Stefan
I feel Damon's name etched on my lips, but no sound comes out. I scream his name in my head and as the darkness lifts, confusion sets in, instantly followed by panic. When I pry my eyes open I'm greeted by the hazy outlines of four familiar faces.
"Stefan? Stefan, are you okay?" Caroline asks worriedly.
I feel a hand reach out to me and help me sit up. My hand goes to my head as I attempt to fight my way through the lingering fog and notice I'm laid on Elena's couch.
"Wh-what happened?" I ask.
"Long story, brother," Damon replies. "We've got ourselves a bit of a situation, but before we explain, you better drink this."
He tosses me a blood bag and I don't hesitate in ripping it open, and the second I've finished I get up, my strength having returned and ask again more firmly, "So who's going to tell me what happened?"
Elena remains sitting on the couch across from me, with her head bowed down against her chest, Matt sat beside her, the same look of bewilderment and concern on his face that's usually present.
Caroline explains, "Well, I was at home and I was just finishing packing some last minute things for the trip tomorrow, you know, some shoes and..."
"Get to the point, Blondie," Damon snaps, cutting her off.
She shoots a poisonous glare at him and then carries on. "Bonnie texted me to meet here, said it was an emergency and to bring the map and the plane tickets with me."
"We got the same text," I say, looking up to Damon a frown on my face.
"I didn't even think to ask any questions. I just got in my car and I came straight over, but-but when I got here, Elena...she was tied up and I ran to help her and that's when I saw Bonnie and Jeremy. I asked them to help me with Elena, but she just...she said sorry and then nothing."
"Vervain," Damon says meeting my eyes.
"When I woke up, you and Damon were here too," Caroline continues. "I managed to reach my phone and call Matt, but...the tickets and the map...they were gone."
I shake my head in disbelief as I attempt to correlate the events and sync them up in my mind.
"Why would they do this?" I ask, my eyes looking up to the ceiling.
"They must be compelled. It must be Klaus, it has to be. They'd never do something like this otherwise," Caroline says.
"Jeremy can't be compelled, he's a Hunter and Bonnie's a witch," I remind them. "And anyway, that still doesn't explain why. Why would Klaus want them to do this? He gave us the map and he wants us to find the cure for Elena."
"Thank you, that's exactly what I said," Damon states.
I return to my earlier conversation with Bonnie and Jeremy at Bonnie's house and kick myself. I knew something wasn't right, but I ignored it and now this has happened. I dare not admit my suspicions to them, because it would only cause unnecessary tension and we need to focus on finding Jeremy and Bonnie.
"Well, enough sitting around and asking questions. We're all good, so I say we get our asses round to Klaus' and ask him what the hell is going on," Damon says.
"What-what time is it? How long we were out?" I ask searching the room.
"It's almost 5," Caroline answers.
"Five?" I exclaim in shock. "How much vervain was in those grenades?"
"A lot. They needed us to be out long enough so that we couldn't stop them, and it worked," Damon says to which Caroline adds, "Our flight leaves from Philadelphia in five hours. We'd never make it."
"Oh, by the way, for future reference, if we're planning a last minute trip, let's not let Caroline handle it," Damon snipes.
"You're really going to try and put the blame on me for this?" Caroline bites turning and getting in Damon's face. "Philadelphia was the only place that had a flight out with enough seats available on such short notice. And anyway, at least I actually did something. If it wasn't for me we wouldn't even have the map."
Damon scoffs lightly. "What do you want? A pat on the back? There you go," he replies, hitting her on the back and causing her to squirm.
"Stop, just stop," I say irritably. "We don't have time for this. Every second we stand around here arguing is another second that Bonnie and Jeremy get away. We need to get over to Klaus' and find out what he knows."
Damon and Caroline glare at each other one last time, then turn to me and nod in agreement, before heading for the door. I get up and follow on wobbly legs, and notice that Elena is still sat on the couch.
"Elena?" I question.
"Huh? Oh, sorry. I'm right behind you," she replies getting up and slowly walking towards me.
"Everything's going to be okay, you know." I say, as she's about to pass me. "Whatever's going on, we'll find a way to stop it. If it's compulsion we'll break it, we'll-"
"You said it yourself, Stefan. Jeremy can't be compelled and neither can Bonnie. I just...I have a really bad feeling about all of this," she says, her lip practically trembling.
I wrap my arm about her and pull her into me for a brief moment, before Damon hollers at us to hurry up. After dropping a bitter Matt back home despite his insisitence he help, we arrive at Klaus', to find him already on his feet as though in anticipation of our arrival.
"Well, it's about bloody time!" he exclaims. "The witch and the Hunter have already been and they've taken Shane."
Shane. I should've known.
"Shane?" Damon, Caroline and Elena question in unison, looks of confusion on their faces.
"You should've let me out of here, I could've stopped this," Klaus says loudly.
"Not now, Klaus," Damon snaps.
He bangs his foot like an adolescent and part of me wishes we had let Klaus go free, because I believe he could've prevented this and given the circumstances I'd also be grateful for his assistance, but unfortunately the only person that can drop the veil is Bonnie.
