Explanation/Disclaimer: "It takes an idiot to do cool things..., that's what makes it cool"


Authors Note: Just a quick little note before I start this Thanksgiving quickie, I just want to say to all my readers, you guys ROCK!!! You really do. The day after I posted number 20, I had a pretty bad day. By the time I got home from work around 10:30pm, I got online, checked my mail, and I had a bunch of reviews, and went past my goal of 200! That made my day! So thank you all so much! Well, enough mushy stuff, let's get this quickie rolling!

Quickie 21: The Thanksgiving Day Massacre.


Announcer: "It's Wednesday, November 26th, and the holiday feeling is in the air. Just what are our favorite heroes up to today?"


"Hey wait" Ash says, "What did you say today's date was?"

Announcer: "November 26th."

"SHOOT!!!" Ash cried out, then ran up to his friends, "Hey guys! Do you realize that Thanksgiving is tomorrow!!!"


Misty looked surprised then went into her backpack and checked a calendar. "Wow! You're right! Where did the time go???"


"We're not going to be able to get home in time for Thanksgiving!!!" Ash cried out.


"Don't panic Ash," Gary said, "Geez, its not that big a deal."

"OF COURSE it's a big deal Gary, don't you realize that..." Ash started to say then stopped and said, "Hey Gary, what are you doing here?"

Gary shrugged, "I dunno. Grandpa forgot to take me home after we helped him with his documentary in the last quickie."

"That sucks." Misty said.


"Nah," Gary said, "I don't mind the trip home, it'll give me a chance to see a bunch of new pokemon."

"No...," Misty corrected, "I meant it sucks that you have to travel with us."

Gary sweatdropped and growled quietly, "Yeah, thanks alot, what makes you think I'll be traveling with you guys anyway?"

"Because we're going to the same place you are." Ash explained, "We're all trying to get home for the holidays..."

Brock pondered that and said, "There's a song in there somewhere..."

"Well this is all very amusing," Misty said, "But how are we suppose to get home in time?"

Brock checked his book and said, "I don't think there's any chance we could get home in any time less then one week... this sucks. Too bad none of us has a pokemon that knows teleport."

"Yeah," Gary said, "We'd all be able to go to our individual homes in a flash."

"That's a not a bad idea," Brock said, "But I had actually meant to use it to teleport you away."

Gary made a rye face again and said, "You know, I'm not feeling the love here..."

"Look, as much fun as making fun of Gary is," Ash said, "This isn't helping our little holiday problem! I'm going to miss my mom's moist succulent turkey, and those stuffings! Mmm.. my mouth is watering just thinking about it."

"Yeah," Brock said, "Just thinking about your mom makes my mouth water too!"

"She really is a good cook!" Misty agreed.

"Umm... yeah...," Brock said trying to look innocent, "That's what I was talking about."

"DUDE!!!" Ash yelled at Brock, "She's my MOM, don't talk about her like that!"

"Hey!" Brock said, "Really! I was just commenting on her cooking skills, just the other night I was dreaming about getting my hands on her yams."

"DUDE!!!" Ash yelled again, "STOP THAT!"

Brock tried to look innocent, "What? She's makes good sweet potatoes!"

Ash eyed his friend suspiciously, then shook his head, and put up his hands, "Alright, let's just drop it, ok?"

The quartet started heading off to the nearest pokemon center, and Misty said, "I have an idea, why don't we just make our own Thanksgiving? We'll get a room in the pokemon center, and pick up so groceries at a local store, and cook ourselves a feast! I'm sure we'll be allowed to use the center's kitchen, since its a holiday and should be empty!"

"That's a great idea!" Ash said, "Then we can start heading home for Christmas!"


"Yeah!" Brock said, "And I can show your mom my Yule Log."

Ash spun on his heels, "Brock I swear if you don't stop..."

Brock put his hands up innocently grinning and said, "What what??? A Yule Log is a Christmas tradition! We' have one in my family for generations, you have to see it!"

Ash eyed Brock suspiciously then started walking again.


