Slowly but surely, people are finding out. Three more chapters…
Disclaimer: I don't own Divergent or Insurgent.
Chapter 21: Beginning to Remember.
I breathe in slowly as I go to grab the door handle. The clothes are tight. The pants are form fitting and the shirt is low and cropped just a little bit higher than normal shirts. But this is what I think Bass might want to me wear. Prove to them that I'm Dauntless. I might even be able to convince myself. I slowly twist it and it opens. I look to the ground as I walk out meekly. Uriah is sitting on the bed looking out the window. Out of the corner of his eye, he sees me. He turns and smiles weakly.
"Do I look Dauntless enough?" I ask in hopes he can't see the red on my face. Uriah takes in a deep breath.
"Yeah." He says quietly.
"Good, Bass said I needed to act like I'm fine. People look up to me apparently." I shrug. "Only the leaders, mom, and you know that I'm not entirely fine." I wince at the thought.
"No, Andy. You're perfect." Uriah tells me firmly. "Sure you don't remember much. But it doesn't mean anything." I shake my head and sigh. "Just means that I have to make sure Jeanine dies."
"Sure Uriah. You do that. Bass isn't allowing me to go anyway." I tell him as I place the rest of the clothes he gave me, plus the gray on the bed and I start folding. "I can't do much with my head." I mumble.
"You need to relax and heal." He turns and looks at me hopefully. "What do you remember about me?" I shrug.
"That Bass said that you told him I was heading to my mom." I tell him and his hope drops. "Other than that, I feel like I'm forgetting something important. But I feel like that a lot lately." I tell him as I return to folding. He smiles again and my stomach flips. I don't know why. He's just so beautiful, stop your Abnegation, Aundrea. I shake my head.
"So any type of important?" He asks as he leans over into my eyesight. Uriah has a goofy expression on his face.
"I don't know." I tell him truthfully. "What are you doing?" I ask him as reaches up to play with my lip ring.
"I don't know." He laughs. I smack his hand away.
"That's weird and strange, man." I tell him as I stubble back and land on my butt. "Ouch." He only laughs. So I grab the first thing closest to me and throw it at him. It was his open bag. Everything spills out of it and on him and the bed.
"Hey!" He laughs as he throws the bag and black clothes off of him. There are more of the little packages but I don't pay much mind to it. It's his bag and I shouldn't have done that. But I don't think I care. It was funny and he deserved it. "You're going to have to help me clean all this up." He finds a little thing of black girl underwear and he laughs. "Looks like I forgot to give this to you." I look at it and choke.
"That's not mine." I protest as I cough. "That's small." I feel as blush creep up on my face and I stand up and rip it out of his hands and place it the pile of my clothes.
"It is, Andy. It's came from your drawer in the dorm room." He smirks and laughs more at me as I remove one of the little packages off of my pile of clothes.
"I doubt it's mine. It must be Christina's. She looks like she would wear something like that." I tell him as the blush brightens. He was just holding my so called underwear.
"Trust me, you wear ones like that." My eyes widen in horror as I look at him.
"How do you know what I wore in dauntless?" I ask him in pure confusion. He starts to stutter.
"You wore dresses and…" I breathe again.
"Thank God." I run my fingers through my hair and carefully around the ring of staples. "I was worried that I.. you… uhm." The blush covers my whole face as I stutter. Uriah just looks at me.
"You and I …what?" He asks leans closer to me.
"I … um…" I look the ground. "Feel bad." I sigh and start moving the lip ring again.
"What were you thinking, Andy?" Uriah looks at me with worry on his face.
"I thought I forgot something important. No one is really telling me anything, well Bass is only telling me basics and…" Uriah nods and moves my clothes a little bit and pats the bed next to him. Slowly, I sit next to him. Unsure what he's going to do.
"Well, I can tell you what the important thing is. But I'm not sure how you will take it." He states with nervousness. "Promise you won't run?"
"Why would I run?" I ask him. "Is it bad?" He shakes his head hard no.
"Just different and might be hard for you to understand right now. With not remembering anything." He says hesitantly.
"I'm confused, Uriah." I tell him and he laughs a little bit.
