Important! While this is based on my life and the events that have taken place involving me, this is a Fanfiction and there will be fiction in the story. Enjoy!

Last time:

"Why do you take drugs, Edward?" I'm almost afraid of his answer, but I can't help but ask it.

"Why do you think so little of yourself?" he shoots back. I smile slightly.

"Touché." He laughs lightly.

"You're a sweet girl, Bella. You should be more confident." He nods his head as he says it and I feel my face flush.

"Thank you, Edward."

"For what?" His eyes cloud with confusion and I put my hand on his hand that is resting on the seat between us.

"For being nice to me."

Chapter nineteen.

Now:

We sit silently for a while, not talking. I look around the room, trying to decide if I should go back to school or make sure that Edward is okay before his parents get home. I know that if Esme saw him like this, she would flip out. I can still remember when he told me about how mad Esme was with him when she found his weed at Christmas. If she saw him like this, it would kill her.

I don't know why I want to stay and look after him. Maybe it's because he is so nice to me. I think he is a complete idiot for getting stoned. Why would anyone turn to drugs? I just don't understand. My life is bad, but I would never, ever, choose to do something like that to myself. All it does it make you feel like crap once the high wears off. I have read about drugs at school and on the internet; I know how easy it is to get hooked.

Maybe Edward already is. Maybe he needs drugs to feel normal and I just haven't noticed him like this before. Maybe he just took it too far and didn't stop once he got what he wanted. How do I know that he isn't addicted to the toxins that are currently in his body? Could I help him get off the drugs if he is addicted? Do I want to?

Well, of course I do. If I can't make my own life better, why not help make someone else's perfect? If I could just help end one person's suffering, I would feel better about myself. Maybe if I could help, I wouldn't be a useless waste of space anymore.

I smile at the thought and look over to see Edward sound asleep on the couch next to me, his mouth slightly open and soft snores coming from him. His eyelids flutter ever so slightly and a soft sigh leaves his lips. I smile wider at the sight of him. He looks so young and carefree as he sleeps, childlike. His hair is a mess and he has a slight pink tint to his cheeks.

I try to slowly stand up, trying not to move the loveseat too much. As soon as my hands go to the seat next to me to brace myself, his hand snakes out and grabs my wrist, making my eyes snap to his. They are slightly open, watching me as I slump back down onto the seat.

"Where the fuck, are you going?" he asks, his voice thick with sleep.

"You need to sleep this off, Edward," I tell him, slowly taking my wrist away from his grasp. It doesn't hurt; it's just making me uncomfortable.

"Where the fuck, are you going?" he repeats, daring me with his eyes to not tell him again.

"Back to school. Gym starts in ten minutes." I shrug.

"You can't go back to school today. Not without me being there," he tells me. What? Why can't I go to school if he isn't there?

"Why?"

"It doesn't matter. Just promise me you won't go back into school today." He sighs, yawning and sitting up.

"Edward, please tell me?" I ask and he shakes his head. "Has something happened to make you take drugs?" I whisper hesitantly, afraid of his answer.

"For fucks sake, Bella!" he explodes, standing up and pacing the length of the floor in front of me. "I ask you not to go into school today and you give me the fucking Spanish inquisition!" I bite my lip and look down at my hands, my chest constricting painfully. "Can't you do this one fucking favor for me, Bella? Just this one?"

I just want to help; I didn't mean to upset him. I can't have him angry at me, I just can't. I'll do anything that he asks me to, I just want to know what made him take drugs. It has to be something to do with me. If I can't go back to school and he has taken drugs in the same day, it surely has to be linked.

What am I saying? Everything isn't about me all the time. My parents are divorcing, Edward is taking drugs, I'm sure Alice is having a problem somewhere right about now. I need to help others and not worry about myself so much. Sure, I deal with some bad stuff, but doesn't everyone?

"Okay, Edward. I'm sorry," I mutter. He pauses in his pacing and I glance up to see him staring at me. He shakes his head and starts to pace again, his hands running violently through his hair.

"No, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have… God! Why does everything have to be so confusing with you around me? It's like I can't fucking think straight." He keeps pacing, his fingers twitching towards his jeans' pocket. What is in there? "I need a smoke." He pulls out the packet and I sigh in relief that it wasn't more drugs. He takes one out and lights it up, inhaling deeply.

"I should go soon." I glance at the clock, seeing that gym would be starting now. I should be there running around with all the girls of Forks High and hoping to lose a few pounds. Maybe I should take up a sport? Maybe Forks could start a girls' football team? I can't run, but I could be in the defense line. They wouldn't be able to tackle me, that's for sure.

