No regrets - chapter 20
"What happened at the barbecue? You left almost after Gabby" Severide asked as he was reading a magazine; he is laying on Casey's bunk bed while Casey is filling some reports.
"Shay didn't tell you?" Casey turns his head briefly to look at Severide, Severide arches his eyebrows trying to act surprised, but he knows better: Matt knew Shay had told him.
Matt wasn't looking at him when Severide responded to him: "What's going on with you two? You like her and she likes you-"
Matt cut him off: "Wow wow wow", Matt turned around to face Severide properly: "What Shay did tell you? Because certainly what happened doesn't involve some romance-", Severide tried to say something, he even opened his mouth, though Matt continued his rant: "We had an argument as always, I don't understand her sometimes, she is stubborn, impulsive and all. I'm a lieutenant, she can't embarrass me in front of my co-workers-".
"Has she done that?" Severide asked as he abandoned the magazine on the bed taking a stand positing, arms crossed, demonstrating seriously interested in what Matt was going to say.
"At the barbecue, she was talking to Mills, they seemed so engrossed on each other and-", this time Severide interrupted him.
"Stop, stop, how was that embarrassing you? They were touching each other, they even attempted to kiss each other?"
"No, no" Matt responded quickly, "but she's the mother of my child, she can't..."
"Talk to other people?" Severide completed to him. "Are you serious? Are you jealous by their interaction?" Severide laughed shaking his head.
Matt's eyes got wide after Severide assertiveness, he wasn't jealous, he wasn't he said it for himself when left the barbecue, he wasn't. Maybe he went too hard on Gabby and Mills, he had time to think and over think everything. Matt was unnecessarily rude to Gabby and he wanted to fix it, he tried to call her and got no answers.
Severide's expression changed more serious, he put his hand on Matt's shoulder and spoke straight: "You don't realize, but you're still in love with Gabby. You have your mistakes in what has happened in the past, don't put all on Gabby's shoulders. You could tell her the truth about Hallie since that beginning".
Matt blinked a few times at Severide's words.
"You said she's kissed you, right?"
Matt nodded clearing his throat.
"It's her way to declare she's forgiven you and she has feelings for you. I'm not minimizing what she did, I'm just seeing from her point of view, I'll always have your back and that means I have to tell what I really think of...you know..."
"I never had one doubt of Gabby's love for me while we were together, what we had it was different, unique, we-", before he could continue his phone vibrated on his pants pocket. He took his phone and saw a message from Gabby and showed it to Severide.
"It's your chance to make things right this time, Matt" Severide affirmed to him.
"And I will believe me" Casey wanted to smile and be calm, but he was apprehensive. Within a few hours, he would be meeting Gabby, his Gabby.
Matt was waiting for Gabby, five minutes had passed since his arrived at Agnes Coffee Shop, Gabby chose that place, Matt hasn't been there before, so he left his home 30 minutes earlier. He asked for a cup of water, for one minute the waitress asked him if he was all right, his skin was pale, he even had a line of sweat above his eyebrows and he couldn' stop to swing his leg under the table.
"I'm good, thanks!"
"Okay..." she didn't believe him. "If you need me, just call me..." she left before he could say anything in the same moment Gabby entered the place. She looked around, then Matt decided to wave at her to bring her attention to where he was. When she saw him, her face was emotionless, she didn't seem angry or sad, even happy or content. Her steps were firm in his direction. She took off her coat, took a seat on the booth and out her coat aside. That's it.
"Hey..." Matt started. She didn't say anything, just stared at him as the waitress get closed to them.
"I won't be ordering, thanks," Gabby told her.
"ok..." the waitress answered slowly. Two seconds passed as Casey:
"Gabby, I-"
"Stop, Matt", she said plainly. "I talk and you listen..." Gabby's voice came out a little shaking.
"Okay, okay..." his hands clasped together on the table while Gabby's hands were over her lap.
"I've thought we were good, you know... we had some disagreements, even then we were being civil to each other, I was wrong though, I got no respect from you, you treat me like I am nothing when I'm your mother's son, Matt," Gabby rested her arms on the table for 3 seconds until she run a hand on her forehand.
Matt wanted to say something, say sorry and ask for forgiveness. He could see she was hurt, he was responsible for that nobody else. He opened his mouth...
"Since our encounter when you met Jacob, I'm trying to do everything to fix what I did, hiding him from you, I was wrong for doing that, I came back to Chicago, but I finally realized it or anything else won't enough for you. I let my guard down for one second when I kissed you", she looked at her hands on the table, "I, I just saw the Matt I've loved..."
"I'm sorry, okay" Matt spoke, "I should tell you about Hallie since the beginning, and at the barbecue, I was out of my mind when I saw you and Mills talking..." he reached for her hand, her reaction was pulling it back onto her lap.
"I don't want to see you again, Matt... I don't" she stared at him.
"What? What are you saying?"
"Don't worry, I'm not moving..." she gave him a sarcastic smile.
"Gabby, we need to fix wherever what's happening together-" he was getting sick, he was seeing Gabby slipping from his hands, his life.
"I'm tired, I don't wanna do this anymore" she pointed a finger pointing to him and her.