"Do you have any idea why they've done this? Why they've taken the map and the tickets and Shane? What do they want?" Caroline asks Klaus exasperated.
He shrugs. "Just because Shane was my prisoner doesn't mean he stopped being a threat. He never stopped wanting Silas and being a man close to my own heart, I can say with some certainty that he likely never stopped working on a plan to get exactly that. He wasn't going to rely on me keeping up my end of the deal once we found the cure, he wanted a guarantee that he would get Silas and I guess he found a way to do that through the witch. When you locked me up in this room, you left yourselves vulnerable to him and anything that happens now is your doing."
"Urgh! You're no help at all!" Caroline yells to which Klaus lets out an amused chuckle.
"Look, I told Stefan about Bonnie and Jeremy's meetings with Shane and with that I allowed him to handle it in the way he felt best."
"What?" Damon and Elena exclaim, turning their heads to look at me. And just like that, my secret is out in the open.
"Stefan, you knew about this?" Elena asks, hurt in her voice.
"No, I didn't," I reply defensively. "Klaus told me about the meetings, I asked Bonnie and Jeremy about it, they said it was nothing and I believed them. And anyway, we all noticed they were acting strange, but we didn't do anything because it's Bonnie and Jeremy."
Caroline sighs and says, "Elena, he's right. I confronted Bonnie about Shane, and I thought something was off, but I...I should've just pushed harder. I didn't because it's Bonnie, but I should've. I could've stopped this by being there for her."
"We can't blame ourselves," I say.
"Why not?" Elena pipes up unexpectedly. "Bonnie is our best friend and Jeremy is my brother and I didn't even...I didn't see what was going on. If I'd have just paid more attention, asked if they were okay, I could've...I would've realised something was wrong and I could've helped," she says echoing Caroline's sense of blame.
"Shane had his hooks deep into Bonnie, you couldn't have done anything," Damon replies in an attempt to comfort her.
"So that's been his plan all along? To use Bonnie and Jeremy to get Silas? But how? Why would they even agree to help him with something like that?" Elena asks exasperated.
"We don't know the full story. Maybe they made a deal with him. If Bonnie agreed to do the spell to resurrect Silas without us, maybe he agreed to give her the cure and leave," I say, attempting to make sense of Bonnie and Jeremy's actions.
Elena shakes her head. "They wouldn't do that. Not without telling us about it."
"Unless he threatened them or us," Damon says.
"None of that matters now, we need to get to Nova Scotia and find out for ourselves," I say.
"How? They took our plane tickets and we won't get another flight out this close to the holidays," Caroline says.
"So, we'll drive down."
"Drive? But that'll take days," Elena says defeated.
"We don't have any other options," I reply.
"We better get going, then," Damon says, taking off on his toes for the front door.
"Whoa! Whoa!" Klaus calls out, causing us to turn back. "You need to find a way to get me out of here."
"And how are we supposed to do that without Bonnie?" Caroline asks.
"I know a few witches. Hand me my phone and I'll make a call."
I look to Caroline and then I say, "We don't have the time for that."
"None of this would've happened if you hadn't of betrayed me, now don't make that same mistake again. If you let me go now, I might just find it in my heart to forgive you."
"I already made a deal with you, Klaus and you promised not to hurt us. The deal still stands."
"Does it now?"
"Yes, it does," she replies firmly. "We can handle this. Bonnie and Jeremy are our friends."
He smiles to himself and scratches his head, and the four of us leave without another word.
Damon
It's less than 15 minutes before Stefan and I arrive home and have our bags packed ready to hit the road. By now I'm accustomed to these sudden and shocking changes in circumstances, so I'm numb to it. I feel determined and raring for the fight ahead, whatever it may bring.
"So, what's the plan?" I ask Stefan dumping my bag at the front door.
"Caroline should be at Elena's now, so we take your car, get over there and then we leave straightaway."
"Aren't you forgetting something?"
"What?" he questions.
"The map, dumbass. How are we supposed to know where we're going without the map?"
"Caroline has pictures on her phone, dumbass," he retorts.
"Well, that's everything then. Let's go, brother," I say swinging my bag over my shoulder and leaving.
When we get to Elena's, she's quiet and I can sense her anxiety. After 10 minutes or so of staring at the photos on Caroline's phone of the map and squabbling, we manage to make some sense of the directions and set off on the road armed with a map each covered in scribble. It's already after 7am by the time we finally hit the road and we're greeted by blue skies and birdsong. Aside from the hours that I spent in a vervain induced coma, I haven't slept, but I feel surprisingly refreshed. Stefan is sat in the passenger seat, loudly clattering through the CD's in my glove box in an attempt to find one that he hasn't heard a thousand times before and I can sense how agitated he is.
"I know you're in a bad mood, but there's no need to take it out on my sterling collection of power ballads," I say with a smirk.
He exhales and returns the CD's back into the glove box, then says, "I knew something was off."
"What do you mean? With Bonnie?"
"Yeah. I sensed something was wrong and then Klaus told me about the visits and that made me more suspicious, but I...I kept ignoring it."
He falls silent for a few moments and then says, "I went to see her last night. Bonnie. I wanted to ask her about Shane and when I got there Jeremy was there."