"Why? Where you going?" he asks quickly, his voice panicked. He all but runs over to me and kneels in front of me, trying to look into my eyes. The whole thing happens so quickly I just stare at him with wide, surprised eyes. Is this what happens when he takes drugs?

"I should go. If Esme comes home early, you could just tell her you're not feeling well. I'll tell Renee the same thing." I watch him, waiting for his reaction.

"Can I come by later?" he asks, his voice almost sounding shy. "To your bedroom again, I mean," he clarifies. I feel my face flush, just imagining if someone walked in and heard what he just said. Anyone could have taken that the wrong way and assumed something. His reputation would be in worse shape than it is now.

"I think you should sleep this off, Edward. You need to get these drugs out of your system before you even think of driving. I'm seriously thinking about stealing your keys until tomorrow," I state, looking him dead in the eye. If he was to crash his car because of drugs, it would just kill Esme and Alice. Carlisle would also be devastated and, if I'm being honest with myself, it would hurt me as well.

He nods and I stand up again, waiting for him to stop me. He doesn't and after a quick goodbye, Edward shows me to the door, promising to sleep for the rest of the day. And to shower, because if Esme smells him, she will know exactly what he has been doing instead of being inschool.

The walk home is nice. The wind blows softly around me and isn't too harsh. There isn't anyone shouting out their windows at me, so that's an added bonus. Young children and their mothers walk down the sidewalk, having just finished their school day. A businessman rushes past me, his briefcase in one hand and his phone, being held to his ear, in the other. His tie hangs over his shoulder due to his running. He knocks his shoulder against mine, muttering a quiet apology, looking almost distressed that he has to leave and not see if I'm okay. I give him a smile and he keeps running. A mother smiles kindly at me as she passes, her small child skipping just in front of her.

Arriving home, I shut the door quietly behind me, listening for any signs of my mom. Hearing a loud sniffle coming from the kitchen, I put my bag on the floor and slowly walk in there. Her back is to the door as she madly whips whatever she has in her bowl. Cookies, cakes, muffins, every sweet snack I can think of are piled on plates all over the kitchen counters. I should have seen this coming. Ever since I can remember, whenever Renee is sad or angry, she bakes. This is one of the reasons I am as big as I am. After the incident when I was ten, she cooked nonstop for a week, only sleeping when she passed out and nearly set the kitchen on fire.

I sit quietly on a chair at the table and Renee looks over her shoulder at me quickly before returning to her baking. I watch her back as she moves; her shoulders are hunched over and her head is bent forward. Her hand comes up every so often, wiping at her eyes and nose with a wrinkled old tissue. The music that normally plays is off, making the kitchen almost deadly silent. It's sad to see Renee now compared to the old Renee - the one that would dance around, laughing loudly at the stupid lyrics that she would know by heart. I miss that Renee, the care-free, flighty Renee.

I stand up and walk over to her, wrapping my arms around her from behind and watch her pour the mixture onto trays. She offers me a small smile over her shoulder. I let go and lean on the counter, watching as she bends and puts the tray in the oven.

"I guess I should ask why you're home," she tries to joke, but it falls flat.

"I got a headache in Bio." I shrug, knowing she will believe me. She nods, her eyes scanning the counter tops.

"Have a cake. There are plenty, and it will help your headache." She has always said that something sweet will make everything better. That's why she bakes when she is sad, because it will make everything better.

"Thanks, Mom." I pick up a small fairy cake and nibble on it slowly. It's good, but then again, everything Renee bakes is good. All her recipes were Grandma Higgenbottom's, and Renee got her 'cake and cookies' recipe book when she died. Renee wipes her hands on the tea-towel resting on her shoulder and grabs a cake for herself, biting into it.

"Who could that be?" she mutters when the doorbell rings. She puts the tea-towel down and goes to get the door, leaving me in the kitchen. "Hello," she says, her voice sounding a little better. I lean around to see who it is and the color leaves my face. Why are they here?

"Hello, Renee, dear. How are you feeling today?" Her soft voice floats through to the kitchen and my heart fills with the motherly love she gives off unknowingly.

"I'm fine, thank you. Please come in." I hear them shuffle into the living room and the door shuts behind them. I slowly edge my way to the living room and peak around the door. "What's Edward doing out of school today?" Renee asks, her voice sounding so curious.

"He got a headache in Biology," Esme tells her, glancing at Edward out the corner of her eye. Renee's eyes snap to mine and she raises her eye brow at me, making blood rush to my face. What is she thinking? Does she think that Edward and I are doing things instead of going to school? Sure, I took him home today, but that was for a good reason. He promised he would go straight to bed when I left.

