Love's Misconstruities
Chapter 20
The day went by much too quickly, as days one wishes would never end do. The next day they stood baking in the hot afternoon sun outside the canyon entrance of the village, Hinata not wanting to leave, nor Gaara to let her.
"Well, I…suppose…we should be off," Hinata said with a sad smile, Temari by her side.
"That's an understatement. We should've left hours ago," Temari nagged under her breath, walking a short distance away from the new couple. Though happy for her brother, she didn't want to be late for the Chuunin Exams in Konoha where she was serving as the representative from Suna. She knew she'd never hear the end of it from a certain Leaf-nin if she was.
"Can't wait to get back there, huh?" Kankurou teased. "I swear, I think you're starting to like Konoha even more than your own village."
"Shut the hell up, Kankurou!"
"Heh heh. So I'm right, then. And I'm sure that deer-clan boy has nothing to do with it."
"Kankurou!..."
Gaara paid their bickering no mind and gave a slight nod toward Hinata, causing a familiar pain to wrap ahold of his heart once again as he acknowledged her need to be going. While the pain had completely vanished yesterday, it now returned in its full intensity.
'It hurts… I don't want it to hurt anymore. Having Hinata near me makes the pain go away… I may not see her again for months, and when I do, she'll just have to leave again shortly thereafter. I… I don't want it to be like that. I don't want her to leave, but…even the power of Kazekage isn't enough to stop it. …I want her by my side…forever. Don't go… Don't go…!'
"I'll…I'll try and speak to Hokage-sama… Maybe she'll have another mission out this way soon-"
"Marry me," Gaara pleaded in the softest of whispers...yet to Hinata, the words rang crisp and clear. Her eyes grew wide at the impromptu proposal as Gaara's siblings paid them no mind, arguing amongst themselves. Hinata was shocked at the suddenness but the more his words sunk in, the more right it felt. Tears brimmed at her eyes and she slowly nodded in acceptance.
"Hai…" she answered, and immediately Gaara felt his pain lessen. Breathing a small sigh of relief, he took her hand in his, wanting to do more but feeling the need to keep his composure under the watchful eyes of the posted guards. He had half a mind to dismiss them, but not only would it be a tactical mistake, it would also cause even more gossip among his nosy comrades.
As sense started to regain control of her mind, Hinata's happiness faded into sorrow.
"What is it?" Gaara asked, noticing the chance in her features.
"My father… I…I don't think he'll be too happy about this…"
"I will send a formal request to him."
Hinata appreciated his offer but knew her father too well. Such a thing would only make it worse. "No, it's okay. Let me talk to him first. Onegai."
Gaara nodded, giving her a small smile as he released her hand.
"Huh?" Kankurou questioned, finally glancing over toward his brother. "What's up with this mood all of a sudden? I thought you two were sad to be leaving each other. Hm...must've been thinking about the other morning, huh? Heh heh—OUCH! Temari, that HURT!"
"GOOD!" Temari shouted, securing her fan once again into its holster. "Learn some tact while I'm gone, you idiot. We're leaving."
Though Temari rushed them along, Hinata wasn't nearly in as big of a hurry to return to Konoha as she had been in getting to Suna. The journey back proved to be even more nerve-wracking than the previous one. Going into Suna she faced a possible rejection of the one she loved. Though it would have hurt her, she would have understood and taken some comfort from knowing that Gaara was doing well and happy with his life. But now as she returned home, she faced the possibility of being torn from her new-found happiness or being rejected by her father. Somehow, that seemed much worse, having tasted ultimate bliss and possibly being told that she was forbidden to ever have it again.
Upon finally making it back after two and a half days, though sweaty and exhausted, her first stop was to the Hokage's office to report the success of her mission. Though it was evening, she knew that her leader would still be hard at work...or at least that was the assumption. As she walked into Tsunade's chamber she found her slouched over onto her desk, sound asleep. She was even drooling a bit onto one of the reports under her. Clearing her throat, Hinata stood at attention as the groggy Hokage awoke with a start.
"Of course I'm working, Shizune-! Oh. Hinata. A-hem...what do you want?! Can't you see that I'm busy?" Tsunade shouted, trying to regain her composure. She shuffled around some of the papers on her desk as she willed the pinkness to drain from her cheeks.
"Gomen, I was just reporting in from my mission."
"Yes, of course. I take it everything went smoothly?" Tsunade asked, settling more comfortably in her chair, wiping the drool from the corner of her mouth.
"Hai," Hinata answered, blushing slightly.
Tsunade smirked momentarily, then put on a more serious face and leaned forward. "Thank you for your report. You are dismissed."
"Tsunade-sama,"
"Hm?"
"Thank you…for entrusting me with that mission."
A grin crept back onto the leader's face as Hinata bowed deeply and turned to leave. As she got to the door, she slowed, however. Lingering in the doorway, she turned once again.
"Hokage-sama, just out of curiosity… What would happen if a Konoha shinobi were to…eh…marry…a shinobi from another village?"
