Clarke

This time when she was taken for her breakfast with the queen, instead of being led down the now-familiar corridors to the queen's dining chamber, she was instead taken outside.

It felt like her first breath of fresh air all over again, that first time she'd stepped off the dropship, when everything still seemed possible. It was only now, in this moment, that she realised how much she'd missed the outdoors.

It was cold, but at first Clarke didn't notice as she was led through a sort of outdoor patio area and then onto the snow, which crunched under her feet.

Once she had been given her own room, Clarke was brought clean, fresh clothes, and she'd willingly changed into them, as it had been so long since she'd been able to wash her own. They had fit her well- soft suede pants, leather boots done up with sinew laces, and a cotton shirt with long sleeves that tapered at her wrists.

When her escort brought her to the queen, Elody had a beautiful coat waiting for her. It was long and cosy, reaching nearly to Clarke's knees, and lined with the fur of some very soft animal- rabbit, perhaps, or mink. The cuffs of each sleeve had a loop for her thumb, and a leather cord she could cinch to keep in the heat. The buttons fastened all the way up to her chin, and it had a hood lined with the same soft fur.

It was Elody that presented her with the coat, and it was Elody who helped her into it and gave a nod of approval when she looked Clarke up and down. "You will be much more comfortable now," she declared.

"Thank you," Clarke said carefully, taking her seat at the breakfast table. She couldn't help but notice there were only two chairs. Tentatively she asked, "Where's Alek?"

"He's not invited," she answered. "I felt it's been too crowded at my table of late, and besides, he won't be needed anymore."

Clarke's gratitude was instantaneous and overwhelming. For the first time in what seemed like forever, she felt she had real appetite as the two of them started eating. Without the threat of pain over her head, and with the fresh air around her, she felt free in a way she hadn't for too long. The table was set up under a trellis that kept the snow from landing on them, but all around them it was falling softly, gathering in the branches of the evergreens that surrounded them. The courtyard was sheltered and Clarke couldn't see far, but she didn't care- she was outside, the air was quiet and crisp, and she was happy.

Even Elody's conversation style had changed. Instead of endless questions, grilling Clarke and extracting each bit of information like a shard from her heart, she seemed willing just to chat. Her interest seemed less focused and more casual, even allowing Clarke to direct the flow of conversation with her own questions, though she was sure to be careful about what she asked, lest she ruin the queen's good mood.

"This is pheasant from the imperial forest," she told Clarke. "Can you taste the difference?"

She couldn't, but politely she said, "Yes… it's delicious."

Elody smiled at her and raised a finger, so that the girl standing nearby rushed over to fill their glasses with spiced wine. Clarke watched the girl carefully, noting that she looked young.

"This is Yana," Elody told her as she noticed her interest, and the girl bowed her head quickly in Clarke's direction. "Her mother has sent her to me to learn."

Clarke smiled a little at the girl. "Is your village far from here?"

Yana's eyes flickered to the queen, but Elody just waved her hand, indicating that it was okay for her to answer. "Yes, Skaikruheda," she said, surprising Clarke with the use of that name. "It is nineteen days on horseback, in good weather."

"If Yana proves herself, she will be allowed to train with my warriors," Elody explained to Clarke. "After three summers of service she is eligible for that honour."

"How long have you been here?" Clarke asked her.

"Two summers," Yana answered with pride. "One more and I will be ready." Clarke guessed that she was somewhere in the vicinity of twelve or thirteen years old.

"And after you've trained, will you go home?"

"No," Yana answered, and Clarke wondered if she saw a flash of sadness there, though it was so fast she couldn't be sure. "I will stay here for the rest of my life."

"What about your family?"

"They rejoice that I have found a good future here," she replied carefully. "It is very far to travel, but perhaps one day I will visit them."

"They are peasants," the queen told Clarke, as if that explained everything.

Yana nodded her head and then faded into the background once again, standing very still against the courtyard wall, her eyes fixed on the floor. Clarke couldn't imagine behaving like that for one day, let alone three years, but Yana seemed genuinely proud of herself.

