It took some staring at the note he'd slipped into your bag from the table for you to realize it. Not that you'd been oblivious at the time, but flirting was still normal between good friends. After all, you flirted with Fuku all the time, and it had never turned into anything.
Because both of you were just having fun.
Which was almost true in this case. You liked it when Sans flirted with you. It was fun, complimentary, and made you blush.
But it was different from your and Fuku's flirting matches.
With Fuku, such fun was fully reciprocal, both of you flirting in more and more extravagant and obvious ways. With Sans, it was subtle, testing. It wasn't the same as flirting between besties. It wasn't just your attraction to the skeleton either. After all, your best friend was one of the most attractive people ever, a fact you readily admitted.
Perhaps it was the possibility of something actually happening then? After all, Fuku had made it clear after the first couple of flirts that she wasn't interested in you that way. Sans had made no such distinction.
With a sigh, you stood. Well, you could just tell him. If he liked you back that way, great. If not, then it would be easier for you both in the long run to know it now.
Talking to Sans was easy. It always was. He was a great friend to you, before anything else. Your realization had been admittedly slow, but, if anything, it meant your feelings had time to develop properly on their own.
You sighed. "Papyrus is going to be upset with me again." Sans shot you a questioning look over his plate.
"WHY? I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING YOU'VE DONE TO UPSET HIM SINCE HE STOPPED BEING STUBBORN ABOUT YOU."
"That's because I haven't done it yet." You informed him simply. At his questioning glance, you shifted your gaze to his face. "There's something I need to tell you." A mixture between shock and apprehension crossed your friend's face. "Oh, no. It isn't something bad." You hurried to assure him.
"OH GOOD. THE LAST TIME SOMEONE TOLD ME THAT, BAD THINGS HAPPENED."
You paused. "Well, I'm not sure nothing bad will happen at all, but I can assure you any ramifications will fall solely on me."
He looked hesitant again. "I AM NOT SURE I WISH TO HEAR IT, IF THAT IS THE CASE."
"Nah, it's okay." You linked your hands together and leaned forward to rest your head on your intertwined fingers. You were relatively certain you didn't like the look of unease marring his features. "Nobody's going to die or anything. It's just…I'm in love with you." You informed him.
He didn't react at first, as though he was trying to figure out a way to misconstrue your words. Or he was certain you didn't mean it in the way he was interpreting it. When he couldn't find any other way to take what you'd told him, his face began to light up, flushed with his cerulean magic.
He stood from the table suddenly and dashed out the glass door to the backyard. You made no move to follow him. If he needed space, you would give it wholeheartedly. You hadn't meant to make him uncomfortable.
As you'd predicted previously, Papyrus came storming in shortly after. Furious, he made a beeline for you at the table. "what did you do?" he snarled once he was in range. Apparently, Sans had been so uncomfortable he couldn't even tell Papyrus what had upset him.
Damn, you hadn't meant to bother him. You just…didn't feel like it was something you'd needed to keep quiet. Being open with your feelings was something Sans appreciated about you. Something in your chest hurt at the thought that what you liked most about your relationship may be the thing to end it.
"I told him I love him." You told him, keeping your hurt out of your voice expertly. Sans hadn't answered you yet. There was no need to feel hurt, you told yourself.
Papyrus stopped for a moment, dumbfounded by your admission before his ire returned full force. "why would you do that? you know, i thought you were better than that. don't toy with our emotions like that!"
"Why would I lie about it?" You asked. Papyrus was protective. You knew that. "When have I ever lied to you? Any of you? Why in the world would I lie about something like this? Why would you even think I would lie about this?"
Your temper had taken off, it seemed, as you fired question after agitated question. It was bad enough that Sans had run away from you after you'd told him your feelings. If that wasn't rejection, you didn't know what was, but you would wait like a patient adult for his answer and respect it. Adding the insult to that particular injury was more hurt than you could contain.
You didn't lie. You didn't lie. You never lied. You wouldn't lie. That was the only thing that had always been true about you. Having it questioned hurt just as much. 'They won't trust you.' Fuku's words rang in your head. You knew that. You did, but…You were friends, weren't you? In the beginning it made sense, but it had been months and you'd done nothing that would cause this kind of distrust.
This time, you were pretty sure the taller skeleton could hear the pain in your voice. You allowed your head to sink back into your hands, fighting to regain your composure.
Papyrus didn't seem to know what to say to you now. You were quietly surprised at this, since he'd never been speechless before. Eventually he seemed to settle on, "so you really love him?" Your short, affirmative answer didn't seem to surprise him this time. He contemplated for a moment before the ire returned to Papyrus's face. "and what if he says no?"
You didn't shift you gaze up to him as you answered, "Then he says no. I'm capable of respecting peoples' decisions Papyrus. We'll stay just as friends if he wants it."