"You get that way a lot around me." He smiles at my feet. What is he talking about? When he looks at my face, his hand travels to my cheek and he barely touches it. His hand is warm. I'm not really sure how I need to react as my stomach flips again. "Stop me if it's too much." He says as his faces gets closer to my face. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just freeze as his lips brush against mine. He looks at me to see my reaction. I just stare at him and he shuts his eyes and kisses me a little bit more. His hand moves to the back of my head so he doesn't hurt me. I'm frozen. A boy I just met is kissing me. Aundrea Eaton. The broken one from Abnegation. My stomach burns for him to continue when he pulls away from me. I just stare at his eyes not understanding. My fingers go to my lips as I try to understand. "Sorry…I thought that would be easier." I slowly shake my head.
"You just kissed me." I deadpan. Really don't know what to think. He nods and looks at the ground embarrassed.
"You were the one that kissed me first." He says ashamed.
"What? I kissed you?" I turn my head to the side. "I can't process this, Uriah. Please. Apparently we were very close. Explain it to me." My voice cracks a little out of desperation. "I don't think I can think after that." He laughs and shakes his head as if he is remembering something.
"You said that a lot." He mumbles with a sigh. "I should have guessed." Uriah looks at me with his beautiful dark eyes. "You and I are dating." His voice is low. "You weren't ready to tell anyone yet, so we were kind of keeping it a secret." Uriah bites his lip and looks at the ground. "You and I kind of had … that night before you left."
"What was that?" I ask. "Our first kiss?" He laughs and shakes his head.
"No…" He looks out the window and I get more confused. "You and I kind of… did it."
"Did what? Uriah, I'm not understanding what you're saying. What is did it?" I ask him as I touch his shoulder. "You got to be straight forward with me, man. I'm Abnegation after all."
"Was Abnegation. You're Dauntless now. It won't take long for you to remember." He says before swallowing hard and looking at me. "We… um… made…" He stops and looks at the bed to pick up a little package the fell from his bag. He shows it to me and I'm lost. "I'm not good with words." He says ashamedly. I look at the thing in his hand and I'm not understanding. "Please don't make me say it. It's awkward enough that you don't remember."
"Um… Is there any other way of telling me? What if you showed me?" I ask him and he coughs and starts to chokes on his spit. I pat his back as he drops the things on the ground. "I'm sorry. Did I say something bad?" His face is red again.
"Well, you just asked me to…" He groans. "That might be the only way." Uriah says as he stands up and starts to pick up his clothes and whatever else belongs in his bag. I help because I did cause the mess. I pick up his pants and fold them nicely and hand them to him. "Thanks." He mumbles and we work in silence. I gather some of the packages and put them in a pocket in his black bag and he places some of his shirts in. I'm not going to touch his underwear. It's not right. So I just sit on his bed and wait for him to finish.
"I'm sorry for causing a mess." He shakes his head.
"No, it's fine. It was funny." I see Uriah smirk a little bit. Then it drops as he starts to think. I don't know why I know. But I do. He looks at me and sighs. "I um…um… do you want me to show you? You can ask me to stop if you want." He says shamefully.
"Sure." I tell him. Part of me is nervous. What is he going to do? I don't think I would mind much, but still there is a chance. I don't want to hurt his feelings and… I don't know. I watch him stand up and roll his shoulders back.
"Tell me to stop if it's too much. I don't want to hurt you." He states as he walks over to me. I nod and he sighs and sits back next to me and kisses me again. I don't know what to do, but I think my lips do. So I let them take over as I stomach tighten. His hand caresses my face before finding a spot in my hair, just under the ring. I only move my lips. This feels strangely good. Suddenly, Uriah moves me and makes me lay down as he continues to kiss me. His legs straddles my waist. What's going on? I hesitate and he sits up and moves off of me. "Sorry." He says quietly without looking at me. I slowly catch my breath and shake my head. This feels familiar.
"Why did that… feel… Familiar? Am I starting to remember something, Uri?" I ask and he looks back at me. "What? Uri bad?" I ask confused. He shakes his head and laughs. Happy, excited.
"No, it means it's working." He goes to move but stops and looks at me. "Do you want to continue?" I blink and nod without much thought. Uriah is straddling me again and returns to kissing me. His hands grab mine and he places them in his hair. I take that as I should grab his hair. So I do. This is new to me… well… this me. He moves from my lips and he hesitates. I just look at him. "Sorry." He says again. "This is what we did."
