Hi all!

Apologies for the lack of updates, I've been so entralled by the recent Chryed scenes we've had that I could barely concentrate on my fic writing!

Anyway, on with the story!

I'm still a fair few months behind with this, so apologies for that! I hope to catch up soon!

xoxoxo

Syed POV:

I still couldn't believe that Christian had asked Roxy, Roxy, of all people, to be the surrogate mother to our child. Had his previous experience with Amy taught him nothing? Okay, so that may have been below the belt, but Christian knew better than anyone how Roxy would be promising this and that and then, when the time came, she would back out or change her mind, or something else would come up. She had told him that he would be the perfect surrogate father for Amy and had then took all of his dreams and shattered them with a few simple words. Although I hadn't known Christian at the time, he had told me about it, and I could imagine what he had been going through at the time, and the last thing I wanted was for her to let him - us - down in the same way again.

But Christian was generally being Christian, and was getting all over-excited like he had been yesterday when we were just starting to go through the surrogacy stuff. If I was honest with myself, I was still a little unsure about the whole thing, and was still having a hard time lining up this surrogacy stuff with the rules and thoughts of my religion. Could it really be okay for two gay men to bring up a child, or was there some sort of moral code which absolutely forbid this? I had though that my faith had forbid our relationship, but careful study and reading between the lines of the Qu'ran had convined me otherwise. I had never come across this situation before, had never even contemplated it, so I was sure that there would have to be another few hours of reading the Qu'ran again before I was entirely sure whether this idea could be okay within my faith.

But, Christian was ploughing ahead anyway, joking that we'd be adding nappies and baby formula onto our shopping lists before long. I was trying to calm him down a bit, but he was being typically Christian and jumping in feet first and then thinking about the consequences later. I was trying to drop subtle hints that I just didn't know if I was ready for this right now, and he was being typically Christian and not picking up on them. I just hoped that he was just going to do the fertility test with Roxy for now, and that we'd have a chance to talk some morer before he ploughed ahead and we were in way over our heads with only one way out. I know that Roxy just wants to help out a friend in need, but she's never thought that highly of me and I don't think she's 'piss on me if I was on fire', as the saying goes. He sped off to wake up Roxy, and I just had to smile at his excitement. It had been a long time since I'd seen Christian with this much of a smile on his face, and I really didn't want to be the one who ended up wiping it away...

Christian POV:

I have to admit, I was heartbroken when Roxy admitted that she couldn't remember telling me that she'd be a surrogate for me and Syed. I was so looking forward to having a baby with him, and I was even more excited at the prospect of my best friend possibly being involved with my - our- plans, that the thought that she'd been too drunk to even realise what she was saying, much less remember it, hadn't even crossed my mind. Even when she'd tried to tell me that she did remember agreeing, it didn't exactly fill me with hope. She was drunk when she said it, what if she was only agreeing now because she felt like she had to? What if she agreed and then somewhere down the line, changed her mind? I don't think I could deal with the heartache again, not after losing Amy the way I had.

I was so nervous. I put on a front for Syed, that I was all excited and that nothing could possibly go wrong, but inside, I was terrified. What if Roxy couldn't get pregnant, or did change her mind? What if we couldn't find anyone to be our surrogate? Would Syed ever be able to forgive me if it all went wrong? And then, on the flip side, what if Roxy did get pregnant, or if we did find a surrogate? How would that change the dynamics of mine and Syed's relationship? Would we still be the strong unit we'd always been, or would the extra stress prove too much? Would I suddenly back out and change my mind? It seemed like it was all I wanted right now, but what if I changed my mind a few months or years down the line? What if Syed changed his mind? There were so many ifs and buts that my head was getting dizzy just thinking about thinking about them.

Syed POV:

My talk with Tam had enlightened me. Sort of. He was right, though. Having a baby with Christian went against everything I believed in, everything I'd been taught for as long as I could remember. It was going to take a lot of time for me to reconcile this idea with my faith. But Christian was excited, and when he was excited, he just went in and grabbed what he wanted with both hands, to pot with the consequences. I was afraid that he was moving too fast, but I was also afraid of how he would react if I asked him to slow down. He'd wanted this for so long, ever since Amy had been born, that asking him to wait for even longer almost seemed to cruel to contemplate. But I knew that Tam was right; I needed to be sure myself before I committed myself to something as huge as this. All I needed to do now was tell Christian...

Christian POV:

I still can't believe Roxy had tried to seduce me! I mean, I knew she loved me as a friend, but something more than that? Especially with me being 100%, certified gay. It's not that I didn't find her attractive, I'm gay, not blind, I can see how attractive she is, of course I can. But the thought of doing...that...with a woman...in fact, with anyone other than Syed...it makes me shiver! I felt a tangible difference in the air when i left her flat to meet Syed, and I wasn't really sure that she wanted to do this anymore, but I pushed the thought out of my mind. She wouldn't back out just because I'd turned down the offer to sleep with her. I didn't think.

c~s

I had a hard time convincing Syed to come around to the idea of Roxy having our baby. In the café, he suddenly just seemed to opposed to the idea. Or, a little voice in my head said, he's been unsure all along and you've been too caught up in your own excitement to notice. I pushed the voice to the back of my mind. Syed would have told me if he wasn't 100% sure he wanted to have a baby together. I know he would have. That's one of the things I pride myself for; our relationship is built on good communication. And then I realised that this was all moving a bit too fast for him to get his gorgeous head around, and I realised that I had to slow down. For his sake. It didn't matter how much I wanted to do this, I wasn't the only one in this relationship. He seemed to visibly relax when I told him that we could wait, and it made me feel happier than I had been all day. I realised now how strained he had been today, and I wanted to kick myself for it.

And then I realised the one thing which could turn our world upside down. Again. I was out the door of the café and over at Roxy's before I'd even given him an explanation. I just hoped that Roxy hadn't already gone through with it, otherwise, I had a sneaking suspicion that I'd be spending a night on the sofa...

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