"What? What did they say?" I ask.
"Nothing, nothing at all, but they were...they were tense almost like they were afraid of something."
"Shane?"
"Gotta be. But the point is, I knew they were lying when they said everything was okay and I left and a couple of hours later they did this. Elena and Caroline keep blaming themselves, but this...this is my fault. I'm the one that could've stopped them and I should've," he says hanging his head in shame.
I sigh deeply. "Look, Stef, believe me when I say no one enjoys seeing your misery more than me, but it's no one's fault. Whatever Shane's got on them...it must be big. I doubt anyone could've stopped it."
"I could've tried," he replies, his voice dripping with guilt.
"Every single plan we've made so far to find this cure has failed. All of them. What made you think this would be any different? Let's face it, we suck at this," I say with a light laugh.
"But this is different. These aren't our enemies, Damon, it's Jeremy and it's Bonnie. These are people we care about and they betrayed us. What if they're hurt? What if they're dead? Or worse, what if it comes down to a fight and we have to stop them?"
I shake my head, determined not to let his pessimism infect me. One of us has to remain strong.
"We'll save Bonnie and Jeremy and we'll get the cure. We've got this far, what's one more hurdle?"
"I hope you're right," he says, before twisting his head and looking out of the window.
I understand Stefan's guilt and doubt, and although I'd never admit it, I carry it just the same. Klaus may not have told me directly about Bonnie and Jeremy's visits with Shane, but the signs were there, I just didn't notice because I didn't want to. Instead I spent the entirety of yesterday throwing a pity party for one when I should've been with my brother, with Elena, with the people that although I may pretend otherwise, I actually care about. All this time I've been convincing myself and everyone around me that my only reasons for wanting to find the cure are for Elena, but the truth is it's become about a lot more than that and I hadn't realised until now. Sure, the cure will give Elena back her life and in the process hopefully make her happy, but there's more to this now. I don't want any harm to come to Jeremy or Bonnie, I even believe I would be sad if anything happened to Caroline. This may have started out as a hunt for a cure, but now it's a fight to stay alive, to reach the finish line and I want to make sure that it's me, Stefan, Elena, Bonnie, Jeremy and Caroline that are the ones that reach that finish line first.
Luckily for us, being vampires means that we can withstand long periods of times without the necessary things humans need to function such as food, water, bathroom breaks and naps. There's a pile of blood bags on the back seat and a sip from them every few hours or so keeps us alert and aside from having to compel a bunch of traffic wardens and police officers along the way that catch us speeding, we manage to kill 10 hours in one sitting.
Stefan's mood remains solemn and every attempt I make at small talk fails, so I eventually relent and we remain in silence. When night falls, we pull over at a gas station to re-fuel and it feels good to stretch my legs and to have a moment away from Stefan's dreary face. I go to Elena to check in with her and she greets me with a pitiful smile.
"How are you feeling?" I ask with genuine concern.
"I'm...I'm okay," she says and I know her well enough to know she's lying.
I want desperately to break through her grey mood, but I don't know how. Usually a brazen joke or flirtatious comment does the trick, but it won't this time. Caroline and Stefan emerge from the store with bags of snacks and cups of coffee in tow, which are no doubt their attempt to lift our moods. Caroline hands one to Elena and she takes a sip, and I can see that something as small as hot coffee brings her a moment of relief.
"I was thinking we should spend the night in a motel," I say.
"What?" Caroline exclaims in horror.
"We've been on the road for 10 hours, that's half way. We need to take some time to recuperate."
"No, it's not an option, Damon," Stefan says.
"Bonnie and Jeremy's flight will have landed by now, we can't afford to waste anymore time," Caroline adds.
"Caroline's right. We've already wasted enough time," Stefan agrees.
I look to Elena in the hopes she will back me, but she meets my eyes, tilts her head to the side and I know that she agrees with Stefan and Caroline.
"Okay, fine, fine. Majority rules and whatever, but we're gonna have to stop eventually."
"Why?" Elena asks.
"For one thing we don't even know where the hell we're going."
"What do you mean?" Stefan asks. "We have the map. It's all right here."
"And you think it's gonna be that easy? We were supposed to be here with Jeremy, Bonnie, Klaus and Shane. We're just treading water here."
"We don't need to hear this right now, Damon," Stefan says shooting me a disapproving glare.
"Why not? It's just the truth. Bonnie's the one with the magic, Jeremy has the tattoos, Klaus knows how to read the map and Shane is the cure/Silas expert. We have no idea what we're doing here," I say frustratingly.
"That's enough, Damon!" Elena explodes unexpectedly, causing Stefan, Caroline and I to all jerk our heads to her in surprise. "This is my brother and best friend, we're talking about. For all we know they could be hurt or even worse. It doesn't matter if we don't know everything, we have to try. We have to find them and bring them home and right now, I don't care about anything else. Everything we've done to find this cure means nothing if anything happens to them. So I don't care if we don't know where we going or if we don't have magic or Klaus or Shane, because I will do whatever it takes to find Jeremy and Bonnie."
