sat up all night with every light on, she could do it.

"Yeah, I can. Can I stay awhile, get you settled in?"

Samantha nodded a little too quickly. "Yes, please."

And then he just couldn't take it anymore. Pushing back his chair, he stood and took her in his arms, just holding her tightly, not saying a word.

TBC…