"Marry?!" Tsunade asked, utterly shocked. If she wasn't fully awake before, she was now.
Between Hinata's concern over the previous mission, Neji's request to send her to Sunagakure, and Sakura's confirmation that Gaara had, at least in the past, had a crush on her, Tsunade was able to put two and two together...but this blew her mind. She had not thought that their fling was so serious.
"Such a thing is uncommon…" she began, taking a deep breath and sitting back in her chair, though rigidly. "There would be many factors to consider, such as whether we were at peace or war with that other nation. Assuming it were a time of peace, and say that the Leaf-nin went to live in the other nation, they would still be able to have free access to Konoha when they wished to visit, however they would no longer be a Konoha shinobi. It's possible that spouse's village would accept them as one of their own shinobi, however there have been instances where they have not been allowed to serve their new village, so it's possible that their life as a ninja would be over.
"Also, if times of war fell between the two nations, the situation would become more complicated. The shinobi who left their country would most likely be sought by both sides: their home village would want them to spy on their spouse's village, and if they refused, most likely they would be assassinated because of their liability. The other village would most likely react in the same manner," the woman sternly explained.
"However, there is also the possibility that it could strengthen an alliance between the two nations. Not to mention that everything I have said doesn't even include the family's reaction to the prospect…especially, for instance, a noble clan like yours with a highly valued bloodline limit. It's a lot to consider. If one faced that decision, I would hope they would think long and hard on it and not come to a hasty conclusion," she stressed, eyeing the younger girl.
"…Hai… Thank you, Hokage-sama," Hinata said, bowing once more and leaving the older woman to shake her head in disbelief.
Truly, it was quite a bit to consider, but despite all of the horrible possible consequences Tsunade had mentioned, the thought of being forced by her family to marry someone other than Gaara was enough to suade her otherwise. That prospect, more than any of the others, seemed so much more real. The rest was merely speculation as far as she was concerned.
'Suna is our ally now. I'm sure this would only strengthen our alliance. Besides, Gaara would never make war against Konoha, and Tsunade wouldn't make a preemptive strike on another nation,' she naïvely reasoned. 'Even if I have to give up my life as a Konoha shinobi, Gaara is Kazekage. He would be able to give me some sort of job…maybe even teaching at their Academy,' she reassured herself.
'I guess the only thing I really have to worry about is Father. …I know that he expects me to marry soon. I'm at the right age and the heir to the family, so it's expected… I would have had to stop accepting missions once that happened, anyway. Still, he expected to marry me within the family… I know that it won't be easy for him to accept Gaara, nor my stepping down as future clan leader, but I have to try. Maybe…maybe I can get him to understand. But before I talk with him, I suppose I should be considerate…' the love-struck girl reasoned, making her way back home.
"Nee-san…I… Are you sure?" Hanabi whispered in shock as the two secretly discussed their business deep within the Hyuuga Estate, away from all eyes and ears.
"Yes. I've never been so sure about anything before in my life. I love him… I just hope that Father will try to understand." The younger girl could not offer any fake condolences there for they both knew how traditional and stubborn a man he was. "But I also love you, Hanabi-nee-san… You and I both know that if I am allowed to leave the family that my responsibilities would then fall to you."
"I would become the new heir…"
Hinata nodded slowly, her gaze set on the tatami mats below. "This situation doesn't affect just me. It would be wrong of me to make this decision alone."
The younger girl stared in awe at her sister, hoping that someday she could become as considerate and caring as she. For now she would have to settle for being self-sacrificing. "It's okay. You should be with the one you love."
"It's really okay?" Hinata double-checked, happiness beginning to wash away the guilt she'd had about shirking her responsibilities. It had been plaguing her for days while she'd waited for her sister's return from a training exercise.
"Hai. I… I was raised with the knowledge that I may someday be needed to…replace you…should anything happen," she ruefully explained. Looking her sister in the eye and laying her hand over the other girl's, she smiled and continued. "I didn't think it would happen like this, but I'll gladly accept," she said, bowing slightly and showing maturity beyond her years. Hinata smiled and forced away the tears that burned at her eyes.
'She will make a fine head of the family. …Better than I would have, I'm sure. This is what Father has wanted for a long time… Perhaps he'll welcome my news.' Finally losing the battle with her tears, she bowed deeply as wetness streaked down her cheeks. "Doumo arigatou gozaimasu, Hanabi-nee-san."
"Would you like me to go with you when you tell Father?" the young Hyuuga asked after a silent moment.
"No…" Hinata said as she stood. "I think it would be better if I went alone." She turned and smiled at her sister once again before heading for the door. "Thank you, nee-san… Truly, thank you…for everything."
The younger girl bowed once again as the older exited.
Half of the battle had already been won...but the hardest part was still ahead. After making an appointment to meet with her father the following day, Hinata found a sound sleep very difficult to obtain that night.