"Look-" Matt was decided to fight for what he wanted, his family.
"From now and on my dad will bring Jacob to you on your day with him, he'll take him too," Gabby lift her head, reunited all her strength and finished what she had proposed to say before meeting Matt that day, "you're not welcome to my house and whatever we have to decide on Jacob we will do it on the phone, so in this case just call me if it is extremely necessary, if not just text me and I'll answer you in time".
Matt stood up and got on his knees next to Gabby. He turned her seat to face her: "Please, forgive me, okay?! I don't want you out of my life again, please..."
"I have to go..." Gabby murmured. Matt was almost hovering her.
"Stay, please..." he insisted.
Gabby got up, they looked at each other, without thinking he hugged her, tightly as his life depended on it. Gabby wanted to hug him back, she even attempted to rest her hands lightly on his back, but she couldn't, she wished for so long staying close to him like that, but she made her mind, they weren't meant to be, it was over. She gave a step back, "I have to go and Matt, respect my wish".
He stayed there, paralyzed, his mouth was dry, took him a few minutes to leave that place.
3 months later and 3 weeks
"You are coming, right? Gabby said I could invite someone" Shay was fixing her hair looking in the mirror on her locker.
"I don't know Shay", he was putting his uniform in his bag, "What would Casey think about us-" their shift had ended and only them were still there, at least was what they thought until they saw Casey entering the locked room.
"What about me?" he asked confused. Shay and Severide looked at each other, no words they came out. Casey opened his locker. "Guys?" he asked again, he heard nothing and stopped what he was doing and stared at them.
"I, we... we just..." Shay was having trouble to say the truth. She looked around, then to the floor and found something interesting in the floor. She wasn't going to tell, Severide assumed it.
"What happened?" Casey was serious.
"Nothing to be worried", Severide assured him first, "it's Jacob anniversary next month, right?"
Matt nodded: "Yeah, it is..." Matt confirmed smiling.
"So Gabby invited Shay to come to his anniversary party she is organizing..." Severide saw Matt's feature changing before him, lately, he was more closed off, quiet, introspective and sad. His smile slipped because he knew what that meant, he wouldn't be there, beside him.
Matt nodded, pressing his lips together, pensively. He joined Shay looking at the floor. "She invited you?" Casey lifted his head.
"No, Shay can bring someone with her, then she invited me, but I won't-"
"You should go, really," Matt said. "I'd like that, you are my family, you Shay... Go and have fun..."
"Casey, I-" Shay started...
"Shay, its cool, really... I suggested to Gabby organizing one party for him, together of course and you know... how that went, she texted me one week later and simply said no", he gave them a half smile. He turned to his lock, grab his bag...
Severide and Shay stayed there, observing him.
"Bye, guys..." Casey said getting out.
"Hurt my heart to see him like that..." Shay leaned on the locker.
"You could try to talk to Gabby again, Shay..."
"I've tried, you know that Gabby made her mind, her parents don't agree with her, they argued and all, but in the end, it's Gabby decision".
"Okay... I'll go with you".
"Thank you! Come on, let's go..." Shay put an arm around his shoulder and left.
"Da da da da da" Jacob was on his feet, holding on the couch while Matt was next to him sitting on the floor.
"Yeah, I'm your daddy..." Matt was using his camera phone to record that moment. He was delayed to hear Jacob saying his first words. He was such a good baby, pure joy.
For one moment Jacob let go of the couch and stayed still, he gave one step, two and fell on his butt, Matt was expecting a little cry, not Jacob he laughed and Matt joined him.
Matt never gets tired to watch that video and others he has of Jacob. He took another sip of his drink and put the bottle on the center table. He laid down on the couch, put an arm over his eyes, blinding the light and took a deep breath. He relaxed a little... until his mind...
They were in Matt's bedroom. Naked. Gabby was clutching a blanket over her chest, under her, Matt had a thin sheet separating their skin from each other.
"Do you wanna have kids someday?" Gabby was straddling him, her butt was two inches from his crotch. His hands were on her hips, holding her firmly there.
"Five, I want five of them" he showed it with his hand and brought it back to rest on one of her cheeks, squeezing it. She gasped and laughed.
"Matt... I'm having a serious conversation with you right now" she was trying her best to have some composure.
"I know, baby... be prepared I want five kids and all of them have to be like you: smart, funny, happy..." He pulled her into a kiss, then she rested her head on his shoulder.
"I want that ... with you one day" she whispered. She pulled back and stared at him.
"I'll give you that and everything, believe in me..." he spoke and she saw he was being honest as always. "I love you, Gabby" that was the first time she heard him say that. Gabby's eyes watered.
"Happy tears?" he asked.
"Yeah... I love you, I love you", she answered him. He took her mouth, he pressed his tongue hard, kissing her deeply, he put his arm around her and pulled her close. They rolled on the bed and he ended up on the top of her, he managed to put the sheet between them to the side and the blanket that was covering her chest. They were skin to skin. She spread her legs wide to accommodate him and she gave all of her to him.
Every night he was haunted by time they had had together, he hadn't stopped to love her, he wished he could fix their relationship when he had the chance.
Review, please!
(sorry my nistakes)