21

Josh's POV

This was so unreal. I could barely believe it was happening. Yet, I had deliberately run away, done everything I could to find this place and spent the twenty-dollar bill on a taxi to get here. So it wasn't some kind of God-given miracle. But it still felt like a slap in the face. A pleasant, thrilling slap in the face, the kind people like to receive—because obviously, people often like being hit in the face. Duh.

Hayley came running through the backdoor carrying a guitar her size. Her bright smile seemed to light up the whole world, and she was so beautiful and perfect that I had trouble believing she was rushing like that toward ME, that ugly freak nobody ever notices. I actually had to keep from checking behind me to make sure there wasn't someone else there that she was actually running at.

She stopped about five feet away from me, as if she wasn't sure if she could go any further. We both stared at each other for a second until she finally put the guitar down on the grass and threw her arms around my neck. I hugged her back tightly, scared that if I let her go she might disappear again. She was there. Now. Finally.

I felt as if my heart had stopped when she'd left and now it was working again. Not only that, but also as if my whole body had stopped working, like I'd been dead and now I was alive again. It was a wake-up call, and I finally saw what I had become without Hayley there to support me. I had become a self-loathing ghost. I had lost contact with everyone and everything, I had broken any relationship I'd had. Purging and cutting, I wasn't even doing it for the fun of it anymore; I was doing it out of habit. I was doing it because I had always done it, and I didn't even care anymore. I didn't think anymore. I was dead.

Before two seconds ago, that is. Before Hayley had come back into my life with her slap in the face to awake me, and it had all crashed upon me like a bunch of bricks.

Fuck. I needed to stop. I needed to wake up. Now.

"Oh, Josh…" Hayley whispered, oblivious to the unsettling thoughts running through my mind. She didn't have to say more. I knew she felt exactly like I did—minus the self-harm part—and I was surprised to feel a huge sense of relief. I realised that I had actually been scared she'd forgotten me. But that was stupid. Of course she hadn't.

She finally pulled away from me just enough to study my face, and I noticed her eyes were filled with tears yet again. Ah, girls. So emotional.

"You look like you're gonna cry," she told me then, her smile widening with amusement. Wait, what? Me? Crying? Psh, nonsense.

"Yeah, right. Like I would—" And then I felt a stupid tear slide down my cheek and I didn't dare take my hands off Hayley to wipe it off. "Aw, man."

She chuckled and kissed my cheek right where the tear was, before moving on to my lips, and the roller coaster was off.

I don't know for how long we were caught in that kiss, but I know it wasn't long enough. Unfortunately, curiosity forced Hayley to pull away and ask, "How did you find me?" So I told her about the homeless guy and how he helped me figure out her address and she laughed. "Wow, Josh. Really? The Yellow Pages?" I pursed my lips and nodded shamefully, causing her to laugh again. Then, she finally looked down and a frown covered her face. "And where are your shoes…?"

This time, it was my turn to laugh. "Well, the journey to your house was so long that I got really hungry and ate them." She choked back laughter and crossed her arms, trying to look serious. She wanted the truth. But her reactions were so hilarious I just kept on going. "What? They taste good after a while, with a bit of ketchup."

She groaned and shoved me. "Shut up!" I shoved her back and she fell on the soft grass. Oops.

"Oh my God, are you ok!?" I asked, bending over her. Immediately, she grabbed my legs and pulled them off the ground and I fell next to her with a bang. "Ouch! Come on, Hayles!"

"You started it!" she squealed. She tried to get up but she was laughing so hard she didn't have the strength to do it anymore. Finally, she gave up and let herself fall back down like a rag doll, staring at the sky.

I crawled to her side and her eyes flickered to me. Her smile was gone. "You've been doing it again, haven't you?" she asked solemnly.

It took me a second to figure out what she was talking about. I felt very ashamed then, like a student who hasn't done the most important homework and now has to explain why to the teacher—except worse, because not doing homework wasn't my main issue right then and this wasn't a teacher I could lie to. What would she think of me now? "How can you tell?" I asked, afraid of saying anything else.

She sighed. "Well, it's kinda obvious Josh. You're so thin and frail and you look like you haven't slept in days…" Thin? Me? Oh, yeah. I forgot I was supposed to pretend that was true. Too bad I had forgotten how. She looked down at my stomach. I knew she could tell what was under all those clothes, and I felt guilty and sick at the thought of her hurting over it. She didn't say anything though and she kept a straight face.

She forced a smile and sat up. I sat up too, but without the smile. "Well, nevermind that," she said lightly—or more like in an attempt to make it sound light. "Are you gonna play that thing or not?" She pointed the guitar.

"Here!?" I faked shock, glad that she'd changed the subject.

"Why not!?" She mimicked my tone of voice.

I grinned. "Because we're in the middle of your backyard! If you want me to sing you a serenade we have to go somewhere… romantic and…" I was out of ideas. I didn't even know why I was wasting time like that. Maybe because I was trying to put off the moment when I'd finally have to leave again.

Actually, you know what? I was never fucking leaving.

"Ok," Hayley said then. "I'll take you somewhere romantic."

I raised my eyebrows. "I wasn't expecting you to actually DO it."

She chuckled. "I know… Come on!" She pulled almost violently on my arm and forced me to my feet. She grabbed the enormous—compared to her size—guitar with her other hand and somehow managed to pull both the guitar and me out the gate and through the empty street of that isolated corner of the city. Where she was taking us, I had no idea.

