I am talking, flirting and laughing, and listening, and talking some more.

Jacob is totally flirting with me, which feels so weird.

He tells me a story about a crazy friend of his who's trying to beat the pogo stick world record, and the way he talks about bounce, bounce, bouncing on that pogo stick makes me laugh hysterically.

And for the first time in a long time I feel

A LIVE!

Then I remember, I remember him. The one I will love forever and the one who loves me so much he can't leave me behind.

"I have to go" I say

"Can I get your number?" he asks

"No" I say quickly

I turn and walk away. I don't want to say good-bye. So I won't say anything.

"Drop me an e-mail," he calls out "its j_"

I know he wants me to turn around to say okay or give thumbs up. Something, anything, I should turn around and say I have a boyfriend; I belong with him but the words refuse to come out of my mouth.

"I'll see you in my dream," he shouts

I stop, I get goose bumps, I turn to make it is Jacob and not Edward.

He waves, and I wonder who I'll see in my dreams tonight.

I watch the festivities from my window.

Kids running, waving sparkles.

Dads lighting firecrackers.

Mums pulling kids back, saying "don't stand to close."

The sky fills with red, white and blue.

Into the darkness comes light, joy, and freedom.

Tomorrow I go home to Edward.

I consider what freedom really means.

And I realize maybe I'm not so free after all.

As the car moves, towards home, my thoughts don't seem to want to go there just yet.

I didn't want to leave the place of salty air and kite rooms.

Not only did I survive the days which I didn't think I could, they refreshed me, revitalized me, reminded me, of what I've been missing.

What does that mean exactly?

My thoughts don't seem to want to go there just yet either.

It's late when I get home. I feel my pulse quicken as I think about Edward, hoping he won't be too upset.

The house is quiet, dark, normall.

Mum and dad go to bed, I make a peanut and jam sandwich.

I wait for movement or music or mind messages.

But there's nothing.

I eat, and then go to my room.

My room is quiet, dark, normal.

I go to the bathroom, where I stand at the mirror long after I'm done brushing and washing.

Finally, I go to bed, wondering if he'll find me in my dreams, and sort of pray that he won't.