Both Esme and Edward look up at me, probably wondering what Renee is staring at. Esme smiles kindly at me and Edward smirks, making me want to hit him. What is he doing? He promised me he would go to bed. I frown at the floor, silently trying to let off some of my annoyance. He promised.

"Isabella, dear. What are you doing out of school today?" Esme asks kindly, looking between me and Renee with a smile on her face. I know that if Renee tells her that I also had a headache, Esme would jump to conclusions.

"I asked her to come home early. Today's a down day," Renee says, her eyes tearing up. Esme immediately jumps up, going to her side and holding her in her arms. She rubs her hair softly and coos at her, trying to stem her tears. I push off the doorway and go into the kitchen, grabbing the box of tissues Renee keeps in there. They are supposed to be for the living room, but Renee has to be different somehow.

I turn back around and gasp, dropping the tissues to the floor. I step back a pace and look up at Edward. His eyes are still red and slightly dilated, but they aren't half as bad as they were when I left him.

"Your mom said can you turn the oven off. The cakes should be ready?" he says it as a question and I nod, turning around and turning the oven off. I open the oven and pull the cakes out with an oven mitt, placing them on the cooling rack. I can feel his eyes on me the whole time and my hands start shaking. Anger begins to seep through me. He told me he would sleep this off!

"What are you doing here?" I ask, whirling around and glaring at him. He puts his hands up in mock surrender, a smirk on his face. "You said you would sleep it off," I hiss at him.

"Esme saw my car and came up to my room. What could I do?" His smirk turns into his own glare, burning straight through me. I swallow and look to the floor, the anger leaving.

"I forgot about that," I admit quietly, feeling like a right idiot. How could I have forgotten about his car? Edward always drives to and from school, so Esme knows he wouldn't leave it at home. Why didn't I park it in the garage or around the corner? I just don't think. Stupid, stupid Isabella.

"Yeah, you did." He glares harder at me when I chance a look up at him, making my eyes snap back to the floor. He huffs and storms out of the room, going back into the living room. Pain suddenly fills my chest and I feel tears prickle the backs of my eyes. Why is he being so mean to me today? I take in a deep breath, trying to get ahold of myself. I have no right to be hurt, I knew this would happen.

Swallowing hard, I bend down and pick up the tissues before following behind Edward, trying to make the hurt leave my face. I hand the box to Esme and she smiles, taking one out and dabbing Renee's cheeks. Sitting on the recliner, I pick at my nails, trying to look anywhere but at Edward.

Why does it hurt so much? He said a few nasty words to me, why does it feel like all these past years didn't exist? The pain from the years that I have been hit and spat on just floats away and new pain explodes in my chest because Edward glared at me and my stupidity. I knew that it would turn out like this. I knew Edward would end up being disgusted with me; I just didn't think it would be so soon. I thought that someone up there was giving me a break, if only for a little while, but they are already ripping it away from me. I guess I truly don't deserve happiness.

"Isabella, don't pick at your nails." Renee scolds, her voice thick. I look down and realize I have made the skin around my nail bleed. How did I not notice that? I put my thumb in my mouth and suck on it, feeling the sting come. A throat clearing comes from my right and I know that Edward is trying to get my attention. I ignore him. Why should I let him off so easily? He hurt me, sure not physically, but the emotional and mental pain is so much worse.

Not many people realize that. Being told the same thing every day for a year is enough to make someone believe it. If you have brown hair and someone tells you that you have blonde hair every day of the year, you may start thinking that your hair is blonde. Even if you know that it isn't, you may have the nagging feeling in the back of your mind that you could have blonde hair and just have not realized it. Yeah, bad logic.

He clears his throat again and both of our mothers look at him.

"Would you like a drink, Edward?" my mother asks, wiping under her nose.

"No, thank you," he replies kindly. Why is he being so nice to her? What good thing has she done for him that I haven't? Has she won over his kindness in a way I never could? I want to ask her what makes him like her. I want him to talk to me like that, I want him to smile his amazing crooked smile at me, and I want to feel the fluttering sensation in my stomach that I used to get around Richard. I want my heart to beat fast when he walks into the room. I know that Edward can give me that and I want it, I want it now.

My eyes widen and I bolt up from the chair, making everyone look at me. I mutter something under my breath and run up the stairs, heading for my bedroom. Slamming the door behind me, I sink to the floor and pull my knees up to my chest, my heart beating erratically against my ribs. What the hell?

Where did those thoughts come from? Was I just jealous of my own mother because Edward was being nice to her? Thinking back over the past few weeks, every time a girl would talk to him or touch him, I would feel anger flare inside me, I just wouldn't admit it. I feel tears fill my eyes as I hug my knees.

What is going on with me?

Silly Bella. *Rolls eyes*.

Thank you all for reading. (:

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Twi-girl09

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