AN: This is short and probably shit but you'll be the judge of that. Maybe I'll pick this back up, if you want?

"I'm your host Melissa Saunders and this is Hollywood Exclusive. Today's topic, abusive relationships: Love 'em or leave 'em?"

I bit down on my lip and watched the monitor as a crew member hooked me up to the mic. Carlos and I were sitting down to an exclusive interview for Hollywood Exclusive. Kelly had arranged that we do it here because the host seemed to like the idea of us together.

"Babe just breathe. I haven't done this in four years and I'm fine."

I gripped his hand. "But I haven't talked about us since the trial and the audience and I'm nervous."

"It's not live and they'll edit it." Kelly reassured as she fluffed my hair. "Just be honest and smile, smiling's good. Carlos don't seem too happy but be remorseful at times."

"So who better than to give us the real life deets about this issue than Riley and Carlos themselves?"

Carlos pecked my lips and mouthed I loved you as I took his hand and we walked out. The crowd cheered slightly but looked uneasy. We sat on the couch and I tried to even out my breathing as my stomach knotted itself and my heart pounded.

"So Riley, Carlos welcome to the show."

"Thanks for having us." My heart was in my throat as I held Carlos' hand.

"So Carlos how does it feel to be back in the spotlight?"

He shrugged. "It's okay, a little strange and uncomfortable."

She nodded and turned to me. "So I'm going to get straight to what everything's thinking. Why did you take back someone who abused you for a year?"

I almost choked on the air at her question, I had't expected her to get right to it. Normally when I was interviewed about Carlos the interviewer would build up to tougher questions, Granted, that was before I looked like a hypocrite. I took a deep breath and squeezed Carlos' hand, squaring my shoulders I looked her in the eyes.

"People change and four years is a long time. I know we had a dark history but he makes me smile."

She looked skeptical. "Mmhmm but even though you started a successful charity and shelters and have told thousands of women that men who are abusive either emotionally or physically don't change you just told me he has changed."

My eyes widened. I literally had no idea how to respond, she called me on my bullshit and I sounded like a hypocrite. "We didn't mean to start dating at first it was just a part of therapy but we've grown closer."

She shuffled her cards. "Carlos how do you feel being back with Riley?"

He exhaled and smiled at me. "I feel blessed Melissa. What I did to her was unacceptable and disgusting. I've spent the past few years hating myself and thinking about making things right. Now Riley's given me this chance, it feels amazing to wake up with her next to me again but it's a reminder of how far I've come." He rubbed his thumb over my hand and smiled. "I love her and I'm so glad I get to help her work through her issues that I caused."

Melissa smiled a little bit. "Are you afraid he's going to hurt you again?"

Yes. My subconscious taunted me but I pushed the thought from my mind. "No, I trust him 100 percent."

"What happened to James? Did you cheat on him or break up with him first? You two seemed so happy together."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes, Melissa seemed to have it out for me. "We broke up first we were happy together but we started growing apart. We're better off as friends."

"I'm sure your parents weren't to thrilled about you getting back together with Carlos were they?"

"They just want me happy and safe." I answered sharply.

She questioned Carlos about his jail time and what his plans were now that he was out of jail. I was too consumed with the all too familiar sense of fear to really pay attention. I only snapped back to reality to when Carlos tapped me.

"Hmm?" I asked, feeling my face flush. "Sorry."

Melissa gave me a small smile. "I was just asking how do you feel about the critics calling you a hypocrite?"

"Uh I don't think I'm a hypocrite. I l-love him and you don't have to get it."

"But you were severely abused and raped. Yet you took him back." She smirked a little. "You didn't enjoy that did you?"

The audience looked disgusted with me. I bit lip and shook my head and squeezed Carlos' hand. "No of course not."

"Then why would you be with him. What good can come from it?"

"He h-helps with the baby." I felt tears prick my eyes and my face grow hot. I couldn't tell if it was from being ready to cry or the guilt I felt from using Jayden as an interview answer. "He's the only person w-who gets how I feel about our baby."

Carlos exhaled and scooted closer to me. "It's okay babe. We don't have to do this anymore."

I was felt sick and embarrassed as tears started falling. "I'm n-not a hypocrite. I don't care what you guys think. I lost my baby and Carlos shares that with me. I-it helps to talk to him about don't pretend you understand."

I sniffled loudly and my chest ached. Carlos grabbed a tissue from the table and handed it to me.

"Well uh thank you for being here and I wish you two the best of luck." Melissa looked uncomfortable and the cameraman signaled we were done.

I stood up and Carlos put his arm around my waist. "C'mon babe."

"Hey I'm sorry if I offended you or-"

Carlos cut off her half assed apology with a harsh tone I hadn't heard in four years. "Save it."

I ripped off my mic and as soon as I got in the green room with Carlos I broke. It felt like someone had opened the floodgates as tears came pouring down my face. Carlos pulled me into him as I cried for what felt like hours.

"Babe it's okay."

"It's never going to be okay!" I sobbed. "My baby's gone and its your fault."

"Ri come on."

My body was full on sudden, intense anger and resentment. Carlos had almost killed me, took away our son and somehow managed to win over interviewers with a smile and a few words. But I, the one who clawed herself out of a toxic relationship, miscarried and still had anxiety over it was looked at like a slut.

"No! You take everything from I felt terrible for years and then you just get to smile and everyone loves you but I actually struggled! I was the one who cried, who was hurt it's not fair." I drew in a breath and felt myself crumble, tears kept falling, my breathing shallow. "I never should have done this, I'm an idiot. I never should have done an interview we should have just stayed home."

Carlos took a cautious step toward me and touch my shoulder. "Babe please just breathe for me. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. It's going to be alright I promise. I'm going to do it right this time, I swear I'm going to love you and take care of you." He put his hands on my face and looked at me. "You're never going to have to struggle again, you're never going to hurt I love you so much. It's going to be okay."

I pushed my face into his shoulder and shut my eyes. He was right, I wouldn't let myself be hurt ever again. Once I got my breath back I stared at him and hesitated, choosing my words carefully before I spoke.

"I've told you a few times already. But listen to me if you hurt me ever again, just once I'm done for good. I won't go through that again so you better be damn sure you're not going to hurt me."

Carlos let a breath, his resolve firm. "I will never hurt you and if I do I won't stop you from leaving me."

With a small nod and I shut eyes and took a step forward, closing the gap between us. He kissed my lips and wrapped his arms around me tightly then pulled away. I rested my arm and chin on his shoulder, praying this work out because I didn't think I could loose him again. Carlos was the only person in this earth who break me apart and then put me back together so beautifully.

AN: Well maybe I'll start writing again, review?