She stands firmly on the spot, her breathing heavy, her eyes intensely ferocious and a small exhalation escapes me. That's my girl. This is the Elena I love, the one that's strong, that fights and I'm glad my words were enough to bring her back to that and drag her out of the fear that I know has been paralysing her since we found out about Bonnie and Jeremy.
Caroline goes to her and drapes her arms about her shoulder and says comfortingly, "And we will find them, Elena. Whatever it takes. Isn't that right, Damon?"
I nod and the two of them head back to Caroline's car and get in without another word. Stefan turns to me and patronisingly says, "Smooth. Really smooth."
"What? Don't blame me just because I'm the only one that says it how it is."
"It's always so black and white with you, isn't it, Damon? Did you ever consider that maybe right now what they need, what we all need, is hope?"
"Hope?" I scoff. "Hope never did anybody any good. We need to be realistic. We're in way over our heads, just like we always are and it's time we all prepared ourselves for what's to come."
"And what's that?"
"I don't know, Stefan. But now isn't the time to be scared or sad, now is the time to be strong. Elena needed to hear what I just said, so did Caroline and I'm not sorry I said it."
He sighs deeply and half shakes his head, but he doesn't argue back because he knows I'm right, even if he won't admit that.
"Come on, we better get back on the road. I'll drive," he says taking the car keys from my hand and climbing into the drivers seat.
Elena
The second half of the trip seems to pass by quickly. Damon's words at the gas station sparked something inside me and the passive mood I succumbed to yesterday has faded and been replaced by my usual determination. Caroline manages to maintain her outward optimism and I find her incessant small talk and singing to be somewhat of a comfort, even if it doesn't take my mind off of what's ahead of us.
The second that I saw Bonnie and Jeremy's faces just before they threw that vervain grenade, I was paralysed. At first it was shock, but that quickly gave way to fear. Of all the things I've faced, this has ignited a new kind of fear, simply because it's Jeremy and Bonnie. They're not my enemies, they're my family and everything about this is unfamiliar territory. I've been betrayed by those that I've loved in the past, but never them. Never. And the fact that they have gone to such lengths to derail our plans terrifies me, because I can't fathom what would make them do that. Compulsion is the only way I would've believed it were possible to get them to turn on us like this, but that's impossible, so what else could it be? It's so baffling that no matter how hard I strain my mind I can't seem to come up with an answer. All I can do is cling to the trust I still have for them and have faith that whatever they're doing is justified. Maybe it's naive of me to believe after all of this that they're still on our side and that this is something they've done for our benefit, but what else can I do? I've only just about managed to regain hope for the future and I'm not ready to let go of that so soon by losing faith in Bonnie and Jeremy. Caroline's right, we will find them and when we do they'll explain and we'll understand.
At around 5pm Damon's car stops up ahead and Caroline pulls in behind. We've been on the road for so long that every street has merged into one and all there is to identify where we are is vast country and a street sign that reads "5 miles to town".
"This is as far as it goes," Stefan states as he climbs out of the car, the map in his hand.
"What?" Caroline exclaims, reaching in the car for her own map. "But...that can't be."
"Told you we were going to get lost," Damon says to which Caroline wrinkles her nose at him in annoyance.
"Maybe we took a wrong turning somewhere," I say reaching for the map from Stefan's hands and glancing over it.
"No. I would've known. I've followed it so carefully," Stefan says with certainty.
"So what are we going to do now, genius?" Damon asks Caroline.
"Okay, so I don't know everything! Neither do you," Caroline snaps.
"Look, there's got to be something we're missing," Stefan says, ever the voice of reason. "We'll carry on driving until we get to the town and we'll stop off at a motel to look back over the photos of the tattoos and the map, and see what we've missed."
I look up at him a proud smile on my face and Damon and Caroline nod in agreement, before both taking off on their heels, like a pair of overgrown teenagers. Stefan rolls his eyes as do I and then we both let out an amused chuckle.
"So, do you really think that we'll be able to find whatever we're missing?" I ask him.
He scratches his head and then says, "Yeah, I do. And even if we don't Bonnie and Jeremy are using the same map as us, so they must be here somewhere. Maybe we won't find the cure, but we'll find them."
I nod. "What I said about the cure, about not caring about it...I meant it, but I...I still-"
"I know," he replies, before I have the chance to finish my sentence.
"But just promise me that if this all turns out to be true and we find the cure...just promise me you won't risk your life for it, because it's not worth it, Stefan."
"Isn't it?" he asks, meeting my eyes.
"No, it's not," I say stepping closer to him. "It's not worth your life. Nothing is."
A soft smile comes across his face, as he leans into me and his eyes go down to my mouth, but the tender moment comes to an abrupt end by an impatient Damon honking the horn.
"Come on! Let's go!" he yells out of the window.
Stefan and I roll our eyes in unison and break apart, yet another moment between us left unfinished.
Damon
We book into the first motel we come across, which is a hovel with hideously, outdated textured orange wallpaper and dimly lit halls due to the glass light shades that are full of dust. Caroline mutters in disapproval, but I'm just relieved to be off the road. All of us are irritable and snappy with one another, so the second we have the keys we grab our bags from the car and Caroline and Elena disappear into the twin room they're sharing next to the one Stefan and I are sharing. Stefan wastes no time in pulling the maps out and spreading them across his bed, with his phone in his hand and I watch him squint at the maps and then at his phone and back again, as he attempts to decipher them and I wonder how he still has the energy.