"A make out session?" I ask as I look at the Dauntless boy on top of me. Aundrea Eaton has a hot boy on top of her… in bed… not her bed. But still. He shakes his head.
"That's how it started." He states sheepishly before kissing my neck. A shock runs through me and I freeze up. Uriah doesn't seem to notice as he kisses me to my collar bone.
"Wait." I almost shout and he looks at me. "Don't you dare. I don't want Bass seeing anything." Where did that come from? Uriah smiles brightly and returns to my lips. I kiss him back and I try to think. Bed, boy straddling... Kissing then make out… what.. comes..
"DO you remember?" He asks as he looks at me hopefully. I shake my head no.
"But are you trying to tell me we had…"I stop and breathe. "Sex?" I whisper and he blushes and scratches the back of his head and he sits up on me. "We did?" I ask a little louder and he nods slowly. Not leaving my eyes. We stare at each other for awhile. "I had sex with you, Uriah?" I ask again and he nods. I try to think. I remember a comment about guns and a snake tattoo. "You have another snake tattoo?" I ask slowly and he nods. I watch as the boy on me lifts his shirt to reveal part of the snake. "Because you're afraid of them." I state slowly as I sit up and look at the bed. I had sex with Uriah. The hot boy you met just hours ago. He says you had sex with him. I bite on my lip ring. How did I not remember this? "Are we really a couple?"
"Yeah… but the other's don't know." He says a little excited. I can tell he is having a hard time controlling himself. I bite my lip.
"I don't remember it." I whisper. "How was it?" My cheeks heat up and he laughs.
"Fine for a newbie." I can't help it. I sock him as hard as I can in the face. Uriah falls back on the bed with a groan. "I was joking." He mumbles with his hand on his face.
"That's not something you joke about, Uriah. I'm freaking out here because some hot dauntless guy just told me, an ugly and broken Abnegation girl that they have made love. I don't remember anything about you and it's a lot to take in." I snap at him as I grip my short hair in frustration.
"You're not Ugly or broken." Uriah says as he sits back up. "Who the hell told you that?" He's upset as he holds his face. "You are the most beautiful woman I ever meet." His eyes lock with mine. "You are perfect. Don't let anyone tell you differently." Something tells me I need to listen to him. He's not normally like this. I nod slowly and look at the bed. "I will kill them." He adds.
"I thought I told you not to kill anyone without me…" I state dryly. What in the world? My head starts to hurt and I lean forward. I barely start to remember something. Uriah… He holds me in his arms and whispers something in my ear I can't hear it. I just feel his hot breath. It's the same as the last night I was in the Dauntless compound. The night Marlene died. I was with Uriah… having sex. I start to cry. I should have been with Tris in the dorm. I could have saved my sister. It was her that helped me with my nervousness around Uriah and I let her die. "I killed her."
"No, no you didn't." He whispers to me. "You didn't do anything wrong." I pull back and look at him with tears on my face.
"I did. I wasn't where I was supposed to be and she died. They didn't have three people. Marlene died because I was with you." I sob uncontrollably. "I let her die." Uriah's face looks like it's going to break. A flash of him crying on his bed comes to memory. "Why is it that whenever we get closer, people we love and care for die?" I ask him in a choked voice. "I don't regret making love. I regret not being there for her." I tell him to make sure he knows. I don't remember everything, but I remember that night up until I got to Jeanine's office now. That's a start. "She was the one that helped me with not being nervous that night." I confess as I lay my head on his chest and brush the tears away from his eyes. "I can tell that love you, Uriah." The words just kind of slip out. He looks down at me and sighs as he rests his forehead on mine gently.
"I love you too, Andy." He says with a weak smile. "I brought some alcohol. I can't drink too much, but we can have some." He suggests. I laugh.
"Sure. I think I need something more to act more Dauntless. Just because I remember our night, doesn't mean I remember everything." I tell him truthfully before looking at his lips. "Can we kiss some more?" Uriah doesn't even answer me. He just lays me back down and returns his lips on mine.
000
We find the group, minus Shauna and Tris, in my house at six at night. They look at us confused. Zeke smirks.