"What positions did your parents hold on the Ark?" Elody asked her, but there was something different in her tone- despite the direct question, Clarke felt she could decline to answer without consequence. But she didn't mind, so she answered her.

"My mother was chief medical officer," she said. "My father was senior environmental engineer."

"Those sound like positions of great importance."

"Yes," she said, nodding. "They were very valuable to the Ark."

"And your mother?" Elody asked. "Is she a healer now, too?"

Clarke was careful with her answer, not wanting to give too much away. She didn't want to say that Abby was also the Chancellor, so she just nodded her head. "Yes. It's always been her passion to help others. I was a medical apprentice myself, before…" She trailed off, shrugged.

"And is that because your mother wanted you to follow in her footsteps, or is healing others your passion also?" the queen asked.

Clarke ate quietly for a moment while she considered the question. Finally she said, "It's always been in my nature to want to help… put others first."

"And that is why you are heda to the Skaikru," Elody said with a nod. "As leaders we must put our people before even our own strongest wishes."

Clarke couldn't help but think of Lexa, of her constant lessons about leadership and sacrifice. "To lead well you must make hard choices… the truth is, we must look into the eyes of our warriors and say 'go die for me'… you were born for this, Clarke. Same as me.'

"Something troubles you," Elody interrupted her thoughts, and when Clarke met her dark eyes she said, "You are thinking of Lexa."

Was she that obvious? "No, I…" she started, but then trailed off, unable to deny it.

"I understand," the queen said, her voice gentle. "I understand how difficult it must be to remember her, think of her, after what she has done."

Clarke let out a long breath. "She did what she thought was right for her people," she said, but her protest was half-hearted at best.

"Perhaps," Elody allowed. "But what about you? Did she have to betray you?" They were back to painful subjects, sore and tender bruises on Clarke's heart. She closed her eyes, tried not to react.

The touch of the queen's hand was so unexpected that she jumped, her eyes flying open again. Elody's hand was on her forearm, and she squeezed gently before she withdrew it again, going back to her meal. Finally she said, quietly, "I am sorry for the pain she has caused you."

Clarke watched her for a moment, trying to figure out what she was really getting at, but it seemed nothing- she was sincere. "Thank you."

"I wish to be friends with you, Clarke," Elody said calmly. "Why should we be enemies when we can be allies? Particularly when we share a common enemy already."

"Who?" Clarke asked, frowning. "Lexa?"

"Is she not your enemy? I would imagine so, after what she did."

Hesitating, feeling conflicted, Clarke said, "I don't know. It's… it's just not that simple."

"Clarke," Elody said, using that gentle tone again. "It is only you and me here. It is not healthy to hold onto pain, and let it fester like a wound on your heart. You can be honest about your anger. She betrayed you- left your people to die. You may have had the ingenuity to save them anyway, but that does not erase what she did. Are you angry, or aren't you?"

"Of course I'm angry," Clarke snapped, reacting to Elody's words as much as to Lexa's memory. "I'm furious with her." For a moment her heart seized, expecting that cold stare to come back over the queen's face, for her to call for Alek, for all this friendliness to fall away, but none of that happened.

"Then be furious," Elody said evenly. "It is a normal emotion. Betrayal breeds anger, and that is no one's fault but her own."

Clarke just sat there, looking down into her food, and she couldn't help but feel that anger blooming in her heart and spreading out into her chest. She had worked so hard to push it down, but Elody was right- Lexa deserved her anger, and besides, she wasn't going to hurt anyone's feelings because Lexa wasn't here.

"You are a forgiving person, Clarke, I can tell," the queen said gently. "Perhaps too forgiving, if even those who deserve your anger are not given what they have earned. Lexa is known to be ruthless, and of course this is a necessary quality for any leader to possess… but even I would think twice before betraying someone I loved as easily as she has done to you. Especially not twice."