"Are you gonna help or are you just gonna stand there and watch?" he asks, not taking his eyes off his phone.
"Help with what? We've been over them a thousand times. We haven't missed anything, we followed it down to a T and it led us to that road in the middle of no where. When are you gonna admit that there is no cure and that this was all for nothing?"
He slams his phone down then and looks up at me from underneath his eyebrows which are furrowed into an angry frown. "Is that what you think? That all of this was for nothing? Even if there's no cure and this is nothing more than a wild goose chase, we still have to find Bonnie and Jeremy. They're trying to find the cure too and they used this map to do it, which means they're here somewhere."
"Okay, so even if we do find Bonnie and Jeremy..."
"When," he corrects.
"...what are we going to do then? Come on, Stefan. You're always the one with the brilliant ideas, what are we going to do?"
"I don't know, Damon!" he shouts jumping up from the bed and throwing the maps across the room in a rage. "I don't know, okay?"
I shake my head and turn on my heels, slamming the door shut behind me too exhausted to fight with him. I head downstairs and out the front, desperate for some air to clear my head. I exhale heavily as I lift my head up to the black sky and when I look down I see Elena perched against the wall of the motel.
"Hey," she says.
"Oh...hey," I say, not expecting to see her out here. "I thought you were resting."
She shakes her head. "Couldn't sleep, and Caroline's snoring doesn't help."
I chuckle lightly which causes her to crack a small smile and I get closer to her, leaning against the wall beside her and looking out ahead at the car park that is completely empty, aside from two cars, which likely belong to the staff.
"I heard what you were just saying," she starts. "That you think all of this is for nothing."
I stammer a moment and she hangs her head and adds, "It's okay. I know you never really believed all of that stuff about the cure, you only went along with it for me and Stefan. I'm not sure if I ever really believed it myself, but...but Stefan, he gave me hope."
"Well, that's my brother," I say attempting to mask the hurt I feel to hear he speak so fondly of Stefan.
"I can let go of that hope about the cure, but I can't let go of the hope that we're going to find Jeremy and Bonnie. I never will."
I nod and reply with, "I know. I know that."
"So if you don't want to be here, if you think all of this is for nothing, if you don't care about Jeremy or Bonnie, you can leave. You can turn around and go home, no one's stopping you."
I turn to stare at her, unsure of what to say.
"You know I won't do that," I say, after what feels like a lifetime of silence.
"I just...I can't keep doing it, Damon. Whenever I feel even a glimmer of hope, you...you always tear it apart. And I...I..." she trails off and sighs lightly.
"Why do you think I do it, huh? Why do you think I said what I said at the gas station? Stefan and Caroline, they're the optimists, but me, I'm a realist. My brother is the bearer of false hope, and I don't want...I'm trying to help you, Elena. If the worst happens you need to prepared. There's no use in pretending everything's going to be okay, because it's not."
She turns to face me, her dark eyes glistening with the tears that she refuses to cry.
"I know that," she says her voice quiet. "But we don't have to assume the worst either. Everything could still work out and that's what having hope is, Damon."
I shake my head, frustrated that she doesn't seem to be taking in my advice and already I can sense the change in her attitude as a result of the time she's spent with Stefan.
"Sounds like you've been spending too much time with Stefan. So much for needing time alone," I say, unable to hide my bitterness.
She sighs deeply and stands up right, turning her body towards me as she says, "Don't do that."
"Do what?"
"That. The snide comments. If you want to know about Stefan, ask."
"Fine. Are you two back together? There, I asked."
She meets my eyes nervously and then breaks away. "I...I don't know," she answers her voice quiet. "We've been getting closer again and we...we kissed."
I inhale sharply, having felt like a shard of wood has just been plummeted into my stomach.
"I'm sorry," she says shaking her head. "I just...I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to lie to you either. You need to know these things, Damon. You need to know that I love him."
I bite down on my lip and nod my head, the unexpected urge to sob taking me over. I don't cry in front of people, not ever, so I fight it with all my might, determined not to shed a tear in front of her. It's not the first time she's professed her love for Stefan to me, yet every time she does it hurts that little bit more.
"So, I guess that means there's no chance that you want to take back everything you said the other day," I say quietly with a light laugh, my pathetic attempt at masking the pain.
She tilts her head to the side, guilt and sympathy in her eyes and then shakes her head. "When I broke up with Stefan, I...I didn't really think it through. I was running on emotion, I was afraid and I was lost, but this is different. Telling you that I loved you and being truthful with you about what I want from you, it wasn't something I just did on the spot. I'd been thinking about it a lot and-"
"I get it. You made a mistake with me and now you're trying to correct that mistake. It's cool."
"No, Damon, I didn't say that."
"I'm paraphrasing."
She raises her eyebrows at me and says, "I was worried about you the other day, after we talked at The Boarding House. You weren't answering your phone and I was scared you might have done something...reckless, but you didn't..."