"Have fun 'catching up'?" Zeke asks with a look on his face that suggest he knows what we did. I take a sip of the bottle I'm holding.
"We got a little side tracked from the clothes when she found my stash." Uriah states. "She got dressed and insisted in me letting her have some." As he talks, there is a lisp. "I… um"
"I socked him in the jaw to get it." I state smugly as I walk over to Bass, who is looking at me a bit confused. Zeke and Christina laugh at Uriah as he mumbles something as he sits down in my father's armchair. "I wouldn't sit there. There's still blood stains on it." I deadpan with a slur. Uriah looks at me confused as Bass groans and covers my mouth.
"You let her get the alcohol." He accuses jokingly.
"I swear, I didn't." He says. The lisp is very evident.
"Blood?" Christina asks. "From what?" I look at her. "Oh…" Bass groans and moves my hand.
"Don't worry about it." Bass says as he takes the bottle from me.
"HEY!" I scream. "That's mine… I mean Uriah's." I paw at him and Zeke laughs, grabs the bottle and drinks some. "Meany!" I cross my arms and pout. I'm not very drunk. I'm able to walk still, I'm just over exaggerating it and Bass knows it.
"I'm the Older Pedrad, it's mine." Zeke says proudly as he drinks some.
"We can't drink too much. We might leave tomorrow." Uriah states. That's what he told me in the room. I laugh a little bit at just remembering it. Everyone looks at me.
"Sorry. I remember something." I explain. Bass raise an eyebrow and I wink before standing up. "Uriah, I need to get those clothes in my room. I don't want to forget." He holds the bag out and I walk over to grab it and walk to the stairs. Let's see if I can do this.
"Ann, stop." Bass mumbles out. I turn and look at him as I hold onto the rail. "You're going to fall on your ass if you try to get up the stairs right now. You're going to get hurt." I swallow hard at the thought of my head getting worse.
"I'll go with you." Christina stands up and walks over to me. "Girl time." She laughs and my eyes widen in horror. I don't know what she's talking about.
"Should I be scared?" I ask her and she just laughs and pushes me up the stairs. The boys just laugh as she pulls me into my room.
"Why is there a hole in the wall?" She stops.
"For stupid useless, selfish things." I smirk. "My mom made it into a shelf after I punched it. Normally, the dresser is in front of it." She nods as I push the dresser back in front of it.
"You're a Dauntless for sure." She says before taking the bag from me. I go to hesitate, but stop. Act innocent. She opens it up as I pull my bag up on the bed and dump it out. Guns, Ammo and clothes from different factions drop on the bed. I gather the bullets up and Christina laughs. "You're ready for anything." She says as she unzips his bag.
"Can you help me organize? I don't think I will have enough room for the clothes if I don't." I ask her to bring her attention from the bag.
"Sure." She starts to gather the bullets into their box and sets them on the desk. I can't believe I have this much ammo. "So you really caused a stir after you two left." Christina tells me. "Four really freaked out on us. Hit Uriah too." What? Bass hit him? "That's when he said you were seeing your mother. Didn't really make sense. But we believed him. That's when Four decided to leave to Erudite." I nod. "We went to the Factionless and you weren't there. It was a mess. We were attacked and a lot of the Factionless where hit with the blue dye." I nod even though I don't understand fully. Simulation? Bass told me a little bit of that. But what is it for? Another Attack one most likely. "Then we got here. You guys showed up two days later." I nod and place the guns on the desk with the bullets. Then I fold the Amity clothes. The yellow dress and the red jacket. I look at the clips, headband and wrist band. I vaguely remember the name Jennet. Then the traitor uniform and gray clothes. I know of those origins. Christina laughs at the yellow dress. "Amity clothes?"
"Was at amity." I state. "Bass says I'm a great actress." I brag with the only thing I know of.
"Wow." She says and she places the folded clothes in the bag then the bullets and guns are tucked into the red amity bag. "It's funny." Christina laughs as she does it.
"Peace and non-conformational." I laugh with her as I state that. I watch as she moves to Uriah's bag and unzip it. I pretend to busy myself with walking to my dresser and looking at the clothes. She pulls out some of my clothes that are on top and finds Uriah's are in there.