Gary whispered to Misty, "This isn't going to end well, is it?"

Misty silently shook her head no.


After a few more steps Gary whispered, "Are they just fooling around, crazy, or just stupid?"

Misty thought about that for a minute then just shrugged.



***IN THE POKEMON CENTER***


"Hi mom!" Ash said on the phone, "Just wanted to call to wish you a Happy Thanksgiving!"

"Oh," Ash's mom said, "I'm so sorry you won't be home for Thanksgiving, but try and have some turkey."

"Yeah, we will," Ash explained, "Misty and Gary are trying to talk nurse Joy into letting us use the kitchen so we can cook dinner here."

"Well, I have to go take the pies out of the oven now Ash," Ash's Mom said, "Call me before you leave the center and start heading home, ok."

"Ok Mom!" Ash said, "I'll see you soon, take care!"

After he hung up, Brock said, "Man, I'd love to have a piece of your mom's pie! That'd be sweet!"

"Oh Jesus Christ bananas!" Ash cursed, "That does it, Pikachu! Thunderbolt!"

Pikachu who thinks that Brock has made too many jokes follows Ash's orders and lets out a strong electric attack, Brock dodged to left and said, "haha, you missed!"

But unfortunately for Brock, as he dodged he stepped on the foot of a Gloom, who unleashed a powerful sleep powder attack. Brock took one whiff and fell to the floor out like a light.

"Oops." Ash said.


***A FEW MINUTES LATER...***

"You're friend will be just fine," Nurse Joy explained, "He just got a whiff of sleep powder, I just gave him the antidote and he'll wake up in about two days."

"Two days?" Misty exclaimed, "Isn't that a long time?"

"Well," Nurse Joy said, "I gave him a watered down version of the real antidote."

"Why?" Misty asked.

"Because earlier today he grabbed my ass when I was bending over rearranging the files. And I told him he'd pay. I was just going to pee in his coffee, but this worked out much better!" Joy explained cheerfully, "Now no more worries about your friends. Can I get you guys anything, maybe something to drink?"

The remaining trio exchanged glances and Gary said, "Anything but coffee..."

After the nurse left, Misty slapped Ash in the back of the head, "Well that's just great, good job Ash, the one person who knows how to make a thanksgiving dinner you knocked him out. That's just great."

"Hey!" Ash said, then in an accent, "I didn't mean it! But that fool wouldn't stop cracking wise about my mama!"

"Don't do that." Gary said.

"Sorry," Ash said, "Anyway, things aren't that bad, we can cook it ourselves! How hard could it be?"

"Well..." Misty said reluctantly, "I don't know..."

Gary shrugged, "Well, why not? Can't fail for trying, right?"

"Yeah!" Ash said, "That's the spirit, let's hit the store!"

***SCENE CHANGE TO THE SUPERMARKET...


"Alright," Misty says reading the list, "We need to get a turkey, stuffings, cranberry sauce, and veggies."

"Ok," Gary says, "It will be faster if we split up, I'll get the stuffings and the Cranberry sauce, Misty, you get the veggies, and Ash, why don't you get a turkey?"

Misty/Ash: "Ok!"

Gary heads over to the canned food isle. "Oh man," Gary said shocked to see the state that the isle was in, "They look like they are out of stuffings... and cranberry sauce. Who would have thought it wasn't wise to wait until the last minute to do thanksgiving food shopping?"


Gary checked through the isle, and mutters, thinking out loud, "All sold out, can you believe it? Ok... think Gary... what can I do... Hey! That might work!"

Gary walks over to the frozen food isle and gets a bag of frozen cranberries, "All I have to do is put these in the blender... and that'll be basically cranberry sauce! Now... for stuffings..."

Gary picks up a few cans of gravy, and goes gets a loaf of bread. "Gravy is nothing but bread and gravy, so we'll put this in the blender too... Gary, you're a genius!"

Meanwhile, Misty seems to be having a very similar problem. "Wow," Misty says to herself, "This place was hit hard! Where's all the vegetables?"