That's what she thinks.
"...and that just shows how much you've grown, Damon. I've never...I've never been able to talk to you like this before..."
It's true, she hasn't, because this is the first time I've actually taken the time to listen to her without my temper getting the best of me. I guess Elena isn't the only person that Stefan has inspired. Even now his words about a truce are running through my mind and are what are enabling me to remain calm and collected.
I sigh. "You know...the one thing I did have hope for was us. It's the only thing in my entire life that I hoped for and look at where it got me."
"Damon..." she says reaching out to place an sympathetic hand on my arm.
"No, don't," I say gently shrugging her off me, unable to withstand the pain of her touch. "Just stop apologising. You've made your choice and as much as I hate it, I'll accept it, because what else can I do? I thought I could win you from my brother fair and square, but you don't want me and besides, Stefan has a point. You're not a prize to be won, and you deserve more. You deserve better than me. I get why you love my brother, because he's ten times the man I'll ever be and I think that if I let myself admit it, I've always known it would end this way. There was never going to be a happy ending for us, no matter how hard I hoped for it."
She stares on at me in awe, her lips parted slightly, then sniffs and says, "You're a good man, Damon Salvatore."
I jerk my head to her my eyes wide in surprise. Of all the things she's ever said to me, those words, along with I love you are the most meaningful and precious. No one has ever said that about me before, no one, not even when I was a kid but the fact that she sees good in me is one of the reasons I love her most, because if she believes it, it must be true. I can't stop the beaming smile that comes across my face and despite pushing her away a moment ago because it was too painful, I find myself wrapping my arms about her, unable to contain my gratitude. She returns my hug and although I'm overtaken by love, this moment feels different than anything I've ever shared with her before, even more profound than when we shared our first kiss or when we made love, because this is the first time we have truly heard each other. There's none of the usual animosity or anger or fire that is between us, just understanding and respect. I never thought we'd get to this place of clarity, but Elena finally admitting the truth to herself and to me has set us free and finally put an end to the cycle I have been caught in since 1864. The hope I had for a romantic future with Elena may have been misplaced, but the hope that she, my brother and I would somehow find peace wasn't, because there is still hope and this moment proves it.
Stefan
By the time midnight arrives Damon is tucked up in his bed sound asleep. He returned back to the room half an hour or so after he left and surprisingly got to work on helping me to study the maps. We didn't find anything new, and despite scrutinizing them the map ends in the exact location that we reached earlier in the middle of the country. The maps are across the room now folded up and I'm lying in bed in the darkness, too agitated to drift off to sleep. I wonder where Damon disappeared to earlier, because it seemed to unburden him and give him a new lease of energy, which is what I need. I can hear Caroline's light snoring through the thin walls that separate our room from hers and Elena's, and can hear vague fidgeting that tells me Elena can't sleep either. It feels like a lifetime since I sat beside her in my car and told her I loved her and I yearn for her to be in bed beside me. Each minute that passes I know with absolute certainty that despite the depth her betrayal it hasn't in anyway changed the love I have for her. There were moments when I was sure I hated her, but I can't find it in my heart to and not only because the love I bear her is so much stronger, but also because if I was unable to forgive her I would be a hypocrite considering the sheer compassion and mercy she has shown me. Maybe it makes me weak that I'm so willing to forgive her but the alternative is unthinkable; an eternity without her by my side, with only my bitterness and resentment to keep me company. I've spent over a century burdened by the emotions I've been unable to let go and I don't want to do that with Elena. She's the best thing to ever happen to me and holding onto the anger I feel about her and Damon will change that and I can't let that happen. I don't want it to happen.
I hear her tossing and turning next door, grunting as she does and I know she is plagued by the same thoughts as me. She's anxious about Jeremy and Bonnie, uncertain about the cure, afraid for tomorrow, longing for me and frustrated because of the interwoven bumble of emotions thrashing around inside her. I pull the sheet up to my chin and force my eyes shut, desperate for sleep to take me, but I know that I will not be able to rest until I've satiated the desperate hunger that is expanding within me with every beat of her heart that I hear through the wall.
Elena
The anxiety I feel about Jeremy and Bonnie that has kept me awake for the last hour seems to blur with the ravenous need to be close to Stefan as I twitch and shift restlessly. Being apart from Stefan is never easy, but at times like these when I'm nervous and on edge I notice it even more, because he's the one that keeps me grounded and provides me with repose. I can hear him breathing lightly and knowing that there's only this wall separating us frustrates and causes me to kick my feet irritably. Caroline lightly groans and turns over so that her back is facing me, my fidgeting having disturbed her and finally I can't take anymore, so I throw the sheet off me and climb out of bed. The room is in complete darkness, apart from a slight orange hue coming through the grey curtains from the street light outside, but with my vampire vision, I can clearly see the path to the door and proceed to speed out of the door. I come to an abrupt stop and close the door gently, so as not to wake Caroline and when I turn around my eyes immediately fall on Stefan. Wearing only black briefs, he stands firmly on the spot, his perfectly sculpted body tense, his chest rising and falling rapidly. I can't help my wandering eyes that repeatedly flit up and down in awe of his body and when I meet his eyes, they're so vividly lustful that my breath catches in my throat and a low gasp escapes him as I throw myself into his body at full speed. His back hits the wall and I grab at his neck, reaching up and pressing my lips to his hard and fast. He reaches for my face to pull it against his more firmly, as his tongue expertly whirls against mine and the need I have for him is so vast that I instantly become frenzied with a passion so intense that it has me groaning against his mouth loud enough that I can hear it echoing in the very depths of my soul. I can feel his hardness against me which tells me that he is here in this moment with me and my kiss grows more wild as I bite his lower lip, overtaken by sexual desire.