Clarke had been listening carefully to everything she was saying and couldn't help but agree whole-heartedly, but that last comment started her, and she looked up suddenly. "Twice?" she asked, confused.

Elody hesitated. "All I mean to say is that while you might excuse her actions at Mount Weather because she did it to save her people… I don't know how you might forgive her for her second betrayal. A second mistake is not a mistake at all, wouldn't you agree?"

"Yes, but I don't understand," Clarke said, shaking her head. "I haven't seen her since Mount Weather. That was when she betrayed me- the only time."

The queen seemed genuinely surprised. "Clarke," she said gently. "Lexa is the Commander of eleven clans of people spread out across a huge expanse of land. Do you think that she does not know you are here? Do you think she has not chosen to leave you with me, even knowing what has happened before?"

Clarke swallowed, and slowly she shook her head. "When I left camp I only told two people… she would think I'm still there. She wouldn't know I was even gone, let alone that I was here. No one does."

"She does know," Elody said, her voice soft. "She has known for weeks."

"What?" Clarke couldn't stand to believe her. And yet something nagged at her- the knowledge that it was true. Lexa had to know.

"I'm sorry, Clarke," the queen said, very gently. "I can only imagine how it must hurt to know that she has left you to die a second time."

Instantly she felt the tears welling up in her eyes but she fought them back, refusing to show that weakness. She shook her head, drawing in a deep breath.

"But it does not have to end that way," Elody continued, her voice still holding that gentleness that Clarke had come to know to be how she expressed sincerity. When she looked up, the queen's dark eyes were soft. "You and I could be powerful allies, Clarke of the Sky People, and after how Leksa kom Trikru has treated you, would an ally not be a welcome thing?"

Slowly, Elody's hand outstretched towards Clarke. She tried to find something in the queen's words to argue with, something to protest against, but she couldn't. She remembered the first day she'd come here, and all the days after, how she had tried desperately to find a common understanding with the queen, some way to get on her good side, to build an alliance, and now it was being offered to her directly. Besides, Elody wasn't lying. Lexa had betrayed her. She did know that Clarke was here, but had chosen to ignore that fact. And it would be useful to have an alliance with the Ice Nation, now that relations between Camp Jaha and the other Grounders were tenuous. It all made sense.

But most of all, she was angry- angry at Lexa for her betrayal, angry about what that betrayal had forced her to do, angry at herself for leaving Camp Jaha. Her stomach was a knot of rage and she had to direct it somewhere.

She made a snap decision and grabbed Elody's forearm, nodding her head firmly. "The enemy of my enemy is my friend," she declared.

Elody's smile was large as she gripped Clarke's forearm and shook her hand, returning her nod. "I could not have said it better myself."

"I have one condition," Clarke told her, feeling brave.

"Oh?" Elody asked, seeming amused by the comment. "Very well, and what is that?"

"I need you to send word to my people that I'm alive."

"Your camp is very far from here," the queen pointed out.

"I know, but it's important to me. Please."

Elody seemed to consider the idea. "And who would you like this message to be delivered to? Your mother?"

Clarke hesitated, wishing she could say yes to that, but it wasn't the truth. "No. I want you to send word to Bellamy. He's…" she trailed off, struggling to think of how to describe who he was to her. Finally she settled for, "He's my friend... my second-in-command." It wasn't quite right, but it was close enough.

"Very well," Elody said with a nod. "I will send a messenger to inform this Bellamy that you are well."

The relief was instantaneous, and only then did she realise how much she missed him, wanted him to know where she was. Once he heard, would he come for her? "Thank you," she said softly.

"You're welcome," the queen responded. "But I also have a condition to ask of you in return."

After a moment's hesitation Clarke said, "Okay… what is it?"

"When the time comes, I will tell you."

Immediately she shook her head, not liking the uncertainty of that. "No… that's not how we do things where I come from."

Elody gave her a careful smile. "Then allow me to remind you," she said calmly. "We are not in the place where you come from."

Clarke wasn't sure if it was a statement or a warning.