"You wanted to meet with me," Hiashi stated, entering from a side door and promptly sitting atop his cushion on the raised platform of the conference room. Before him, his daughter, who had nervously been waiting, bowed deeply from where she stood on the lower level.
"Yes, Father, I did. I wish to discuss my future with the clan, such as…" she paused, taking a deep breath and collecting herself. "…such as marriage arrangements. …I-"
"Ah, yes, about that," he interrupted, a small smile playing on his lips as he gazed at his eldest child. "I have spent considerable time contemplating amongst the eligible candidates, but I have finally come to a decision. I believe you will see the logic in it as well," he finished with a small nod, oblivious to Hinata's utter shock.
"W-What? Father, that's-"
"I've decided," he spoke, cutting her off once again, "that you shall be betrothed to Neji."
Hinata's vision swam after the words hit her. Anger, frustration, surprise, shock, and helplessness…all of these emotions surged inside of the girl who suddenly felt so small now as she looked up at the smiling man before her. 'No… No, no, no, no…NO!' she screamed inside her head, for her throat was so tight with rage that she could not speak in that moment. She wanted to tell her father just how much the thought of marrying her first cousin, who she was as close to as a sibling, made her stomach churn; that she would rather die than to be separated from the man that she loved.
"You're so happy, you're crying," the older man chuckled.
"Does Neji-nii-san know?" came Hinata's strained voice as she fought to remain calm.
"Not at present, but that will soon be remedied."
"Don't bother," came a soft but firm statement from the trembling girl, her fists balled tightly at her sides and her gaze fixed to the floorboards below.
"Excuse me?"
"I said, don't bother," she repeated more firmly, finally working up the courage to meet her father's eyes.
Hiashi was quite confused, though he only let it show for a fraction of a second. Never before had he seen such a ferocious and rebellious look on his daughter's face. She had trembled before him with fear many a time, but never with anger. And never once had she ever talked back to him in such a manner as this. Such a thing was unheard of. The older man straightened his back and glared across the room at the figure he did not recognize. "What exactly are you saying, Daughter? Is that not why you called this meeting; because you'd caught wind about my decision?"
"No, Father, it is not! I called you here to inform you of who I have chosen to marry, not the other way around!"
Now it was Hiashi's turn to be angered. He rose slowly to his feet, keeping his eyes locked with Hinata's the entire time. "Of whom are you speaking?" he asked, failing to hide any malice from his deep voice.
Hinata took a deep breath and decided that she should chose her next words carefully, for with the way things were going, a part of her was afraid that they might be her last. "If I tell you, would you even consider him?"
"That depends," he said through clenched teeth. "Is he a member of this clan? Do I even know this mysterious suitor of yours?"
"Ah…n-no, he's not part of our clan…and you have not been formally introduced to him, since…" she braced herself, knowing that these next words would surely not please her father. "…since he's not from Konoha."
The silence which then grew between the two of them was palpable, Hinata waiting anxiously for her father's reaction and the older man still contemplating her words. As time passed, Hiashi's gaze grew more intense, his pale eyes seeming to bore a hole right through his daughter. Under such a heavy and discerning stare, Hinata reverted to her true nature and faltered. She looked away, and her anger dissipated, allowing the familiarity of fear and uncertainty to take its place.
"You have always been one disappointment after another to me, Daughter, but I thought that you had begun to change of late; that you may finally be ready to assume the responsible role which has been yours since your ill-fated birth. I see now that my faith in you was misplaced."
"Father-"
"I will hear no more! There is no place in this house for a daughter who will not obey her father and clan leader."
Hinata finally met his cold eyes again but had to fight to keep hers there under her father's unfaltering intensity. "Wh…what does that mean?" she asked, her voice holding just a faint quiver.
"I will spell it out if I must…" he grumbled. "If you will not agree to this arrangement and uphold your responsibilities to the clan then I have no need for you. If you are not willing to heed my words then you are no longer welcome in this house."
Tears burned at Hinata's eyes, quickly escaping and flowing hot and steady down her pale cheeks. After the momentary shock began to wear, she slowly nodded and turned, making her exit. In a stupor, she found her way to her room and grabbed her backpack, filling it with the essentials, as she would for any mission. She'd been on so many that the movements were automatic now, and before she realized it she was on her way out. Yet, as she reached the gates of the large estate and set foot on the road which led toward the village, only then did she pause.
'Where…where do I go now? It's getting late… First thing tomorrow, I should request living quarters… Or, perhaps I should just tell Tsunade-sama what has happened and request that she discharge me from Konoha's services? …What if she says no like Father did? What then? If she does and I still leave to go to Suna, I'll become a renegade. Am I…am I willing to become a traitor to the village as well as my clan? Oh, Gaara…I know it's impossible for you to give up your life and move here, but… I don't know if I can really do this…'
It was then, at last, that everything finally hit her; the heavy risks and costly consequences that love requires. Taking it all in, she collapsed to her knees and sobbed, cursing her weakness all the while, but even that was not enough to stop her body from shaking.
Never before had she felt so alone.