He reaches for my lower back, pulling me into him and I can feel the hotness and stickiness of his skin against mine, along with the pounding of his heart. He moves from my mouth and buries his face into my hair and then the nape of my neck, tracing his tongue against me and leaving a trail of his saliva on my burning skin. I let my head fall back, my eyes closed, and as I get swept up in the sensations, I twist my fingers up into his hair and pull it lightly, causing him to grunt and put his lips back to mine. He lifts me up and dashes across the room so that it is me that is up against the wall and I wrap my legs around him tightly. By now we are so ravenous that our kiss is wildly messy, with our tongues thrashing against each other violently, our teeth clashing and as I clench my legs around him I can feel him protruding against me, causing me to involuntarily grind against him. I feel every muscle deep inside me contract with rippling pleasure until finally I can't take any more.
"Stefan..." I moan against his mouth, frantically grabbing at his boxers and reaching for him, not caring that we're in the motel corridor and could be seen.
"Elena..." he responds, reaching for my pajama shorts.
I keep one hand around his neck, as the other begins to massage him and I let my head fall back as his fingers find me.
"Elena? Stefan?"
I jerk my head forward and meet Stefan's wide eyes. In an instant I've slipped from his arms and I twist around so that my back is against him, to see Caroline standing in the door of our room. Her head is turned to the side, her hand covering her eyes and she clears her throat.
"Oh my god. Sorry...um...I didn't mean to interrupt. I heard...I thought maybe you were in trouble. Sorry," she says awkwardly. "I'll just...go back to bed."
She turns and heads back in the room without saying another word and I wipe my mouth and attempt to catch my breath, but my body is still in overdrive and my legs are trembling beneath me. I turn back to Stefan, his face is flushed red, his brow glistening with sweat and his hair is unusually messy, with strands sticking up all over his head. I bite my lip and I see a small smile come across his face as he breaks out into a chuckle.
"Stefan, it's not funny," I say hitting him playfully.
"Sorry," he replies, trying to suppress the smile and failing. "So I guess Caroline knows about us."
"Us, huh?" I question, raising my eyebrows at him.
"You know what I mean," he replies.
I lean into him and run my hand up his chest, desperate to resume what Caroline interrupted, but I already know that this is just another moment that has passed us by and the flatness of Stefan's briefs is a clear indicator of that. I can already feel my body sinking with disappointment, but mostly frustration. Still caught in the final flurries of lust, I feel I'm about to burst into flames. Every time I come close to being able to satisfy my appetite for him it is ripped away and I don't know how much more my body can take. He wipes the sweat from my face with his hands, brushes my hair over my shoulder and then says, "Maybe it was a good thing Caroline interrupted us."
"Do you really mean that?" I ask.
He shrugs. "Things have been moving pretty fast with us and we agreed that until we find the cure nothing should happen. So, I dunno..."
I can see him searching my face and I meet his eyes and say, "As much as I hate to admit it, you're probably right. I just...I can't help myself," I say reaching up and placing my hand on the side of his neck.
"Trust me, I know," he replies, his eyes tortured with the same hunger that is in mine.
I go on tiptoe and peck him lightly on the lips and he says, "We should try and get some rest. We've got a long day tomorrow," and I begrudgingly leave him to return to my bed alone and unsatisfied.
As I sink down into the springy mattress, Caroline turns to face me and asks, "Why didn't you tell me about Stefan?"
I can hear a hint of hurt in her voice, as though I've kept something from her and perhaps to some extent that is true, but even though Caroline is my best friend and I can tell her almost anything, my relationship with Stefan is so precious to me that the details of it are something that only he and I share. Besides, what would I have told her? I haven't known what's going on with us myself and I still don't.
"Because there was nothing to tell."
"Well, what I saw out there didn't seem like nothing," she replies wide eyed. "Are you back together?"
I shake my head and say, "I don't know what it is but...it...it just sorta happened. The day you got the map off Klaus, he took me out."
"What like on a date?"
"No, it wasn't like that. At least, I don't think it was. I just asked him if he wanted to go for a walk and he picked me up and took me out in the country. We rode bikes and-"
"Bikes?"
"Yeah and then we just sat and talked for hours, it was nice. And later on we kissed and it started raining-"
"Wait, wait. You kissed in the rain? Like in The Notebook? That is so romantic!" she squeals excitedly and I can't help but roll my eyes at her, although a small smile escapes me at the same time. "And exactly what part of this doesn't sound like a date to you?" she asks.