Misty walked over to the bin that was suppose to have sweet potatoes but it was completely empty. Misty looked at the empty bin and said, "Shoot! You have to have sweet potatoes for thanksgiving!" She thinks for a minute, "Well, what if I buy regular potatoes, then add sugar?" Misty smiled, "That's brilliant, I should be on Food TV!"

Unfortunately for Misty, the corn bin was also empty. "No corn on the cob either?!?!" Misty exclaimed, "We have to have corn," Misty then looked over and in the front of the store was Indian corn decorations. A lightbulb went off in Misty's head and she grinned walking towards them thinking, "Food TV, here I come..."

Luck was not on our trio's side, for Ash found something horrible over at the meats section. "Hey!!!" Ash cried out, "There's no more turkeys??? It's Thanksgiving, how can there be no turkeys!"

"What are we going to do Pikachu?" Ash asked Pikachu. Pikachu just shrugged, "Pikachu pika pika chu pikapi." (As long as I have my pokemon food, you think I care?)


"Way to get into the spirit Pikachu" Ash said sarcastically.


"Well," Ash said, "Let's see..." Ash walked around a bit thinking about what to do. Ash looked at down the canned isle. "Hey! Check it out Pikachu! They have canned turkey! If I shaped it into the form of a turkey, we could..."

Pikachu stopped Ash right there by slapping him in the back of the head. "pikachu pikapi!"

"Bad idea?" Ash asked.

"Pi" Pikachu nodded.

"Well..." Ash said, "What if I bought a chicken?"


Pikachu nodded.

"But," Ash said, "The guys want Turkey, not chicken!"

Pikachu thought for a minute then ran down the isle and came back with a box of powdered turkey stock. "Hey!" Ash said, "That's a great idea, I'll sprinkle this on the chicken and it'll taste like turkey! Great thinking Pikachu"

"Pika!" Pikachu said proudly.


***THE NEXT DAY...


Misty and Gary were pulling out the stuff they got yesterday onto the kitchen table. "Hey," Gary asked, "Where's Ash? He's suppose to help us cook!"

"He said he had to wash up before he started to cook," Misty said, "He said not to start without him."

As if on cue, Ash comes into the kitchen wearing a full white apron and white chef's hat. Even more surprisingly, Pikachu is wearing a red apron. "Are we ready to cook?" Ash asked seriously.


Gary and Misty stared at Ash for a moment and finally Gary asked Ash, "Where'd you get the hat?"

Ash shrugged, and said, "Found it somewhere, alright, lets begin!"

Gary walked over to the blender and added his cranberries, and read the settings. "Hey Ash," Gary asked, "What the hell is Frappy?"

Ash looks and says, "That's Frappe', its French... for crap I think."

"Why would crap be on my blender?" Gary asked.

"Probably cause the last person who used it didn't clean it right!" Ash said delivering the punchline.

Gary rolled his eyes, as Ash laughed, after he finished laughing, Ash said, "So, in summary, I have no idea what it means."

"Thanks." Gary said dryly.


"No prob." Ash responded.


As Gary was heading back to the blender he saw Misty washing something, "What are you doing?"

"Well, the recipe for candied sweet potatoes yesterday said the potatoes have to be cleaned before we mash them." Misty explained pulling the spud covered with soap out of the sink.

"Oh," Gary said, "Good work then," And kept walking away.

Misty examined her spud and said, "I dunno, it still doesn't seem clean... hey, maybe I could use a brillo pad!!!"

Misty took the brillo pad and started scrubbing the spuds so hard she ripped the skin off alot of them, leaving shards of metal inside the potato.

Ash took out the chicken and dropped it on the table. KLUNK!!! It made a loud solid noise. "Uh oh," Ash said, "I think its still frozen! I can't cook it while it's frozen, can I? What can I do? Maybe if unwrap it, it'll defrost...?"


Ash used a knife to tear open the plastic around the bird, so badly in fact that he sliced off a leg in the process, "Oh damn!" Ash cursed. Ash looked at the leg sitting on the table, picked it up, and started shoving it up the chicken's opening. But the leg wouldn't go all the way in.