"Why is his clothes in here?" She asks. I shrug.
"He stashed his clothes in there when he was on his way out." I tell her before turning to look at her and the bag. "I didn't feel like carrying my little underwear outside in Abnegation." She laughs.
"I understand." Christina picks up my underwear and laughs.
"Hey." I grab it. "Exactly what I mean." I mumble. As I put it in the dresser.
"It's his underwear." I hear her giggle. I sigh and grab the underwear from her and shove it back in the bag.
"You're weird." I mumble as I push her out of the way.
"What? You don't care that Uriah's boxes are in there?" She asks with another giggle. I look at her as if she lost it.
"It's underwear. Not something we should be seeing, Chris." I state dryly. "You should give him some privacy." She laughs and waves me off.
"He shouldn't have kept his clothes in the bag then." She pushes me out of the way and hands me a pair of pants after looking at them. I fold it and put them away. I must have been wearing tight clothes there. "So are you going to tell me about Erudite or not?" I swallow hard.
"A lot of tests were done on me." I tell her weakly. "I don't really think it would entertain you much as it did Jeanine." She shakes her head.
"I can't wait until she's dead." Christina mumbles as she hands me a shirt. I fold it and put it away. "It's like she was taunting you with Marlene." I shrug a little bit and look to the ground.
"All she wanted to do was figure out what's wrong with me." I tell her as she holds up a black dress.
"I remember you wearing this on visiting day just to piss off your dad." She laughs before handing it to me to fold. "Jeanine will die soon. Did she figure out that you were just a little Abnegation girl?" I shake my head as she laughs. "I was kidding." I try to remember that day. Nothing. So I fold it and put it away. If she would just stop unfolding things, this would go a lot faster.
"It's fine." I tell her as I turn back around. That's when I see she has found one of Uriah's small packages. Her face is full of shock.
"Why is this in his bag?" Christina asks slowly.
"What is it?" I ask dumbly. I know full well what that is. Uriah showed it to me. She blinks a few times.
"Andy, you know full well what this is." She states slowly. "Why does he have it in his bag?" I shrug my shoulders.
"I don't know what it is." I tell her. "Plus, it's Uriah. I don't know what goes through his head most of the time." She just gives me a hard look.
"Don't lie to me, Andy. Are you two having…" Her voice stops as her eyes widen. "Oh my God!"
"What?" I ask her with a look of confusion on my face. "Christina, spit it out."
"You had sex with Uriah." She whispers. "And you didn't tell me." I stare at her blankly. I would tell her things like that.
"What? Chris, I'm a bit lost. How does a little square thingy and …that have to do with each other?" I ask her in the best innocent way possible.
"Andy, this is a condom. Guys don't carry around this much if they don't need it. Sure one or two, but this much." She points to the bag. "Uriah's having it with someone and you're the only one he would go for." I blink a few times. "I'm not stupid, Andy."
"I never called you stupid." I tell her defensively.
"Then why didn't you tell me? I thought I was your friend." Her voice sounds hurt.
"Because I wasn't aware of it." I tell her without thinking.
"How can you not be aware of it if you're the one he's hooking up with?" She drops the condom in the bag and crosses her arms over her chest. Should I tell her? I bite my lip and look at her. Christina seems pissed. We must have been close that I would tell her that.
"Cause I don't remember." I tell her slowly.
"What?" Her voice doesn't change, but her face does.
"I had a lot of tests done on me and one of them messed with my head." I confess slowly.
"What happen Andy?" She relaxes and I whence a little bit.
"A lot, but I don't remember anything about dauntless." I tell her before looking into her eyes. "So I don't know much about Uriah and the rest of you." She just looks at me for a moment. Trying to figure out if I'm lying or not.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have said that." Christina pulls me into a hug and rubs my back. "You are a good friend." She says a little too loudly into my ear. Christina pulls away. "So what do you remember about Uriah?" I blink a few times.
"Not much." I tell her slowly and that's true. I know some things. She only nods and we finish putting everything away. It bothers me knowing that she just doesn't know what to say. She's pitting me. I know I shouldn't tell her about Uriah and I, not until I understand it all fully. There had to be a reason not to tell her if we are this close.
After we get everything put back into the bag, she and I rejoin everyone down stairs.