Hayley's POV

I had never showed anyone but Erica my little corner of heaven. It was a little dent between two huge volcanic rocks like the hundreds surrounding my neighborhood. I had stumbled upon it a long time ago, when I was just a little girl. It had been my personal little hideout since.

Big enough for two people at the most, it kind of felt like a secret nest, where I could hide whenever I wanted. But the best part was the view. The back of the hole was just a rocky wall, but the front was open to a wide panoramic view of the leafless trees stretching into the endless evening sky. I loved living in a far corner of town, I felt so much closer to nature.

Josh followed me into the gap, already mesmerized by the view. The sun was brushing the horizon now, still impossibly bright but giving the sky an orange-y tint.

"Holy shit…" he muttered.

"Incredible, isn't it?"

He nodded, unable to take his eyes off the beautiful scenery. The light made them look bluer than usually, and pretty soon I was staring at him just like he was staring at the sun. He finally looked at me and smiled warmly. I could've melted right then and there.

We sat down in the narrow space, leaning against the rocky walls and gazing into the sunset. It was probably the most perfect moment of my life. Josh picked up the guitar and strummed it lightly. He grimaced like it was the most horrible thing he'd ever heard in his life and I snickered. It sounded just fine to me.

"Did you ever tune this thing? Like, once?"

I shrugged. "It was my dad's. But he left a really long time ago, and nobody's tuned it since. Actually, nobody's really touched it but me, and only once in a while."

"Well, it shows." He then undertook the action of tuning it like he'd done it for a lifetime, listening for differences in the sounds that I was incapable of hearing. He laughed in front of my bewildered expression. "It'll come," he said encouragingly.

"Josh, you never told me what happened to your shoes," I pointed out as he was strumming the guitar again and nodding in approval.

"Huh? Oh yeah, that. Well, I…" I eyed him meaningfully. THE TRUTH, Josh. "… I gave them to the homeless guy who helped me find your address."

I gasped. "Awww… Joshie, that's so sweet of you…"

He looked annoyed. "Yeah, yeah, whatever."

"No, really, it is!"

"I know!" he snapped. A second passed, and his annoyed expression was suddenly replaced by a peaceful smile. "I know," he repeated softly, gazing into nothing. He was finally believing it.

"Well, I think you're ready for that serenade now, right?"

He scoffed. "Not at all! I have to warm up first!"

I frowned as he started pulling on his fingers and rotating his wrists with an exaggerated calm, taking deep breaths like some kind of yoga master.

"Oh, stop it, will you?!" I shoved his shoulder playfully—but hard enough for him to get the message.

He chuckled and gave up. "Ok, ok. What do you want me to play?"

"I don't know! Whatever you can." What a weird question.

"Well, I can play a bunch of stuff, but if you want I can try and figure out the chords to something new."

I stared at him in bewilderment. "Really? Now?"

He shrugged. "Sure. Why not?"

Woah, pro much? "It's just that… I didn't think that you were THAT good."

He scoffed. "Well ya know, there are lots of things you don't know about me…"

I laughed and thought about what song I wanted to hear right then. "Can you play Man of the Hour?" I loved that song. It was so peaceful and beautiful and fit perfectly with the mind-blowing scenery.

"Oh, phew!" Josh sighed in relief. "I already know that one, haha."

Well, that was a lucky shot. "Aw, I wanted to see you struggle to figure it out…" I faked disappointment as he tried to remember the song, a wide smile plastered on his face

"No, you didn't," he denied absently. "… Alright, I think I got it. You seriously picked the toughest one out there."

"Ha, well that's what happens when you let girls choose for you…"

He chuckled. "True, true…"

And then he started playing for real.

Oh my God. It was so beautiful it literally took my breath away, and I had to remind myself to breathe. The soft melody echoed through the frisky air, filling up the silence and replacing it with something that was somehow even more peaceful. No other sounds disturbed the magic, and even the wind seemed to slow down then.

"Tidal waves don't beg forgiveness, crashed and on their way," Josh sang, his perfect voice melting into the melody, louder but still soft, somehow. "Father he enjoyed collisions; others walked away."

I looked back at the setting sun. It was almost gone now, only a thin red layer still floating above the horizon.

"And the doors are open now as the bells are ringing out, 'cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow…" It struck me how much I could relate to that song in that moment. And it didn't make me happy. But it made me think.

Josh smiled at me. "You like?" he asked without stopping.

I nodded. "Can I sing the next verse?"

He beamed. "Sure! Hang on a sec." He finished playing the last notes of the instrumental part and nodded at me.

"Nature has its own religion, gospel from the land…" I loved singing this song. No, I loved singing this song with Josh. "Father ruled by long division, young men they pretend; old men comprehend… And the sky breaks at dawn, shedding light upon this town."

Almost as if to contradict me, the last rays of light disappeared then, the sky turning a dark purple. Was this it? Was our time together finally coming to an end, just like the day washing away carelessly? Was there really nothing we could do, just like there was nothing we could do about the natural alternation between day and night, between light and darkness?

"They all will come 'round…"

Josh decided to join in for the next phrase.

"'Cause the man of the hour is taking his final bow…" Our voices forged into one as they fled towards the sky. They were free to go wherever they wanted, without being commanded, without being pushed around…

I stared into Josh's eyes and he did the same. The next words sounded too real, too painful. But somehow, as it always was when Josh was there to comfort me, I couldn't feel sad.

"Goodbye for now…"