Ash looked into the bird, "What is all the junk in there?"

Pikachu hopped on the table and pointed to the chicken's label. Ash read it, "Gizzards and neck inside bird... oh, well we have to leave them in there, adds flavor."

Pikachu looked skeptical, but Ash ignored the pokemon and took out the leg and looked around. "Hey!" Ash said, "I have an idea," Ash then proceeded to jam the chicken leg into the chicken's neck. "There we go! Perfect!" Ash said grinning proudly. The chicken now looked like a one legged freaky bird monster with a tiny head sticking out its neck.


Ash tapped on the bird's breast, "Still frozen though..." Ash looked around for inspiration.

Meanwhile, Gary was having problems with his cranberries. "Alright," Gary said, "I blended the frappe' out of them, but my sauce is more like cranberry juice, not sauce. Hey Misty, hand me that sugar you're working with."

Misty stopped sprinkling the sugar on her potatoes and handed the bag of sugar to Gary, "Here you go."

Gary added more sugar then was needed and hit the blender again. "How long do I have to beat this until it forms?" Gary wondered.

*THUD!


*THUD!


*THUD!


"Misty, what are you doing?" Ash asked, pulling out a frying pan.


"Mashing the potatoes," she explained.


"With a hammer?" Ash asked.


"Yeah, why not? I couldn't find the potato masher, so I found this hammer under the sink, it works."

"Well, whatever works..." Ash says.


Misty hits the potatoes a few more times, although they really are more smashed and flattened then mashed. "Alright, now I need marshmallows... MARSHMALLOWS!!! We didn't get them!" Misty thought, "Oh no, what am I going to do?"

Misty checked through the cabinets looking for marshmallows, "YES!" She cried out, "A jar of Marshmallow fluff! This will work!"

Misty emptied the jar of marshmallow goo onto the smashed spuds and hit it with a hammer a few more times until everything was a mess. "Alright" Misty said, "Now, into the oven!"

Misty put her candied sweet potatoes in the oven and read her recipe, "Well, it says an hour at 300 degrees..., hey Ash, how long before the turkey is done?"

Ash looked at his frozen bird and said, "I don't think much longer then 30 minutes," Ash responded.


"Well," Misty said, "I'll just put it on 550 degrees for about a half an hour, that should work." And does so.


Meanwhile, Ash fills up the frying pan to the brim with oil, and turns the burner up high. Ash dumps the entire package of powdered turkey stock into the oil, smoke starts to form.


"Ash?" Misty asked, "Is it suppose to do that?"

"I think so," Ash says, "That's how you get that Smokey flavor!"

"Oh!" Misty says, "Duh!"

Gary then had a brilliant idea, he pulled out a pokeball, "Nidoqueen come on out!" Out came a large blue pokemon, "Hey, Nidoqueen, use ice beam on this cranberry mixture, that'll make it solidify up!"

The pokemon does as its told, and a few seconds later, the mixture is frozen solid, "Thanks Nidoqueen, you can go back to resting now!" And he calls the pokemon back.


Gary looked at the frozen mixture in the blender and said, "Well its no good like this, good thing its in a blender, it'll chop it up!" Gary hit the "Chop" setting, but nothing happens because its frozen solid. "Hmmm, well I'll just keep it running, it'll break apart with time!"

As Gary walked over to see if he could help Ash, the blender started making a strange noise...


"Ash," Gary asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm going to drop the 'turkey' in this frying pan." Ash said.


"Why?" Gary asked, "Aren't you suppose to bake a turkey?"

"Oh," Ash said, "You've never heard of fried turkey?"


"Oh yeah!" Gary said, "That's suppose to be good."