"And if he doesn't want it?" Papyrus pressed again.
You hadn't thought of that. You were certain this time that you hadn't been able to conceal the shocked pain that shot through you at this realization, but you quickly squashed it. "Then I suppose you won't have to deal with me anymore." At his confused expression, you added, "Since you and I aren't friends, I mean. If Sans doesn't want me around, then I won't be."
Papyrus jerked a bit, and you were curious enough to finally look back up at him fully. "you think we aren't friends?" Something uncomfortable curled in your stomach at the question.
"I know we aren't friends, Papyrus. You barely want anything to do with me, even if you aren't being hostile anymore. I enjoy your company, when you're being amicable. But friendship is a two-way street, Papyrus. I've been under the impression it's one that you don't want to walk on with me." Papyrus stuttered for a moment, turning his gaze shamefully away from you. "So, no. We aren't friends." You repeated. There was a pause as you waited for him to reply.
"PLEASE LEAVE." Your eyes swung to the now open door where Sans was standing. Well, there was your answer. Exactly the one you'd dreaded when he ran out of that door to begin with.
"Okay." You responded emotionlessly, slipping from the chair easily and heading for the door. Had you looked back, you might have seen the tortured look on Sans's face, or Papyrus's hand as he reached for you. You might've heard them both quietly whisper your name in pained voices. You might have stayed and tried to mend what you had broken with the truth.
You didn't look back. Then they would have seen the tears rolling down your cheeks. It had been years since you cried. Even longer since someone had seen you cry. You weren't willing to show that side of you to them. Especially since you were trying to resect Sans's decision.
And the door clicked quietly shut behind you.
"I'm in love with you." There was no other possible way you could have meant it. Still, he thought of any other possibility before it truly settled in what you had just told him. Your Soul backed it up though. He could recognize the feeling coming off of it easily. Alphys and Undyne had it whenever they were in the same room.
He abruptly stood and dashed out the back door onto the porch before his face exploded.
He was mildly relieved when you didn't move to follow him. Then again, you were always careful to be respectful of peoples' boundaries, so he wasn't at all surprised.
Papyrus, who'd been pretending to work in the garden, turned quickly as he exploded out of the door, shutting the sliding glass behind him as quickly as he could without breaking it. "what's wrong? sans?" his brother asked as Sans dropped his glowing skull into his hands.
Sans could only shake his head, too embarrassed and dumbstruck to possibly speak. He almost followed when Papyrus ran inside to yell at you, but stopped himself. He wasn't quite ready to answer you yet.
It was definitely a possibility of course. He'd been flirting with you hoping for it, after all. He was just dumbstruck that you were so…forward about it. Especially since it had taken him this long to even flirt with you.
He had come to terms with his own feelings for you, and he certainly wasn't sure if he wanted to act on them at all. As usual, you seemed much surer of yourself and what you wanted, even if you had been slower than him to realize your feelings. He couldn't help but admire how true you were to yourself. Especially by how many souls became faded by the time people reached your age trying to fit into society's constraints.
Sans loved you too. He was certain of that.
But…he liked how things were. How much of that would change if he answered you back? How much would change anyways?
He opened the door quietly, but neither you nor his brother were paying attention. "… is a two-way street, Papyrus. I've been under the impression it's one that you don't want to walk on with me." What? What odd conversation had he walked in on? You sighed, dropping your head into your hands. "So, no. We aren't friends."
Something in his Soul froze at that statement. He couldn't name it, and it grew quickly with you in the room. You didn't consider Papyrus a friend? He knew that before it made sense, but Papyrus had calmed down a significant amount since then. He'd even started trying to be nice to you.
There was no way he could give you an answer right now. Even if he loved you, could he date you if you weren't friends with Papyrus? His brother was the most important Soul in the world to him. It would be rude to keep you here without an answer though. "PLEASE LEAVE." He spoke up.
Both of you looked to him with shocked expressions. It was impressive, really, how quickly you covered your pained surprise in order to comply with his wish. Then again, you were always careful to be respectful of peoples' boundaries.
Nothing could stop how you projected it though. If not for that, he might not have known just how hurt you were. You had taken it as a rejection. That wasn't what he had meant.
He'd been about to correct this when an immense pressure slammed down on the room, from your Soul. You still didn't know you projected, so this wasn't for anyone's sake but your own. You couldn't allow your feelings to interfere in his decision, so you'd pushed them as hard as you could.
Sans was finally able to whisper your name, pained, as you strode toward the door. The pressure of your emotional state made it hard to speak, even with the growing distance. He hadn't meant to hurt you, even if you refused to show it. Papyrus reached for you too, as if to drag you back and let them explain.
He was certain you couldn't look back, even if you'd wanted to. Else you might have fought tooth and nail to stay. His Soul cried out after you.
And the door clicked quietly shut behind you.