"I dunno...I guess it was, I just didn't realise it at the time. I didn't think...after what I did I never thought he would want to see me again let alone take me out on a date. The only reason I didn't tell you is because all of it is still new. We don't know what's going to happen and we agreed that for now we need to focus on finding the cure and Jeremy and Bonnie."
"I get it, Elena, I really do, but you and Stefan are perfect for each other," she says sitting up in her bed, her enthusiasm already getting the best of her.
"See? This is why I didn't want to say anything. I know how much you want Stefan and me to be together but...but now just isn't the right time and we both know that."
"Elena, in our world, there's never a right time."
"That might be true, but it doesn't change the fact that Stefan and me agreed to take it slow."
"Yeah, that seems to be working really well for you," she replies putting her hand to her mouth in an attempt to stifle her giggle.
"Oh, shut up," I call to her playfully, throwing a cushion at her head.
She chuckles and I readjust my position in an attempt to get comfy, whilst she slides back down and pulls the sheets over her chest. It only takes a few moments of silence for thoughts of Bonnie and Jeremy to return to my consciousness and I sigh lightly, as the worry takes me back over. Where are they? Part of me can't wait for tomorrow morning so I can get back out there and actively look for them, instead of sitting around here and doing nothing, but the other part is dreading it, because what if we can't find them? Caroline must sense my anxiety because she says, "I'm scared too, you know. But it's Bonnie and Jeremy, they'll be okay. Bonnie is the most bad ass witch to ever exist and if Jeremy can put me on my ass he can overcome this. And the two of them together...the world better watch out, is all I'm saying," she says with a light laugh.
I nod in concurrence, because despite the pit in my stomach and the paranoia that they might be hurt or dead, I have complete faith in Jeremy and Bonnie's strength and ability to survive. Caroline's right, they're a force to be reckoned with and more than that they're family, and if there's one thing family always manages to do, it's find their way back to one other. So it doesn't matter where they are, because we will find them, whatever it takes.
I close my eyes and remain lying in the same place on the bed for what feels like a lifetime, until I drift off into a dream fueled sleep. I'm not sure where I am, but I'm with Stefan, Damon and Caroline and we're walking and chatting. It's so familiar and ordinary that it makes it impossible to distinguish from reality, but as we continue down the road, the blue skies turn black and the road ahead disappears. I jerk my head to the side to look at Caroline, but she's gone too and so are Damon and Stefan. Suddenly a voice calls out my name and I instantly recognize it.
"Bonnie? Bonnie, where are you? Bonnie!" I call out, spinning around on the spot frantically.
The blackness that surrounds me fades away and once again I find myself standing at the roadside that the map led us to. I continue to scan around for signs of life, and then I see her standing amongst the tall grass.
"Bonnie!" I exclaim, relief taking me over. In an instant I'm in front of her, but when I try to reach out to hug her she stops me.
"There's no time, Elena. We don't have long. You need to listen to me, okay?"
"Bonnie, I don't underst-"
"You will. Come on, follow me," she says starting forward through the grass.
"Where?"
"Just come on," she says gesturing for me to follow her.
I do as she says and sprint through the grass behind her for what feels like miles, until we come to an abrupt stop at a vast lake. It's calm and still and sparkling from the bright sun that beams down on it. It looks so out of place, amongst the fields of tall grass and it extends so far into the distance that I cannot see where it ends. Aside from the surrounding green fields all that can be seen is a singular, rusty sign sticking out of the ground that reads "BWARE DEEP WAER", the missing letters having faded from red to white.
"This is where you need to go, Elena," Bonnie says gesturing out at the lake.
"What? To find you? To find the cure?"
She nods. "I'm sorry, Elena. I'm sorry for what I did, I didn't mean to. But you have to find us."
She reaches out for my hand and there's a sincerity in her eyes and warmness to her touch that makes me feel this moment feel very surreal.
"Is this...is this real?" I ask, my voice a strangled whisper.
She stares up at the sky, a panicked look on her face and then says, "I'm almost out of time. The spell won't hold for much longer."
"Oh, my god. It is. This is really happening, isn't it?"
"Yes. Please, listen to me, Elena. Go back to the road the map took you to."
I nod and listen intently, desperate to etch every word she says onto my brain.
"Go through the fields straight ahead. Follow the white sticks in the ground and they'll lead you to the lake, cross it and you'll reach a small island. When you get there you...Oh, no."
"Bonnie, what?" I ask frantically, seeing the worry on her face.
"The spell's ending," she says.
I see her starting to fade from my vision and I cling to her arm tightly as I say, "No, no. It can't be. No!"
"The cure is underground in some caves. You'll find us, Elena, I know you will. I'm sorr-"
Poof! Just like that she's gone without a trace. I shake my head violently and call out for her, despite knowing it won't make a difference. My breathing is frantic and I look up to the sky and scream "Wake up!" determined to bring myself back to consciousness before I forget Bonnie's words. "Wake up! Wake up! Goddammit! WAKE UP!"
I spasm in the bed as I come to with a loud gasp and Caroline wakes up immediately, a concerned look on her face as she asks. "Elena, what? What is it? Are you okay?"
I shake my head for a moment, still disorientated and then simply say, "B-Bonnie. I know where she is."