Ash and Gary lifted the frozen chicken and dropped it into the filled frying pan. All hell then breaks loose. The frozen chicken sizzles loudly and large globs of grease fly out of the pan, the bird bursts into the flames. To make matters worse, Misty's sweet potatoes also have also caught on fire, as the marshmallows dripped off the potatoes and onto the fire grill on the bottom of the oven. The glass on the door of the oven cracks cause and black smoke billows out. "Jeez!" Ash cried out, "Gary, call out any water pokemon you have, you too Misty!"

Just as they were going to go for their pokeballs, Gary's blender shoots sparks out of it, the motor giving out and causing a power outage so the entire pokemon center goes dark, except that is the kitchen, because half of one wall is now in flames. The surprise outage shocked the trio, who crashed into each other and they all dropped their pokeballs.


They started crawling around the floor in the dark, trying to find them, using the growing fire as the only light source to help them find the balls. "Well, this couldn't get worse..." Ash muttered.


????: "Prepare for trouble!"

"You HAD to say it, didn't you Ash," Misty muttered angrily at him.


????: "Yes and make it... oh my god what the hell is going on in here???"

Jessie James and Meowth stare at the carnage that is going on in the room. "Maybe this is a bad time," Meowth says.


To drive that point home, the pressure in the turkey had reached critical and the entire bird bird open spraying the flaming carcass around the room, and driving the leg out of its neck at bullet speed which catches James right between the eyes, knocking out the Team Rocket member. "Yipes!" Meowth says, "They's flinging flaming poultry at us! Let's get out of here!!!"

And with that, Jessie picked up her teammate and took off in a hurry. "Hey!" Ash said, "I found Totodile's ball!" Ash called out the pokemon and yelled, "Totodile! Use watergun!"

"Hey Ash!" Misty said as Ash was commanding his pokemon, "Isn't water the worst thing to use on a grease fire?"

"Uh-oh..." Ash said realizing too late. Totodile's squirt gun hit the frying pan dead on, spraying flaming oil to the ceiling which also starts to burn. "Totodile, return!!!"

"WHAT THE Fbleep IS GOING ON IN HERE????" Nurse Joy yelled, bursting into the room with a fire extinguisher. A few moments later, Nurse Joy had skillfully put the fire out.


The trio stands there in stunned silence but before anyone could say anything, the power kicked back on, and with one final power surge to the burned out motor, the blender kicked on high, blasting out its entire contents of frozen slushed cranberries splattering on everyone and everything in the room.


Everyone stood there in shock, slightly singed but also freezing cause of the sticky cranberry glop dripping off them. Finally Ash spoke up, "Pizza anyone?"

Everyone falls over in shock...


Iris out on Ash shrugging.


THE END


"Well, that was fun!" Ash tasting the glop on him, "Mmm... not bad Gary..."

"Thanks." Gary said using a towel to clean himself off.


"Anytime you can make a mess," Misty said, "It's sounds good to me."

Brock walked up to them and said, "Sure, easy for you guys to say, I was almost out of this episode completely..."

"Hey!" Ash said, "You're the one that wanted time off, for 'personal' reasons."

"How did the try outs for the Visine ads go?" Misty asked.


Brock furrowed his brow, "Don't ask..."

"Well, better luck next time right?" Ash said, "Well, Happy Thanksgiving guys!"


All: "Happy Thanksgiving!!!"

...


...


...


...

"Hey, Ash" Misty asked, "Did you remember to turn off the oven with the burning potatoes?"

On cue, the oven door opened on its own, flames shooting out, "Umm," Ash said, "I say we leave this for the morlocks to clean up..." and took off running.


A woman with a patch over her eye, followed closely by a little lizard child, muttered "Yeah yeah, we got it..."

(Its wonderful if you get that joke..., if you don't, you're not missing much. :-D )


THE REAL END



Ok ok, I know its a day late, but I was busy thanksgiving day, it's still funny, right? Thank you for reading, and I know what I'm thankful for! Family, Friends, Health, and readers like you. Yeah I know that's super corny, but hey, I appreciate you reading them, wouldn't be any fun to write if no one read them, and you guys rock. I hope you all had a happy healthy thanksgiving day (for those of you that celebrate thanksgiving), take care all!